This for me is the lowest point in this whole saga... Am I alone?

[KitKat1985]

It just seems endless at this point. I'm a nurse so I see the misery covid causes, and am dealing first hand with the pressures on staffing etc so I'm not denying the need for it, but I just feel so empty at this point. I go home and have to watch my children be locked in again and I feel so desperately sad for them. Their lives are just so utterly joy-less. We were briefly able to visit the library just before Christmas and even that was us practically being martialled through, made to disinfect our hands and then asked to make book choices quickly and leave. I can't do anything with them now for the next forseeable weeks bar walk around the same bloody park again across from our house. They will be asking to go to the local farm and to play at Nanny's house again constantly, and I can't taken them. They're 6 & 4 - just at the age where Christmas is magical and I couldn't even take the to see Father Christmas. My 6 year old started school in Sept 2019 and has missed now months of schooling, with probably months more to be missed to come. She already has special needs and is developmentally behind. I try to do what I can on my days off in terms of home learning but the reality is I'm exhausted, and I'm not a special needs teacher, so I'm probably not doing a very good job. How long is it going to take to catch up on all this missed schooling? Is it even possible? I spoke to my Mum yesterday and she had tears in her eyes, telling me she just wants to see and hug her grandkids, and misses them so much. I can't plan anything fun like a holiday or even a day out, because things change so much. Only at the weekend we were being told to send the kids to school as normal and then on Monday get told they are shut again until at least Feb half term. It's DH's 40th birthday in a few weeks and we can't so anything bar get him a takeaway and a birthday cake. I had some lovely plans for this but they've all had to be scrapped. I get that things will eventually improve but I can't get this time back. The kids childhoods are just drifting by. Sorry for the moan. I know there are people worse off than us, and we're lucky to have stable jobs, and each other etc and I don't deny that. I just feel so sad today. I've been pretty resilient up until now but the past few days have broken me.

I’m feeling dreadful. This is the first time I’ve been this upset and down.

It was ok in March. Home learning was a novelty. It was lovely to have more time with them. They were in and out of the garden playing all day as they wanted. It dragged on and on though but we finally got to the end. The kids got back to school after months and I saw their spark come back after they had missed their friends and learning so much.

Now here we are again. There’s not the same buzz around home learning. Most people I know are doing the absolute minimum and just surviving it.
The government say they want to open schools again in February so we can guarantee that they won’t be opening in February. How can we trust anything they say anymore? They’ve just fucked everything up and constantly lied.

I’ve got to find the motivation from somewhere to get myself going and be good enough for the children. Smiling seems like an effort. I’ve just cried all day.

I really don’t know what to do. There’s nothing we can do.

Yep. Rock bottom here. Got through 2020 with optimism and distractions...but god, this all feels very real and very scary. Read the thread about the schools maybe not going back at all this year and was on the verge of a panic attack last night. Keep thinking back to this time last year when everything was so different. Feel sad thinking about how much my DC are missing out on. Missing my parents so much.

But...trying to take it just a day at a time. Not think ahead if I can avoid it. Exercise, fun stuff for the kids, trying to vary our routine as much possible given the limitations. That's all we can do. for everyone. This is utterly shit.

Me, I'm fed up. I was happy to homeschool in the spring when it felt like we were all pulling together. I was also furloughed which made it a hundred times easier.

We also got a puppy based on the fact that my youngest would have started school and I've had loads of time to be with it. Now, I have no time for kids or puppy.

And what makes it worse is you know it didn't need to be like this! I have family in Australia who just celebrated Christmas and New Year properly. With family and friends. I'm so angry with this government for failing me, the kids, all of us, so badly.

It’s worse now, months later than it was in the first lockdown- there is no hope left for me. I’m sick of it, I’m sick of my kids missing out so much and paying the biggest price for it, I’m sick of how shit the future is going to be with job losses and homes being unaffordable, I’m sick that my business is going down the pan fast and I’ve had no for financial help,

I’m just now sick of covid and debating if I would fare better for me and my family to become a conspiracy theorist and not believe in the virus and be selfish and live our lives normally?

You are not alone - its shit!
My kids are in their twenties so I don’t have the education worry but I do have the financial worries and then some. Redundant, wrong side of 50 and DH business struggling. I’m sat alone every day worrying and would so love to help the struggling WFH mums and it just feels crazy that I can’t. I have sooooo much sodding time!

