How monumentally stupid do you need to be to visit someone positive for Covid?

[IWantToThrowThings]

I am so angry with my mum. She just does not get it. She genuinely thinks that covid knows she's 'just' popping into her sister's for tea, or 'just' going to the shop for a paper and won't infect her.

My niece tested positive so she decided that she should bring her some shopping. I told her not to, because I know what she's like, but she did anyway, and of course she rang the doorbell until she answered, before standing in the doorway chatting to her.

I am almost in tears at how stupid she's been. My dad's in his 70s and has COPD, and coincidentally is supposed to have his vaccine this week.

I really could fall out with her over this all. I am trying so hard to keep them both safe and she's doing shit like this!

I know how you feel. My parents are the same: ‘just popping’ to the shop for something which is not essential. They’ve had several workmen in this week for things which aren’t essential, too, but it’s ok ‘because they wore a mask’. They’re bored, I guess.

I would feel the same OP. I hope they both wore masks and stood well apart.

She definitely didn't have a mask on, was possibly a metre or two apart though. I am praying that's enough to have stopped transmission.

My parents wanted to bring my sister and her 3kids home to look after when she was positive!! My parents are under 70 with no underlying health conditions, but still!! My other siblings and I had to literally scream and shout at them not to.

I know it’s worrying with your parents but ultimately it’s their life. My mum is ECV but there have been times she’s chosen to see her Grandchildren who attend school/nursery. I worry of course but I equally understand her mental health & wellbeing. The risk is hers to take, not mine. I don’t blame a single person in the latter end of their life for popping to the shops if they fancy some biscuits.

Ugh my mum is the same. ‘Popping’ to the supermarket daily, and she seems to find it impossible to keep a distance from people.

She bumped into FIL at the shop last week and stopped him for a chat - he said as she was getting close he kept stepping back, and she’d just step closer again. In the end he said he practically had to put his arm out and put his hand in her face to keep her at arms length.

We went to a funeral last week and she was hugging everyone and you could see some people were visibly uncomfortable but she seems oblivious.

I’ve told her she’s out of order, my dad has told her, my DH has told her but it’s not sinking in.

Jesus is she trying to kill your Dad? My Dad had COPD and we didn't darken the door if we felt a cold coming on so we wouldn't risk him getting sick. Have you asked her why she's OK putting him at serious risk or is she only thinking about herself?

She's just completely oblivious. It's so incredibly frustrating.

I think this is actually a bit different to someone 'popping out' to the shops or to get a paper. How you get through to her I don't know. Maybe tell her that since she has been in contact with somebody positive for a chunk of time she needs to self isolate for 10 days because that is the rule. And she should be trying to isolate within the house from her vulnerable DH.

I get your frustration. I would be livid. But, after a year if this, if they arent taking it seriously then thats their decision and their life. They cant be ignorant to it all. All you can do is avoid seeing them if they have exposed themselves to someone.

Do you think she/they should isolate? Dad's vaccine is supposed to be this week. It'd be a monumental battle to get her to do it, Dad would be ok.

Your Dad won’t have to isolate, but it depends how close and for how long your Mum spent chatting and the distance, if it’s less than 2 metres and more than 2 minutes, then possibly she should isolate, if test and trace were to have contacted her they would probably advise her to isolate.

People need to make their own choices. People with covid still need to eat so they get deliveries. Your mum made a delivery which I think was really kind and thoughtful. Maybe unwise to have a chat on the doorstep but if they were a fair distance it's highly unlikely she will catch covid from this and highly unlikely to fall under the test and trace criteria for isolation. Just disagree with her actions but accept them and her right to choose them. How would you feel if she fell out with you for perceiving you to be overly cautious? She sounds very sweet and she is your mum, no wonder you want her and your dad safe. It's a tough time but one to pull together not fall out. I am sure she will be fine though.

Have you asked her why she's seriously risking his life for no good reason? As in, in those words "Mam, why do you keep doing things that mean you're more likely to bring the virus into his home, do you not think he deserves to feel safe there at least? What do you think will happen to him when you bring it home? Not to you, to him?"

Mine feel that is they are “technically allowed” to do something it’s fine
I have pointed out Covid Doesnt give a shit about loopholes but they just ignore me

What Mindymomo says. And if she's visiting others like her sister she could put them at risk if she's caught it.

I have, yeah. She just brushes it off, or makes me feel neurotic. I am so worried about him (or her!) catching it but I am also so worried that I would blame her if anything happened. It's absolutely horrible. I've never been the sort of person who argues and falls out with people.

Then I honestly think all you can do is switch off from it. When she mentions visiting someone just say 'Mum, you know how I feel about this and how it upsets me, please can we talk about something else' and just change the subject. I know it's incredibly hard but sometimes we need to switch off to protect ourselves.

My parents have barely spoken to me since New Year after I finally shouted at them over their fucking selfishness

We are / were very close. Usually speak daily and I'm so upset that we've fallen out.

They've taken the piss constantly. Shopping, visiting friends, hugging my elderly aunt who has COPD... I've advised, begged and pleaded with them and I'm just so disappointed.

I am so sorry Worky. I get it

I just don't get why people do this. I saw one of my covid positive patients in the supermarket during the first lockdown shopping with no mask on as she is exempt.
I was beyond furious.

I feel for you. Same here, parents, inlaws and step parents mostly CEV.

'Popping out', not refusing hugs so as not to offend(at a funeral so all people of their age too), going into central London by train and tube and all DESPERATE to go on overseas holidays as soon as it's allowed.
Don't seem to have grasped that others need to have been vaccinated too, not just themselves, for this to be anything other than monumentally selfish.

My in laws are the same, both mid 70s but they've had the virus and so think they are invincible now.

My exFIL (I'm still on very good terms with exH, we are in a bubble together so he can help me with shopping etc) is in one of the postcodes currently having the testing for the SA mutation of the virus. He's 84, not in bad health, but very overweight and has a terrible diet.

ExH spoke to him the night it was announced about the testing...and his father said it was going to make zero difference to him and his friends...they were going to merrily carry on breaking the already existing Covid laws by meeting up in each others homes!

Luckily exH has far more sense and is staying well away from his father...It's all very well saying people of his age all feel like 'we are going to die of something soon anyway' but it's the risk they are deliberately foisting on to others with their insanely selfish acts that really angers me.