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Original poster

Ds is seriously down about the (possible) school news

116 replies

Fuckadoodledoooo · 22/02/2021 15:03

He's year 13. In college. He hates it. Hates the college, hates his course.

We moved here 8 weeks before the last lockdown. So he didn't make any friends (we had a drastic move so his accent doesn't fit, he just had a few of them taking the piss when he spoke, they nicknamed him Prince Harry the little shits).

Honestly if it wasn't for lock down he would've quit. He only had to go back one day a week sept - dec and because of teachers isolating and bubbles bursting he only had to go in three times.

He's only got a few months left but if I say that he gets so down. Nothing he can do about the course as he's so close to finishing. He'd have to do another 2 years in something else. He's fine well on the course at home.

He had to chose that course as he failed maths gcse the first time and it was the only option his old school, where he had friends and was happy to stay did so he sucked it up there just to get the ucas points basically. We had to move suddenly, with 6 weeks notice. But at this new place he's miserable. But it was the only college here that would take him due to the course and the units he'd already done etc.

Sorry didn't know what topic to put this in.

OP posts:
Coughsyrupsucks · 22/02/2021 17:17

I’m so sorry your son is so down, he’s not the only one. My DD is year 13, she loathes school. She has autism, so finds it hard to fit in, her interests aren’t really that of her classmates so she doesn’t really have any friends. The noise of kids just chatting, being teenagers freaks her out too, so she cuts herself off from them and goes off and hides somewhere quiet. Throw in the pressure of whatever the hell the testing turns out to be and Covid.....well I don’t actually know how I’m going to get her in there for the last couple of months.

I’m trying to cajole her by saying ‘it’s not long’ but frankly we are taking it daily and I’m not sure she will actually finish. It breaks my heart she hates it so much, and she ending her school days with not one friend.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 22/02/2021 17:18

MeltedCioccolato

re your comment:-
"If it's a level 2 BTEC you often find that many of the students that are on the course don't want to be there and had to find something to fill the time until they reach official leaving age so they tend to be quite disruptive which is tough for the tutor and tough for the students that want to learn"

You can say that again, my son's time on his level 2 BTEC course was utter shit for precisely those above reasons. The college he attended had weak leadership from the top down and that did not help either.

It only improved somewhat when we as his parents intervened (he himself was not getting anywhere with the tutor and senior staff) and got him moved to a level 3 course. His time there only further improved when two of the more violent young men on it got thrown off his L3 course for their violence against another student (even the college had to do something when the police were called after said violent event).

My son to his credit completed his BTEC course but it was a close run thing because he did want to quit more than once that first year.

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/02/2021 17:19

@BungleandGeorge

I presume the ones saying suck it up haven’t had a child who hates school. It’s pretty miserable for everyone sending them everyday year after year when they hate it. I’m sure he knows it is probably worth finishing now but as the closest to him he’s offloading to you. I remember people saying ‘school days are the best days of your life’ to me and the opposite was true
Your presumption is wrong. My dd doesn’t like her school. She has made a choice to stay there when I’ve offered her to go privately whenever she wants.

I had an awful time at school. I hated it. I was bullied by kids and and teachers. Including for my A levels.

Original poster
Fuckadoodledoooo · 22/02/2021 17:24

@AttilaTheMeerkat

MeltedCioccolato

re your comment:-
"If it's a level 2 BTEC you often find that many of the students that are on the course don't want to be there and had to find something to fill the time until they reach official leaving age so they tend to be quite disruptive which is tough for the tutor and tough for the students that want to learn"

You can say that again, my son's time on his level 2 BTEC course was utter shit for precisely those above reasons. The college he attended had weak leadership from the top down and that did not help either.

It only improved somewhat when we as his parents intervened (he himself was not getting anywhere with the tutor and senior staff) and got him moved to a level 3 course. His time there only further improved when two of the more violent young men on it got thrown off his L3 course for their violence against another student (even the college had to do something when the police were called after said violent event).

My son to his credit completed his BTEC course but it was a close run thing because he did want to quit more than once that first year.

This is a level 3 Btec. But a lot of the ones giving him trouble either left or had to repeat the first year.

