This for me is the lowest point in this whole saga... Am I alone?

[KitKat1985]

It just seems endless at this point. I'm a nurse so I see the misery covid causes, and am dealing first hand with the pressures on staffing etc so I'm not denying the need for it, but I just feel so empty at this point. I go home and have to watch my children be locked in again and I feel so desperately sad for them. Their lives are just so utterly joy-less. We were briefly able to visit the library just before Christmas and even that was us practically being martialled through, made to disinfect our hands and then asked to make book choices quickly and leave. I can't do anything with them now for the next forseeable weeks bar walk around the same bloody park again across from our house. They will be asking to go to the local farm and to play at Nanny's house again constantly, and I can't taken them. They're 6 & 4 - just at the age where Christmas is magical and I couldn't even take the to see Father Christmas. My 6 year old started school in Sept 2019 and has missed now months of schooling, with probably months more to be missed to come. She already has special needs and is developmentally behind. I try to do what I can on my days off in terms of home learning but the reality is I'm exhausted, and I'm not a special needs teacher, so I'm probably not doing a very good job. How long is it going to take to catch up on all this missed schooling? Is it even possible? I spoke to my Mum yesterday and she had tears in her eyes, telling me she just wants to see and hug her grandkids, and misses them so much. I can't plan anything fun like a holiday or even a day out, because things change so much. Only at the weekend we were being told to send the kids to school as normal and then on Monday get told they are shut again until at least Feb half term. It's DH's 40th birthday in a few weeks and we can't so anything bar get him a takeaway and a birthday cake. I had some lovely plans for this but they've all had to be scrapped. I get that things will eventually improve but I can't get this time back. The kids childhoods are just drifting by. Sorry for the moan. I know there are people worse off than us, and we're lucky to have stable jobs, and each other etc and I don't deny that. I just feel so sad today. I've been pretty resilient up until now but the past few days have broken me.

Nope, I'm feeling that way too. The first lockdown was awful but I was feeling positive that we would be in a better place by the end of the year. Now we're in a worse place! I'm just really hoping the vaccine will help.

I feel the same last 2 days crying ... you are not alone I know of lots of people feeling the same

Yeah I had my first proper COVID cry last night. If all feels so endless. We had our second and third miscarriages last year and trying to get care is so much more difficult. Then DP lost his job in November, has luckily found another but only temp for time being and we are living in a half renovated house so both finishing that and the TTC is just on hold yet again.

It feels hopeless, nothing to look forward to, I haven't hugged my little nieces that live on the next road to us for months.

Feel very low today.

I keep thinking to myself we are going to be like this now forever I would rather not be here anymore. My anxiety is horrific atm. I can’t stop crying. I feel so sad 😔

I’m sorry @KitKat1985. That sounds really tough. Please don’t put yourself under so much pressure with the home learning. What’s most important is that your children feel safe and secure at home, and that you don’t implode with stress and exhaustion.

Can your daughter get a key worker place at school?

If you want something a bit more special than a standard takeaway for your husbands birthday there are lots of great restaurants doing cook at home boxes now. And plenty of them ship all over the UK. For DHs birthday last year which was in lockdown 1 I ordered lots of picnic food from a really nice deli and we had a picnic in the living room (with champagne so did actually feel like a treat). I think parents birthdays with young kids are just as much about the kids, they get so excited about anyone’s birthday, so I tried to do things I thought they would enjoy and mine love a picnic. They also love balloons so I make sure we have balloons for everyone’s birthday now.

It’s not amazing by any means but sometimes a couple of small things can help kids smile and it sounds like that is what would help you at the moment.

I'm feeling the same. I'm in Ireland and first lockdown wasn't too bad. The weather was great and it was a much needed reset from the pace of life. This time however I feel utterly despondent and very down. The number of people in hospital with Covid are higher than its peak last April. There is no end in sight. Another year of children missing school, not seeing family and financial pressure. I feel for you op, just want to let you know your not alone.

Thank you @BlairCorneliaWaldorf for the birthday suggestions. DD1 has a place as she has an EHCP / me and DH are both keyworkers, but they won't teach her, just do childcare, so I'm just sending her in on the days me and DH are both working so I can do some learning with her on my days off so she gets some sort of education.

I know what you mean @IndieRo Last lockdown didn't feel so bad. Partly because I naïvely thought it would just be for a few weeks, and also because the weather was beautiful and so we were able to get the kids paddling pool etc out most days (I know we are very lucky to have a garden) and the kids spent long periods just playing in the garden. But now it's January its way too cold and wet for all that which just isn't helping.

I feel same. Deflated. Bad weather makes it all worse.

@Thedarksideofthemoon30

I keep thinking to myself we are going to be like this now forever I would rather not be here anymore. My anxiety is horrific atm. I can’t stop crying. I feel so sad 😔

We are not going to be like this forever. Hold on to that thought. In a few months things will be better, there is light at the end of the tunnel if everyone keeps to the restrictions.

I feel the same. It’s relentless. I did as much as I could when we were allowed as I was struggling with it all then. I still feel shit. It’s important that you do as much as you can. Use your exercise time and travel further than the local park if you want to. National trust etc are open. I stick to the law but do as much as I can within it.

