Learning at home: I can't keep this up - exhausted and depressed!

[UndertheCedartree]

I'm feeling so anxious and depressed about it all. I feel so much pressure from school unlike last lockdown. This isn't about blaming the school - I'm well aware probably half the school feel it is too much and half not enough!

This is for my Y4 DD we have been given a timetable covering lesson 1, break, lesson 2, lesson 3, lunch, lesson 4, reading. My DD needs quite a lot of support and the lessons are taking us 1-2hrs. This week I've spent hours every day with her until she can't stare at a screen anymore when she's done some arts and crafts and played her keyboard. She's only done half the work. I've done nothing with my eldest and DD has had the notebook all day which can't happen next week she will have to share it. I've not been able to do barely any housework or anything for myself. I have Long Covid as well as a serious mental health condition and every afternoon I have just felt like death as I am so exhausted physically and mentally. I can't keep this up

@joystir59 - wow - I got even more exhausted just reading that list! Not sure when we're going to fit all that in!!
The thing is my DD is unable to just get on with the lessons without support/only has access to the laptop some of the time. Tbf my 13yo DS can do a lot of those things but I don't think now is the time to add to my workload by trying to teach all these things to DD!

I just wondered how everyone got on this week.

We did okay in the end, but we didn’t do hardly any school work! I know we can’t keep that up, particularly as teacher daily zooms start on Monday. We seem to do best when we just middle along at our own/ the kids timetable. The school whatsapp group is saying ‘oh it’ll add some structure’ but, I just think it’ll stress me and the kids out having to do set things at set times.

I can only agree with the suggestion that others have made to focus on English and Maths and not worry too much about the rest.

The idea of staggering when your kids have the tech is also good if it'll work for you.

I'm fortunate to have a very self sufficient teenager, but during the first lockdown I was also wfh full time and caring for sick/elderly parents.

Ar one point I stocked the fridge with nibbly bits for lunch, bought paper plates (I don't have a dishwasher) and a weeks worth of ready meals. It took at least one chore out of the equation for a bit.

Same here.

Dint think the teachers understand that home is NOT like school.

I’m stressed and grumpier than usual. Email from school at beginning of lockdown said that we were expected to do the set work. This is more horrible than last time - at least we were left to our own devices and my child had clearly not fallen behind when they returned in Sept.

Six plus hours a day of one on one cajoling, correcting, explaining, redirecting etc etc is exhausting and will affect my relationship with my child.

Write her a list of ways to solve simple problems.

Lost pencil: get another/ look under the table,

Hungry: help yourself to.... At x time

Just concentrate on maths and English. If it takes longer than the set time sod it. Tell the teacher it was too much do they want you to work on something new or plod through stuff in order?

Maybe you don't need to do all the examples. Or email that she needs more practice on this topic.

The point is that you are teaching life skills to her while you do the bloody housework, instead of art history and geography. the shopping budget etc will cover a whole heap of maths.

Dc received an education that included 'towards independent living" last march as I could not get dc to engage with set work without upset, by which point it was clear dc was not learning. Dc had to receive a suitable education. For them independent living, emotional regulation etc are much needed skills. (Don't hit people)

I snuck various bits of learning in as we came across it. Read all the teachers set, evaluated what was most critical for dc went off piste with history and geography kept an eye on what was in GCSE work coming in to sibling and dropped some of that in too we managed to go on a school field trip by accidentally booking holiday there.

I wonder if some of the parents who complained about the lack of structure/work set in the last lock down feel that having more set work this time will help and makes things easier? I imagine there are children out there that happily just beaver their way through the online work but for many the motivation is simply not there when at home. It's not really anything to do with how the home learning is structured by the school. They just cannot/will not adapt to a home learning environment with their parent as a teacher/facilitator of that work.

My child is Y5. Perfectly capable of doing the work set by the school and I basically force/bribe her to do most of it, but she doesn't enjoy it one bit. There is a daily battle. She seems to have to go through what feels like the stages of grief everyday - denial, anger, bargaining.
depression, acceptance. Just to get a worksheet on prime numbers done. We faired a bit better back in the last lock down (although not much) because we felt able to go off script a bit more. This time round, the work being set feels a huge box ticking exercise. I'm not sure it's benefitting my child.