It's not like he's upset by the bullying. He can hold his own (although he just ignores rather than gets into fights, he's always had the fear of it getting into the police if he gets in trouble). It's just an upsetting shitty situation for him if you see what I mean. He hates that he. Has to go in and put up with it.

OP posts:
KeyboardWorriers · 22/02/2021 17:25

I went through some really miserable patches at university due to traumatic external factors/standing out as I always got top grades.

Please encourage him to stick it out. By bribery or whatever means works with him. Don't let these awful people destroy what he wants to do for his career.

There are some hideous teenagers. But this is just a few more months.

My son is a sensitive soul and has mixed feelings about returning (he's 10), it is completely understandable that some children will have preferred being at home

AttilaTheMeerkat · 22/02/2021 17:29

I know exactly what you mean, I really do. My son's level 3 BTEC course was not without issues either. He also had to go in till I think mid May if I recall correctly. Once he got all his assignments in though, that was it. If your son does have any outstanding assignments they need to be given in asap.

Please tell him to stick it out, my son would advise him to stick it out till the end and to not let the dickheads get him down.

Lorieandrews · 22/02/2021 17:32

My children are quite young.

We’ve home educated for a while now. Could he do that? You can get the points I believe doing it that way x

MintyCedric · 22/02/2021 17:35

I really feel for you, having just had 16yo Yr 11 DD in absolute bits.

It's not the going back itself but the constant lateral flow tests that are freaking her out...she's terrified.

She's doing fine at home, I'm in Cat 6 but based on the vax programme in our area thus far am probably looking at end April for my first jab. May look at the logistics tbh.

Literally all they are doing is a rolling programme of revision and class based assessment - they've done nothing else really since September.

Seems like a lot of aggro and distress for very little reason.

BungleandGeorge · 22/02/2021 17:37

@Mummyoflittledragon I don’t really understand. You’ve given your child a choice but this lad has to just crack on with no alternatives given whether he wants to or not?

DishedUp · 22/02/2021 17:39

@BungleandGeorge this isn't a child who hates school though. Its an adult doing a course that will enable him to do the career he wants

Don't get me wrong its shit. But if he wants to get into the police its necessary, he's doing this because he's working towards something he wants.

I don't agree with him if he was getting paid it would be better, think of this as the first stage of training towards becoming a police officer. Its going to be tough at times but will be worth it in the end. He does have the option to drop out, but he won't get his career in the police.

I do think its quite embarrassing for 18 years to be behaving as they are (not your DS). And I think the college should be taking a much harder line on the bullying, you cannot be an adult in education bullying other adults.

LilMidge01 · 22/02/2021 17:40

I'm really sorry to hear he's having a hard time and I can imagine it must be hard for you to see him down..

But he's 18.
Sounds like a good opportunity to learn some resilience (its only a short time!) Also judging by the accent thing, I really don't mean to be horrible but sounds like he could do with a little toughening up? Being called Prince Harry is hardly the worst thing someone can say to you. Especially if he wants to work in emergency services where people might not always be polite to him? As his mum, just be there to listen and be sympathetic but ultimately....butt out! I would think he will look back at this time and be proud of himself for sticking with it (he doesn't want to look back and remember how his mummy interfered and helped him out- i think i saw someone earlier in the thread suggest speaking to pastoral care at the college...tbh that sounds a bit too 'mummy hand holding' to me for an 18 year old with only a few months on the course left)

Good luck to you both

LilMidge01 · 22/02/2021 17:43

@BungleandGeorge

I presume the ones saying suck it up haven’t had a child who hates school. It’s pretty miserable for everyone sending them everyday year after year when they hate it. I’m sure he knows it is probably worth finishing now but as the closest to him he’s offloading to you. I remember people saying ‘school days are the best days of your life’ to me and the opposite was true
He's 18. He's not a child who hates school. He's an adult doing a course that he ultimately wants to do in order to do the career he wants.
Chewingle · 22/02/2021 17:43

@Mummyoflittledragon

Given your stance is * I don’t agree, unless he’s going to have a breakdown, i think he should crack on. *

Does it occur to you that perhaps your DD remains at a school she despises because she is concerned her own mother will think she’s a failure for not waiting until she’s on the edge of a breakdown?

