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Original poster

How monumentally stupid do you need to be to visit someone positive for Covid?

99 replies

IWantToThrowThings · 07/02/2021 15:24

I am so angry with my mum. She just does not get it. She genuinely thinks that covid knows she's 'just' popping into her sister's for tea, or 'just' going to the shop for a paper and won't infect her.

My niece tested positive so she decided that she should bring her some shopping. I told her not to, because I know what she's like, but she did anyway, and of course she rang the doorbell until she answered, before standing in the doorway chatting to her.

I am almost in tears at how stupid she's been. My dad's in his 70s and has COPD, and coincidentally is supposed to have his vaccine this week.

I really could fall out with her over this all. I am trying so hard to keep them both safe and she's doing shit like this!

OP posts:
Original poster
IWantToThrowThings · 07/02/2021 17:56

I'll phone her tonight and tell her she should isolate. I know she won't isolate. I may be able to stop her going to shops though.

I'll get dad to ring the vaccine centre too.

My brother is not pleased at all. I'm going to phone him too and see if we can put in a joint effort. I'm so, so annoyed Angry

OP posts:
TwirpingBird · 07/02/2021 17:58

However in a lot of cases where posters complain about their parents in their 70s merely stepping outside their house, really, they are adults ; let them risk assess their own lives .

I think the anger comes from people who see elderly assessing their own risk, but if I was to do the same and only think of my risk, I would be seeing friends and family. I dont see anyone, and I do that because elderly are at risk, and then they get it they fill beds in the NHS. So they can risk assess themselves but I think we all know this isnt about the individual. Their activities impact me as much as my activities impact them.

Macronisanarse · 07/02/2021 17:59

All the elderly folk in my family are the complete opposite if that helps? Can't prise them out of their houses for love nor money. I'm seriously worried as to how they will cope when they can eventually leave 🥺

Original poster
IWantToThrowThings · 07/02/2021 18:00

The 'risk assessment' is so flawed though. This is my mum's version of the science.....

Sitting in her sister's kitchen without a cuppa= kind= safe, virus free.
Sitting in the kitchen with a cuppa= oooh, risky
Sitting in the living room with a glass of wine= you deserve Covid

OP posts:
lightand · 07/02/2021 18:02

@MoirasRoses
I know it’s worrying with your parents but ultimately it’s their life

I have let go.

ladygindiva · 07/02/2021 18:03

Oh I agree OP. Recently DP and I had a fallout with MIL and FIL as BIL dropped his son aged 3 round for them to look after, came in and had a cup of tea and said he was grateful they were childminding for him that day as he wasn't going to work as he felt like crap, had cold symptoms, had lost his sense of taste and was awaiting a covid test result. DP lost his shit big time. His parents are 65ish and not in good health, esp his mum who is seriously overweight to boot.

ladygindiva · 07/02/2021 18:06

I'd like to add most of our anger was directed at BIL. Didn't go down well though.

TillyTopper · 07/02/2021 18:09

My parents are the same, although my Dad passed away in December from cancer (and CV19 which he got in hospital). I haven't interfered - it's their life, I think it's their decision. I did say "do you think that's wise" or "perhaps it's not a good idea", "have you thought you could get Covid" but they have continued. I was on the phone to my DMum the other night (she has it on speaker) and her neighbour came in, he heard me and said "Don't worry I'm just popping my head in" I felt like replying "That's the worst bit" but said nothing.

noirchatsdeux · 07/02/2021 18:11

@ladygindiva And it's actions like your BILs which means the rate is still so high...what the fuck is wrong with people? Why can't they take it seriously? Sure, there's a very good chance you might live through it...but what about the people who definitely won't? Or do they not matter?

In the case of a global pandemic it's not down to the individual to assess or even only care about their 'own risk'...we have a duty to our fellow human beings to try to do our best to stop ANYONE from getting it, even at the cost of our own happiness for a while.

Tesseract · 07/02/2021 18:15

You really can't generalise about ages. I know loads of elderly people being hypercautious. And it wasn't elderly people having a 1st birthday party the other day!

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 07/02/2021 18:28

I get the anger too. I really do. My parents logic goes like this:

Supermarket together even though both are capable of shopping alone = fine. No one can tell us what to do.
Going to sister's for a cuppa to see her and the kids = fine because other people are allowed to have support bubbles so why can't we
Also going to see brother and the kids to stay over = fine because they have one under one and that's on the gov website as being allowed

They wouldn't even drive to the end of our path to say happy significant birthday to me in December though. I despair.

nancy75 · 07/02/2021 18:28

My parents are exactly the same (mid 60s - this seems to be the problem age group!)
I usually have a great relationship with them but we have never argued as much as we have in the last few months.
Just popping some shopping in to someone they know is positive, just giving someone a lift, just going to Bluewater (when it was open but in tier 3 while we were tier 2)
They live in a gated development - all the people that live there are mixing. Today she was telling me about a chat they were having with a guy that got back from Dubai yesterday - oblivious to the fact he should be indoors isolating.
My 15 year old (the age group blamed for everything) has followed every rule from day 1, my parents can’t be trusted for 5 minutes.

