Is anyone worried about their primary-age child?

[pistachionuts]

My son is 9 and seriously seems to be struggling mental health wise as the pandemic has dragged on, and seems to be getting worse :( he never had any problems before, was always a happy easy well-rounded child who has now transformed into an anxious boy who loses his temper quickly, cries easily and is always getting stressed and angry.
He hates homeschooling and it’s an absolute struggle trudging through all the work school sets whilst he rubs his eyes and fidgets and stares at the laptop, he always plods on and finishes it but has little motivation and no enjoyment.
I’m trying everything I can to try and make the time at home as nice as possible but there’s only so much I can do.
Is anyone else finding this with their children? He’s like a completely different person im so sad and worried :(

By the way, I don't think it is a reflection on your parenting skills if you child is struggling. We have 4 children, two are largely fine and 2 are struggling hugely. The split is between introverts and extroverts in our house. The extroverts are finding this immensely hard and their moods are all over the place. The introverts are coping admirably

Every other child I know of is at school. It's not the academic aspect I'm worried about - it's the social and it just seems extremely unfair that we now appear to have a two-tier system of children who are allowed to attend school and interact with their peers and others who aren't allowed to see another child at all.

Yes, this. A third of my DD’s class is in school, getting a full day’s teaching from their regular teacher and a TA. A number of the children who are in do not have keyworker parents (and I’m trying so hard not to judge, but it’s really difficult). Why do they get proper teaching and socialisation when my DD has to struggle alone at home and isn’t legally allowed to meet a single one of her friends?

My DC aged 6 just doesn't respond well to anything done via zoom or speaking to a friend on the phone. As @SheilaTakeABow says children who are too young to engage with technology seem to have been completely forgotten about. I'm holding on to a small hope that for this exact reason, Reception and Y1 will be the first to go back to school, as they were last time. I really worry for my DC mental health is this goes on any longer than half term.

Scotland have it right, at least children are exempt from the numbers. I don't agree with what we our doing to our kids and that's from babies right through to teenagers. This is not natural. Everyone keeps banging on about schools but maybe education can be caught up on later.... what should be allowed is for children to have the right to play and be with their friends in an outdoor setting right now. The risk is minimal. I won't be begrudging my 5 year old a trip to the quiet park near me with his friend who lives up the road. No way. A baby born at the start of 2020 is now a year old. The first 2 years of a child's life is the most important and crucial in brain development, except they've been shut off from the wider world. Their immune systems also haven't had a chance to develop. It's criminal.

Yes. I wanted to weep today when school sent out a cheery newsletter to the children showing the ones at school having full lessons! Ffs. We have key worker letters but respect that it is safer for the teachers and the country if we juggle like maniacs and keep them home. But it is beyond thoughtless to send news letters like that when providing zero live contact for the children at home. It is a form of grief they are dealing with, that is why so many are angry and acting out.

@purpleme12 DS never went for that either I think its just finding something to help. Strangely one thing he finds really calming is reading old books from when he was a toddler.

I could have written the same about my 9 year old daughter. She can't sleep, has tummy pain / tight chest from anxiety and is quite volatile. I really feel for her as I'm working and can't help her with her school work much.
She keeps saying that she doesn't feel herself and cries daily. It's so hard to see 😢

A number of the children who are in do not have keyworker parents (and I’m trying so hard not to judge, but it’s really difficult). Why do they get proper teaching and socialisation when my DD has to struggle alone at home and isn’t legally allowed to meet a single one of her friends?

Exactly the same here. I don't blame people for getting their child into school if they can really but it does just seem monumentally unfair. Particularly since a lot of the people whose children are now in school are the ones who were shouting the loudest about how 'the schools must close, they can't possibly open, the rates are too high' at the beginning of January.

"a two tier system" yes, that's what stings the most. Children very much aren't "all in it together". Large numbers are in school. Large numbers at home have decent live contact with school. But another subset, including mine, are getting shitty scraps of recorded videos and "thumbs up" for their work.

My 6 year old DD is absolutely loving being at home and doing well with homeschooling. However she is a home bird who is shy around people and takes a long time settling in new environments.

I am worried about her social anxiety become worse the longer we are in lockdown.

Returning to school in June last year after lockdown 1 was so difficult, it had taken her a long time to settle in at the beginning of the school year and lockdown set her back so much in terms of social confidence, she took ages to settle back into school after lockdown.

She was only just settling into yr2 when lockdown 2 started, so as happy as she is right now to be at home, I know she will really struggle when they return and will take a long time to settle back again.

