Crying over school closures

[Fuckallofthis]

Firstly I don’t want an argument or masses of people piling in with ‘think of the teachers’ or their vulnerable people. I fully understand WHY schools can’t/won’t open, I’m just so so upset about it all.

The idea of continuing like this. Working, homeschooling a young child and having a toddler. It’s just impossible. I saw the news about the return being delayed and burst into tears, am currently in the bathroom trying to compose myself for my families sake.

I’m struggling so much, I’m just so tired. I’m failing at home school and had a call yesterday letting me know that I have to send his work back by the end of the day, my toddler is just left to be entertained by the TV and my own work is slacking.

I can’t escape the feeling that when this is over I’m going to be left unemployed, with a stunted toddler and a child very behind in his learning.

What do you prioritise, how can you decide which person/thing is most important? I never thought I’d choose work over children but how else will I pay the bills. This feels like it’s never going to end and I just can’t cope.

It’s just impossible. I can’t be furloughed, school and pre school won’t take the kids and DH is out all day. I feel like I’m drowning.

Think the school need to be understanding of your circumstances, maybe ask if you could homeschool him after u finish work if you finish at a decent time. It could be more like a evening schooling. In the day your children can play together if your oldet child is old enough to keep your toddler entertained. Do you work on weekends? If not maybe ask the school for some work you can headstart the week with so that you are not homeschooling every weekday?

Teacher here! We literally spoke about this in staff meeting to agree in descending order things that can be cut out if families are struggling. Talk to the school. The deadline thing is silly, I ask it to be in within 48 hours but if a family said the only time they can do is Saturday morning I wouldn't be that fussed. Whilst I would like them to do geography etc they can cope without comparing the climate of Brazil and UK.
Please keep reading with your child if nothing else. Would they enjoy reading to the toddler, family pet or a teddy? Practice a little bit of writing as that worsened over last lockdown a lot. Whatever subject they enjoy, it doesn't matter.
Re Maths, let them have a play with any coins you have and do a little bit of shop. Count in 2s when out on a walk. See if your school is signed up to numbots or Times tables Rockstars which are really great maths websites.
Echo the idea of making an activity basket, dot to dots are amazing for hand eye coordination! Would you feel comfortable hiring a nanny, getting a babysitter to just take one or both to the park to help you have some time to work or just chill?

@Rockpooler

This is silently, and in some cases not so silently, destroying children.

Well, most of you should have thought about that in March.

The minute Prof Pantsdown (though he wasn't called that then) bandied his 500k figure about, MN went into full blown hysterics and you were DEMANDING to have your freedoms removed and lambasted anyone who cautioned against this and about the economic impact (which, btw, hasn't fully hit yet by a long way due to gov money sloshing into businesses and pockets)

99% on here couldn't see ahead to what would happen if they demanded that the government stop all deaths at any cost. Well, now here we are and it is just the tip of the iceberg and this was totally foreseeable back in March.

OP, chin up sweetheart, there's SO many of us feeling the same after hearing the news today.

Have that cry, then pick yourself up and call the school, speak to the HT and explain what you're dealing with, then just concentrate on the maths/english and submit it when you can, fuck their deadlines.

I've one in secondary and one in specialist placement, and honestly, i'm lucky he's still going to school because there's no way i'd be able to split myself between the two.. the one at home is just about coping, although the quality of her work isn't as good as it could be.. so long as she's submitting something and engaging with the live lessons i am PASSED caring at the moment.

I'm disabled myself, and the extra stress/anxiety is exhausting, i'm essentially working as parent/carer outside school hours (which is my 'job' with my disabled child) and a PA/secretary to an 11yo during them.. i dont think i could cope if i were working on top of it AND toddler wrangling!

You're doing amazing, don't ever let anyone else think otherwise.

A big unmumsnetty hug to ALL the parents and teachers right now, its tough for ALL of us and we will get through it.

Im wfh , have a 6yo , 7yo and 3yo. We are just about managing but my 7yo son really doesn't get on well with constantly being on a tablet and gets upset most days, I really worry about his mental health the longer this goes on.