ZebraF · 07/02/2021 18:28

My parents have just had their first vaccination and are already asking when they can start picking DD up from school. I had to remind them it’s lockdown and no one else in the family is vaccinated so they won’t be coming into our house!

ssd · 07/02/2021 18:41

I work in a supermarket. The amount if 70ish people who dont seem to know the rules us amazing.
They think nothing of coming right up to you for a conversation and when I back away I've been told oh I dont have covid....
Also theres a testing centre nearby...at least a dozen folk have either came right up to me asking for directions...or breezily informed me at the till they've just had a test.....always older people too...

IthinkIm · 07/02/2021 18:46

She should be isolating now.

Buntysbosom · 07/02/2021 18:51

@ssd

I work in a supermarket. The amount if 70ish people who dont seem to know the rules us amazing. They think nothing of coming right up to you for a conversation and when I back away I've been told oh I dont have covid.... Also theres a testing centre nearby...at least a dozen folk have either came right up to me asking for directions...or breezily informed me at the till they've just had a test.....always older people too...
@ssd Shock have there been many cases amongst your colleagues after facing this daily? Must be so worrying.
Rockpooler · 07/02/2021 18:56

And all while the harm this is causing to children is being factored in by no one as they aren't currently using up nhs resources like older people are. If the older population don't want to help themselves they are beyond selfish. Nobody is giving a voice to the children atm and it is criminal.

Imissthegym · 07/02/2021 18:58

Bit off topic but TBH I think the “popping to the shops” thing is one of the main reasons we’re in this mess. My Mum is apparently following the rules but likes to eat what she fancies so pops to her local supermarket daily. Shopping is her hobby. A lot of her friends are the same.

My best friend works front of house in an opticians next to an M&S (which always has a queue around the otherwise empty retail park) and she says she sees the same folk every day just “popping to the shops”. This retail park is in out of town so you’d have to drive to get there so it’s not like that they can only buy as much as they can carry.

I don’t know what the answer is, for some of these folk it will be their only interaction so I get it. There’s a lot of couples in the queues too though.

ssd · 07/02/2021 19:05

@Buntysbosom..yes!!

IsitSummeryet21 · 07/02/2021 19:07

Sadly I think there are many many people like this.
I now know of 5 people who have been positive who have still gone about their daily business
Reasons I've heard :
Who's going to stop me
It's no worse than a cold
I can't get a delivery
Why should I pay £6 for a delivery that's the equivalent of a dinner
I shouldn't have to be stuck in
Im bored
The kids need to get out too

And that's 5 out of the 7 people I've know to have it. The other 2 were following isolation rules and for longer as they still felt bad and 2 works with vulnerable people

Oliphanto · 07/02/2021 19:18

We do have to learn to live with this virus, it’s not going anywhere. Locking up the old isn’t an option, not even your mum. She’s acting within the law and guidance so I’d let it go and if you’re worried she might have been exposed, avoid her for 10 days if worried about your household. What she and your Dad do is up to them.

ssd · 07/02/2021 19:21

@Oliphanto

We do have to learn to live with this virus, it’s not going anywhere. Locking up the old isn’t an option, not even your mum. She’s acting within the law and guidance so I’d let it go and if you’re worried she might have been exposed, avoid her for 10 days if worried about your household. What she and your Dad do is up to them.
This argument doesn't stand up though. Young people are feeling locked up, and to all intents and purposes, they are. Why should they have given up almost everything to keep older people safe if the older people dont really show the same courteousness back
nancy75 · 07/02/2021 19:21

@Rockpooler

And all while the harm this is causing to children is being factored in by no one as they aren't currently using up nhs resources like older people are. If the older population don't want to help themselves they are beyond selfish. Nobody is giving a voice to the children atm and it is criminal.
I actually said to my mum ‘Dd is giving up her education to keep you & your mates safe and you can’t even stay away from fucking Bluewater’ that didn’t go down too well! I’ve had the same conversation on a local Facebook group with people constantly moaning about groups of kids being out - none of dds mates are out, none of them are breaking the rules, their social life is gone, their GCSEs have been cancelled, their education is a mess, all to look after people that won’t look after themselves.
Oliphanto · 07/02/2021 19:26

@ssd young people are equally allowed to pop to the shops for a paper, form a support bubble (had assumed that’s what the lady is doing with the sister as seemed she’s following guidance and only doing what’s allowed), and drop off shopping for the self isolating. All valid reasons to leave home and not be locked up. If she’s not following the rules then fine, tell her, but ultimately it’s her decision (as it would be for a younger person) and not up to anyone else to take on responsibility for protecting her. So I think the argument does hold weight and older people don’t have any more or less responsibility for protecting the NHS/vulnerable.

Wafflewife · 07/02/2021 19:27

If it makes you feel any better about the risk side of things, my parents had a similar situation the opposite way round where my sister chatted on their doorstep and then tested positive later that day(!!) and they didn’t catch it.

I fully understand your frustration. I can’t believe it when I hear stupid things my parents and in laws are doing. One set of parents have an adult child living with them and they drive him to the shop and he goes in for chocolate for them all - they send him in because he’s lower risk but why take any risk for chocolate and what makes them think they’ll avoid it if he gets sick?!