Is anyone worried about their primary-age child?

[pistachionuts]

My son is 9 and seriously seems to be struggling mental health wise as the pandemic has dragged on, and seems to be getting worse :( he never had any problems before, was always a happy easy well-rounded child who has now transformed into an anxious boy who loses his temper quickly, cries easily and is always getting stressed and angry.
He hates homeschooling and it’s an absolute struggle trudging through all the work school sets whilst he rubs his eyes and fidgets and stares at the laptop, he always plods on and finishes it but has little motivation and no enjoyment.
I’m trying everything I can to try and make the time at home as nice as possible but there’s only so much I can do.
Is anyone else finding this with their children? He’s like a completely different person im so sad and worried :(

This thread is so sad yet weirdly reassuring. I am really fed up of people dismissing the genuine concerns of parents and even worse insinuating that if your dc is struggling it's a failing of the parents.

"If it’s longer than half term I’m going to try and get DD in as a vulnerable child. I really want to do the ‘right’ thing but I won’t sacrifice her indefinitely"

I did this, put her in as a vulnerable child. She is registered as a young carer but they still didn't want her in. The school were really not helpful but I sort of lost my shit.
Do I feel guilty, no, not at all. Do people think I'm selfish? probably. Do I care? No.
I'm doing the best thing for my child.
She is not being taught by a teacher and doing the same work as the children at home.
I really hope they get the kids back into school properly soon, it's not right to sacrifice the young for the old.
Maybe we should organize a protest!

@formerbabe I'm absolutely convinced that the majority of people downplaying it are people who led very unhappy lives before and are therefore now overjoyed that everyone else is forced to be in the same boat as them.

There has been a lot of minimising on here.

I think lots of people minimise because they feel discomfort - they can’t see a way around it, feel sad and so they want to express hope it isn’t really so bad.

It’s unhelpful, to put it mildly.

No, not yet anyway, dd 8 in her element!
We only do the basics they set, English, maths, reading, she can do what she wants the rest of the time, chats to her friends, plays comp games, xbox... No getting ready for school! No uniform etc

@LickEmbysmiling

No, not yet anyway, dd 8 in her element! We only do the basics they set, English, maths, reading, she can do what she wants the rest of the time, chats to her friends, plays comp games, xbox... No getting ready for school! No uniform etc

All screen based

@Fullyhuman

I think lots of people minimise because they feel discomfort - they can’t see a way around it, feel sad and so they want to express hope it isn’t really so bad.

It’s unhelpful, to put it mildly.

It also goes against a dominant view on here re schools

So best to down play it as much as possible

Let's face it too. Plenty of children would stay off school, slob around, play video games and watch tv given half a chance.

It doesn't mean it's the best thing for them.

If you are really struggling, it is worth speaking to the school to see if there is any available provision. There's a lottery with the school places, with some schools having more than others and it does seem unfair.

My 6 year old has been struggling greatly, I spoke to their teacher who said to apply for a vulnerable place (this was in the second round of allocations so everyone with the greatest need was allocated the places first) and was put on the waiting list and eventually got a place, the school has 40% capacity at the moment. I feel bad about accepting it but he is struggling so much (as many others children are too). Constant meltdowns, refuses to do the work and I have smaller children (as I know many children also have siblings) who it is affecting too. I have put the greater good first since March, going beyond the restrictions to help prevent the spread of Covid but have got to breaking point and the impact on my DS and the rest of the family is terrible.

I feel guilty for how lucky I've been to get a place.

The impact on children is desperate. It is harder this time around. I wish the government had put in more measures in the autumn and in schools to make them safer.

I am, but I'm more worried about my almost three year old.

He's spent a third of his life interacting with no one but his parents and sibling.

He's due to start nursery in September, and quite frankly I don't know how he's going to cope.

@Fullyhuman

I think lots of people minimise because they feel discomfort - they can’t see a way around it, feel sad and so they want to express hope it isn’t really so bad.

It’s unhelpful, to put it mildly.

I think this is correct, but as you say it is deeply unhelpful, particularly when they try to deflect blame onto the parents. My child is suffering and it’s making the situation worse that so many people on here seem to think it’s my fault.

My 7 year old is struggling massively. He doesn’t cope well with change and just controls what he can - refusal to eat or work, won’t talk, anger, stubbornness...

My 9 year old is really tearful and emotional this time round.

It’s so hard for them. I’m praying this is the last time we have to go through this.

In the nicest possible way op, and after a lifetime of being a worrier, worrying about your child is of absolutely no use. Is it a crappy deal right now? Absolutely. His behaviour is letting you know he needs help. Will he draw, paint, dance? Healthy release of his feelings is good. Being met with understanding and acknowledgement is good. Normalising his feelings of anger and frustration is so helpful for him. Seeing a future where this will all be just a short memory is so important, this is not forever. Count the blessings yourself if you have a stocked fridge, a warm house etc. But worrying is not helpful. He will be OK once you are OK.

Have you read the thread?

Yes, most of it?

@HeyGirlHeyBoy

In the nicest possible way op, and after a lifetime of being a worrier, worrying about your child is of absolutely no use. Is it a crappy deal right now? Absolutely. His behaviour is letting you know he needs help. Will he draw, paint, dance? Healthy release of his feelings is good. Being met with understanding and acknowledgement is good. Normalising his feelings of anger and frustration is so helpful for him. Seeing a future where this will all be just a short memory is so important, this is not forever. Count the blessings yourself if you have a stocked fridge, a warm house etc. But worrying is not helpful. He will be OK once you are OK.

Your last line isn’t true particularly

So you come onto a thread of desperate parents of children displaying behaviours including anxiety, depression, fear, anger, mood swings, violence, loss of interest in life, loss of appetite, stomach pain, sleep problems and many others, and tell them not to worry because it makes things worse. Thanks for that.

What a ridiculous statement @HeyGirlHeyBoy

I am an introvert. I secretly love lockdown. I am coping fine. Two of my children are coping fine. Two most definitely are not. This isn't something that can be blamed on parents

No I didn't say it makes it worse, I said it's not helpful... Unfortunately that is true. I'm a recovering excessive worrier, handed down to me, I get it, but it's not going to change anything. I have a similar dc, I am trying to give him what he needs as much as I can, and myself too, as much as I can. That's a we can do right now.

@bookworm14

So you come onto a thread of desperate parents of children displaying behaviours including anxiety, depression, fear, anger, mood swings, violence, loss of interest in life, loss of appetite, stomach pain, sleep problems and many others, and tell them not to worry because it makes things worse. Thanks for that.

I agree. I hate this toxic positivity bullshit. The thread us full of parents who quite clearly are needing to rant at what quite frankly is an utter shit show for our kids. It's clearly not the appropriate place to tell us "oh don't worry" and "count your blessings if you've food in your fridge". It completely minimises the completely legitimate concerns we have for our children's education and mental wellbeing, and our own stress levels and coping tolerance. It may have been well meant, but its not helpful.

I don't see where I've said I blame thr parents?! I absolutely don't in case there's any misunderstanding.

HeyGirlHeyBoy I know you mean well but honestly, who on earth right now especially anyone with kids - is not actively worrying about the current situation and it’s affect on their and your future? You can’t just switch it off. Worrying = concern for your child and wanting the best for them.

It is implicit in what you are saying @HeyGirlHeyBoy

"If you are ok then the child will be ok"

My older one is ok but my 5 year old son is like a ship without a sail. No matter what we do. He was happy, stable and thriving at school before.