Learning at home: I can't keep this up - exhausted and depressed!

[UndertheCedartree]

I'm feeling so anxious and depressed about it all. I feel so much pressure from school unlike last lockdown. This isn't about blaming the school - I'm well aware probably half the school feel it is too much and half not enough!

This is for my Y4 DD we have been given a timetable covering lesson 1, break, lesson 2, lesson 3, lunch, lesson 4, reading. My DD needs quite a lot of support and the lessons are taking us 1-2hrs. This week I've spent hours every day with her until she can't stare at a screen anymore when she's done some arts and crafts and played her keyboard. She's only done half the work. I've done nothing with my eldest and DD has had the notebook all day which can't happen next week she will have to share it. I've not been able to do barely any housework or anything for myself. I have Long Covid as well as a serious mental health condition and every afternoon I have just felt like death as I am so exhausted physically and mentally. I can't keep this up

@Carlislemumof4 - that sounds a bit like us last lockdown. My DD loved the Bitesize daily - I didn't know they were doing them again.
@MossandRoy - gosh, that sounds awful!
@OverTheRubicon - that's good they were flexible.

Hi there, I'm a teacher and please please listen to what I tell you.

It is detrimental for your child to be slogging away for hours. School isn't like this. It's chunked up and it's fun with lots of light learning breaks and active lessons. It isn't our fault we are handing out heavy days - the government has promised this to the nation and we are forced to deliver it. But no teacher would want you or your child to feel this way.

You set the time and the routine. My suggestion would be one hour then a break. Another hour then lunch. An hour after lunch - done.

Please don't make things worse for you both then buckling to the crazy expectations the government has over remote learning. We wouldn't teach this way at school.

@Carlislemumof4 I’m glad you’ve said that about prioritising housework as I’m doing that too. Last lockdown I was so worn out with schooling I couldn’t keep up with the house and it all got so depressing. I love waking to to a clean tidy house so I’m making sure we get that!

I’m also prioritising healthier meals- spending more time cooking. Again last lockdown I was so burnt out that we had far too many takeaways.

@Smile3 - I fell into that trap too. Oh, it's ok the house is a bit chaotic I'll get on top of it and all the Christmas things put away on Monday....

I hear you, OP. I did well with the work provided in March lockdown. I knew this style of remote teaching would feel intrusive and stressful. I’m very happy for the families who wanted more than what we had in first lockdown, but I don’t like it for a primary child. I have a son who was home educated before the pandemic. He’s unschooled and has the freedom to choose his hours, method of learning and topic (currently obsessed with anatomy)

My daughter had a morning call that went on until 10:30 and another that was meant to start at 11:00. I took her to the park for some fresh air with my toddler instead, we completed the work when we got back. The teachers are under pressure to provide a lot but if anything ever got too much for me, I would draw the line and be very clear with the school about my limits. They may well be understanding about your situation if you have that conversation.

Sorry to hear about your long covid. Hope things improve for you

Sending loads of to everyone struggling.

@DirtyDancing - show on the wall sounds great!

I feel your pain OP. Dd2 and DD3 area nightmare. Probably getting about 50% set work covered. It is painful.

It's much more full on this lockdown, much more intense pressure from school. It's nice to think of breaking it up but we're expected to be submitting work at the end of every lesson.

@converseandjeans

Agree with cansu

The pressure from school comes from the demands of many people that schools offer live teaching and enough work to cover the whole school day. There is also an expectation that children attend google meets as well. I am a teacher and I really do sympathise with parents and children trying to keep up with this. Just do your best and try not to stress. The teachers are under an obligation to keep checking and asking about work. I am doing so but feel really sorry for parents struggling with several children, lack of laptops and struggling to get kids logged on and able to keep going all day.

There was a lot of resentment last lockdown that private schools had a full day of learning & teachers were delivering live lessons. So this is why you're in this position. There were many on MN pushing for this too.

I think you should do the morning session - so maybe focus on maths/English and then dip in and out of the other stuff. Maybe message school and explain and see what they recommend.

I don't imagine any teacher having a go at a student who hasn't managed to complete every single task in lockdown. The tasks are being set for those parents who made a fuss last time.

