Is anyone worried about their primary-age child?

[pistachionuts]

My son is 9 and seriously seems to be struggling mental health wise as the pandemic has dragged on, and seems to be getting worse :( he never had any problems before, was always a happy easy well-rounded child who has now transformed into an anxious boy who loses his temper quickly, cries easily and is always getting stressed and angry.
He hates homeschooling and it’s an absolute struggle trudging through all the work school sets whilst he rubs his eyes and fidgets and stares at the laptop, he always plods on and finishes it but has little motivation and no enjoyment.
I’m trying everything I can to try and make the time at home as nice as possible but there’s only so much I can do.
Is anyone else finding this with their children? He’s like a completely different person im so sad and worried :(

I think I need to focus more on the type of school work they enjoy (less focus on online classes) and do it with them, be a bit more open about the type of work they engage with, and ensure that there are "fun" activities worked into the day, be more present too. Not always easy with work etc but I'm sure it will help to make small changes.

This is all desperately sad but strangely reassuring that other people are going through the same thing. My DC is really struggling.
With all respect, perhaps people whose children are in school could refrain from commenting on this thread. It is really bringing up feelings of huge bitterness for me which counteracts the usefulness of knowing that others are in the same boat.
If it's ok for up to 50% of "key worker" children to be in school then they should be offer places to all on a rota basis. What is happening is completely unfair and is clearly having a huge impact on the mental health of a whole generation of children.

@pistachionuts I have not read the whole thread but this upsets me to read I just wanted to say hope you sort it x

This thread is so sad but also helpful that others are going through the same thing. In the first lockdown dd 7 developed anxiety, struggled to sleep, was having night terrors, got really picky with food, went through a period of refusing to leave the house. She also refused to engage with a lot of the school work. She also got no respite from ds 6 who is autistic and has an EHCP but was not offered a place. His routine went out of window so we were having daily meltdowns and aggression. By June I was on the verge of a breakdown, totally sleep deprived, sick of being hit by ds on a daily basis and failing miserably at home schooling and trying to juggle my self employed work. I told school in black and white what was happening and dd went in for 4 weeks or so until school holidays. She improved hugely and seemed to be back to her normal self (sleep and food issues still ongoing). This time round I cancelled all of my work up until September (and I’m looking to apply for self employed grant), ds offered a place due to EHCP and I’m focusing on homeschooling dd. She is better than last time but sleep going iffy again and lots of tummy/ear/knee/arm aches.

I think with the kids in school zoom calls here they put the teacher on laptop camera and just project the screen of the laptop onto the whiteboard - so the in-school kids can see the home-kids (god that's so divisive) but not vice versa, or they have one staff member doing the home-call from the yeargroup team while the other one is working with the kids in school. At least a bit more sensitive than last lockdown where the school twitter feed was full of the kids in school using the huge playground to have scooter races and bike races with the staff.

Such a sad thread to read and pretty shocking we don’t see more voices externally raising the impact this is having. Child poverty and mental health I fear will end up being the bigger pandemic and we need to recognise that there are other things that also need to be protected.

Pleased to see experts now voicing their concerns collectively

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/world/2021/jan/16/coalition-of-child-experts-urge-inquiry-into-uks-covid-crisis

And yes it’s sad seeing people dying of cancer but it’s also sad seeing the suicide rates, the you g man I knew who died early because his cancer treatment etc . It’s ok to be worried about all aspects of this as well as the direct impact of covid

@MsTSwift

What a heart breaking thread 🙁. They miss their pals - children this age need to play for their development. Even in other awful situations kids at least had their friends and peer group going through the same thing

I had an elderly client who was telling me about her WW2 she was 8 in the blitz. She said as a child it was awesome great gang of them playing in the bombsites.

I agree. People keep mentioning kids in ww2 had it worse. I'm not so sure that's true. My dc just want to play with other kids, even in refuge camps, you see kids playing together. My ds would probably rather run round a bombsite kicking a tin can round with other boys than spend another day in his nice house with his expensive tech

Yes, my 9 year old DD is a bit like this.
No motivation. She’d stay in her pyjamas watching TV all day if she could.
Getting her to do school work is a struggle - she does the absolute minimum, unless I sit with her and coax her along.

No excitement for playing or doing activities unless coaxed, and not that bothered about seeing her friends over video calls.

Only one morning a week of playing would benefit them immensely because it would give them something to look forward to even on their days alone. Zoom is a help but it’s still difficult to see the other kids Interact meaningfully And not be able to join in. I can’t believe some schools are posting videos of scooter races in the playground 😟

It makes zero sense the more I think about it that some children can be in school all day interacting with other children yet it is illegal for me to take my dc to the park to meet one of their friends.

@formerbabe

It makes zero sense the more I think about it that some children can be in school all day interacting with other children yet it is illegal for me to take my dc to the park to meet one of their friends.

It is senseless and unfair. I could put up with it, just about, if it was only keyworkers’ kids in school. But it clearly isn’t.

