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Original poster

Mother's Day Rule Breaking

91 replies

Realitea · 24/02/2021 15:59

Already MIL has said she expects us to visit her in her garden which involves a motorway journey. Not just us but the rest of her children too. (and 2 grand children) Dh is being made to feel guilty and hasn't seen any of his family since last summer so is feeling really torn. I made it clear I really don't think it's a good idea but as the IL's have had their vaccine and so has Dh, she can't understand why I'm being so difficult.
They won't wait until the 29th March when it would be allowed and Dh could take just dd so there aren't more than 6
I feel really upset about this. I'm being put at risk by their decision but don't feel I can tell Dh what to do at the same time. I can tell they're annoyed with me already as I've been the only one throughout all this who seems to speak up about sticking to the rules much to their displeasure. (This happened last spring too due to a birthday and Dh went in the end but it really caused a row between us as we were supposed to be in lockdown at the time)
Any advice?

OP posts:
ineedaholidaynow · 24/02/2021 19:43

@joanneg36 some people might have thought that and decided they needed to see relatives and inadvertently bought COVID to someone which then shortened their life.

I assume a number of people have lost relatives/or made them really poorly after seeing them at Christmas. Hopefully, with relatives having had the vaccine this risk will be reduced.

Trumplosttheelection · 24/02/2021 19:55

I'm going to see my mum.its her birthday and Mother's Day in the same weekend and we lost her mum last month. I'm not going to celebrate, I'm going to comfort her on a hard day.

Original poster
Realitea · 24/02/2021 20:00

If vaccines reduce transmission that is fantastic. However it's not proven yet is it? And the children and me aren't vaccinated. I'm fat. What if I get it as a result of this meeting? What might happen to me? I feel like all the precautions I've taken so far will mean nothing if Dh is going to go and do this.
It's a decision everyone should make together, we shouldn't be told we're expected to go. I won't be going that's for sure so it's going to be a pretty crap mother's day for me.

OP posts:
BirdHedge · 24/02/2021 20:01

Tell her to fuck off with her demands. That she had her Mother’s Day growing up with her kids, this is now your Mother’s Day with your kids. Demanding relatives are so bizarre!

BirdHedge · 24/02/2021 20:03

Vaccinations, she won’t have had her second yet, so she won’t be 3 weeks post her second dose. If she’s over80 that will only rescue her risk of serious illness by 50% a lot of the elderly I know think they have a magic shield now and don’t have to wear a mask and can go back to having tea in each other’s houses

KettleWentBang · 24/02/2021 20:05

Why won't she of had her 2nd dose. Dhs nan had her 2nd dose 2 weeks ago.

BusyLizzie61 · 24/02/2021 20:07

@Realitea

If vaccines reduce transmission that is fantastic. However it's not proven yet is it? And the children and me aren't vaccinated. I'm fat. What if I get it as a result of this meeting? What might happen to me? I feel like all the precautions I've taken so far will mean nothing if Dh is going to go and do this. It's a decision everyone should make together, we shouldn't be told we're expected to go. I won't be going that's for sure so it's going to be a pretty crap mother's day for me.
Yes the transmission is reduced by at least two thirds. So not perfect. But much better than the picture in the previous lockdowns.
Original poster
Realitea · 24/02/2021 20:09

@BirdHedge that really made me laugh! I don't think that would go down well at all!

OP posts:
BusyLizzie61 · 24/02/2021 20:09

@BirdHedge

Tell her to fuck off with her demands. That she had her Mother’s Day growing up with her kids, this is now your Mother’s Day with your kids. Demanding relatives are so bizarre!
Omg, noone told the mothers and grandmothers in our family that they cease being a mother when their son married another woman!

Ridiculous perspective.

Original poster
Realitea · 24/02/2021 20:10

None of them have had their second vaccination yet. Another reason it's not as safe as they might think

OP posts:
Howshouldibehave · 24/02/2021 20:14

Say no, it’s against the law and whilst they may all have been vaccinated, you haven’t. I’d tell DH he was being a dick as well.

