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Covid

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Original poster

Ds is seriously down about the (possible) school news

116 replies

Fuckadoodledoooo · 22/02/2021 15:03

He's year 13. In college. He hates it. Hates the college, hates his course.

We moved here 8 weeks before the last lockdown. So he didn't make any friends (we had a drastic move so his accent doesn't fit, he just had a few of them taking the piss when he spoke, they nicknamed him Prince Harry the little shits).

Honestly if it wasn't for lock down he would've quit. He only had to go back one day a week sept - dec and because of teachers isolating and bubbles bursting he only had to go in three times.

He's only got a few months left but if I say that he gets so down. Nothing he can do about the course as he's so close to finishing. He'd have to do another 2 years in something else. He's fine well on the course at home.

He had to chose that course as he failed maths gcse the first time and it was the only option his old school, where he had friends and was happy to stay did so he sucked it up there just to get the ucas points basically. We had to move suddenly, with 6 weeks notice. But at this new place he's miserable. But it was the only college here that would take him due to the course and the units he'd already done etc.

Sorry didn't know what topic to put this in.

OP posts:

Wilkolampshade · 22/02/2021 15:57

I had to move a DC once too, at similarly short notice in a crucial secondary year, and to a place she hated, hundreds of miles away. I completely feel yours, and his, pain. I still, years later, feel awful for it and wish things had been different.
It did make her hugely resilient - although I'd settle for less resilience and a greater sense of security sometimes....
PP are mainly right. The most obvious option is suck it up as much as he can bear and struggle through till May. After that he'll likely be off on study leave and never needs to go there again. The very best of luck to you both. X
On the other hand, if he does drop out just remember very, Very few decisions at his age are irreversible. He could do something else for a bit then go back to learning via an access course somewhere else. Don't panic if he hits the wall. If you two keep talking you can work through it together.
However

Original poster

Fuckadoodledoooo · 22/02/2021 15:58

@MrsTerryPratchett

Emergency services is really hard with lots of rude unpleasant people to deal with.

I find that sometimes little tricks help. Have him think of it as the clients he is practicing on. How would be deal with some big bloke, who's high, taking the piss out of his accent?

It is rough, but it is time limited, and he will have to deal with shite if this is his chosen profession.

It's horrible when your kids are sad.

Yep, he knows that. He's good at dealing with people.

But these kids are like something else. Even his tutor called me about it to discuss what she had seen, they moved his tutor group but it didn't do much. A lot of them got kicked out anyway after the first year, but a couple still lingered last sept.

His attitude is "sod them" but it's hard when he's got a bunch of them following him and being dicks.

He said he could deal with that at work. It's what he'd be paid to do. But this is college where he has no choice but to be.

I get his point.

OP posts:

Wilkolampshade · 22/02/2021 15:58

stray 'however' - soz.

Original poster

Fuckadoodledoooo · 22/02/2021 15:59

I don't think he would actually drop out. He needs to get through it to do what he wants to do.

He's just upset about going back. He's doing so well at home.

OP posts:

TheABC · 22/02/2021 15:59

It's shit, but he only needs to stick it out for 6 hours per day until June. Help him with coping strategies and keep his eye on prize - the qualifications he needs to go into the emergency services.

Outdoor sports & clubs are starting up again, so it may be worth looking around for things to do outside of college, so he can make friends.

MidSummersNightmare · 22/02/2021 15:59

That’s awful op. I’m shocked that 17 and 18 year olds who have chosen to continue their education in college are acting like that. You’d kind of expect that behaviour at school but not college.

Is he with these idiots for every class?
Surely staff should be stepping in if they are giving him hassle in class.

Luckily it’s not that long until exams and then he won’t have to see them again.

itsgettingwierd · 22/02/2021 16:00

My ds is 16 and autistic.

He isn't miserable about returning but he isn't bothered about online learning and likes it and wishes they could carry in learning that way.