I feel exhausted and every single morning is the same. Smiling feels like a massive task. I am just trying to get through the day each day every day

The low point for me was March, trying to manage covid patients, not knowing much about the virus, not knowing if I was infected myself, being very very tired and trying to jolly the children along.

We have the vaccine now. The current numbers are not great but for me the vaccine brings hope and that is worth so much.

Nope you’re not wrong

Another set of things taken away for dc

Agree OP

It feels particularly horrible this week. I think it may be the lowest point for me and I am just telling myself I will feel better once I see the first snowdrops coming out. Mightn't be long now.

Better days are coming. We can't get round this, we just have to get through it.

I hear you OP, it's relentless. I have elderly parents who are terrified to go out and an only child who craves the company of children...it's heartbreaking...Feel like we are all just surviving right now

@IndieRo

I'm feeling the same. I'm in Ireland and first lockdown wasn't too bad. The weather was great and it was a much needed reset from the pace of life. This time however I feel utterly despondent and very down. The number of people in hospital with Covid are higher than its peak last April. There is no end in sight. Another year of children missing school, not seeing family and financial pressure. I feel for you op, just want to let you know your not alone.

I agree. I didn’t mind the first lockdown. I suppose because I thought it would be for a couple of months or so Now, I just feel fed up and have still not recovered fully from COVID I am usually an optimist and have been positive throughout. However, now I just feel exhausted

Honestly I feel the same, absolutely so aggrieved that my dc are sacrificing so much of their childhood, and all for something that does not and will not ever make them seriously ill or even ill in most cases.

It is an absolute tragedy.
I can't stand the comments from others that we should be 'grateful' that we are not in Syria or refugee camps or being bombed or starved as if this somehow makes OUR children's suffering less relevant. We have every right to feel sad and upset. Our children have every right to feel the same. It is not a good experience - it is not a healthy experience for any of us.

Things have made all the difference in the last few days to me, some may or may not be possible for you, and you may not be in the mood to hear them but anyway I decided I just can not sink, we have to fight back with something:

• It is dry so taking the kids of the bikes with gloves has been possible
• Ditto taking hot chocolate and cake in a backpack
• I have ordered a three course dinner (very reasonably priced) from a local restaurant for Saturday night - and will pair with a very decent bottle of wine. We will have tablecloth fully laid table and be dressed up for dinner. With cocktails to start I hope.
• I have ordered fireworks for dd's birthday - they are being collected from the shop - would you consider this for dh's birthday op?
• I have signed kids up for a few on line classes for sewing and music etc. Better than nothing!
• Planned to walk with at least one of dc's friend at least once a week and stop at hot chocolate or icecream at the van
• Planned a day out at the garden centre to buy seeds and plants to grow
• We are decorating and changing their rooms around
• We are planning a holiday and a family party for the end of August
• We are decorating the house for January with paper snowflakes, fairy lights ivy and cheerful snowmen. January is going to be the new December.

I don't have a magic wand to bring our children happiness or friends. I can't make this better, but maybe one or two of the things we can suggest to each other might make the difference between a god awful lockdown and one that is bearable.

We can't let this pandemic get the better of us, for our kids we have to do this one more time.

Where there is glitter there is life.

Remember the glittery snowflakes of our younger days? Fill your house with paper snowflakes and glitter made by your little dc and remind yourself every day when you look at them, that one day they will become a keepsake - they will be put away and replaced with spring sunshine and outings and hugs. They will become a testament to our resilience - of our fight for freedom and sacrifices we made for others older and more vulnerable than us.

@Icanseegreenshoots thank you for those suggestions. Will definitely take the kids out on their bikes (DD1 got a new bike for Christmas) and that will be nice for them. Will plan a takeaway night for the weekend, and may copy you a plan a trip to the garden centre to buy some seeds etc to plant.

We can't do fireworks really for DH's birthday as DD1 is autistic and terrified of them. I have however found a company doing online murder mystery nights so I've sent an e-mail to close family asking if they fancy doing a virtual murder mystery 'party'. It's something I guess?

I agree re: the vaccine bringing hope @herecomesthsun But I do think the role out is going to longer than hoped. The NHS is struggling so much already I struggle to see how it's going to fit 2 million vaccinations a week in on top. And Chris Whitty is already saying there will probably still be some element of restrictions less winter (although hopefully much lesser than now). So sadly I still think we have a long road ahead.

You're not alone OP. I was ok (as can be) during the first lockdown. It felt surreal and shocking, but there seemed to be a lot of reassurance and everyone was full of hope. This time I can't stop crying. I've had enough and I think everyone's run out of steam. It seems to be relentless and goes from bad to worse. I'm so worried about my DC, they miss school and having a life. I don't think its being taken seriously the impact this is having on children, the world just seems to be revolving around one thing.
I have no faith in anything anymore, I'm not holding out any hope on things improving in February. I can't face this much more and I don't know what to do.
Sending you hugs.

My mental health has taken a battering and I'm now under the Crisis Team (Home Treatment Team).
I can't take much more of it. My brain feels fractured.

Less than 5 minutes ago, I got a call cancelling my US scan next week - 'due to the current restrictions'.