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Original poster

Is anyone worried about their primary-age child?

354 replies

pistachionuts · 22/01/2021 20:26

My son is 9 and seriously seems to be struggling mental health wise as the pandemic has dragged on, and seems to be getting worse :( he never had any problems before, was always a happy easy well-rounded child who has now transformed into an anxious boy who loses his temper quickly, cries easily and is always getting stressed and angry.
He hates homeschooling and it’s an absolute struggle trudging through all the work school sets whilst he rubs his eyes and fidgets and stares at the laptop, he always plods on and finishes it but has little motivation and no enjoyment.
I’m trying everything I can to try and make the time at home as nice as possible but there’s only so much I can do.
Is anyone else finding this with their children? He’s like a completely different person im so sad and worried :(

OP posts:
JustFrigginNameChange · 22/01/2021 23:00

Both myself and DD6 are struggling

purpleme12 · 22/01/2021 23:01

@whataboutthatthen
On a zoom call this week the headteacher said if people don't do their work he'll come round to their house
(I think he wasn't being serious???)
But my child was shaking her head and saying he's not coming here!
I don't blame her!

formerbabe · 22/01/2021 23:02

My DD is ten and massively struggling. Now refusing to do all work. She is quite teary most days. I'm exhausted trying to cheer her up and skint as I order endless arts and crafts supplies, books, toys etc online to try and cheer her up. I'm so worried about her

Backhometothenorth · 22/01/2021 23:05

Whatabouthatthen it's interesting that you say about the boundary into your daughters room. This is how it started with my daughter - she believed people could come into her room and could always see her. She was ill in July and recovered from November. I have had to start covering mirrors again this month as she is experiencing the same awful feelings.

Pootle40 · 22/01/2021 23:06

@OwlWearingGlasses

Many children are thriving at home and their mental health has improved. Try and focus on the positives about being at home. How important it is and what a good thing he is doing to protect other people's lives.
I suspect that's the minority
bathorshower · 22/01/2021 23:06

DD(8) started to really struggle during the first lockdown.

This time we've formed a childcare bubble with another family, and it's definitely helping. Any possibility you could do that? It's hard work, but worth it for her.

formerbabe · 22/01/2021 23:10

@OwlWearingGlasses

Many children are thriving at home and their mental health has improved. Try and focus on the positives about being at home. How important it is and what a good thing he is doing to protect other people's lives.
Seriously, get lost. This nonsense makes me so fucking angry. Don't tell me my crying, lonely, isolated DD with sn should shoulder the responsibility of other people living or dying...just fuck off
formerbabe · 22/01/2021 23:13

Oh and zoom call with the school this week where the kids at home could wave at the kids in school. The insensitivity of that was staggering. I keep telling my DD all the kids are at home feeling the same as her but they're not are they? Some of them are having a ball in school with heaps of attention from the teachers and playing with friends. Why? Because in the main their lying parents have managed to swing a place...

BungleandGeorge · 22/01/2021 23:13

@pistachionuts there is a a book ‘what to do when your temper flares’ dawn huebner which has some useful techniques for kids.

It’s incredible difficult for them, I wish people wouldn’t dismiss it. After 3 months last time my child was sinking into a clinical depression and I don’t say that lightly. Very sociable, extrovert child. Children don’t even get the small amount of socialisation that shopping/ working provides. Awful for the older ones too, not many teenagers want to spend all their time with their parents, it goes totally against a very normal developmental stage

CalmDownBoris72 · 22/01/2021 23:14

Yup, I’ve been fairly relaxed about it all but my 10 year old, year 6, DS2 is really struggling. He’s down, moody and sad.

I have 5 children and 2 are happy at home and learn well (a bit like me) and 2 are more social and really thrive from other people and social interactions- especially DS2 (the 5th is a baby so she doesn’t get a mention!).

This is going to be so hard to continue with beyond half term!

purpleme12 · 22/01/2021 23:15

It might open up at half term might it
The R rate is going down it said already

MarshaBradyo · 22/01/2021 23:15

I couldn’t bear all that children in school video thing. So relieved we haven’t had to deal with it on top of dc not getting to be with friends.

Squidsister · 22/01/2021 23:16

DD9 is coping ok. She is quite sociable so is really missing her friends and can’t wait to go back to school. But generally she is managing.
I think it helps that they have live lessons most days so she gets to see and talk to the teacher. The school have restricted the numbers of children in school, so she doesn’t feel too left out.
She also has an online music lesson once a week with the music teacher and a couple of other girls.

She also does quite a lot of Zoom chats with friends at the weekend. Some of the class play computer games online together too.
Ordinarily we wouldn’t let her do so much of this, but at the moment it’s the main way to keep in touch with friends.

