AIBU to be angry that parents are abusing the (not actually) key worker's at school system?

[Lucy2509]

Hi everyone. So, I'm a single parent working in a care home, part-time. On very low wages, so I cannot afford a car and cycle everywhere. During the first lockdown, my daughters school really grilled me over what hours I worked, where her dad was, what he was doing and generally pressurising me to not send my daughter to school.
I had to cut my hours to fit in with the schools opening times too.

The second time around, there are twice as many children in her class, and I know that some of them have 2 parents in the home, that are not keyworkers. Yet those children are allowed to go 5 days a week, and mine is only allowed to go 3. AIBU to question the head teachers decision on this?

By all means query why your dd does not qualify for 5 days, but you need to do it based on your circumstances, not other families'. You have no idea why other children have places - the school will certainly not tell you as that is not your business.
We have been able to offer help with tech, but to be honest, that is mainly going to families who are not attending school. The work we are setting states very clearly that it does not need to be printed. Children can complete their work on plain paper and send in a photo for the teacher to see and give feedback. At school, we are having to limit places because otherwise we'd have 80%o of children attending - our current staffing levels would not allow us to accommodate that number safely, as it is, every member of staff is in work everyday, unless they are unwell or self isolating. We currently have 8 members of staff out, teachers and support staff, which for a 2 form entry school is a large proportion. We understand that it is hard for parents, but honestly, it is not easy for us either.

OP I can understand why your cross. My children’s school didn’t even open until 1 June as they said there wasn’t sufficient demand for keyworker places. My children had to go to another school they had never seen. The Head was lovely, but one of my children’s teachers made it very clear a lot of staff thought we were being difficult and wanted to put them at risk and could we not work different shifts so our children were not in school? We couldn’t.

This year 15% of the school are in. I’m not cross at the school, but I do look at other parents and think “where were you last year”?

The truth is people just can’t stand being at home with their kids all day. That’s why at least half of every class is full.

sockwomble sorry badly worded. I just think that sometimes there's a fine line between working 'poor' and those on benefits. So sometimes those on a low income get little extra help. I know of a parent in my sons class who is single Mum not working and the head was happy to have all of her children in school. She has said no to plenty of others who do work & would like OP find it harder. They also get the extra food vouchers at £15 x 4 which people working may not get.

But you're complaining about other parents sending children in unnecessarily, then saying that you want to do the same thing! You work 3 days, your dd is in school 3 days and you have to homeschool 2

I do however agree with this. If you can homeschool you should. It's a major pandemic and going into school poses a risk. Anyone able to keep children home should do so. It's obvious that school is helping spread covid so just keep them home if you can!

The truth is people just can’t stand being at home with their kids all day.

This debate would be a lot more fruitful if people refrained from acting like nasty twats.

Yes it annoys me too. A close relative is a keyworker and their partner is on furlough at home and could home.school full time. They have sent their children into school because one child refused to do home learning last time and they didnt want them to fall behind this time. I am hearing lots of similar stories. I know of another couple both non key workers and children without issues and who wfh who flatly refused to home school and kicked up such a fuss because 'they pay taxes and their child is entitled to a face to face education' and just dropped his children off and the school ended up accepting them. I guess I shouldn't be surprised at that one given they went on holiday to a non travel corridor area in the summer and sent their kids straight back into school without quarantining.

To be honest I can kind of understand people focussing on their kids instead of trying to pull together to bring infection numbers down....but it's still extremely disappointing that people don't care about the greater good and schools are so busy.

Also it's not fair on those of us who are following the rules. We both wfh and are struggling with home school as well (just the volume of work while trying to do our own) and our kids will be behind

Usual caveat that you don't know circumstances and all that OP but seriously this lockdown seems to have resulted in a huge number of additional people becoming key workers.

Some classes this time are over 75% full. We know the parents and some are absolutely stretching the definition to breaking point.

I also think that now people are far more able to work from home, employers are signing off on key worker status a little too conveniently.

But it is what it is and I've got better things not to worry myself about.

Maybe the children have special needs? How do you know they don't fit the criteria? It is not their fault your are a single mum on a low paid job and struggling. You should aim your anger elsewhere

YANBU. There is clearly widespread rule pushing this time around.

Your lack of empathy for single parents, working in insecure work, and don't ask questions attitude, is exactly why mother and baby homes were able to continue operating for so long.

@Lucy2509

Not struggle to look at tasks on a tiny screen, writing everything out by hand because I do not have a printer, I suppose? Do my 3 a week corona tests, to make sure I'm keeping others safe? Or even pick up extra shifts, because there is only 1 income coming in.

They will print the sheets and deliver or post them to you.

Ask school if they can accommodate at short notice if you are asked to work R's shifts.

I think making comparisons is very unwise. They are providing school for the days that you work as per government guidance.

Hey OP..My dh is working in food production and I am furloughed at home,My dd goes to school 5 days.Now looking at this you would and I would have too wondered why my dd is in school.She looks fine and happy and I am able to be home and take care of her and homeschool her.we have printed work and laptops so in all honesty it would look to anyone like we are taking a place and taking the piss,During the
first lockdown my happy little girl was reduced to a wreck,She couldnt sleep,she used to wet the bed and lay in it she wouldnt get up wouldnt eat and was so terrified she was beyond our help.We went to the gp and she was diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression and reffered to chams.This wasnt her fault or ours or schools or anyones it was bloody covid 19 arriving to terryify the world.Now we are 6 months on and due to a lot of help both from chams and school reopening she is in a much better place mentally.No amount of money we had or devices or all the food we had would have made any differnce to my dd when she was ill though so thats the reason she is taking up a place in school that non of the other parents understand. At my dds school they have an amazing senco team who when allocating places for vulnerable children decided it would be best to offer my dd a place purely on the basis of them not wanting her to slip back and spiral down again after so much progress had been made.I dont want her in school right now but i do see its the best for her.She is stable and happy and I cannot tell you how this feels to see as a mum after so much distress and heartbreak seeing my dd reduced to a shadow of her former self I feel we are starting to get her back.I am incredebly greatful to school for their continued support and for following the recommendations and letting my dd be at school.I would have been glad to have her home but she needs a constant.Everything looks rosy about our family from the outside it does ,We look like the least people ever to need a place but behind the scenes its more than that but we deal with things privately. There may be many factors in a place being offered that dont look fair or reasonable like me I judged too till it affected us. Schools have a hard balancing act to do and it isnt so easy to see from the outside who is there and why.

@lazylump72
I am in a similar position with my daughter my and the last lockdown, and school have asked for her to be in full time - could I message you please?

yes of course message away!

Is it me @MrsSmith2021? 🤔

See I worry if be really judged. My 4yo goes to an preschool attached to primary. When national lockdown came in she was sent home as we are not key workers (but both working from home and expected to keep up by our employer).

We did two weeks of this, then last week preschool lead called and said they are returning to Early Years/nursery rules for preschool so could accommodate up to 15 children in the class (normally 30) and after all the key workers were accommodated she still had room for my DD. She offered us the place as I am hugely pregnant, due just before the Feb half term, and she thinks it will be good for DD to have stabilised at preschool before baby comes so she doesn't feel "pushed out". I agree, am hugely grateful and am sending her in. But would people think I'm being horribly selfish/taking a place from someone else who needs it more?

I am sitting on my arse mumsnetting... my child is still in school... due to
disability.

There seems to be some debate/ confusion about eligibility for school attendance. This is from gov.uk, seems unequivocal. Only one parent needs to be a critical worker, no mention of the second parent (assuming there is one around) needing to be anything at all, only that if the children can't be kept at home, they can go. Seems odd that some posters are reporting that their schools seem to be applying different rules when admitting children under this provision. Or am I missing something?

Critical workers
Parents whose work is critical to the coronavirus (COVID-19) and EU transition response include those who work in health and social care and in other key sectors outlined in the following sections. Children with at least one parent or carer who is a critical worker can go to school or college if required, but parents and carers should keep their children at home if they can.

You don’t know the individual circumstances of each child.

Despite DH and I being teachers we couldn’t send DC to school first lockdown as there was no wraparound and we were needed either in school or at home ready to teach live to timetable.

My DC are in school this time as wraparound is being offered so of course the intake has increased.

@TheKeatingFive

We need a sub forum for these threads.

So I can hide it forever and ignore all this endless harping and speculation.

You know nothing of the circumstances of the families involved.

Exactly, let’s think of a perfect name for it too 😝

We were asked to send proof of keyworker status as the school had too many pupils in
No proof no place

If school grilled you they grilled everyone op

But sometimes you do know the circumstances of others and sometimes they are getting an easier deal than you. This has happened in our school. It is absolutely unfair but unfortunately there is not much you can do about it. Hang in there.

So sorry you’re having a rough time OP. This pandemic seems to be particularly tough on single working parents. I definitely think it’s worth you talking to the school about how they can better support you. Also, would your employer be able to offer you guaranteed extra shifts? If they could put that in writing, it might give you a good case with the school?

I think you should challenge about your own situation, that you have no device and your dc is having hard time accessing the work etc. But other parents' situation has nothing to do with you, so I would not bring it up to fight for your cause, if I were you.

As a school worker "Do you need your daughter in 5 days? Why did the school only offer 3? I agree lots of families that are vulnerable you would be shocked at. However, I think alot of people have their children in school when they could have them home. Schools are way too full. But people only think of themselves.