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Original poster

Mother's Day Rule Breaking

91 replies

Realitea · 24/02/2021 15:59

Already MIL has said she expects us to visit her in her garden which involves a motorway journey. Not just us but the rest of her children too. (and 2 grand children) Dh is being made to feel guilty and hasn't seen any of his family since last summer so is feeling really torn. I made it clear I really don't think it's a good idea but as the IL's have had their vaccine and so has Dh, she can't understand why I'm being so difficult.
They won't wait until the 29th March when it would be allowed and Dh could take just dd so there aren't more than 6
I feel really upset about this. I'm being put at risk by their decision but don't feel I can tell Dh what to do at the same time. I can tell they're annoyed with me already as I've been the only one throughout all this who seems to speak up about sticking to the rules much to their displeasure. (This happened last spring too due to a birthday and Dh went in the end but it really caused a row between us as we were supposed to be in lockdown at the time)
Any advice?

OP posts:
VinylDetective · 24/02/2021 23:46

@BirdHedge

Your DH is crap as well if he’ll leave you alone on Mother’s Day to see his mother, you and your family are the main unit in your lives, he should see that,
Surely a man should put his own mother first on Mothers’ Day? You appear to think people stop being mothers at some point.
BusyLizzie61 · 25/02/2021 05:43

@BirdHedge

Your DH is crap as well if he’ll leave you alone on Mother’s Day to see his mother, you and your family are the main unit in your lives, he should see that,
Absolutely rubbish imo.

She's his wife. Not mother.

If they saw mil, it's not going to be from 7am to 9pm is it? So there's 14 hours to do everything.

Has op not just spent a year practically at home with said she children?

I find these attitudes so sad. I on the other hand am sad that we won't be spending the day with all of the various mothers in our extended family!

As for ops birthday, not knowing why, but you are an adult. Do you really expect special compensation like this IRL?

Namechangedzzz · 25/02/2021 06:09

@Realitea

I absolutely agree with everyone saying it is your mother's Day too.

What a rubbish mother's Day present for you - being abandoned and then the risk of the virus brought back and maybe a monetary fine.

You and dh should be a team. Your little family should be a unit.

Could you show dh this thread to show that you feel like you are being made to be a scapegoat and that this would be an awful mother's Day for you

Coffeeandaworry · 25/02/2021 06:28

Is there a compromise?

If they keep to being outside the risk is very low. Could your DH and kids see her in the garden for an hour or two, then go before the others turn up/when someone needs the loo?

It's ok she wants to see them but you can and should discuss with your DH and set limits you're both comfortable with. It's also your day too.

joanneg36 · 25/02/2021 07:26

Agree on above point about their being some compromise. Everyone saying ‘this is your Mother’s Day too’ - OP is presumably about 30 years younger than her MIL, has many more mother’s days ahead of her, and has spent the last year with her husband and children. She is not a six year old on her birthday.

The most convincing reason you’ve given not to do it OP is ‘we can’t afford a fine’. But you won’t get one. The police are not going to be dragging people out of their elderly mothers’ houses on Mother’s Day and fining them, they’re just not. So unless she is having a noisy party... I agree with the previous poster than there should be a compromise which means neither you nor MIL is alone on Mother’s Day.

joanneg36 · 25/02/2021 07:30

And re ‘what do I tell my children?’, personally what I tell my children is that the lockdown rules are there for a very good reason, and the government needs people to obey them most of the time. But I am their mother and in certain cases will make a judgement that we need to do something against the rules - for example, not to leave my 75 year old mum all alone on Mother’s Day when she has been vaccinated and her risk of serious illness is low enough for us all to feel comfortable with.

Basically, much the same argument as I would give them if they asked why I was driving at 71 on the motorway, ie, yes speed limits are very important and there for a good reason but it is also important to use your own critical thinking sometimes.

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 25/02/2021 07:36

Ok let's get this into perspective here rather than all piling in to slag off the mil. Shes a mother who hasnt seen her family for months . Shes not drowning puppies for kicks , shes desperate to see her family.
Yes of course op you are in the right but maybe have a bit of empathy and try to understand her reasons for " rule breaking " .
If your husband wants to go then he should , and then maybe take your children for a garden visit when its allowed.
This post highlights everything that is wrong with the media coverage of the pandemic. People are demonized for that very natural human need for love and company.
People need to show more compassion

musicalfrog · 25/02/2021 07:40

The day should be special for you too surely? Can this one be just for you?

Original poster
Realitea · 25/02/2021 09:01

Looks like it can’t be Sad

OP posts:
Mookie81 · 25/02/2021 11:41

Of course it can't be just for you, you're not the only mother! Hmm
He can go on his own, staying in the garden, and take the kids for his next visit when the rules change.
If he doesn't keep a distance that's him being an idiot.

Hollanda40 · 25/02/2021 15:37

@wasthataburp

Ffs just go and see her. She hasn't seen you in months.
So what? I've not seen my family but won't be rule breaking!!!
TheChip · 25/02/2021 15:45

Youre fine with this happening two weeks after mother's day when rules allow it. Youre claiming youre objecting because you will be put at risk.

You will be put at risk just the same if they wait the two weeks until it is allowed. Just because the rules change, doesn't mean the virus risk does.

I'd completely understand if there was months I between but its a case of a couple of weeks.

Sitdowncupoftea · 25/02/2021 15:56

I know people who ignored guidelines and mixed at Christmas they got Covid and were really ill. In my opinion don't do it.

Original poster
Realitea · 25/02/2021 17:32

It's more to do with breaking the rules really and what kind of example that would set our dd and the risk of a fine @TheChip
I don't get how some people think they can do what they like while others wait until it's legal

OP posts:
Original poster
Realitea · 25/02/2021 17:33

@Sitdowncupoftea

I know people who ignored guidelines and mixed at Christmas they got Covid and were really ill. In my opinion don't do it.
Exactly! I don't want to get ill because dh had to go along with something he didn't feel comfortable doing anyway It seems so selfish to me
OP posts:
VinylDetective · 25/02/2021 18:45

I don't want to get ill because dh had to go along with something he didn't feel comfortable doing anyway

You’re far more likely to get ill from your children being at school for the preceding week. Compromise is the way to go here, that way Mothers’ Day is special for you and your Mil - win/win.

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