Is anyone worried about their primary-age child?

[pistachionuts]

My son is 9 and seriously seems to be struggling mental health wise as the pandemic has dragged on, and seems to be getting worse :( he never had any problems before, was always a happy easy well-rounded child who has now transformed into an anxious boy who loses his temper quickly, cries easily and is always getting stressed and angry.
He hates homeschooling and it’s an absolute struggle trudging through all the work school sets whilst he rubs his eyes and fidgets and stares at the laptop, he always plods on and finishes it but has little motivation and no enjoyment.
I’m trying everything I can to try and make the time at home as nice as possible but there’s only so much I can do.
Is anyone else finding this with their children? He’s like a completely different person im so sad and worried :(

Yes eldest is fine as she is very much a loner and academic. Youngest is beside himself - the mental and emotional implications are huge. He can not do the work expected he has Sen and s and l issues and has no support and no differentiated work. Shocking some of these children have either through themselves or their provision or parents made huge progress - some are regressing massively. I’m all up for an assessment and some move up the year but most stay where they are.

It was well meant, I haven't said don't worry and it wasn't meant in a trite way. I have found the above helpful for me as a one time chronic worrier. A more proactive route has helped me, aided by personal therapy and some research on children with these behaviours. I'll bow out now.

Honestly sundowners I am not actively worrying. That doesn't mean I don't want the best for my dc.

HeyGirlHeyBoy good for you! But stop telling other people how to react, think and feel. Back off.

My eldest dd suffers from anxiety, self harms and at under 10 has talked about suicide. Her mental health during lockdown has been more stable on the whole. The challenges she faces trying to sicially interact and facing rejection are limited. The build up of anxiety daily is reduced massively. My youngest dd has times, normlly at bedtime where she wants covid to go away and worries. We reassure her that we will get back to doing more things as soon as we can. She is aware of the impact to an extent as her aunt is a nurse and we share info in. Developmenally appropriate manner and she sees the news. What we ensure we don't do is share our personal stress and worries with them, they are adult issues and not for children.

The pupils in my class, all in as normal, are coping differently. I have a mixture of needs but the mjority have. Very good, sometimes morbid understanding of what is happening. However the only child who has struggled, beyond loss of routine, is the one who's parenta have gone ott but keeping safe and risks. I understand their reasoning but the impact is a highly nxious child scared of being in school due to risk but in daily.

Lots of children's mental health will stay stable, some will temporarily get worse or better and some will react to the stress and lack of security from worried adults around them. Everyone needs to be able to access help when they need, especially just now. Even being able to talk to a person outwith the home can help a lot. Take care and hopefully we can ease restructions little soon so people can meet outside for a socially distanced catch up.

I haven't done that sundowners..and saying I have is unfair. What I posted is what helps me, that's all. I won't post again.

twitter.com/PlayScotland/status/1352918830759219200?s=20

A lovelybshort clip about free play in children and potential mental health benefits 🌟

@OwlWearingGlasses

Many children are thriving at home and their mental health has improved. Try and focus on the positives about being at home. How important it is and what a good thing he is doing to protect other people's lives.

Wow what incredible wisdom and insight. I am absolutely sure that really helped! /s

You cannot be serious. "Sorry you're missing your friends Katie but JUST THINK OF ALL THE PEOPLE WHO DIDN'T DIE BECAUSE OF YOU :D"

Mine aren’t too bad right now. First lockdown was harder though. Things that help DS7 and 8 are:
FaceTime with friends on my phone.
Extra time on mine craft/ roblox with friends.
A stress ball to squeeze (ds8) and punch bag to hit (ds7)
Very occasionally, dropping a birthday present or small gift at a friend’s doorstep.
Skipping occasional lessons if they’re getting stressed (4-5 lessons a day set)
Not pushing them to get dressed first thing (they’d ask why, where are we going? And get stressed it was nowhere)
Letting them stay in bed late on the days they don’t get to sleep until late (no live lessons so it doesn’t matter when we do school work)
Worry dolls help ds8 a lot when stressed: he tells each of them a worry at bedtime and puts them under his pillow. They mind his worries so he doesn’t have them in his head.
Giving them control: if they worry about covid I help them clean touch points/ teach them NHS hand washing techniques/ talk about balanced diet and exercise to keep healthy. If they worry about missing friends I help them arrange FaceTime/ online play dates/ write a letter or text. If they worry about uncertainty I help them plan a week or 3 ahead so they have things to look forward to.
Talking about worries, with basic statistics etc eg how unlikely they are to catch it. Let them know what precautions grandparents etc are taking and how these help.
Accept tantrums/ meltdowns with way less judgement than normal.