Bunnybigears · 22/02/2021 17:44

Fuckadoodledoooo to be fair he is 18 so whilst you maybe didn't have a choice about moving, he did. Also you say he has to stay as he has a career path in mind, well if thats the case then he has to go. He has to weigh up his future happiness with his happiness between now and June and make an adult decision about what he wants to do.

Chewingle · 22/02/2021 17:44

[quote BungleandGeorge]@Mummyoflittledragon I don’t really understand. You’ve given your child a choice but this lad has to just crack on with no alternatives given whether he wants to or not?[/quote]
And this.

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/02/2021 17:47

[quote Chewingle]@Mummyoflittledragon

Given your stance is * I don’t agree, unless he’s going to have a breakdown, i think he should crack on. *

Does it occur to you that perhaps your DD remains at a school she despises because she is concerned her own mother will think she’s a failure for not waiting until she’s on the edge of a breakdown?[/quote]
I think I know my child - what a bizarre question. And she doesn’t despise school

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/02/2021 17:50

[quote BungleandGeorge]@Mummyoflittledragon I don’t really understand. You’ve given your child a choice but this lad has to just crack on with no alternatives given whether he wants to or not?[/quote]
Was I given a choice though? No I was not. I was also bullied at home and berated for choosing the school for A levels then not working well. It’s too long to explain. But I had no safe space. You really have no idea.

Chewingle · 22/02/2021 17:51

Sorry she doesn’t despise

* My dd doesn’t like her school. *

So you know your own child.
And yet for the OP’s child who you don’t know - you suggest waiting until the situation is such that a breakdown is about to occur?

randomer · 22/02/2021 17:52

Its a tricky problem alright. It seems quite young possibly to be so certain of his career choice?
The other students probably contain a few nasty ones and a lot of sheep.

Chewingle · 22/02/2021 17:52

I think @Mummyoflittledragon that we ate just a little baffled by your brutal approach to the OP’s son of saying he he cracks on unless on verge of breakdown.

Don’t know about you - but I don’t want my teenager close to reaching breakdown point

DishedUp · 22/02/2021 17:53

@BungleandGeorge what would you suggest the DS does though?

Hes realistically got 3 options

  1. brave it out for a few months
  2. drop out and reapply for another course next year, this will set him back 2 years and he might encounter the same problem
  3. drop out and not do the career he wants

In my eyes by far the best option is to just sit it out. Take it a chunk at a time. Keep your head down, do the work and then move on to doing what he wants.

Holothane · 22/02/2021 17:54

Get a calendar mark each day of highlighting the day he can leave remember he’s got the rest off his life after this period. Tell him if he wants uni he’s got to finish the course. Yes it’s hard but what if if hates uni, he’s got to think of this, not everyone fits in. And yes I had bullying at school and at home as well for years.

BungleandGeorge · 22/02/2021 18:06

@DishedUp
Personally yes I’d encourage him to stick it out but listen to the problems and see if any could be overcome. I’d offer other options, if he really wants the next stage then he will probably make his own decision to stay. If not then sometimes you learn most by your mistakes and he is an adult! Presumably it’s pretty bad for someone to feel they want to get advice about the situation and some people have come across quite harshly. Which I find some people do in real life and just dismiss the misery that school can cause.

Bee0808 · 22/02/2021 18:11

I feel for your both op

You are only as happy as your unhappiest child.

It sounds like the move was traumatic? And college an hour away? Thats always going to cause issues with meeting people, sadly.

I agree with pp that its only 4 more months. Breaking down the rest of the course into chunks and pointing out he will have 3 weeks off during that time (Easter and whit week) might help?

Its tough. My y13 spent last night in tears. He's so stressed. All we can do is let them vent and try and give them the skills to cope with what has been a totally unprecedented time. No kids in living memory have gone through what our kids had gone through since March last year. I think some people forget that.

Good luck x

steppemum · 22/02/2021 18:11

ds is year 13.
We have had quite a few conversations about getting to the end of the year and giving it your bets shot, it is only a few months, hang on in there.
he does like his school and has friends, he is just finding the work harder than he thought and struggling to be motivated.

But it really is a good lesson for him in pushing through something less than wonderful for the goal at the end. In my ds case, he is desperate to go to uni.

I do think that at 18, this is not a bad thing to learn. He is well suported at home, and has a safe and secure place, so a bit of toughness is not ideal, but will in the long run strengthen him.