My 3yo should have started nursery in January and is so bored and I feel terrible because between homeschooling and working all day she barely gets any attention.

I just hope it is March and not Easter, Im already considering taking an extra week off school at Feb half term and just telling the head teacher that we are all at breaking point!

@Rockpooler

This is silently, and in some cases not so silently, destroying children.

No it isn't. Some maybe, sadly, but not the majority. It's the parents that struggle the most because they don't want to be looking after their own kids full time and I am not judging that. Being a good parent is about working to provide and it's fine to not want to do the parenting grind 24/7. I do think plenty are lamenting the dreadful damage being done to their kids to cover to their own angers and frustrations with the situation. I don't believe as a whole the damage will be immense. Allowances will be made, children will go back and teaching and learning will adjust. Expectations will adjust.

Having had a child with SN who could by actually attend school for many years has made me see that the main stream school educational process isn't as "don't blink or you'll miss it!" as MNetters seem to think. Teachers will catch your child up. It will be fine.

HmmSureJan that philosophy might work for one or two children but not for a whole class-full. It’s not so much their lack of academic learning which is the issue, more their mental health which is the problem. How will teachers “catch that up...?”

It is SO shit. I'm sorry. Also got a toddler and a job to cope with while schooling DD5...and we are able to split the day between us so it could be much worse. But I am so stressed, exhausted and snappy with everyone. I hate the idea of shoving DS in front of the TV or giving him my phone so his sister can learn, how is fair on him? My friend told me today she's lied to the nursery so that her son can go in (we are in Scotland so key worker places only). I felt like crying, why are we even bothering to follow rules if this is happening? Have got concerns about DD's numeracy but apparently the P1 teachers aren't allowed to talk to parents. Me and DH constantly snipping at each other. I feel like I'm at breaking point.

I cried so much today as well op. Don’t feel alone please. It’s utterly shit and no words can describe how much I’m hating this homeschooling rubbish! I too have a toddler who’s pushing all boundaries constantly and I’m just sick of everything closed. It would have been way better if we were to go to play areas, children centres, indoor fun activities, play dates ... etc. Having none of this with an energetic 2 year old while explaining volcanoes and fronted adverbials to my eldest, to whom I feel sorry for, is making me genuinely think that death is actually not a bad idea after all.

I feel a bit like I'm drowning too. I have 2 in primary school with ~5 tasks a day each. We are not getting the last tasks submitted until around 6pm. One day I was phoned as they weren't online in the morning. My own work is demanding at the moment with the added stress that our workforce is taking a 25% cut and my job's in danger. Dh currently working night shifts. I know others have it worse but fuck, its hard. You're not alone.

It might be compulsory for the school to provide education for your child but it is certainly not compulsory for you to home educate!

Tell the school your DC doesn't understand what he has to do and you don't have the time to teach him as you have to work and look after a toddler too.

No, you are wrong
The school is required to set it, the school might prefer you to submit it, but cannot oblige you to do it.
Oh and I am a parent, not a teacher

@Ihatemyseleffordoingthis
If you are a parent not a teacher than how would you know

I am a parent and a teacher.
Mine and my DCs (different) schools are required to set work and the pupils are required to submit work.
Why do you think the work is non-compulsory?
Schools are closed but education is still meant to be happening to try and prevent kids getting too far behind.

@Jamjar77

HmmSureJan that philosophy might work for one or two children but not for a whole class-full. It’s not so much their lack of academic learning which is the issue, more their mental health which is the problem. How will teachers “catch that up...?”

I don't believe the majority of children will have mental health issues because of this and I am quite perturbed at the amount of doom and gloomers who are insisting they will.

Sod that for a game of soldiers.
Tell school you can't home school. It is not compulsory
You have to work and somehow supervise a toddler.
Give yourself a break

@toocold54

I have read the government guidance on the matter, perhaps you haven't

No-one is required to submit anything. Parents are all, currently enforced home educating. Parents can do that in any way we see fit.

Schools can ask that children follow the lessons and work set, and at secondary level, in most cases that is largely perfectly possible and reasonable, technology access and SEN permitting.