@formerbabe

It makes zero sense the more I think about it that some children can be in school all day interacting with other children yet it is illegal for me to take my dc to the park to meet one of their friends.

Isn't it awful that there's a two tier system for children now. As if it isn't vitally important for development for all children to socialise. I can't believe how accepting people are if this. I suspect it's because it is an issue primarily affecting children who have no voice in the media and also women

We're having a hard time with our Year 3 daughter, who's 8. She finds maths difficult and we find it very difficult trying to get her to understand the concepts. Then we end up getting very frustrated and sometimes shouting which doesn't help. She gets very distracted, and sits there fiddling with the chair or slumping on the desk and refusing to do anything. It's a slog to get through the work. I can't get on with any of my own work while she's learning; she needs constant supervision as she just wouldn't do anything otherwise, or be able to grasp what she has to do. Literacy isn't so bad as she likes writing. She misses her two best friends and activities she used to do, like swimming and Brownies. (Brownies is on Zoom at the moment but it's not the same). She also gets furiously angry, still has tantrums and has trouble falling asleep at night.

With my son (10) it's a bit easier. He was diagnosed with autism in the summer and struggles with the social side of school. However, he says he would rather be at school as he doesn't like the boundary between home and school becoming blurred. He gets on with his work fairly independently, but finds it hard to stay motivated sometimes.

Their school has 38% of children in at the moment compared to 3% in the spring lockdown. All teachers and TAs are in school every day, and the children in school are getting proper lessons, not just childcare as was the case in the spring.

@formerbabe

It makes zero sense the more I think about it that some children can be in school all day interacting with other children yet it is illegal for me to take my dc to the park to meet one of their friends.

Definitely this! Even if the government won't open schools, couldn't they at least let children meet their friends outside.

"OwlWearingGlasses
Many children are thriving at home and their mental health has improved.
Try and focus on the positives about being at home. How important it is and what a good thing he is doing to protect other people's lives."

Hmm, I think you will find it's not so many, though if yours are, I'm happy for them. I'm first to agree the current education system is utterly flawed, unequal, discriminatory, pegs and holes etc, but even people who choose to homeschool seek out other families, support their children's connections with other kids, socialise, go out to places. To say kids are "thriving" in these sequestered, lonely conditions....well tbh you are probably kidding yourself

A small amount of children may prefer to be at home.

I find it hard to accept any are thriving in front of a screen and worksheets all day with no social interaction. And no a Zoom call isn’t the same. They should be running around in the playground with their friends. They should be at their sports clubs, doing the hobbies they love. They should be meeting up with friends, having birthday parties. Etc.

My DS likes being home instead of at school, though not the home schooling aspect, the lack of anything exciting to do beyond a walk or the inability to see his few close friends.

He's struggled to sleep this time - probably because we are lacking in time outside between the weather, the schooling and having a job to do too!

On Friday after 5 weeks at home without anyone I would consider a peer, we met friends in the park so the 2 children could play. We distanced, there were other children in there and they had a wonderful time. We are going again next week if weather allows or the week after if not. 10 months on, no I don't regret it, sorry!

@NobbyButtons

We're having a hard time with our Year 3 daughter, who's 8. She finds maths difficult and we find it very difficult trying to get her to understand the concepts. Then we end up getting very frustrated and sometimes shouting which doesn't help. She gets very distracted, and sits there fiddling with the chair or slumping on the desk and refusing to do anything. It's a slog to get through the work. I can't get on with any of my own work while she's learning; she needs constant supervision as she just wouldn't do anything otherwise, or be able to grasp what she has to do. Literacy isn't so bad as she likes writing. She misses her two best friends and activities she used to do, like swimming and Brownies. (Brownies is on Zoom at the moment but it's not the same). She also gets furiously angry, still has tantrums and has trouble falling asleep at night.