I also have two older children too and we force them all out for a walk every weekend, DD always says she doesn’t want to go and I worry she’s getting a bit scared of going out the house - I have to bribe her. But once we are actually out they have a good time.

All of them are definitely more cuddly and clingy which I guess is to be expected.

I do think it must be much harder for younger children though.

loretta81 · 22/01/2021 23:16

This sounds impossibly hard; I'm so sorry for you all Flowers

formerbabe · 22/01/2021 23:17

@purpleme12

It might open up at half term might it The R rate is going down it said already
Please god...I think I can get my DD through to half term. If it's longer, I dread to think how difficult this is going to be.
formerbabe · 22/01/2021 23:18

@MarshaBradyo

I couldn’t bear all that children in school video thing. So relieved we haven’t had to deal with it on top of dc not getting to be with friends.
To say I was fuming would be an understatement.
bookworm14 · 22/01/2021 23:19

If it’s longer than half term I’m going to try and get DD in as a vulnerable child. I really want to do the ‘right’ thing but I won’t sacrifice her indefinitely.

purpleme12 · 22/01/2021 23:22

To be honest I've found myself rolling my eyes at the zoom calls and getting a bit annoyed at them
I mean they are actually good for my child cos she sees people so we do them
But all this 'you must do your work'
It's just pressure
And I think it's too much
Then they go round and say what have you enjoyed and what have you found hard. Well my child isn't going to tell the truth about how being at home and learning at home really affects her is she! So what's the point!

Squidsister · 22/01/2021 23:24

The zoom call waving at the kids in school seems very insensitive. I would not be ok with that.

DDs teacher doesn’t do any online lessons on the day she is teaching in school, which I am fine about. I would rather she focused on either one or the other.
I am sure DD imagines the teacher is spending all her day on her laptop reading all their nonsensical messages on Teams and poring over their work (In reality I imagine she’s like the rest of us, trying to juggle homeschooling and working!)

formerbabe · 22/01/2021 23:24

@bookworm14

If it’s longer than half term I’m going to try and get DD in as a vulnerable child. I really want to do the ‘right’ thing but I won’t sacrifice her indefinitely.
Me too. I really see my DD getting very depressed at this stage...it cannot last much longer. I am so angry this is happening. I also feel like parents aren't speaking up enough IRL. I think many are scared that the fact their child is struggling with their mental health is a judgement on them.
bigtimefun · 22/01/2021 23:25

*Every other child I know of is at school. It's not the academic aspect I'm worried about - it's the social and it just seems extremely unfair that we now appear to have a two-tier system of children who are allowed to attend school and interact with their peers and others who aren't allowed to see another child at all.

Yes, this. A third of my DD’s class is in school, getting a full day’s teaching from their regular teacher and a TA. A number of the children who are in do not have keyworker parents (and I’m trying so hard not to judge, but it’s really difficult). Why do they get proper teaching and socialisation when my DD has to struggle alone at home and isn’t legally allowed to meet a single one of her friends?*

I'm finding I'm getting more and more bitter about this! Our school messaging system keeps showing all the fun things the key worker/pushier parents kids are doing in school and mine is stuck at home. So unfair and unjust.

bluechameleon · 22/01/2021 23:27

My 6 year old is struggling. To be honest he never got back to being the boy he used to be after the previous lockdown so I dread to think how this will affect him if it goes on much longer. But schools need to be closed so we just need to try to keep going and hope we can minimise the damage.

openallthetime · 22/01/2021 23:29

my 8yo DS has been struggling to sleep and getting worked. up about things that he normally wouldn't. Last time he wouldn't sleep until gone midnight! Getting him to do certain school activities is like getting blood out of a stone, he walks up, says he can't do it and gets down on himself and goofs around. Then I get upset and then he gets upset. I'm a LP and he doesn't have siblings. Luckily we are in a bubble with his dad who he is playing with often and coming over (in line with bubble guidelines). But I am concerned. I have to work and have no support (his dad is useless on childcare front). It's a worry! Trying to get a better routine together at the moment. Good reminder to do that.

swg1 · 22/01/2021 23:32

As long as I don't push home-schooling my 7 yo is fine. Plays with his 4 yo brother -- we've had more "proper" play in the last month than I remember ever with lego and trains and jigsaws and board games. Hell, even worksheets are fine and he'll curl up with a book by choice.

I break out the bloody Oak Academy videos and suddenly we're fighting, struggling, there are tears. He's a bright kid who has never had school issues before. I've emailed school tonight and told them we'll look at alternate ways of covering topics because I've given it a good go but this is not sustainable.

TempsPerdu · 22/01/2021 23:44

I wanted to weep today when school sent out a cheery newsletter to the children showing the ones at school having full lessons!

Oh and zoom call with the school this week where the kids at home could wave at the kids in school. The insensitivity of that was staggering

I would be sending a very sternly worded email to the school about both of those.

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