Totally broken today (lockdown fatigue with toddlers)

[user2021]

I'm just totally broken today. I can't go on much more like this, nothing to do and no where to go with very small children.

I'm a SAHM and we live in a flat.

Back in the spring lockdown I had a 13m old and a just-turned-2 year old. It was horrific. I cried most days. I probably only got through it because the weather was nice and we could play outside.

This time, DC1 has just turned 3 and DC2 is almost 2. DC1 goes to preschool 3 mornings a week 9-12. But that's it. I still have DC2 with me all the time and both children from 12noon onwards. My DH is trying to work from home but at least he's around to share the load when he can but he is self employed and his business has tanked during the course of the pandemic so is working all hours to keep a roof over our head.

Today, I broke. The TV has been on from 7am. We got out for 30mim dog walk (in the rain) in the morning and 1hr walk this afternoon (in the rain) and everyone was miserable. DC2 didn't even want to get out of the buggy, despite dressed in a warm puddle suit and wellies, ready for jumping in puddles. She's had enough of this all too I guess.

I can't do this much longer. I'm done. I miss soft play, and play groups, and museums, and play dates, and petting zoos, and events, and attractions.

This has been my life for almost a year now. I'm broken :(

I have a one year old and a three year old too. They don't want to go out because the three year old takes her gloves off and gets cold hands and moans, and the one year old is only just walking so she's at that stage where she has to stop at every leaf and falls over a lot. She likes walking and doesn't want to go in her buggy though.
I feel like I have exhausted all my creativity of indoor play things, made up games, messy play, arts, crafts, baking, all of that, over the last year. Now it is cold and wet and like OP I want to go on play dates, to the zoo, petting farms, swimming, soft play, toddler groups... I'd like to wander round town and let my kids look at stuff in shops without having to worry about germs and social distancing and stuff. And I would dearly love to hand them to their grandparents for a few hours and spend some time with my husband. Lunch, maybe.

God yes.
We did Christmas Day with my in laws who live reasonably close and are young/early retired and can't usually see our kids at the moment and it broke me a bit to see how much they all enjoyed it and how much we're all missing out in different ways

It is so so so so sucky. The first lockdown broke me - like literally. I got signed off work with stress. I have a 3 and a 4 year old and I was RAGING when they said they were going to close primaries. At least this time around they kept nurseries and playgrounds open because otherwise I would be outside Westminster protesting.

All I can think is that we won’t take “normality” for granted any more. Just do literally whatever you can to get through the day. If it’s tv on all day, PJs all the time and takeaways, so be it. And if it makes you feel better I swear kiddie shows are way more educational than they used to be

Buy 2 ipads life saver

Buy a scooter for the kids ?

Same boat here OP. 3 yo and a 14mo home all day, no preschool as it is shut and DP is out for work all day. I'm also having to stay up until midnight to get all my own work done.
It's hard but I have accepted my fate and that is making it a lot easier

I agree with everyone upthread except for the silly sahm comment!

I have a 5 and 3 year old. So we do have some home schooling to do but most of the day is trying to find activities they’ll both enjoy and not squabble over. In case any of these help anyone:

The cheap washable paints and brushes in the bath, rinse it off with the shower afterwards

Tuff tray / table etc - put down a pile of rice/flour/cereal and some toy cars / diggers etc

Storybots on Netflix - educational and funny

Give them some coins and a piggy bank, mine love posting the coins in

Cosmic yoga on YouTube.

Good luck mums. We’re rocking this.

I feel you OP. I have a 3 year old in a flat and today has really drained me mentally. Theres been far too much TV happening for my liking but I'm just trying to get through. Mine also does 3 mornings but I have to use that for care duties for a family member usually. I think your quite super for doing it all with 2 toddlers for what it's worth. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you

Fuck, I’m right there with you.

23 month old and I’m 6 months pregnant. Working full time😫 nursery is fucking shut😫😫

My DH more than pulls his weight but this is shit.

Yes @Absy I'll be right there with you with my picket sign and megaphone!

@Christmasfairy2020 my children want for nothing. They both have scooters, the older one has a bike too and an iPad, we have so many toys and arty things I'm running out of storage. TV options are limitless, we have Sky, Prime, Netflix. Disney+... it's just finding the motivation at the moment to keep my energy high and engage with them day in day out stuck indoors after doing this for almost a year now

And thank you again everyone for telling me you're in similar situations and finding it equally tough. Solidarity!!!

