How monumentally stupid do you need to be to visit someone positive for Covid?

[IWantToThrowThings]

I am so angry with my mum. She just does not get it. She genuinely thinks that covid knows she's 'just' popping into her sister's for tea, or 'just' going to the shop for a paper and won't infect her.

My niece tested positive so she decided that she should bring her some shopping. I told her not to, because I know what she's like, but she did anyway, and of course she rang the doorbell until she answered, before standing in the doorway chatting to her.

I am almost in tears at how stupid she's been. My dad's in his 70s and has COPD, and coincidentally is supposed to have his vaccine this week.

I really could fall out with her over this all. I am trying so hard to keep them both safe and she's doing shit like this!

My neighbours adult grandchildren decided to continue to go out shopping and visit their grandparents daily whilst discussing loudly that it was ok to do so despite having tested covid positive as they would wear masks.
Roll on couple of weeks and health compromised grandparents who went along with it both ended up with covid, one in hospital.

Both luckily all recovered now bit still continue with very risky behaviour, but it's okay because they let assorted visitors in through the garage not the front door......you couldn't make it up!

I really feel for you. Your mum sounds lovely and kind but it’s complete madness to stand and chat to someone who has tested positive. The good thing is that she was outdoors but if she was within a couple of meters there’s still a fair risk. Do you know how long they were chatting for? I think as others have said it’s very possible that she now needs to isolate. The new variant is far more transmissible and there are more stories of people having only fleeting contact with delivery drivers or on walks and catching it. If she can isolate from your Dad that would minimise the risk. That said there are also people who have lived with people who are positive and haven’t caught it, I hope they both stay well and I’m sorry you’ve got all the worry.

Christ it's frustrating when people just don't get it!!!

She could kill your Dad. Literally.

How could you ever forgive her for that?

I know I couldn't.

Sometimes stupidity is unforgivable.

I’d be advising her that as a close contact she definitely needs to self isolate at home for 10 days and minimise contact with your Dad properly too.

She may not be scared of catching covid, but how does she know how the other people that she comes into contact feel about it when she ‘just pops’ here there and everywhere.

It does feel like it’s the baby boomer generation, the majority of whom have had a pretty easy ride throughout their lives, who are no longer willing to stick to the rules for the rest of the population who have worked to protect them for so long.

I'm sure everyone wants to save the NHS. Ironically the older generation don't seem to accept it's in danger because all their lives they've had the best of the NHS and are used to habitual waste.
Neighbour has cupboards of unused prescription painkillers. I asked should he check the expiry dates. No need says he, they deliver to the door every few weeks. What a waste. Ditto his partner who had so much dry skin ointment she gifted it to relatives. A product that costs a tenner in the supermarket. Just cancel the repeat prescription and use it up

My DM is the same. She is 63 and ecv and still does as she pleases. She fell out with DB as he would not let her visit his home as he has young DC in and out of school. We had problems at Xmas as she wanted to see my DC open their gifts and we wouldn't go inside her house. She claims she dosnt see anyone but was with one family all day Xmas day (2 later tested positive) and a different family for a party on boxing day then wonders why we don't want to be around her. Absolute madness.

Boh, just off the phone and it went down like a lead balloon. I felt like the one to blame.

I feel like crawling under a rock.

Leave them to it OP - they are adults. My parents are pretty relaxed too, makes me worry, but it’s their choice. Would rather that than have them too scared to go out. Wouldn’t presume to tell them how to behave either.

@Muchtoomuchtodo

I’d be advising her that as a close contact she definitely needs to self isolate at home for 10 days and minimise contact with your Dad properly too.

She may not be scared of catching covid, but how does she know how the other people that she comes into contact feel about it when she ‘just pops’ here there and everywhere.

It does feel like it’s the baby boomer generation, the majority of whom have had a pretty easy ride throughout their lives, who are no longer willing to stick to the rules for the rest of the population who have worked to protect them for so long.

That's really really true and generalisations like that are divisive and unhelpful.

For everyone here who knows elderly people who are careless, there are also plenty who know elderly people who are being incredibly careful. There are also many many anecdotes on here of younger people breaking the rules. There are idiots and selfish people in every generation (including mine, which is the one in the middle between those two).

Really really NOT true...

It is their choice but I stand by that the only reason people are thinking like this is because the harms that our children are enduring are largely invisible at the moment. If children had the means to have a proper voice I bet different decisions would be being made by all. I'm finding it more and more incredulous that nobody is being their voice - there are people and organisations who should be doing this.

I don't like this govt, but even I think the current decisions are being made despite the harms to groups like young, not because people can't see them. I think people who can't see that are often themselves underestimating the harms that would come to young people from healthcare being overwhelmed and normal functioning of society grinding even more to a halt than it has already. However there is a extremely urgent need to make far reaching, ambitious plans for how to get young people back on track after we've put out the immediate fire that is the type of out of control covid spread that fills hospitals fast and that also harms them indirectly.

I was going to start my own thread but it looks like this one is perfect for me.
OP, I'm sorry this is causing you so much stress. You are absolutely in the right and your mum is being very stupid. I do think your dad needs to ring the vaccine place but since your DM insists on putting him at risk, is there anywhere he could stay until he's had both doses of the vaccine? He's so close to being safer.

I think you've pretty much done what you can, you've now told her how you feel. Be reassured that you should not be feeling like the one to blame.

