Is anyone worried about their primary-age child?

[pistachionuts]

My son is 9 and seriously seems to be struggling mental health wise as the pandemic has dragged on, and seems to be getting worse :( he never had any problems before, was always a happy easy well-rounded child who has now transformed into an anxious boy who loses his temper quickly, cries easily and is always getting stressed and angry.
He hates homeschooling and it’s an absolute struggle trudging through all the work school sets whilst he rubs his eyes and fidgets and stares at the laptop, he always plods on and finishes it but has little motivation and no enjoyment.
I’m trying everything I can to try and make the time at home as nice as possible but there’s only so much I can do.
Is anyone else finding this with their children? He’s like a completely different person im so sad and worried :(

One of mine is doing ok as yr8 and able to chat tI friends all day on live lessons. The other is in yr5 and he is so lonely and sad. It’s very painful to watch even though I’m doing everything I can to help him. He’s such a lovely, sociable boy usually. It’s really hard and I feel helpless.

Making a calm box helped him a bit. You just find a box and let your DC fill it with nice things eg teddies, a marble, toy car, shell etc. DS made a den with a clothes airer and sat in there with his box.

Young children need to be with others their age. They need to play, it's essential to healthy development.

Youngest DC is 10 and really turned in on himself in the first lockdown. DH & I were working flat out, had to. This time we've both adjusted our work patterns to make sure he has a good chunk of fun time with one or the other of us every day. We are a poor substitute for his mates though.

I am so glad early years are still open for the sake of the very young, though of course worry for health of nursery staff.

It's harder this time round because eldest dc at secondary is doing a full day of live lessons. First lockdown they'd sit together working at the kitchen table. Now they're in separate rooms most of the day.

My 10 yo says he can't remember what normal is. It's 10% of his life, at least 20% of his memorable life (and he's got a good memory for early childhood) He has ASD, dyspraxia and dyslexia, but that's not enough to be in school. He won't bounce back in a hurry in his weakest areas, which includes basic literacy.

However I worry more about my 7yo. The more restricted the lockdown, the more his behaviour deteriorates. He gets rude, angry and emotional. While he and DS1 have a close and loving relationship, they also bicker a lot and DS1 impulsively lashes out at him. His friendships weren't the most secure and they wasted away in the 5.5 months off school, and they didn't recover. The children he talks about most must be in the the keyworker group as they're not on the live learning. He doesn't engage with that well either.

It's hard getting them out now. There's nowhere to go due to mud/ floods/ sheer fucking boredom/ restricted dyspraxia/ ASD interests. Yesterday I ended up taking them to a scabby little rec covered that turned out to be covered in broken glass just because it was a hard surface to play on. Due to distance/ age, they've barely seen family in over a year, I could count on one hand and have spare fingers. We don't count for any bubbles.

Support for children with SENs and those needing a bit of TLC was scanty before a year of this shit. I don't trust the system to have the resources to patch up and catch up the damage being done en-masse to this generation.

My year 3 DS is the same terrible tantrums not sleeping and the battle everyday to do school work. He’s just not the happy boy he used to be, he used to always want to be out but now he just wants to sit in abs play minecraft.
my other one is fine but he’s always preferred being home. The one year old knows no different life!

What's been done to children during all this is one of the biggest travesties of modern history.
Sorry, but it's going to take years for them to get over it, if they do at all. Some will have psychological problems for life.

I didn't think before 2020 that any parent would think that it's worth inflicting lasting damage onto their children in the name of saving stranger's lives. Hundreds of thousands in developing countries die each year from preventable diseases, some of whom I could have helped if I'd donated money for treatments instead of buying Christmas present for my own kids. I never thought of that as selfish.
Yet, for covid I'm thought of as selfish for wanting my kids to get an education, the socialisation that they need for their development, and a future that's not a bleak, jobless, travel-less future?!

Call me what you want, but I'll never not think of that as anything but fucked up, and those that call me selfish as even more fucked up.

Yes, getting more worried about DS who is 4 1/2 as more time goes on.

Last year was so hard for him as he went from going to nursery (which he loved and had been at for 3 years), to home with two stressed parents, then back to nursery for shorter hours and half his friends not there in the summer, then school with masks on teachers... so much upheaval and not unsurprisingly a lot of anger and frustration.

He understands more now (like that it's all because of The Virus) and I was glad that at least lockdown happened straight away after hols, so it's been like extended holidays (although with work for us) for him. But he's an only, and his social skills are really suffering - he doesn't know how to react when he sees people, has had complete meltdowns about spending time with friends (when we could), frequently says that he doesn't want to go out and we should just stay in the house and gets angry in situations that he can't control. It's awful.