The pressure from your head is just pressure from the govt. Now it’s all measuring and ensuring engagement. A confident head would know what to value but it’s very hard when you know ofsted may demand to see your level of engagement from learners and your strategies for ensuring learning blah blah blah

It's horrible that so many parents are having this stress, on top of the stress already caused by the lockdown, working from home and the pandemic in general.

My KS1 son's school sent home a very lengthy, complicated letter about what to do, where to find it, live this, pre-recorded that.... In my judgement, it would be beneficial to nobody in my household, so I simply wrote a polite note saying what I planned for him to do (essentially reading and writing) and that we would do the work set only as and when it suits us. I have no intention of battling my son to do work he has no motivation to do, and at the end of the day this is a 5-week half term - even if we did nothing it wouldn't be the end of the world!

No one should feel any obligation to slavishly follow the work set, particularly at primary level.

i can't cope anymore

they've even brought in star of the week with regards online learning well that won't ever be my child and it's so fucking unfair!!
i think it's so wrong!

We seemed to of had s better day today, managed to complete both childrens work without stressing. Its friday now 2 days of no work enjoy it guys

What @PomWestie said.
My year 5 DD (also been tackling a Prime Numbers worksheet today) is just not motivated at all by home learning.
Unless I’m sitting with her the whole time,she just tries to speed through each tack as quickly as she can, putting down the minimum as an answer.
On a nice note though, school sent out a lovely email from the headteacher, saying whatever we’re all doing at home is good enough, not to stress ourselves out by it, and that they don’t expect every single task to be done each day.
Despite this, like most of you, I feel totally overwhelmed.
I’m becoming irritable with poor DD - the constant lack of ‘head space’ is driving me mad. Jumping from one thing to the next, trying to do my own work too, doing all the normal household tasks, it feels too much.

DD lives between eXDH and me, and he’s basically stepped back from all responsibility for home schooling.

@purpleme12

they've even brought in star of the week with regards online learning well that won't ever be my child and it's so fucking unfair!! i think it's so wrong!

Please don’t let it get you down. Does your child care if they get star of the week? I wish I could of think of something to say to make you feel better. These things don’t really mean anything. I’ve introduced mummy points at home instead of house points! They mean bugger all but makes my child smile if I give them 2 MPs for doing the worksheet!!!! Gaps in education can be easily fixed, unhappiness and stress are harder to solve. Try to do things that make you and your children happy. 💐

I have been consoling stressed out parents via email for much of the day. So many. Having taught my DC at home during last lockdown while also teaching my class remotely, I completely understand how frustrating and demoralising it can be. I hated being DC1's teacher.
The government are shooting themselves in the foot and doing no one any favours putting pressure on to account for engagement. It shows such a lack of understanding of people's lives and circumstances, of how children learn. During this time, what we need is for families to not fall apart and break under the stress of it all. We need for schools to provide engaging and stimulating learning opportunities that families can take or leave, and do as much or as little of as they can manage -so shoot me.
Last lockdown, if I noticed a pupil not turning in work, I would ring to check whether they were OK. I was able to tell whether they were just taking a break from remote learning which should be totally fine IMO, or whether something was wrong, and so offer support. Nobody will be helped by or feel better as a result of compliance measures.
OP, it sounds like you are doing all you can and would still be doing well if you did half of what you're doing. Don't allow home learning to cause your relationship with your DC to become fraught, just cherry pick what you think she can manage and will enjoy. Inform her teacher, I'm 99% certain they'll feel like I do, and support you.

@purpleme12 oh gosh this makes me so mad my kids primary do the star of the week too it’s so unnecessary and unfair.

This thread helped me. I know it's been a few days but we are still finding it tough going.

Is it worth a petition, do you think? (Asking to reduce the minimum hours the government/Ofsted expect primary schools to set for kids? Or at least for some of it to be more relaxed learning (that can be through play) rather than anything requiring a screen or worksheets, pen and paper (I'm thinking youngest years here)? The amount we can realistically cover at home is never going to match what they might be able to in a classroom. Pushing them too hard now might for some children put them off school and reduce the time they'd normally be playing, resting, building social skills etc.

We all have different family circumstances, child might learn differently when with other children of same age. Virtual learning is not the same as a screen and parent guided (if parents aren't both working) different to a trained teacher.

I'd assume teachers are finding it hard setting and marking so much as well as many parents feeling overwhelmed. They only had a day's notice that it was going to be remote learning! So perhaps we'd get plenty of signatures and parliament would have to debate it.