With my son (10) it's a bit easier. He was diagnosed with autism in the summer and struggles with the social side of school. However, he says he would rather be at school as he doesn't like the boundary between home and school becoming blurred. He gets on with his work fairly independently, but finds it hard to stay motivated sometimes.

Their school has 38% of children in at the moment compared to 3% in the spring lockdown. All teachers and TAs are in school every day, and the children in school are getting proper lessons, not just childcare as was the case in the spring.

I have a similar child in age and ways. Please try not to get frustrated and angry with them. I can completely understand why it happens but I just feel so sorry for our kids living in environments at the moment where parents are so frustrated and short tempered. I think it’s incredibly detrimental to the emotional well being.

What’s helped me is just backing right off and being completely honest with the school. I supervise the maths but if my child has no idea what’s going on even after I have explained the method or concept, then they complete what they can and it gets handed in with the explanation they cannot complete the work.

I also made the decision to completely back off with my five year old. All they want to do is free play. So we’re watching some of the live lessons on record and incorporating the work into their play.

Now I don’t spend the day wanting to tear my hair out.

These stories are fucking tragic. Even if you’re not in the same boat (think my son - just turned 3 - is maybe a little too young... plus he is still in nursery!)

How can this be allowed to go on in this manner?! It’s grossly unfair!

@Wherediditgo

These stories are fucking tragic. Even if you’re not in the same boat (think my son - just turned 3 - is maybe a little too young... plus he is still in nursery!)

How can this be allowed to go on in this manner?! It’s grossly unfair!

I know but what can you do?

As soon as people utter we’re open to Kw and V all the other children get shut out.

And then it goes on and on and people not affected don’t think about the damage

My 7 year old is like this, constantly ANGRY about minor stuff. The younger ones aren't so bad.

Honestly, I would not hesitate in your situations to break the rules. Bubble with a couple of other families and home school together, need at the park, whatever you need. An under 10 should not be bearing the brunt of this current situation.

I have a 2 and 4 year old and so far so good, but if the schools are shut when my 4 year goes into Reception in Sep there is not a chance in hell I’d be keeping him home /isolated from his peers 24/7

Mine is really struggling- he's 10 and an only child. He hasn't seen another child, or anyone except me and DH, since December. At the present rate I"m not expecting him to till Easter at the earliest. I don't know what will be left of him by then. We can't form a childcare bubble as we don't know anyone who would be willing to. Our families are hundreds of miles away.

He is (or was) an extrovert, sociable child. He needs to see other people. He sings and plays an instrument, and it's so hard to stay motivated to do either when I can't truthfully promise him that he'll be able to be in a choir or an orchestra again this year. (I'm not convinced he'll ever sing treble in a choir again.) There is no way on earth I would have had a child if I could have known he was going to have basic necessities like education and seeing other children snatched away from him.

justanotherneighinparadise - thank you for your advice; we've spoken to her teacher who said to keep to short 20-minute sessions, with breaks in between, and not to slog through all the practice questions. On one hand the school say in their newsletter don't worry too much about completing the learning, the most important thing is to stay safe. Then they say please do a chapter review for the maths unit and upload the results when we're two lessons behind...We're just doing Maths, English and reading at the moment.

stealthbanana - I'm going to suggest meeting at the park next week with the mum of one of DD's friends; we could both happen to go to the park at the same time, or if she's not already in a childcare bubble maybe we could form one. Unfortunately the mum of her second best friend is a police officer!

My 9yo desperately needs to play. We try, but she needs people her own age to run around and make up silly games for hours. Or even just some organised sport. Zoom isn’t the same at all, though we do try with online games of various types (she likes online Pictionary). If she can’t play in person, she gets very sad and just wants to go to bed.

I’m letting her exercise (play) with a friend in the park by herself, so they’re just meeting one to one for exercise. As I’m not there, I can’t ensure they socially distance, but this seems the only way to stay within the rules and get her at least a bit of exercise and social contact.

Is it different for dc or can they also meet one other for exercise?

Although this is still not the same as being in class with friends

Oh yeh the SD part is hard forgot that