The positive is that he's actually quite content at home with us, but I'm really worried about how he will integrate with society in a hopefully more "normal" future. I don't think he can properly remember what it was like to be able to spend time freely and easily with others. He was 3 1/2 last time that happened.

Yes, feeling more than worn here. But nothing compares to the first lockdown. That was much worst for her. She trully struggled through that one.
Maybe she is getting kind of used to it now, and the school is sending proper work and lessons. First time around it was just work and work and some silly things.
It is very tough indeed.
I let her use the phone for any time, so she can talk to her friends or play games with them.

I didn't think before 2020 that any parent would think that it's worth inflicting lasting damage onto their children in the name of saving stranger's lives

I don't know where you live, maybe some rural place? But it isn't strangers dying here in urban areas, it's peoples family and friends, and all the time now.

I do think primary schools should be completely open though, because at that age they are too young to cope with the disruption, but to say its "strangers" dying is untrue. Unfortunately

My 6 year old is really struggling. He's a real affectionate loving boy so really struggles with this limited social interaction. He doesn't even want to come to the phone anymore because he can hug whoever it is. He found half a brick on our walk yesterday and insisted on bringing it home. He's named him, washed him, painted a face and hat, brushed his painted on teeth and puts him in a special box with a blanket in his bed with him. My heart is breaking for him.

My older two on the other hand couldn't care less. Teen is ALWAYS on his phone anyway chatting to his mates, and my DD is so confident in herself anyway that nothing phases her

My eldest is struggling. He’s 7. DD is 5 and is up and down but generally OK, but she’s always been a bit of a homebody whereas my son has been a social butterfly since birth. I get so frustrated with ‘friends’ on social media banging on about the schools should be closed, wear your mask blah blah blah well their kids are all fucking in school at the moment! So it’s OK for them; their kids still have that one semblance of normality in going to school. Mine are stuck with my 24/7, the school provision of online learning is good BUT I’m not worried about academics. I’m worried about my son’s anxiety now, their social development and mental health. I’m also SICK of hearing ‘oh they’ll be fine.’ Some won’t be fine. My son is finding it all so hard, he might not be fine. Why am I doing this to him? I am becoming bitter towards others too, now and I hate feeling like this.
Thank you for letting me vent here.

I don't know where you live, maybe some rural place? But it isn't strangers dying here in urban areas, it's peoples family and friends, and all the time now.

I live in a massive city. The elderly and the vulnerable people I know are horrified at what's being done to kids in their name. They can also protect themselves fine without the schools needing to be closed.
I get that for multi-gen houses that's far more difficult, but they could also make their own choices for their own families. I'm sorry but calling for schools to be shut to all, even the ones with no vulnerable people in their lives, is the most selfish thing any person can ask for.

My dd is struggling too. Her behaviour got quite bad in first lockdown last year, especially around bedtime. She improved massively when she was able to go to summer holiday club.
This time isn't so bad yet, but I'm worried about how long the lockdown will last. Too much screen time affects her behaviour but now she spends a lot of time on them as most school tasks are online and she still wants to watch her tv programmes. I'm working and my husband is job hunting so we don't always have time to play with her.
Neither dd or I are sleeping well. It started pre-covid but the added stress of lockdown hasn't helped.

Exactly the same as many. The clinginess, oh my god! It is like having a two year old who doesn't want to go to nursery. School keeps talking about a 'recovery programme'. Fuck that. Damage is being done NOW. I'm trying as hard as I can for her, but I am not a class of children. She has no EHCP but needs one. DH is a keyworker but I am at home. I have applied and got a job as a covid tester to get her some school time. I haven't told school yet as hours aren't finalised. I am hoping against hope they let her have a place.

