Is anyone worried about their primary-age child?

[pistachionuts]

My son is 9 and seriously seems to be struggling mental health wise as the pandemic has dragged on, and seems to be getting worse :( he never had any problems before, was always a happy easy well-rounded child who has now transformed into an anxious boy who loses his temper quickly, cries easily and is always getting stressed and angry.
He hates homeschooling and it’s an absolute struggle trudging through all the work school sets whilst he rubs his eyes and fidgets and stares at the laptop, he always plods on and finishes it but has little motivation and no enjoyment.
I’m trying everything I can to try and make the time at home as nice as possible but there’s only so much I can do.
Is anyone else finding this with their children? He’s like a completely different person im so sad and worried :(

Yes, my 4 yr old is missing her friends. We are doing the bare minimum of school work for 5 days a weeks and playing the rest of the time.

I forgot to say she isn't sleeping either. Waking up all the time saying she's scared and has tummy ache (I think it's anxiety) and needs to be constantly reassured.

Obviously not glad anyone else's child is suffering too but just glad to hear we aren't alone in it.

And if anyone comes on here mouthing about ‘resilience’, let me be the first one to tell you to fuck off.

And I'll be the second.

My 5 year old broke down in the bath yesterday and was crying that he has no friends and no one wanted to play with him. It was heartbreaking. He is very sociable and loves playing with other children.

Every other child I know of is at school. It's not the academic aspect I'm worried about - it's the social and it just seems extremely unfair that we now appear to have a two-tier system of children who are allowed to attend school and interact with their peers and others who aren't allowed to see another child at all.

Dd1 is 12 (13 next week) and seems totally unphased with worries me a bit as I wonder how she actually is and whether she’s more bothered than she lets on. Dds2&3 and 9 and I’ve never felt the benefits of having twins more than I have through the lockdowns. They have a best friend they can still see daily. I worry about their education because they’re 30 august babies so already youngest in the year. I’m worried they’ll fall behind and it’ll impact on their confidence.

@SnowyOwl199

I forgot to say she isn't sleeping either. Waking up all the time saying she's scared and has tummy ache (I think it's anxiety) and needs to be constantly reassured.

Obviously not glad anyone else's child is suffering too but just glad to hear we aren't alone in it.

Yes

I've never felt so alone
And I'm really struggling coping myself
I've never felt so bad

My DS is really suffering with the isolation. He doesn't remember a lot of normal life anymore like going swimming, visiting friends, eating out or staying away from home. As an only child, he needs to develop social skills and I am just not enough.
He used to be very confident and sociable but he's clingy and whiny now, spends all day following me constantly like a shadow.
He likes to see his teacher and reception class briefly when they have a zoom call but always cries afterwards, it's heartbreaking.

Mine love being at home!

Lockdown is devastating and destructive for children yet most people support it - indeed, if anyone questions the narrative they are dismissed as Covid deniers.
Why don’t more speak out?

My 8 year old struggled enormously in the first lockdown. So much so that I had conversations with our GP and local family support team as I was so worried - in the space of a few weeks he became a totally different child. He was angry, wouldn't sleep, rude and aggressive. Prior to this he'd never hit or kicked at all, not even as a toddler.

This time around I'm watchful but so far not too bad. I think the first experience made us work out when to let things go, how to change his focus away from negatives etc. If any of you are concerned I urge you to ask for help. The family support team gave us some coping and anger management techniques to work through which did help.

What kind of anger management techniques?

Yes it’s honestly like he’s beginning to get depressed which seems crazy considering he’s just turned 9, never had problems before and we have a stable, happy home and family life. Has anybody found anything that helps?

Also interested in anger management techniques for kids? Couldn’t find much useful online

I've got a 6 year old in year 2 and a 3 year old who goes to the school nursery which is only open for key workers.

Both mine have lost motivation for going outside. I have to drag them out.

My 3 year old has regressed and has gone back to the separation anxiety that took so long to get out from.
She is really bored all the time, no matter what I try.

The 6 year old is ok academically. I manage to do the shit loads of school work with her but it normally takes till tea time.
However I'm worried about her social skills, she is in a support group at school for that. She is a very introverted and doesnt want to engage with me or her sister.

I obviously don't want them to go to school/nursery with the risk being so high right now, but as soon as they can.

We all need it!

I'd also thought about starting a post just like this. DS is five and very sociable - he's absolutely broken. Much as we and his big brother play with him, we're just not the same as his peers.
He is tearful, frustrated, angry and scared and there is nothing I can do.
It seems so, so unfair that, as an adult, I can meet another person for exercise, but he can't meet one other little friend, even outside.
I understand the need for restrictions, I'm not a Covid-denier, but kids of this age (too young to use phones/xBoxes/headsets or meet independently) seem to have been forgotten and I am heartbroken for them.