Yep it’s shit. It’s been icy here and toddler just falls constantly so we haven’t been getting out much. Going for cold, wet walks with a toddler who won’t go in the buggy but walks at a snail’s pace isn’t fun. Even the park isn’t really enjoyable at this time of year. Here in Scotland places like soft play have been shut since March, never thought I’d miss soft play so much!

Jesus I'm right there with you.

How many times in a year can you proclaim 'lets go for a walk' enthusiastically?! All we do is fucking walk. To the bridge, to the train tracks, to the park, to the green, to the roundabout....I'm fed up of my local area! As are my children!

Dc1 has SN, it's hard enough to find entertainment and outings that fit in the most normal of times, DC2 is two shortly, and half his life has been socially distanced fucking walks. And he hates mud, and cold, and wet. Loves puddles though, as long as they're not wet....ahh toddler logic... that's fun.

Oh OP I really feel for you. I went from being (in my opinion) a pretty good SAHM to my 2 & 4yr old to a miserable stifled one last lockdown. Our whole routine had been taken from us. All our activities and fun things had been replaced by going for a fucking walk.

The houses was a mess ALLL the time and the Groundhog Day of making lunch every day was dragging me down.

My youngest is at pre school this time and my eldest's school work actually gives some structure to the day so I'm finding a bit easier but it's the endless days of nothing to fill that we're so hard last time, so be kind to your myself, do NOT worry about screen time and take each day at a time. But it is shit.

Mine are teens now but this would have killed me.
This will sound awful, but can you put the older one in nursery several hours a week?It doesn't make financial sense, but sometimes other things are more important.

Also lol at the poster saying you’re not cut out to be a SAHM. Fuck off. This bullshit is nothing like being a SAHM normally.

@cptartapp

Mine are teens now but this would have killed me. This will sound awful, but can you put the older one in nursery several hours a week?It doesn't make financial sense, but sometimes other things are more important.

Lovely idea but here in Scotland nurseries are bloody shut! We’re trying to juggle looking after our DS who is nearly 2 and both WFH full time. It’s a steaming pile of shit.

Don't worry, OP, some sanctimonious cow will be along in a minute to make you feel better by telling you that you young mums need to develop a bit of resilience and that this was basically what life was like for parents before the year 1990 or something.

No advice, just a lot of and a glass of . We are right in the trenches right now. Once the elderly and vulnerable are vaxxed, restrictions WILL start being lifted because if they aren't then there is going to be mass disobedience across the nation.

@Kokeshi123

Don't worry, OP, some sanctimonious cow will be along in a minute to make you feel better by telling you that you young mums need to develop a bit of resilience and that this was basically what life was like for parents before the year 1990 or something.

No advice, just a lot of and a glass of . We are right in the trenches right now. Once the elderly and vulnerable are vaxxed, restrictions WILL start being lifted because if they aren't then there is going to be mass disobedience across the nation.

Except it wasn’t. I’m an 80s baby and my mum told me she was out every day with me at some baby group or other. Plus play dates.

It's such a struggle isn't it. I have a toddler and a preschooler and both in extremely difficult phases. Schools and nurseries are closed on top of everything else.

Toddler DD screams getting dressed, undressed, having food, not having food, going outside, coming inside... Plays ok by herself for a few minute but really can't be unsupervised for any time.

DS just wants to slob in front of screens and cannot be motivated to do anything. He fades into a lesser, sadder version of himself without his preschool and activities, it's happening before my eyes and breaking my heart. Trying to persuade him to go outside for a walk is an epic battle of wills and some days I just don't have the energy.

I'm working PT as a court lawyer with both kids around, on my knee or asking for snacks during calls etc. My DH is working all hours in a senior job - he worked until 3.30am last night and started again at 8am. This has been similar since March as he tries to keep the business profitable.

Both children are being raised, educated and supervised entirely by screens and I feel sad and guilty. A few weeks or months is one thing but we're getting to 10 months of this now with only two terms of preschool being open a few hours a day.

I'm in a negative cycle of feeling really down about how little the kids are doing except screens, but totally lacking the motivation or energy to do anything with them, then feeling even worse.

Just trying to stay positive and take each day at a time. My schedule is basically

Screens/free play all day with one 'organised' activity in the morning, one in the afternoon, then in the evening after dinner we come off screens. Organised activity minimum time is 30 mins but usually they play longer.

By organised activity it can be baking, craft, walk, or something hands on or it could just be getting out all the duplo, cars, playdoh for a play, changing the beds/helping with chores, playing with the cats. Whatever that isn't screen time.

