Totally broken today (lockdown fatigue with toddlers)

[user2021]

I'm just totally broken today. I can't go on much more like this, nothing to do and no where to go with very small children.

I'm a SAHM and we live in a flat.

Back in the spring lockdown I had a 13m old and a just-turned-2 year old. It was horrific. I cried most days. I probably only got through it because the weather was nice and we could play outside.

This time, DC1 has just turned 3 and DC2 is almost 2. DC1 goes to preschool 3 mornings a week 9-12. But that's it. I still have DC2 with me all the time and both children from 12noon onwards. My DH is trying to work from home but at least he's around to share the load when he can but he is self employed and his business has tanked during the course of the pandemic so is working all hours to keep a roof over our head.

Today, I broke. The TV has been on from 7am. We got out for 30mim dog walk (in the rain) in the morning and 1hr walk this afternoon (in the rain) and everyone was miserable. DC2 didn't even want to get out of the buggy, despite dressed in a warm puddle suit and wellies, ready for jumping in puddles. She's had enough of this all too I guess.

I can't do this much longer. I'm done. I miss soft play, and play groups, and museums, and play dates, and petting zoos, and events, and attractions.

This has been my life for almost a year now. I'm broken :(

@TunMahla

To be fair, I sense like you are simply not suited to being a SAHM. NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. It is not like you would be having amazing adventures with kids had it not been for lockdown. Sorry but looking after small kids is mostly drudgery sweetened by their smiles and progress. I would be looking for a part time or full time job outside (plus childcare) if I were you.

What rubbish. The OP isn't looking for 'amazing adventures', just the local church hall playgroup to sit inside in the warm/dry with a cup of tea whilst the kids play with different toys would be amazing. Or the library (again, warm, dry, free). Or the community centre weighing drop in. Or anything other than bloody wet muddy walks every single day.

OP I feel you (3 year old and 6 months old and 3 days nursery for big one so not as tough as you). My big one at least naps/has downtime in her room so I usually get an hour in the middle of the day to decompress (read:try and sort out the carnage that occurred in the morning before it gets repeated in the afternoon) but still. It's a lot to deal with and you're not alone in feeling like this.

You are not alone, lots of us are struggling I’d give me right arm to visit a soft play for one hour! Just do whatever you can to get through the day, ice cream for breakfast, cereal for dinner....who cares in the long run, fed and not dead, your work today has been a success.

Little ones won’t remember this time, only the parents will. I wish mine were young enough to not be able to remember it.

Look at the positives, you don’t have to juggle a job as well and can go out and structure your day to suit.

Well done for getting out for an hour and a half in this weather with two small children. Honestly that’s more than most today.

It’s so much harder this time round. I’m just taking a day at a time. So not much advice. But if I get my kids outside even for a while that’s a win at the moment.

You are a hero as others are saying.
It is so hard. I'm finding it hard with one toddler and a garden, couldn't think of it with two in a flat.
Well done for all you are doing and will carry on doing.

It’s bloody hard. I have a 2 and 5 yo, am juggling 3 hours of home schooling amongst an errant toddler hanging off my leg, and also trying to work from home. But hopefully there is an end in sight for us all x

Feeling you ! 2 year old and a 4 month old here !! It’s about survival - not long to go now !!

@TunMahla

To be fair, I sense like you are simply not suited to being a SAHM. NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. It is not like you would be having amazing adventures with kids had it not been for lockdown. Sorry but looking after small kids is mostly drudgery sweetened by their smiles and progress. I would be looking for a part time or full time job outside (plus childcare) if I were you.

What nonsense is this? Pre lockdown I LOVED being a SAHM. we went to baby groups every day and went on lots of little adventures. It's the isolation, lack of social connection with other mums and other friends, and the lack of things to do with them that is making this so hard. (And the worry about them not getting their developmental needs met)

@TunMahla

What a load of rubbish. I was a SAHM for years.
I had a fab time going to toddler groups, library groups, farms, play dates etc. Nothing but great memories and I had ten years off in total before I returned to work.

The OP just want a life outside of her four walls.

OP it’s so so tough even in normal times with children that age. Please just take one day at a time. ❤️ It’s just so lonely..... fingers crossed for some dry weather at least, the rain just makes it so grim.

Hello Op. I'm a SAHM with a nearly 2yo and a just 3yo. Mine aren't going to childcare at all atm (we are meant to be relocating soon but are basically in limbo). It's bloody relentless, it's hard and even the kids are getting board. I'm up North and it's so icy here even outdoor walks aren't an option some days.

Here are some things that have helped me stay somewhat sane:

-Tuff tray (mine will play for a long time with things like dried rice and lentils, moon sand, play dog, things frozen into blocks
Of ice)

-Tv, I tend to do little and often so that I get a chance to tidy up a bit, eat and drink. So they might get 4x20-30 min per day. More on a bad day. It won't do them any harm.

-baking. In the tuff tray. Crispie cakes and cookies and scones - things that they can mush with their hands

• playing music and putting the bubble machine on

-nature trail in the park. I drew ten simple
Images and they had to spot everything (a dog, berries etc). They were told if they did it all they'd get a Kit Kat and they did behave quite well for an hour !