Well our private school didn't provide live lessons last time- infant school pupils. However, there was loads of complaints (not from me) about it!

@Andi2020 - my eldest is Y9 but ASD so a different type of support needed but just as much. But yes, it would work to do a bit in the morning with DD before he is out of bed.

I would email the teacher and explain the difficulties you're facing. I'm sure they'll be sympathetic. As others have said, in a class of 30 the children get limited 1:1 time with the teacher and often just have to do the best they can. If you are having to spend so much time helping, the work may be too difficult for your DD or perhaps it is not presented in a meaningful way.

I also think it's really important that children don't lose their ability to work independently even if they don't achieve all that you think they should.

@HecouldLickEm - I don't feel I need to do hours and hours - I think an hour a day 1:1 would be plenty. It is the school setting hours and hours of work and sending messages saying it must all be completed. As I say, though I'm not having a go at schools - it's just pressure all round! I'm definitely going to talk to the pastoral care teacher tomorrow and speak to DD's teacher about what to prioritise.

Under, what your DD needs more than trying to keep up with an unrealistic work schedule is a happy chilled Mumma. Go easy on yourself. Have a fun day tomorrow. Do some baking or games or whatever you both enjoy doing together.

FT wfh parents of 3 kids here, I am feeling physically ill working so hard after 3 days they are back at school, already done 2 takeaways this week and we are no where near finishing all the assessments school set, more to do over the weekend, I have no life at the moment!

@pinktophat - oh, I know - my DD loves school. The working with her learning partner, the fun hands on tasks, lots of time outdoors, music and instrument tuition and lots of Art, Rainbow time. This is nothing like school. Our last principle was the type who didn't buckle to government pressure - so wish we still had him. I think the new principle is buckling under the pressure herself. If my DD completed all the work set I think she'd be doing about 7 hours per day!

Don't complete it - do 15 minutes going through it with your DD then set a timer for 45 minutes and let her complete it.
Submit whatever she manages to do with a note saying "this is what DD managed in an hour".

Definitely don't spend more than an hour on anything!

Same here with food had a takeaway, chippy and pizza tea this week havnt eaten anything remotely healthy. I have done a food shop online and will do a top up shop at aldi this weekend to get healthier foods in so I dont have to really think and plan, I put 2 half stone on last year cannot let this year slide....we should keep this going and give support maybe?

@ladycatlin - thank you. Having home educated too I am well aware I did nothing like this with my DS who is doing very well academically.
@Sweetnessandbite - thank you.

I’m also feeling the pressure and only three days in. Thankfully we have enough screens for the three dc because they all have live lessons and are expected on video by 8.45am

The youngest is in year 3 and the school is trying to take the pressure off the working parents by doing the live lessons, but in reality it is meaning three hours a day are taken up by the dc looking at the teacher on the screen and endless chatter/interruptions from the 40 other 7 year olds on there, lots of just staring at the screen like it’s a TV and no work being done. Then tears because they don’t understand and haven’t finished the work set in the time set and they are supposed to be going straight on to the next thing on their timetables. They have scheduled time they are then supposed to be completing tasks on various spelling and maths apps and then they go back on to their next live lessons and the teachers ask them things about it. It’s just a tangle of wires, headphones, passwords, browsers and people going on an off mute, with a bunch of bewildered 7 year olds.

The year 7 is struggling massively with a new school in this mess as you can imagine and hasn’t the study skills to be launched into full time WAH especially after being at primary last lockdown. They are expected on full timetable every weekday logged in, again I am not faulting the schools effort but the Dc just can’t be left to do this and requires so much intervention and reassurance and things explained, questions answered. Half the stuff I have to research and relearn first to then teach them it all back as it’s been a while.

The year 9 DC is managing the work, just about, I think, but hates the whole zoom/teams/classrooms thing with a passion, cries a lot and is in real danger of never leaving their bedroom again. They have developed several nervous hand gestures and have started biting their nails which they have never done before. They are ticking the boxes on schoolwork, handing stuff in and being where they should when they should but I’m pretty sure they are not understanding the work properly and falling quite seriously behind in terms of actual understanding.