It was my DH's 50th in lockdown and I got him this cake, it was certainly a wow...

I am in a much better place this time because ds2’s school have got their act together with Teams so I don’t have to home educate him and he won’t suffer the isolation he did last time, while ds1’s school have put him on the vulnerable list so he is partially in school and thus far less likely to disengage.
Plus knowing that vulnerable relatives and friends have had or are about to have the vaccine.
to everyone for whom it is harder this time round x

Wow the cake is amazing!

I feel exactly the same. It’s no life for any of us but I’m feeling more and more guilty and sad for the life that my 3 year old currently has. I’ve made the decision not to send him to nursery because I’m currently at home as I didn’t go back to work after my second baby, but am now beginning to think I should just send him. He’s usually so sociable, loves seeing his friends and we tried to get as much ‘normality’ that we could over the summer and up until Christmas. He’s desperately missing his grandparents, as am I, and has asked countless times already today to go their house . How long will we keep having to say no?
We’ve just been out for a walk and his eyes lit up when he saw some other children- it’s not even been that long and his already missing the interaction...

As for our 18m she’s missed out on so much too- baby groups, playgroup, swimming lessons....

I know there are a lot of people who are far, far worse off and I totally understand the reasoning behind all of this but it’s just so Very sad. It’s time that none of us will get back.

I had hope with the vaccine but now there’s talk of restrictions next year, the mutations. I’m so scared. Will we ever get back to normal? This isn’t living...

I went through hell in March, didn't think I could feel any more stressed and anxious.... I was wrong.

I have had my vulnerable mum in hospital for 2 weeks after shattering her knee in a fall. I spent the entire time living in terror that she would catch it in there. She is home and thank god she has remained covid free.

My husband is ecv and is now shielding, I am supposed to be on placement in a hospital in Feb/March (Radiography student) I have diabetes and have been told we probably won't receive vaccine as we are only students. I dont know how im going to cope with that.

Plus my husband and I are trying to homeschool 5 children. The school has live online registration and lessons all day which we are trying to juggle. I have had to miss online lectures to facilitate this and dont know how im going to catch up with my own work.

We have been offered key worker places at school but with cases so high have decided to keep them home. The constant stress is making me ill.

The new variants and possible mutations to come also make it seem all so hopeless. Just a few short weeks ago when the first vaccine was approved everything seemed so hopefully and I finally felt more positive but since then its been constant bad news, how much more will we have to take?

Sorry for the rant but I'm sure its good to get it all off my chest

The thing I'm depressed about is the fact that people won't keep to the restrictions and also more people have to go into work them they did before so it won't be as effective as it could be.
So many people wanted schools to shut before Christmas , but now they have done it's seemed it's not what they wanted after all! I can see why and it's so tough on families with school age children and some schools now have more children in them than they did during lockdown one.
It's a no win situation and employers won't be as sympathetic this time around so more pressure on people.
I think everyone is so fed up this week.

Just adding my woes and worries...
I'm the most stressed I've been in years, online zoom lessons are making it much harder than the schooling we did in last lockdown, we don't have enough laptops and I don't have enough sanity left. I feel close to tears all the time and there doesn't seem to be anything to look forward to.
I've given up for the day and have bought my 3 year old upstairs for some quiet time, he should be at preschool.

I'm totally done with this now. i didn't think this round of lockdown would be much worse but already it feels harder than spring. I've been working from home throughout but now it's dark so early i can't even look forward to a nice walk in the evening. We've got snow and ice so running in the dark is a bit risky as it's bad enough in daylight. The little things that had started to return to "normal" like the gym are now closed again so I'm literally stuck in my 4 walls on my own all week until i can see my extended household buddy at weekend or meet someone outside for exercise (which again is at the mercy of the weather).

You're certainly not the only one, I'm feeling it too this time around.

I was heavily pregnant in March and my baby shower was cancelled, i had to go into hospital on my own to discover my son was breech. Once he was born no one could meet him for months and we had so many problems with breast feeding and I had no support at all because all the groups I was planning to go to that could help had been cancelled.
I also had a newborn and was trying to home school 2 other DC, one of them I am sure has a mild form of Aspergers so very difficult to teach.