At a primary level, it is not. And in the OPs case and in the case of many many others, it is simply not possible.

Email the head, your teacher is being very unreasonable. I too am finding it difficult. Due to the pandemic my husband is at home, without him it would be an absolute nightmare trying to juggle school work and everything else. My children have live lessons all day, my youngest has live lessons which are sometime rescheduled at the last minute, if we can't rearrange our schedule which we'd already arranged around their timetable then my child can't do the live lesson and we don't always manage to hand in all work set. The school now want to insist our child comes off mute and be on the camera for each live lesson along with sitting in a quiet family free area! Not possible sometimes due to everyone being at home and living and working - this house is not going to be quiet, plus my child has anxiety about it. You're definitely not alone - Don't allow the school to bully you.

@hmmsurejan
Good for you. Keep the schools closed as long as the majority of children will be fine... much like how the majority of people who catch covid will be fine but that hasn't stopped us shutting everything down to protect those that won't be.

I don't disagree with lock down but I don't like how children are being thrown under the bus, and the mental health of children being minimised (it's much more than just missed education) and of people who it isn't affecting underestimating the true effect its having. Its not quite the minority of children suffering that some mumsnetters are choosing to belief.

A balance has to be found, that keeps transmission low but also doesn't impact children as harshly as it currently is. Rotas has been suggested several time and I think that is a good idea, as even once a week fsce-to-face time (outdoors if necessary) would make a tremendous amount of difference.

But conversations discussing the practicalities of finding balance and exploring possible solutions are never going to be found if the suffering and damage being done to some (not all but certainly not an overwhelming minority) children is minimised or met with "oh they'll catch up on their education." Its not just about their education.

*believe

The minute Prof Pantsdown (though he wasn't called that then) bandied his 500k figure about, MN went into full blown hysterics and you were DEMANDING to have your freedoms removed and lambasted anyone who cautioned against this and about the economic impact (which, btw, hasn't fully hit yet by a long way due to gov money sloshing into businesses and pockets)

99% on here couldn't see ahead to what would happen if they demanded that the government stop all deaths at any cost. Well, now here we are and it is just the tip of the iceberg and this was totally foreseeable back in March.

This is so true and I was saying this at the beginning of January. No one took note of the bigger picture and the implication of this. No one believed that schools would be closed longer than 2 weeks let alone 3 months.

This has got people at absolute breaking point now, this isn't the "banana bread baking, gin in garden at 3pm" that lockdown 1 was and 80% of the population are juggling far far too much. I'm really worried about how many parents this is going to tip to far over the edge

I am with you too. I have been reduced to tears every day for two weeks and I am failing at work as well as teaching. I just feel so depressed.

A balance has to be found, that keeps transmission low but also doesn't impact children as harshly as it currently is. Rotas has been suggested several time and I think that is a good idea, as even once a week fsce-to-face time (outdoors if necessary) would make a tremendous amount of difference.

I agree with this. If schools are going to be kept closed then I wish they would come up with some way to allow children to socialise, even just once a week. My reception aged child has not had any "real life" interaction with another child except her 1 year old sister since 13 December and that is not healthy.

Good for you.

Good for me what? What's good for me? Holding an alternative opinion to you?

Thanks, I guess

@toocold54
Why do you think the work is non-compulsory? because that’s what the law says. Just because you ‘require’ it doesn’t make it an actual legal requirement.

@Ihatemyseleffordoingthis
Ok you obviously think you know more than everyone else here. Which would be fine but you’re giving the OP wrong advice which I hope she doesn’t take.

OP this is not classed as a holiday it’s called remote education.
Don’t listen to the idiots as you are the one who is responsible for your own child not them.

Do as much as you can and submit the work.
If the work isn’t complete that’s fine, kids work at completely different paces regardless of how much help they have at home. And most schools will give more work than what is needed for those that require extensions but it doesn’t mean every child has to do them.

because that’s what the law says. Just because you ‘require’ it doesn’t make it an actual legal requirement.

@sonypony
I guess you could say the same about schools - they can’t force a child to do the work. But if they’re not there will be sanctions like phone calls home which you then can’t moan about.