And I’m working from home, so that’s a lot of fun, and I’m often on calls or meetings myself. I’m doing a lot once the dc are in bed and that’s not until past 10pm. I know we are lucky to have enough devices and wifi and even enough rooms to work in (just) but the level of support and intervention the kids need is off the scale. You are right, there doesn’t seem to be enough time for basics like eating, sleeping, washing, exercising. It’s all about the workload. I’m hoping the weekend might release the valve a little, although I won’t be able to stop working we might be able to leave the house when it’s light (live lessons 8.45-3.30 mean we miss the vast majority of daylight)

You are not alone op

You are all not alone - I feel your pain. Two DC here.
I am being nagged by one teacher to an unreasonable degree and no communication at all from the other.
Both are in part-time atm (keyworker) - they do not get all the work done at school or to the same standard but I'm getting nagged to death?!
I have ONE laptop, TWO children and if doing it right, it's at least an 8 hour day of supervision/coaching. I know teachers feel damned if they do, damned if they don't but the lack of understanding7self-awareness on occasion has been ridiculous.

It's absolutely exhausting and relentless. I'm working while trying to help 2 children complete school tasks (1 with SEN who simply doesn't seem able to do anything independently).

Last time was bad enough but for the kids they initially found it a bit exciting and different - they are still a bit too young to really understand the true horror of Covid and lockdown around the world so just found the thought of not having to go to school quite a fun idea at first. Now there's nothing new and different it's just back to the drudgery of homeschooling again.

I'm also finding it a lot tough because it's winter. During the summer we could still go for a walk or bike ride at the end of the day and the kids had fun in the garden in a small inflatable pool. Now, by the time all my work and the school stuff is done it's dark and cold and no one has the energy to even think about going outside.

But it is what it is and we take one day at a time to get through this.

Personally I would stop doing the lessons like art etc unless she is really into it and focus on the core subjects. Get those done best you can if you are struggling. In my mind those are important but labelling a world map, designing a wedding cake etc (as my DD had to do) is not going to have a detrimental effect on their education.

I would forget about art (she can draw by herself), music (if she plays an instrument, do that; if she doesn't, she's not likely to pursue music seriously in the future), PSHE (for wellbeing or mental health or whatever, a walk in the fresh air sounds better than a zoom lesson) and labelling wedding cakes, but surely kids SHOULD know where countries are on the map?! That's pretty "core knowledge" by my standards!

We are struggling with the workload too. 2 DCs (yr2 & R), enough devices to go round, and I'm not working (SE and WOH so can't go to work with DCs home, but luckily have the flexibility to reschedule stuff. I'm sticking my head in the sand over the lost income). Despite all that, it is proving hard to get them through it all.
Our school were great over Spring/Summer and the workload was just right. It wasn't stressful, there was flexibility, and even enough spare time to do some fun activities/learning that we wanted to organise ourselves. We were asked for feedback and most I know said they were happy, with a few saying they struggled doing more than the core stuff due to WFH. Obviously a vocal minority must have disagreed as there is a huge leap in the volume of work. If we do all the work we won't be leaving the house Mon-Fri, which will be a nightmare as both DCs require a huge amount of exercise to keep them on an even keel. 3 days in and they are climbing the walls.

My plan is to give it a week out of politeness/so we can say we've tried, then message to say I will need to set my yrR work that follows the yr2's. Most work can be adapted easily, and it is what I did in the first lockdown. It will leave me with only needing to do reading (which we'd do at bedtime any way), maths and some quick phonics separately with my yrR each day. I will also be sacking off things like RE from my yr2's timetable.
This will allow a few long walks a week and give us time to explore areas of interest they wouldn't get to do at school (DC1 is science experiment-mad). Both DCs started in Sept either where they were expected to be in subjects if it was a normal year or ahead of expected, so my efforts can't have been too shoddy.

@StacySoloman - I can't really go through it with her without watching the whole thing myself first!

Kokeshi123 My yr2 DC had to label a map of the world this week. Whilst I agree that I wouldn't want her leaving school unable to place the basics, I would hope and assume this will be covered more than once by the time she leaves school at 18. At this stage it isn't crucial, and if something else has got to be cut to make things workable, it can't be English and maths.