Zoinksalot · 22/02/2021 16:01

It must be awful for him, being moved at such an awkward time, not being able to make friends so being isolated, bullying to the extent you've mentioned his tutor got involved and so having to travel so bloody far for his college when he had to go in.

I would really push for trying to make local contacts, any hobbies he's into and just offering that parental support at such a crap time.

Lot of the posters here have been quite harsh tbh

Grumpycatsmum · 22/02/2021 16:02

Eldest is dreading schools reopening. We are in Scotland so no idea when that will be but we are going to have to either move house or move schools soon as she's so unhappy.

Itstartedinbarcelona · 22/02/2021 16:02

DD is in year 9 and feels the same. She hates school, not the classes and the learning but the noise and kids messing around. She has a physical disability which means groups of ignorant lads will comment as she walks round. If there was a way of continuing online school for her I would definitely sign her up. We both work FT so home schooling is not an option (particularly because I wouldn’t have the patience!)

AvocadosBeforeMortgages · 22/02/2021 16:03

Poor lad

Does he have a university place for this September, to keep him motivated, and give him something to look forward to?

Original poster

Fuckadoodledoooo · 22/02/2021 16:05

@AvocadosBeforeMortgages

Poor lad

Does he have a university place for this September, to keep him motivated, and give him something to look forward to?

He's going through all the assessments now. It's a long process with interviews and fitness tests.

OP posts:

ancientgran · 22/02/2021 16:08

@mumonthehill

Honestly he needs to look at it in small chunks of time, so keep going until Easter, then keep going until may half term, then he is nearly done. We had this with ds as he repeated year 12 after one subject went pear shaped! We took to talking about short bursts of time so for it not to feel too long for him. He hated college but he kept going and is now at uni. He is too close to the end to give up now, it will be worth it if he gets where he wants to be in September. Just keep positive!

That's what I was going to say, only a few weeks till Easter holidays, is it 3. Then he gets break. Then there's a bank holiday early May then half term and then it is June.

I know it is hard but he is nearly there.

sonjadog · 22/02/2021 16:10

I remember feeling similar when I was at school in the last few months. What I did was make a chart of the days I was at school and cross them off. When the weekends and holidays are taken out, there ends up being far fewer school days that it seems when you look at the weeks ahead of you. Maybe also try to break the weeks down into smaller chunks? Is there something he could treat himself with after x amount of days to keep his motivation up?

Maybemay123 · 22/02/2021 16:13

I have one that can't wait to get back.
A year 7 who is devising a plan for the government on closing all schools permanently and using the money saved to give every child a laptop and free WiFi. Got it all planned out and can't understand why anyone wants to go back to school ever!
I also have a Y12 who started a course in September and went into college a grand total of 2 times, really doesn't want to continue the course because the hands on course dc was promised is now an essay writing conveyer belt. Dc had to move schools unavoidably in year 10 and struggled to settle, it must be so much worse with lock down /online learning. With dc we're currently all looking at the course as a means to an end. Dc has decided though that they definitely don't want to go to university because of all this online learning.
Totally feel for your son it's such an awful situation. My Y12 thinks that even with college opening they won't want them in much because of having to test them and is hopeful of blended learning. Dc doesn't know anyone on the course so it's all such a lonely experience at the moment which I suspect is an issue for your ds. College lecturer has actually told dc of two similar students in group and is going to encourage them to work together when they go into college. Can the lecturers put ds in touch with anyone to assist friendship building?
Dc has worked out they have 12 weeks of college this year. Of that they believe they'll go in a maximum of 6 weeks (based on previous plans) and is coping with that better than having to go in till June.

bloomingroses · 22/02/2021 16:20

Our poor children. It makes me so sad when I think about it all.

fridascruffs · 22/02/2021 16:20

DD year 10 is not looking forward to going back. She much prefers online and we looked at home schooling even before Covid.

peak2021 · 22/02/2021 16:23

You should be proud of his career focus and choice, even with the difficulty he is facing.