What I find hard is when people are struggling I want to help by giving a cuddle which is normally what people want
My child isn't like this
When she's struggling it comes out as stress and anger or misbehaviour and she pushes me away, she rejects my attempts to cuddle to make her feel better. To be honest it hurts
I try to see it as that's how she is big it is hard

We were sent some workbooks about recognising when you're feeling stressed and getting angry, how hour body reacts and how you feel. It helped him to recognise when his temper was rising.
Two of the most successful things for us were actually really simple. The first was a big home made button saying reset in his bedroom which allowed him to recognise when things had gone wrong and 'reset the day' to start afresh.
The second was growing food. It was suggested as a distraction but also to give home something that changed each day so he could see that time was moving forward. It became a huge project and focus with the garden looking like a jungle but really helped him to focus.
We also gave him things he could do when angry - i talked with the support worker about how we cope as adults when we're angry and needed to realise that kids need it too. I angry walk with loud music on my headphones, she said she angry hoovers She said she'd seen kids have success with things like punchbag and even just ripping things up or scribbling hard to get the anger out. DS very much embraced the ripping things up so hw had free reign on the recycling pile if he wanted to do something destructive!

Sorry a bit of an essay but all things that helped us.

I have an only child I'm worried about. He's clingy in a way he's never been before.

We're lucky he has a place 3 mornings a week in his usual childcare setting (not school) so he's still seeing other kids.

He's doing bare minimum homeschool though. He's in Y2 so I can't pretend he doesn't need to be doing more.

My 9 year old DS is coping really well at the moment but I am waiting for the novelty to wear off. He really missed his friends last lockdown and after half a term at home was desperate to play properly again. He is relatively lucky as he has live lessons over Teams and can video call friends too. He's old enough to play Minecraft on the Xbox with a friend and chat through their headsets. Despite that I know he can't wait to get back to school and I feel so sad for children who can't interact even like this at the moment.
Not only the academic and social side of things - some school trips are a serious loss. Particularly residentials and outdoor activities, which can do so much for a child's independence and confidence. One year of missing these things can perhaps be caught up and not be a big deal, but if it continues there will be cohorts who never get the chance to go on trips that they would normally remember for the rest of their lives.

Also just to add, I really struggled to ask for help as I'm extremely private but I'm glad I did. The support worker said what he was feeling wasn't at all unusual and they'd been inundated with new referrals. I'm glad I did it.

@EnglishGirlApproximately I've told her about punching cushions before but it's never really taken off. I don't think she can do it before she gets stressed herself or misbehaves or gets aggressive etc

Yes my DC aged 6 is struggling hugely and starting to show signs of depression. It is just not natural for children of this age to be isolated from their peers.

DS is already under treatment with CAMHS for anxiety. He’s 9 and in year 4. He’s so fragile emotionally but it comes out as rage and clowning around. Last year damaged his mental health so much and it was a joy to see him back at school. He’s slipped back into it again and it’s heartbreaking.

His sleep is shocking. His counsellor said this is totally normal and lots of their children are experiencing sleep issues atm.

He’s actually going backwards and I don’t know how to help him. We tried to get a school place as DH is keyworker, and DS is vulnerable, but school is full of 2 keyworker parent families so we were turned down.

It is utterly shit.

@FreshFreesias

Lockdown is devastating and destructive for children yet most people support it - indeed, if anyone questions the narrative they are dismissed as Covid deniers. Why don’t more speak out?

Yes this! Every single time I talk about the devastating impact on children, I am either ignored or told 'rather that than people die.' Just because children can't stand up for themselves, their needs are ignored. I've actually lost friends over it. I can't bear it.

Have you tried reaching out to other parents and seeing if anyone else is struggling? If so maybe you could schedule in zoom breaks every day?

Mine is being unbelievably resilient so far, as he was last year. Just the odd wobbly day.

The Zoom play date requests are starting now though so I think some of his friends are starting to miss their friends and need a little pick me up.

It's a very normal reaction to really unsettling times, OP. He needs to know that.

My kids are at school this time as I am now classified as a keyworker but ds7 struggled last time and developed all kinds of anxiety tics and issues. They abated if we saw one of his friends by chance in the park but in days that didn’t happen it was awful. Within a week of being back at school in sept he was fine again. But that is why I had no hesitation in taking up my keyworker place for him. Dd9 also struggled in a different way - her behaviour was fine but she was sad and would cry before bed each night.