I so needed to see this thread. My kids are miserable and I'm really struggling to keep it together. I have 3 dc, aged 6, 3 and 6months. The only way I can get through homeschooling with my 6yo, who has all the rage you described, is to keep my 3 yo in front of a screen. My 6 year old is struggling and in tears most days. My 3 year old is miserable, misses her much loved playschool (and all but 4 of her class of 30 are still allowed to attend and I see multiple pictures of them having fun on Facebook everyday making me unbearably bitter) and isn't getting any of the one-on-one time with me that she needs because I'm trying to balance homeschooling the 6yo, looking after the baby, and working from home and keeping the house ticking over, while my husbands work are being dicks making him go into work, claiming he's a keyworker and it's impossible for him to work from home, both of which are bollocks. The schools won't accept our kids because neither of us are keyworkers (but our jobs our essential to keep a roof over our head) and because I'm working from home! Working, i.e. don't have time to homeschooling and giving a 3yo the attention she needs and would otherwise be getting in the playschool she's been banned from, while 26 other children are allowed in. My baby still hasn't met some of his aunties/uncles/cousins, and everything that my very anxious 6 year old enjoyed has been cancelled. I'm at my absolute wits end, I don't know how long we can go on like this. Its not fair on children. And a big fuck off to the "focus on the positive" comments. "Their actions are saving lives" what an atrocious burden to put of the shoulders of our children. Its the adults who have mismanaged this situation, its adults breaking the rules, and jts adults who should be making the sacrifices. Not children. It will be our children who will be footing the bill for all this in the future, its the least we can do to make sure that they are educated, mentally healthy and have a good as childhood as they can in these circumstances. Sorry that turned into such a rant with lots of word vomit but by fuck did that feel good getting it out. Apologies for all the typos, bad grammar and long sentences.

[quote BungleandGeorge]@pistachionuts there is a a book ‘what to do when your temper flares’ dawn huebner which has some useful techniques for kids.

It’s incredible difficult for them, I wish people wouldn’t dismiss it. After 3 months last time my child was sinking into a clinical depression and I don’t say that lightly. Very sociable, extrovert child. Children don’t even get the small amount of socialisation that shopping/ working provides. Awful for the older ones too, not many teenagers want to spend all their time with their parents, it goes totally against a very normal developmental stage[/quote]
I don't rate dawn huebner's book on anxiety at all it's one of the shittiest, most patronising and dumb things I've ever had the misfortune to read. It ended up in the recycling bin, dreadful nonsense.

Has anyone else noticed that nearly every post on here mentions an 8 year old DC?

I wonder if that is a particularly vulnerable age?

I have a 9 year old who is struggling.

Yes dds are struggling. Dd1 in particular is getting needy and dd2 withdrawn.

My grandson is the same .

Suffering badly .

But I disagree it’s just protecting the elderly.

Unfortunately the patients in hospital now are not elderly the age range is much wider now and teachers were at risk as well .

It totally is an awful situation and home schooling is making it worse for the children and parents .But atm I don’t know what the answer is .

One thing that has helped a tiny bit is that my grandson will do school work remotely with us but not his parents . So we have split subjects to help a bit.

But he is definitely depressed and not sleeping well.it’s very sad.

One of our daughters has become exactly like this, she was fine until this lockdown. The others are fine. We have tried quite a few different things with her and have now narrowed the issue down to too much time on the screen or not being outside enough not sure which as we combat one with the other.

We take very regular breaks with her, generally when online teaching for each lesson changes to individual working we take her out to the garden and run her around affectively.

Just 5 minutes every 30 mins or hour seems to improve her mood and she has a good day. Also before and after school we walk around tbe block and that helps them all. If we miss before school walk thry all loose focus.

We are doing ok so far.Ds is 13 and enjoying his time off if I'm honest. He is spending his time sleeping,playing on the PlayStation and doing his school work. He has been on a few socially distant hikes with a friend and often will go for a walk by himself. He looks like death though from being indoors a lot and I'm really worried about his grades , they have dropped dramatically in recent months.

Dd is 8 and a very easy going child . She is quite content to post with her dolls for hours and finds her homeschooling easy and enjoyable. She is of course missing her friends but keeps in contact via video calls and postcards. My husband is off work due to lockdown so that's a novelty for the kids also. I realise we have it easier than most at the moment and I don't envy those trying to balance everything with several little ones

Yes both mine are beginning to struggle now. 4 and 8. Both have had rages. Everyone has zoom fatigue and they miss their little friends. It’s just unbearably sad and I feel so angry about it all. I totally agree about the tier system and so many kids in school. It’s just not fair, and it breaks my heart for the children at home.

I have DS8 who is an only child. First lockdown was awful, he was sad, angry and lonely. I was really worried about him.
This time I am back at work so he can go into school on my work days. He’s so much happier! Glad I didn’t give up work. Half the class are in so he’s getting to play with some friends and although they do online lessons he adores the teaching assistant who supervises them.
Children need to be in school. Teachers need to be vaccinated so they feel safer at work.

What a heart breaking thread 🙁. They miss their pals - children this age need to play for their development. Even in other awful situations kids at least had their friends and peer group going through the same thing

I had an elderly client who was telling me about her WW2 she was 8 in the blitz. She said as a child it was awesome great gang of them playing in the bombsites.

I agree OP, I have DS age 9 only child who is really suffering. Going into rages, saying he feels sad. I don't know what to do, he seems a shadow of his former self.