-obvs other toys like duplo and brio but they do tend to squabble

-stickers

-magnetic tiles

-Going for walks with them both in the double buggy and drip feeding them snacks

... just a few ideas in case any of them help. But I totally get it. It's very very challenging. I actually feel like each day is some kind of endurance test!

And the person that said you're not suited to being a SAHM is so wrong! I used to go to a toddler group or museum or play date every week day. There is nothing now.

My kids mostly ate mostly cake for tea too. I hear you - it's very tough. It will get better soon.

Thank you all so much for your lovely words of encouragement and not making me feel like a crap parent for giving my kids cake for dinner!

As shit as it is, it's really nice to hear that I'm not alone and so many are going through similar.

@TempsPerdu funnily enough I had LBC on in the background at various points in the day today and heard the same thing! Plenty of callers demanding tougher restrictions. If preschool and playgrounds close, that'll send me over the edge I think.

@PivotPivotPivottt haha! I used to be quite strict on sweets and screen time. That went out of the window during the spring lockdown 🤪

Bored not board!

Oh- mine like copying Emma Wiggles ballet lessons on YouTube (I stream it to the TV)

Another fellow mum here, dd1 is almost 4 and dd2 was born 8 weeks ago in the second mini lock down we jad, inwas pregnant through the first lock down which was horrific and now I've just found out dd1 pre school is shut for 10 days as there's been a positive result in one of the kids.
It's so tough coping with the little ones with no where to go, mine is also bored and we're still in the jealousy phase of bringing home a new baby so it's often quite tense in the house so I totally hear your stress. I think us mums are doing a great job though

You are doing great. Screen time and extra cake for a while will not do any harm. They are too young to ever remember this period in their lives. Issue at that age is no activity lasts long. Just keep going.

OP you are not alone! It’s so nice to read other mums of small children are going through this too. Iv a 6 month old & a just turned 2 year old. The days are so long cooped up at home with no support networks. My DH works 6 days week as a mechanic & it’s so lonely just being with preschoolers. I tend to leave radio on all day for company & I listen to podcasts whilst we play in the front room. My baby’s a terrible sleeper & I wish I could have some family over to relieve me just for a few hours but it’s 24/7 isn’t it.
Good luck & know ur feelings are shared

Sending love, OP. Those ages are tough even without a lockdown! I remember that utter exhaustion at the end of the day that felt like a horrible week. This is likely to be the toughest period of your life, but it will get better. One day you will look back on this and shudder, but it will be over. Do whatever you need to do to get through this; drink, eat, do virtual shopping in posh shops and just don't checkout, watch crap on telly, lie face down on the floor... Don't worry about the kids - they won't even remember. Fresh start tomorrow and slay each bastard of a day until the sun comes out again. I'll be rooting for you x

It's so hard everyone. I have three, 2, 5 and 7 and basically have to pay ignore my older two to do the work I'm committed to (self employed) for 8 hours a day. I feel terrible. Obviously I don't have an under one, but if you do you are allowed to bubble with another family. I wasn't sure if any of you knew. Take all the help you can get. When mine were smaller the only thing which saved my sanity was getting out as much as possible. It's so awful that's gone now.

We'll be the people that regale future parties with these anecdotes whilst they gasp in horror and admiration that we survived
Fuck, it was tough over Christmas with two pre-schoolers, so much harder with the dark and cold and/or wet. Didn't fancy the garden or the park but ended up in the latter most days.
More ideas that you/others might have done already but just in case...
•Teddy bears picnic combined with a couple of blankets to make a den for the toys
•Playdoh with little craft bits (buttons, pegs) keep my youngest occupied for 20 minutes at a time
•BBC playtime island app lets them play various games without needing to unlock parental mode on my work iPad
•Getting Alexa to play nursery rhymes/sleeping bunnies/baby shark for a bit of a disco
•Made a pasta necklace with penne on string earlier, might paint it tomorrow if I can face getting the paints out
•Numberblocks and alphablocks on cbeebies make me feel less guilty than other tv
•I bought some Lego friends sets off eBay for biggest but the littlest is nicknamed "Wrecking Ball" so we wait for her nap-time
Hope some of those help someone else
I'm off to research tuff trays

Nothing to add but absolute solidarity OP. I have a just turned 3 year old too and they are maniacs. My oldest is 5 which is much easier on me than also having a 2 year old. It is so so so hard and I just want to I commend you for even getting out of the flat twice. Well done.

Don't worry about the tv. The blessing is the 2 year old will have no memory of this period at all, questionable even that the 3 year old will. Not saying that makes it ok mind!

Hugs to you! It is ok to feel shit about this situation we find ourselves in.

P.s. ignore the shit about not being suited to being a SAHM. I'm one too. Hilarious to compare this to being a SAHM in any other normal circs!!!!!

Wish I'd had cake for dinner by the way.

@user2021 Ha yes, LBC here too - listening in as DD created merry havoc with the art box, while inwardly raging at Barry in Chigwell and his mates calling for ‘a proper lockdown with no leaving the house’

I'm loving the solidarity on this thread 🍷 we will get out of this !

That sounds so tough.

Are you in a bubble with anyone?

Do what you have to do to get through this. Take them walking as much as possible to tire them out then don't worry too much about screen time.

I found really long baths with loads of toys and bubbles were a great way to kill some time during the day and keep them contained in one space!