My DM and DF have managed to burst our bubble and I'm furious. We were bubbled with them for childcare, my DH and I are working full time from home as keyworkers but as DH is CEV our DC were being looked after by DM during the day rather than going to school. We felt this reduced their contacts and therefore, DH's risk.

DM had mentioned 'popping' here and there but I hadn't given it much thought. On Saturday they visited a market which was socially distanced but they couldn't see my point about unnecessary travel (it wasn't local) as it was 'for food'. Then yesterday it turns out they had visited a relative for their birthday, a family of 4, plus a girlfriend and then my parents and sister all in the same house.

This family have all had covid already but one of the sons and his girlfriend take it in turns to stay between their parents houses together. So that's another family. My parents were in the house, sitting in their living room and eating birthday cake which had been blown all over (obviously). But, they 'didn't stay long' so it's alright!

I need to make that phone call today, DCs are having to stay at home now because I can't trust that there isn't a risk. I'm actually considering just sending them to school because at least I'd be notified if they had been exposed which seems less of a risk than my DPs are currently posing.

I don't understand why people can't use their common sense, it's been an awful year and I get that, but the risks now are worse than before.

I am 70 with an adult DS. I don't think it is just my choice whether to take risks or not because I don't want yo take up a hospital bed but also because DS would be devastated if I died and it would be so selfish of me to please myself and risk ha devastation before he has to

Well another ageist thread, what a surprise. Actually most of the posters on here will not be in the demographic being criticised here and there’s thread after thread of ‘not getting it’, arguing, whining and general examples of rule breaking. So bugger off with your thinly veiled ageist shite. Stupid people exist in all generations.

Going by your header op, my son is extremely, unbelievably stupid.
How could he do such a thing, going to a household where a known covid positive person lived.
I mean what was he thinking of?

The mind boggles.

He should’ve just left them to rot in their own excrement shouldn’t he?

But as the brilliant carer he is..he couldn’t do that to a human being who was already suffering..so he went in and delivered care and he’s been fine, his partner fine and his children fine.

Sometimes the hysteria on here regarding a virus that doesn’t affect everyone and doesn’t kill everyone has to be seen to be believed.

Let people do their own risk assessments for goodness sakes

@IWantToThrowThings

Boh, just off the phone and it went down like a lead balloon. I felt like the one to blame.

I feel like crawling under a rock.

I would’ve liked to be a fly on the wall for that conversation.

You just have to let them live their lives their way.
You would like it if they tried to constrain yours would you?
There’s things my children do that I don’t like but I keep out and let them get in with it.
It’s the only way.

PinkTonic it's not ageist. OPs Mam is putting her Dad at a serious risk of premature death because she wants to take a risk for herself. OP hasn't said he's OK with that. If he was then there's not much she can do but if he isn't then her Mam is being a prize bitch. And I'd say that no matter what her age, if she was a daughter or granddaughter living with him I'd say it. You may have missed her saying he has COPD. So did my Dad. Same reason you wouldn't cough on someone going through chemo, you don't take stupid risks infecting someone with a serious respiratory condition.

@MoirasRoses

I know it’s worrying with your parents but ultimately it’s their life. My mum is ECV but there have been times she’s chosen to see her Grandchildren who attend school/nursery. I worry of course but I equally understand her mental health & wellbeing. The risk is hers to take, not mine. I don’t blame a single person in the latter end of their life for popping to the shops if they fancy some biscuits.

∆this

I know :(

My mum is CEV and her version of "don't leave the house" is "I only go shopping when I need something". I'm so fed up of telling her. I've set her up online, all her local shops in her small town will deliver, I think they are fed up of telling her to go home and just phone her order too.

Ugh this is all ringing so true- MIL in her late 70s is just the same even though she has FIL at home who always worries about his health and has been really careful about contact with anyone since March because he's recently had cancer treatment. Examples:

'Just popping to to shops' for random shit- almost daily even though we and neighbors have promised to do all their food shopping whenever they need it
Just popping to friends houses to give them shit they don't need- scones, a lasagne, a book to read.
Not keeping 2 metres away from anyone, ever.
Trying to hug my 2 kids when we'd explained they were in school daily in a bubble of 280 kids each.
Pulling her mask down under her chin to speak to people 'so they can hear what I'm saying'- whilst not being 2m away.
Telling us all she's booked a hotel and restaurant for 6 different households 4 hours drive away in an area where they are in the top tier of lockdown and no one from England is allowed in.

She's not an in-intelligent woman (ex teacher, watches the bbc news every day) but she's behaving like an absolute idiot.

I actually find peoples individual risk assessments fascinating, though accept it must be less interesting when it's affects your close family members.

It's like when people hear someone died of cancer, did they smoke? Oh that's fine, I'm not a smoker.

Died of coronavirus were they fat? That's fine then, I'm not fat it doesn't apply to me.

The rules apply to all of us. No exceptions.

Died of coronavirus were they fat? That's fine then, I'm not fat it doesn't apply to me.

The rules apply to all of us. No exceptions.

Yes, sadly the virus doesn't only kill the idiots and rules breakers though.

Popping to the shops iin mask is a completely different level of risk to standing a metre away from someone you know to have Covid and chatting to them with no mask on when the illl person is not in need of care

Elderly people doing the former - understandably living their lives and choosing not to worry too much .

Doing the latter - seemingly bonkers and for what purpose?