Hugoslavia · 22/02/2021 16:23

Sometimes, when kids give another a nick name, it's to feel them out/see how they react, or a sign of teasing (which can mean that they actually like him), not necessarily bullying. It must be so tough for him though. Finishing his course is really important, one way or the other, because it's his route to Uni (I'm assuming that's your plan re reference to UCAS) and he will make such fantastic friends for life there!

Could he study at home at all? Going into college would obviously be better in order to avoid isolation, but he could see all his old friends on social media to fill the gap. Can you offer an incentive/bribe i.e. money towards a holiday with his old friends as soon as his course ends? Perhaps also get him to come up with suggestions of what he could do? Problem solving/mapping out the options himself might make him feel a bit more in control. It's a really tough time to move because, even if he does finish college/go to uni/ the holidays could be quite isolating too. I would just focus on opportunities for him to see his old friends in the future as much as possible.

PeapodBurgundy · 22/02/2021 16:23

Could you support/assist him in making contact with the college for him to do more home based learning still? Perhaps an arrangement where he goes in for anything he physicall HAS to be there for, then the rest of the time just nip in to collect course materials and continue to study at home on mental health grounds? Is there any kind of student support officer who he might be able to contact and explain all of this to?

I feel for him, I was utterly miserable doing my A-Levels. I never wanted to do them, it was expected that I would do A-levels, then go to uni. I did aspire to be a teacher, but didn't feel ready to do that yet. I got through my A-Levels, and was accepted into uni, but turned down my place and did an NVQ. I worked up, did my degree at 21 and my teacher training completed by 25. I still got to where I wanted to be, but in a way which didn't damage my mental health.

Is there a scenic route your DS could take to the same career path? I'm not up on Emergency Services entry routes.

SaintLucy · 22/02/2021 16:24

Y9 DS here who doesn’t want to go back and I haven’t told him about masks yet, that’ll be another reason he’ll hate the thought even more. He also has disruptive pupils in some classes who make life miserable at times.

There’s some great advice on here though. DS was discussing maybe working for the police, so I’m going to try and talk through some of the suggestions on here.

It’s so difficult isn’t it OP when they’re down about it. They have to go, otherwise there will be knock on effects. Only saving grace is that it is such a short term.

Original poster

Fuckadoodledoooo · 22/02/2021 16:25

@PeapodBurgundy

Is there a scenic route your DS could take to the same career path? I'm not up on Emergency Services entry routes.

That's the thing with his course. It's a btec and it's so much better online anyway.

OP posts:

WellTidy · 22/02/2021 16:28

I think DS1 (13yo) would happily stay at home forever. He hasn't missed having to wear uniform, walking to the coach stop, coach journey there and back etc. He has loved being able to play his switch in lunchtimes at home, and make himself a nice milky drink in time for morning registration in his bedroom whilst he watches the birds out of the window!

I think it will be good for him to go to school as he is isolating himself at home, and its not good for him.

But he hasn't found this last year difficult, on the whole, unlike so many other children.

Original poster

Fuckadoodledoooo · 22/02/2021 16:29

He wants to join the police. So it's no uni uni. It's two days a week studying for the policing degree while working as an officer and earning. It's a uni course but at a centre in our closest city. So not off at uni if you see what I mean. But he still needs the ucas points to get on the course, as well as getting through the recruitment process.

OP posts:

SoftSheen · 22/02/2021 16:30

It sounds tough, but at 18, he's unfortunately just got to get on with it.

It's great that he's got a career in mind (and a very worthwhile one too), so hopefully he will be able to focus on this. It's only for a few months.

Also, if he's only been into college 3 times (if I understood correctly) then he hasn't really had the chance to get to know anyone. If he does go back more regularly, he'll have a better chance of meeting some decent people that he can make friends with.

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