Same with swimming, she was just starting to build her confidence again when the swimming pools shut and this will have set her back so much.

Her 9 year old sister is missing her friends and school a lot more but she's doing ok and I know she will settle back in quickly with no problem.

My friend's daughter asked if school had closed "because I didn't wash my hands enough"

We are destroying these kids. DD2 fell apart last lockdown - and some absolute twat on here told me that a depressed 7 year old crying all night and unable to sleep because of "too much sad in her brain" just needed to learn a bit of resilience. She's still not fully back to where she used to be.

@KeyboardWorriers

"a two tier system" yes, that's what stings the most. Children very much aren't "all in it together". Large numbers are in school. Large numbers at home have decent live contact with school. But another subset, including mine, are getting shitty scraps of recorded videos and "thumbs up" for their work.

So true

I send a message to the teacher saying my child struggles with the learning when not at school like this. She sends one back saying she knows it's challenging but this is what the DofE set and if we can encourage her it will get easier
I just don't think they actually appreciate what's it's actually like

I know @purpleme12. It feels like my children are "out of sight, out of mind" as far as school is concerned.

Many children are thriving at home and their mental health has improved.
Try and focus on the positives about being at home. How important it is and what a good thing he is doing to protect other people's lives.

@KeyboardWorriers
I feel exactly the same. We live very near to our school and it breaks my heart to see my DC face when we hear all of the children playing in the playground. Apparently 50% of his class are in school receiving lessons from their normal teacher.

@OwlWearingGlasses as I said up thread, two of mine are doing fine, two are struggling. So the fact some are struggling isn't because their parents are failing to "focus on the positives" . If I only had the two who were doing fine I would probably feel all smug too and write patronising messages like that (well I hope I would have more empathy tbh).

I'm worries about ds too he's 8. Not particularly showing any signs of depression or upset but he's not interested in anything other than gaming. He's also started to wake up more during the night having nightmares which I suspect is part due to the amount of screen time...how do we limit though, there's only so much time he wants to spend with me 😣

Well, I just feel glad at the minute that this thread was made
I feel slightly less alone at this shitty time
And that has actually made me feel a bit relieved almost

@papuce1983 I fully agree. My yr 7 DS is perfectly happy doing online learning at home but admits that he isn't the most sociable of people. He has autistic traits too. Also struggled when he went back last June as a year 6 due to the change of routines and distancing etc. Took him a few weeks to settle and then it was the summer holidays not long afterwards. The first week in September was also a struggle and he had more meltdowns in the last six months of last year than he had had for several years. SENCO has been brilliant and staff really supportive but have told me that it is not unusual at all and have more children needing help with anxiety and emotions.

@OwlWearingGlasses

Many children are thriving at home and their mental health has improved. Try and focus on the positives about being at home. How important it is and what a good thing he is doing to protect other people's lives.

I’m sorry but it’s really fucking hard to ‘focus on the positives’ of a five-year-old being isolated from her entire peer group and wider family for months. She’s five; she can’t understand how her actions can ‘save the lives’ of people she’s never met. She just wants to be in school with her friends.

My children are doing ok overall but they are very angry when it comes to the home school. They seem on edge about it being in our home. I cannot home school a Yr 1 and 5 and work simultaneously so we aren't really doing a great deal. My 5 year old spent 5 hours on Minecraft today, not acceptable but I knew he was safer unsupervised doing that while I worked. It feels very much a 2 tier society now, true key workers, great idea, but 40% in school who aren't all related to the covid response seems ludicrously unfair. There will be huge repercussions of this in later years, children aren't all as resilient as people seem to assume. And parents aren't coping in many cases so the children will be picking up on that and suffering the impact of poor parental mental health. I know I am far more tense and shouty than ever as I am so stressed everyday!

@OwlWearingGlasses I think you were meaning well but I think it's perhaps not the right place or time to say that
I for one feel like I need this thread to sound off and hear others are going through the same thing and sometimes we really need that rather than thinking positive

I'm worried about my DS, 8. He had been having speech therapy for a stammer and was starting to improve but now he has fully regressed. He is lonely and tearful most of the day and misses his friends.

Mine are ok but I'm worried about the inequality in school provision. I'm a teacher delivering lots of live lessons but they're getting independent tasks and I'm too busy to help them much. My 8yo in particular needs a lot more than written instructions, yet they've chosen a reception age book for the class Their headteacher simply spins the usual nonsense, telling himself he's providing high quality learning opportunities.

I'm really invested in blended learning being a success because I want schools to reopen safely and sustainably, but this isn't it.

Oh fuck off with the trite bollocks about focusing on the positive.