Exactly, totally agree . Virtually everyone unless retail and hospitality can be a critical worker and so by rights can put their kids into school. We have chosen not to becaus we are trying to do the greater good for society but it i see a bigger decline I will put mine in too if only for the socialisation aspect because of the illogical rules that prevent them meeting just 1 kid!!

It’s heartbreaking to see the happy, healthy children being so affected.

My 10 year old says he hates his life and there’s nothing to look forward to. He does his school work thankfully. He has about 5 mins of interaction with the class and teacher then worksheets all day.

We exercise, get fresh air, bake, play games but it’s no substitute for seeing friends, going to school and having things to look forward to.

I don’t know what the answer is. I don’t want a mass protest but it’s sad that this is being allowed to happen. I hope more experts speak up. We are ruining our kids lives and futures. When we look back on this years later we will wonder why we allowed it to happen. I feel helpless though.

Someone send this thread to Boris!

It is a helpless feeling

Poor children heartbreaking to read these

This is a really sad thread. If you feel it’s appropriate, can I suggest you write to your local MP to tell them, along with any suggestions you have for improving things - including opening the schools if you think that’s what’s needed.

I wrote to my MP and the reply was 'you can form a childcare bubble, it may help'! We can't, we don't have anyone locally who would be suitable. We are financially facing severe hardship and my children cannot go to school...vs the so called 'key workers' who get paid and a school place, utter discrimination. This needs taking seriously, reading this thread has brought tears to my eyes, these poor children, I wish the Government could see these stories and not just think everyone is 'safe' at home.

Couldn’t agree more DancingQueen85 hearing from anyone who has their kids in school right now is infuriating and not helpful.

My DS 8 is SEN but hasn’t got a place due to so many “keyworker” kids bring back. I put this in brackets as so many of these kids have 1 stay at home parent but still get to go. So many have 1 keyworker parent and another in a non keyworker WFH job but are back. 1 of the cleverest boys in the class is 1 of these and back, thriving while his mum can get on with her work and life stress free every day. DS is 1 of the bottom of the entire class. He would THRIVE in school right now - the reduced class size, learn so much more but enjoy the routine and familiar learning surroundings.

At home, with me pregnant, also looking after DS2 in reception, trying to do my job and go through a 10 minute shouting match with him before every lesson or piece of work to get him to concentrate is driving us both mad.

My nine year old is doing ok. Has had the odd cry over ridiculous things, which I just put down to the situation but otherwise she’s ok.

It’s one thing for adults to have to replace rl with bloody zoom

But for young dc it’s no substitute for to friendships

Failing them doing this

Sadly, I can relate to so many of these posts. DD 9 is an only child and as I’m wfh it’s just the two of us 24/7.

She has one 20 minute zoom class day, which usually involves the teacher asking questions, very little interaction between the children.

A couple of times we’ve bumped into one of her friends when out walking/biking and they’ve had a 10-15 minute chat and play (and yes, I know its not technically allowed!). But for a day or so after she’s a different child.

It’s really highlighted to me how important face-to-face interaction is for childrens wellbeing.

I can relate. Last time, after a couple of months my then 6yo was really affected, their personality changed and they were like a different person. It was awful. My then 4yo was fine but it’s such a big chunk of their lives at that age and a time when they’re forming friendships. They haven’t seen extended family for almost a year as we don’t live close and there hasn’t been a point when it has been safe to travel to see them. My 6yo really missed school and not being able to see grandparents, aunties or cousins on top of that has led to a lot of tears. This time around they’re both ok so far but I expect the same thing to happen again with my 7yo - there’s only so much they can take. Zoom isn’t a replacement for playing with friends at those ages.

My heart going out to all the children and parents on this thread.

Post all this happening, if it ever ends, what support could be put in place to support kids to recover? I worry about the social skills of my toddler, but I also worry if the five year old will have lost key skills in knowing how to relate to other kids, social cues etc. I have no faith in the schools, local council or local charities any more, I haven't hear a thing about kids welfare from any of them. Its just been lock down is good, kids are resilient little plague carriers that adults need to be protected from.

I am not even thinking about the academic side for DD, she was behind anyway and after a year with minimal schooling I dread to think where she will be when she goes back, despite us trying our best to keep her up with the rest of her class.

Yes, my 10 year old DC said he wanted to end his life this week and has said he can't cope any more with life. This was due to school asking him to attend as vulnerable child (he is autistic) but as all the kids have to wear masks all day, are in mixed year groups etc).
He is finding zoom school v stressful and getting hardly any work done but then worrying about getting behind. Not sleeping. Last night he asked me "am I depressed?" Poor sod. Hates being in school and now hates being out of school.

Not primary but I've had some real problems with pre teen. Quite devastating. Like others here, never had a problem before always a very happy, fun loving child.

There are some very strange people here on mumsnet who like to downplay what is being done to our children. Many will be people whose children sadly struggled with school and socialising so this situation suits them.

There's no way that a the average child would be enjoying this situation. Most children want to be with friends.