I was meant to be taking my DD to NewYork in nov abs of course that didn't happen.
We then had Xmas plans cancelled and also new yrs even though they weren't big plans they were still celebrating with family and that couldn't happen.

Now I am back to homeschooling whilst I have an 8 month old and that's not easy, plus it's my 40th beginning of feb so that's not happening and probably DS 1st birthday too.

I have just had enough.

Sounds tough on you all

The weather this time round certainly doesn't help!

@KitKat1985 last time the curriculum was suspended thus it was only childcare, but this time it's not meant to be, so can you check with school if they will be teaching?

@MrsJonesAndMe oh really? I might speak to the school. I've just tried to do some home learning with DD and it just ends up with her having a meltdown (it doesn't help that the school keeps sending online 'games' home to do, unfortunately because she's very sensitive to sounds she just ends up crying at the sound effects and not engaging).

Worth asking them. Mine's at home (like last time) and there seems to be a lot of variation from school to school.

Hope they can help her to cope/learn and by extension take some pressure off you.

I feel the same, i am ashamed to admit it , i have a warm ,cosy home, we are not overcrowded, a job , food -all the basic needs .
But i feel so down , i can't find any joy , can't see any light at the end of the tunnel.
I actually enjoyed the 1st lockdown , my work was mad but i liked the slowing down of life in general ,i loved the spring and summer and time in my garden .
This one is not the same , i don't like the person i am at the moment
being down isn't me.
I am trying to focus on good things , it was lovely leaving work earlier and noticing daylight lasting a bit longer.
You are not alone feeling like this and i think we shouldn't have to justify our feelings .

We (me, DH and our 2 boys aged 2 and 4) have not seen my family or UK friends since October 2019 because of this. It’s now January 2021. We live in Switzerland and my parents are in the UK and shielding. We also haven’t seen DH’s family and friends in France since Christmas 2019.

It’s very hard but there’s no alternative.

I'm sorry others feel like this but this thread has made me feel less alone.

Last lockdown dh was furloughed and had time to take care of things at home, this time round we're both working and I already feel guilty that I can't be around much to help ds2. Ds1 is older and school are providing a full schedule of live lessons but he's at an age when seeing his friends and sports are so important and he's missing all of that.

I feel stressed, anxious, tearful and while I'm trying to focus on the positives this lockdown has really hit me hard and I'm so worried about the dc and their future.

I also nearly had a panic attack last night when someone mentioned on another thread school potentially being shut for the rest of the academic year.

I am saddened to hear others are feeing so hopeless with all that is going on

I feel similar, because of the lack of schooling, the bad management and the rising numbers.

To stop myself falling into a complete downward spiral I am trying to focus on one day at a time. I cannot change what the government are doing but, if my kids are ok, I have done some work, we have all had some 'fresh' air and get to sleep that has to be enough.

Please please please can the government get these vaccines out before they become useless so we can move back to something more normal (i know we wont ever be pre covid). The cure for this is now worse than the disease

1000 deaths reported today. That aside, I am so unhappy with everything. I feel like a tiny boat adrift in a monstrous sea. I can't see what else can be done, and I'm not ranting constantly at the government, as it awful for all countries.

So unlike me, but it is like this for so many people

Nothing is as it should be right now and we can all only do what we can. I get how relentless it is with young kids, home schooling and work. Give yourselves a break, you've made it this far, you've coped and although you might not feel like it now, you will cope again.

It is harder than the first lockdown just because of the weather.
School have massively ramped up their expectations of homeschooling. I'm fortunate that I don't work but I still found it hard today to balance 2 children who both needed constant supervision with work (the 8 year old admittedly should be able to crack on but just because he should doesn't mean he will).
Biggest excitement today was a walk round the local moor wading through frozen puddles. It's week 1 so that novelty will soon wear off.
Trying to count my blessings but its hard, its much easier to think about things I'd like to do but can't!
At least this time mcdonalds and national trust are staying open!

I feel the same, OP.
Looking back to the first lockdown in March feels like that was the good old days! How naive we were, thinking it would end soon after. Plus there was the novelty value, and all being in it together etc, and as Pp have said , the weather.
It's ongoing shit now, on top of more shit that feels never fucking ending.
Feel worn down with it all . Still can't really believe it's happening. Hate waking up every morning and remembering this is life now.