@TunMahla I think that's a really unfair thing to say - OP sounds like a great Mum (she wouldn't post on here if she wasn't) who is struggling under really difficult circumstances. Mine are teens now but I remember how hard it was when they were small - meeting friends for coffee or going for a swim were essential and necessary parts of our day. I used to find that if all else failed, putting them in a paddling pool or the bath with spoons and bowls and toys was a lovely way to pass an hour or two. Cake for tea is fine. Maybe tonight tell them the cake is all gone but give them something they love - spaghetti or whatever their favourite tea is. Watching TV is fine, watch it with them and talk about what you've seen, put some music on and let them dance around - my DD loved it when I filmed her and played it back. Can you do a zoom coffee with a friend? Swop toys? Get DH to have them while you go out for a walk or jog to clear your head? You are doing an amazing job!!!

Oh goodness, I feel your pain. It's totally shit, isn't it?

My situation is a little different, in that DD is 4, but she's missing school something terrible. DS is only 7 months, and he was born prematurely in the first lockdown, after my waters went and I had a huge bleed. This was, in part, due to DD, then 3, being off of nursery, and us going for long walks every day.

I then hung on for 7 more weeks, with numerous hospitalisations, before DS was born, and he then spent 2 weeks in NICU. This was still in the first lockdown, all without any family support, as we were being told at the time that they weren't allowed to drive the 3 hours to come to us.

I'm now having treatment for PTSD and postnatal depression. I can't give DS the attention he needs, whilst trying to homeschool DD. And DD keeps having her zoom lessons interrupted by a screaming DS.

God help us all.

Things that have helped me whilst home 24/7 with 3yo and 14mo DSs are:

1. Snack time! At 10ish I give them both some fruit and crisps. I used to give Ds1 snacks whenever he asked but this snack time has helped them both stay in much higher spirits and they eat quite a lot more.

1. Same breakfast everyday. They have porridge. Every day. It fills them up and it is relatively healthy. Plus no faffing with deciding what they want each day.

1. Tidy up after each 'game'. Ds1 is very free form so flows from one thing to another (I.e doesn't sit and do a puzzle.. more pretends to make pancake batter with puzzle pieces). After he has moved.on to his next performance I quickly clear up the mess in his wake. I used to jus travel it for later but this caused more work and also was a slip hazard for 14mo who has just started walking.

1. I got rid of the ipad. Only because my DS1 couldn't handle the overstimukstion. Also the 14mo would try and grab it and it was cause so many squabbles. He screaming and cried like an addict for the day it was gone. Since then he's barely noticed. And he is sooo much happier and more playful than before.

1. Hide all the toys with 10000 tiny bits. I have momentarily stashed the toys with lots of bits away because it drove me mad picking up 50 small discs every 1.5 hrs from the stacking toy or whatever. Life feels better!

1. Say yes to older child wrt games. DS1 is big in to pretend play and rarely plays alone. So I just go along with being the queen/giraffe/floating cloud with a 'oh wow look at that' in the correct character voice whilst wrangling 14mo and DS1 seems mostly pleased.

1. Do all the dishwasher/washing machine stuff whilst the baby is in the highchair. I found it impossible to get this done whilst DS2 was free range.

1. Finally, I have found it so much easier and sometimes actually quite fun since I have just accepted the situation as it is. This time a year ago having both of the kids home all day every day would have been my literal nightmare. No childcare in any form would have been unthinkable. But now I've been doing it I guess I've just got used to the trudgery and realised that it's not so bad.

That's all I can think of for now. We are avoiding playgrounds and its been way to wet to go out this week so we have all been inside for so long. I miss ds1s nursery so much and working until the small hours is the last thing I want to be doing once everyone is in bed. But we will get through it!!!

You have my sympathies OP.
The hardest years of my life were when my children were that age and we weren’t locked down.

The only thing I can say is that this will soon be over and hopefully we can have a normal summer (and a half decent spring).

And don’t worry too much about the hours of Telly they might be watching. My children love reminiscing about all the programs they used to watch. So although we worry it is rotting their brains, they are really enjoying themselves and forming happy memories.

@Ohchristmastreeohchristmastree
Agreed re the screen time. Pre-pandemic we were very strict about screens. They only ever watched videos on flights. During the worst of it they were watching tons just so DH and I could get work done. I read an article by someone who had written a book about restricting screen time and her view now is pretty much “fuck it. We are in survival mode”.

I think a lot of the shows are more educational than I remember them being when I was a kid (granted this was South Africa, so we had a tv show about pumpkins, one sponsored by the Dried Fruit Board and not much else). My children know all about different marine animals thanks to Octonauts, dinosaurs thanks to Dinosaur train and then there’s always Sesame Street which is designed to be educational. Parents need to do whatever they can to survive