Don't do it. Definitely don't do it all. I did live input for a reading lesson this morning, I suggested that they go straight away to do the work and get it done - would take 10 mins. Immediately one child shouted 'yeah right, I want to do art first today'.. I pointed out that I wasn't going to turn up at his house, so that was up to him.

Try and keep up with maths, do some reading of a book they are interested in, discuss it a bit, watch some Bitesize. It's not forever.

I have been consoling stressed out parents via email for much of the day. So many.

Yes, Friday was all about counselling parents! So many of mind don't speak English as a first language too - doubly stressed. I spoke with my child's teacher today too- we'll do phonics and maths and that's it. I had to bribe with smarties today.

I am not an anxiety prone person but I am veering from anxiety to deep boredom hourly. The yr 5 work is fairly sensible though she rushes through the Maths and then throws a strop when most of it is wrong. The yr R though...it’s insane. Waaaaay beyond her and all her peers are holding up whiteboards full of beautiful cursive writing and number sentences! Jeepers I was quite chilled about academics before this experience!

So clearly lots of parents have been struggling as we had a letter from the principal saying they understood some families would need flexibility and the familiy's emotional wellbeing was the most important thing. But then we had a video from one of the Y4 teachers stating that the work was 'compulsory' and it was ok to be flexible as long as you got all the work for the day finished!! So should we be up til midnight trying to do all the work?! Personally I feel the government stipulation of 4 hours a day for KS2 is ridiculous! They don't need that much 1:1 work! Never mind when busy parents will fit it all in.

I have just started a domestic violence family programme which means I will be on a Zoom call for the main part of the morning twice a week with each of my 2 children also doing a morning a week so most mornings the laptop will be used for that.

I actually timed how long it took to do an Oak lesson. 2.5hrs for a Maths lesson. The school's timetable includes 3x Oak lessons a day plus 1 from a teacher from the school - these are much more manageable, though - an hour at most. Then there is reading, bug club, my maths and TT rockstars. There are videos from the teachers to watch, responses to comments on the work or corrections to do and a teacher put a spelling quiz on today. There is also a Zoom class meet-up once a week. This is all great and the teachers must be working so hard - but it is impossible to keep up with unless we work for 12 hours a day!!

Today I set my DD up with her reading book and a drink and snack while I used the laptop for my Zoom meeting. My DD did some My maths while I made lunch. We then watched the teacher's video for Y4 and did the quiz. We finished the work from the last spelling lesson - writing sentences with all the words and trying to learn them. My DD responded to questions about her reading. We then did the French lesson by her French teacher. We did some keyboard practice and then it was time for dinner. After we cleaned up the DC played Sims together while I did some jobs. I finally sat down with a coffee and before I knew it it was time for their story (13 yo still loves being read to!) - I'm reading them Code name: Bananas by David Walliams and then DD gets ready for bed. Still need to find some time for DS!

Sending lots of strength to everyone struggling. We can only do our best! Let's keep this thread running as I'm finding is so supportive.

@BlackeyedSusan - lovely advice - thank you. Yes, I'm going to find out from her teacher the best way to approach the work and also explain how much input DD needs for the Oak lessons. There is usually 3 or 4 bits of work to do before you even get to the independant task. I think they are making the work quite hard so the more able students are stretched - that's fine in school when DD has a learning partner/class discussion/teacher to diffetentiate but at home I have to support her with it all. Some of the Maths I really don't know how to explain it in a way my DD will understand.

I've only been homeschooling since Monday and I've had enough already.
Dd started school in August, so I haven't done this before.
On Monday morning she wanted her uniform on (to go to school in the kitchen)
When I asked what she does in class she informed me very seriously that you say your prayers before you start. 15minutes later she's still praying at the kitchen table 😂😂😂
All-day she talks and tells me constantly this isn't a real school mummy.
Today at lunchtime I was sooo tempted to pour myself a drink but as am stuck at the table with her and I need to explain myself if I want to leave it wasn't possible.

@purpleme12 - I empathise so much. How are you getting on today? You can only do your best and that is good enough! (I'm good at giving out advice - not so much at following it myself ) We are so far behind I just feel resigned to the idea we will never be able to keep up.

@tigerbear - my DD loses concentration if I'm not there to keep her on track. She is used to a very structured day, I guess. At any chance she's off playing with her dolls and when I see her so engrossed in play I really don't want to drag her back to bloody nouns and verbs!