VinylDetective · 24/02/2021 20:19

@BirdHedge

Vaccinations, she won’t have had her second yet, so she won’t be 3 weeks post her second dose. If she’s over80 that will only rescue her risk of serious illness by 50% a lot of the elderly I know think they have a magic shield now and don’t have to wear a mask and can go back to having tea in each other’s houses
Another one who doesn’t read the news. Vaccine effectiveness is 94% after one jab.
RB68 · 24/02/2021 20:45

That is only one of the vaccines though and its a 'could be as high as' number from what I read

murbblurb · 24/02/2021 20:48

Tell her to grow up and not be ruled by the calendar. What makes her so above the law?

VinylDetective · 24/02/2021 20:51

It’s the Oxford one. The Pfizer one is 85% effective after one dose. It’s not could be it’s in most cases.

Original poster
Realitea · 24/02/2021 20:56

@murbblurb that was my initial reaction. I know it would be very nice for her and the children especially but if everyone acted like this we'd be in a right mess and I don't want to be put at risk. Now dh feels torn and guilty to MIL and to me. I have a good idea he will go though because she does tend to rule the roost. I've already been asked by them if I'll be seeing my mother, being made to feel like I'm the covid police ruining their lives

OP posts:
BusyLizzie61 · 24/02/2021 21:02

[quote Realitea]@murbblurb that was my initial reaction. I know it would be very nice for her and the children especially but if everyone acted like this we'd be in a right mess and I don't want to be put at risk. Now dh feels torn and guilty to MIL and to me. I have a good idea he will go though because she does tend to rule the roost. I've already been asked by them if I'll be seeing my mother, being made to feel like I'm the covid police ruining their lives[/quote]
Why is "I've already been asked by them if I'll be seeing my mother, being made to feel like I'm the covid police ruining their lives" an unreasonable question?

poppycat10 · 24/02/2021 21:09

I am going to see my mother for a few days next month and will be there on Mother's Day. She is over 80, has had the vaccine (and covid itself), lives alone and isn't in a support bubble with anyone else.

What your MIL wants is illegal but if she's been vaccinated and your DH has been vaccinated, I am struggling to see why it would be risky to you? If you are CEV you must be on course for a vaccine yourself in a matter of days?

EmJay19 · 24/02/2021 21:22

@Realitea won’t it be a bit sad if they go as it’s your Mother’s Day with your immediate family too!

Original poster
Realitea · 24/02/2021 22:08

@EmJay19 Yes, I'll be gutted spending it on my own. I had an awful birthday recently with a lot of bad stuff going on and it looks like I won't have a good mothers day either
@poppycat10 I didn't know the vaccine could reduce transmission until tonight from other posters here. So that's something I suppose. What you're doing is allowed as you can join households if someone lives alone. This is very different. MIL has a household she's joined with someone who lives alone AND wants this on top.

OP posts:
ChocOrange1 · 24/02/2021 22:14

It seems your main concern is being put at risk. Why would you be worried about that on the 14th March but not on the 29th? The risk level won't have changed much.

If you're worried about breaking the law, that's different.

Original poster
Realitea · 24/02/2021 22:44

I think it's a mixture of a lot of things, not just the risk. The fact we were just yesterday telling dd how important it was to stick to the rules. The fact it's illegal and we can't afford a fine. I'll be on my own on mothers day, after also having a really awful birthday on my own aswell due to what was going on at the time. I can see their side of it, I'm trying to use as much empathy as I can here but I just don't get why it can't be put off until it's allowed. What would dd think if the police pull them over and tell dh off and fine him? Or tells her school friends she went to see MIL and her cousin, etc.
There are loads of reasons really

OP posts:
BirdHedge · 24/02/2021 23:33

@VinylDetective no you are right I don’t read the news, I read the scientific research and listen to health care professional on the front line.

So many friends have DMs and DMIL that demand they see them on Mother’s Day, so they don’t get to spend it with their own kids, who are young etc. Someone ruling the roost shouldn’t be pandered too. OP, this is your day with your kids not your mums or mother in law. People should be happy that people want to see them, not because they have to out of obligation. It means more chooosing to spend time with them than having to.

BirdHedge · 24/02/2021 23:34

Your DH is crap as well if he’ll leave you alone on Mother’s Day to see his mother, you and your family are the main unit in your lives, he should see that,

Original poster
Realitea · 24/02/2021 23:41

I think that’s what it comes down to really isn’t it.

OP posts: