Totally broken today (lockdown fatigue with toddlers)

[user2021]

I'm just totally broken today. I can't go on much more like this, nothing to do and no where to go with very small children.

I'm a SAHM and we live in a flat.

Back in the spring lockdown I had a 13m old and a just-turned-2 year old. It was horrific. I cried most days. I probably only got through it because the weather was nice and we could play outside.

This time, DC1 has just turned 3 and DC2 is almost 2. DC1 goes to preschool 3 mornings a week 9-12. But that's it. I still have DC2 with me all the time and both children from 12noon onwards. My DH is trying to work from home but at least he's around to share the load when he can but he is self employed and his business has tanked during the course of the pandemic so is working all hours to keep a roof over our head.

Today, I broke. The TV has been on from 7am. We got out for 30mim dog walk (in the rain) in the morning and 1hr walk this afternoon (in the rain) and everyone was miserable. DC2 didn't even want to get out of the buggy, despite dressed in a warm puddle suit and wellies, ready for jumping in puddles. She's had enough of this all too I guess.

I can't do this much longer. I'm done. I miss soft play, and play groups, and museums, and play dates, and petting zoos, and events, and attractions.

This has been my life for almost a year now. I'm broken :(

There isn't much I can say other than well done for getting through a horrible day. This is so tough. It is going to get better, we just have to hang on in there. But that is easy to say isn't it?

I gave my children cake for dinner after they refused their spaghetti. I just can't be bothered anymore.

I gave my kids breakfast cweal for dinner one bad day, and two years later they remember it as the highlight of their lives! I'm so sorry, OP. Lockdown with small kids is an absolute nightmare. You are a hero. Hopefully it will end soon.

It must be so hard, so what you can to make it a little easier. You can dial back on screen time when the weather is nicer and things are open again.

I do feel everyone though in so so so sick of wandering around with nowhere to go in particular.

Honestly they won't remember it and it will not make any difference to their lives.

What will make a difference is you and that means you need to look after yourself. Losing the guilt is a great way to start. Eat, drink and be merry without thinking you should be 'better' do 'better' give 'better'. Let it go.

This will end. And looking back you will be amazed by how superhuman you are being right now.

To be fair, I sense like you are simply not suited to being a SAHM. NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. It is not like you would be having amazing adventures with kids had it not been for lockdown. Sorry but looking after small kids is mostly drudgery sweetened by their smiles and progress. I would be looking for a part time or full time job outside (plus childcare) if I were you.

for you OP. I have it a bit easier - just one toddler DD, very hands on DP working from home and two full days of nursery a week (the prospect of which is just about saving my sanity). I’m aware I’m much luckier than many. But it’s still soul destroying - haven’t left the house today (we can’t face any more puddles either), mess and clutter everywhere (we’ve been doing art and messy play), constantly sorting out meals and emptying and reloading the dishwasher. The whole thing is a unique combination of stressful and dull.

I’ve had talk radio all day for a bit of company. There’s been a constant stream of people phoning in to demand an even tougher lockdown - nurseries closed, playgrounds closed, takeaways closed, no kids in the supermarket, ideally no leaving the house at all... It was notable that they were almost all middle aged men or older women with no small children at home!

I'm with you. Kids a similar age. I'm trying to work at the same time.
It's impossible and draining my life force.
The rain and the darkness makes it worse obviously and my 3 year old came into contact with a case so I haven't taken them out of the house for 3 days.
I find I do short sharp bursts of parenting (eg a game or cooking or whatever), then short sharp firing off emails, then they watch something while I'm on a call etc, and the day goes on like that.
Luckily work have furloughed staff with children part of the week so tomorrow I only have to worry about the kids but even with that said, it's tough tough tough.
Their sleep is bad too because of the lack of fresh air I think. Can't wait for the sunshine - would give anything for the rule of six!!

@TunMahla

To be fair, I sense like you are simply not suited to being a SAHM. NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. It is not like you would be having amazing adventures with kids had it not been for lockdown. Sorry but looking after small kids is mostly drudgery sweetened by their smiles and progress. I would be looking for a part time or full time job outside (plus childcare) if I were you.

What?

She doesn’t want “amazing adventures” but maybe to be able to do something to entertain her kids other than walk round the block and jump in some puddles.

@TunMahla I think there's a big difference between being a sahm during a lockdown and during normal times. As op said, all the lovely places to go to or friends to see.

@TunMahla that’s a bit of a leap! The OP actually listed all the usual activities that they usually enjoy filling the day with and that they can no longer do. If she wasn’t a SAHM there’s a good chance she’d also be trying to work at the same time unless she happened to fall into a key worker category, so I wouldn’t think she’s currently fantasising about getting a job...

It’s so hard isn’t it. I have a just turned 3 and 1 year old and trying to entertain them daily is exhausting. There’s nothing to break up the day it feels like Groundhog Day. I’m just taking one day at a time here. I’ve found doing an online prerecorded exercise class once day has really helped pick me up a bit and given me something to focus on other than childcare.

And don’t feel bad we’ve had the tv on so much recently here too. I think January is a difficult months at the best of times without a pandemic. Things will feel a lot brighter once the weather picks up and no pandemic lasts forever. But I hear you it’s tough right now.

Its so hard I'm a single parent to a 9 year old and 3 year and my youngest is extremely hard work. I very nearly had a mental breakdown last lockdown because of her and was dreading this one as her behaviour has got worse since then.

I'm not even ashamed (well maybe a little bit) to say she gets her tablet in the morning when she wakes up and I don't take it off her until she goes to bed as it keeps her occupied and stops the tantrums. She doesn't sit on it for the full day but she has access to it whenever she wants it and it stops her screaming at me all day long whicj means I am more patient as I can get stuff done around the house and my head is clearer to make to time to play games etc with her.

She barely eats any dinners either I've gave up worrying as long as she's eating throughout the day I've figured she'll be fine. I have always had a strict no sweets/biscuits/crisps until after lunch time but she has been eating packet of crisps which then get poured into a bag, welly boot, basket, whatever and trampled into the carpet after breakfast recently and I'm just letting her get on with it. I know if people could see they would judge but I don't care. I'm also aware I'm making a rod for my own back but honestly after the state I got into last year I've just decided to take the easiest way this time round because if I battle with her it will make things harder and right now I'm not mentally strong enough.

Shes fed, cleaned and cared for and that's what matters. You are taking care of 2 toddlers I can't even begin to imagine how difficult that is but as long as they are having their needs met do whatever makes your life easier to get through this its only temporary.

I’m with you OP, my 3 yr old is exhausting and her toys and colouring do not cover a 14hr day!!!

It's so hard ( I have 2 year old so not as full on as you).

I am struggling because I feel all there is to do is wet walks, we went for a walk today , toddler got fed up after a little bit was picking up sticks that were pure mud, he was covered , I was covered had to carry him back .. he was kicking his wellies off it was so stressful , trying to juggle a 2 stone toddler and picking up wellies and trying to get us both our of a one way system ( the water park has been made one way but is huge so if you need to turn back like we did your in a mess )

Then 2 days a week I do a job that I absolutely hate , that drains me completely unsupportive management that never answer their phone. I do 2 x 12.5 hour shifts call centre we are all work from home so log in 07.45-20.15 , it's depressing nature of work ( healthcare related ). I feel I have completely let myself down my background is nursing and I'm trying to get back into the hospital but then people make me feel guilty saying I would be putting my son at risk but I never signed up to be a nurse to spend hours on a call centre line .

I don't seem to enjoy anything these days

Op, I really feel for you.
I'm don't think I would have coped with one let alone two as a toddler, it was hard enough with playgroups open.

Op baths can last a long time, crayons for the bath, bath toys..

Lashing of TV.

Ebay for new toys, rotate...

They will appreciate getting out even if they don't get out of the buggy,fresh air etc.

January is a hard month!
Hard at anytime.

My heart goes out to you with under 8s and in flats. Just do what you need to do to keep them safe and you sane anything else doesn’t matter

Feel you're pain OP. This situation is utter shit! My job (3 days per week) is extremely challenging but still easier than toddler childcare, despite her not being particularly difficult! I'm just so sick of not having any choice in where we go, and getting muddy and puddle jumping is the default rather than us doing it by choice! I'm so sick of muddy snow suits, muddy wellies and muddy prams!!!! X

Op. I remember those days so clearly with my own. Ds2 at 2 just wanted to turn the tap on all day every day. It about killed me. I went out so so much. I can't imagine how hard it is at the moment.

You're doing a brilliant job. Put the tv on and just get through each day. The spring will come. The nights are already getting a bit lighter. Hang in there.

@TunMahla

To be fair, I sense like you are simply not suited to being a SAHM. NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. It is not like you would be having amazing adventures with kids had it not been for lockdown. Sorry but looking after small kids is mostly drudgery sweetened by their smiles and progress. I would be looking for a part time or full time job outside (plus childcare) if I were you.

What nonsense, most SAHP that I know have a lovely time enjoying all of the things that OP listed. Were it not for lockdowm OP would also be enjying spending time with her DC, watchig them grow up, nurturing them.

Fair enought that you didn't want to do this and prefered to WOH, but wanting to spend quality time with your DC when they are young is perfectly normal.

Do what you have to to get through! If that's screen time and cake then don't stress over it, you're keeping them alive and loved and in my book that's good enough in the current climate!

I have one toddler so not as full on but I'm feeling the monotony and boredom massively, it's really tough. Walk in the rain, playdoh again, screen time, another walk in the rain, snack time, play with the same old toys, read the same books over and over.

You'll get through it but sending !

Yes I miss everything too, the last event we went to was the gruffalo live in November 2019. The last time my daughter attended classes was in February last year, a once a week music group that we loved. Was due to begin preschool in march, that didn't happen, hasn't seen grandma since last February and have no other family locally. She's 4 now, for nearly a whole year we have been stuck at home, I'm a single parent with 3 older children ( one at uni), so very lonely. There is only one park within 5 miles of me and it's horrible, a magnet for migrant gangs and alcoholics at all times of the day. I don't drive, no countryside/ nature areas nearby. Walking the streets is ok from spring onward, dull as hell now. I'm thoroughly fed up, it's like groundhog Day, every day for 14 hours. I've exhausted books, jigsaws, baking, drawing, playdoh etc. I feel so lacklustre and incredibly guilty that this is her world.

Pivot she'll be fine!. This is short term, soon it will be lighter and we can all get outside.