There is nothing in my children’s lives

[Howdydooo]

It’s all been taken away again.

I know it’s a pandemic. I know it’s temporary (but don’t know how temporary).

Screens are no substitute for friends.

They will not be fooled again by home structure and schooling. They have nowhere to go, no one to see and nowhere to go. And they know how long it went on for last time.

Yes — except that here in the UK we've been counting people who die within 28 days of having a positive Covid 19 test (even if they are actually killed in a car accident or were at death's door anyway) and anyone who has Covid 19 on their death certificate and there's an 8% difference between the two figures....

Ok. But even if we subtract 8% from the number of UK deaths (73, 000, according to FT today) then it is equal to the number of civilian deaths in WW2 (67, 000, again from FT). I don't know how either of those numbers are calculated exactly. Presumably WW2 numbers exclude "natural" deaths. But it gives you some idea of order of magnitude here.

Just leaving this here

Death within 28 days of a positive Covid test excludes all those that become ill enough to become hospitalised and then go to ICU but die after that time. Initial positive test to death often takes longer. That's one of the reasons why the ONS figures are far higher than government figures.

How many people have had a positive test, recovered and died in a car crash? Given how often I have read this it must be hundreds of thousands. Link?

Cause of death has always been complex. Sometimes people may have survived but died because whilst recovering they developed pneumonia or flu or MSRA. Sometimes people die on the operating table.

I used to do secretarial work for an NHS pathologist - post mortem reports are constructed narrative, not fact. Not the fault of the hospital/surgeon so no grounds to sue.

The narrative that this is no different to flu. How many people in 2018 below the age of 80 or younger without underlying health conditions died within 28 days of testing positive for flu. Link?

I think you will find that the data has not been collected

@5zeds

I think they will become the most resilient and thoughtful generation wehaveeverseen.

I hope thats true!

@KeepOnKeepingOnAgainandAgain absolutely

Wow that's a lot of people dying in car accidents right after recovering from COVID. Must be carnage out there.

I feel your pain.

They do have you though. They have food. They have the outside. They have the ability to communicate with others virtually.

It's hard to see positives sometimes, especially when the end doesn't feel in sight.

Get a grip. What about the children in war torn countries Jesus Christ teach them how luck and privileged they are.

Once again on mumsnet you are not allowed to be sad by the martyrs and righteous

You are of course allowed to be sad. What people are reacting against is not being sad, its dramtically wailing that your children's lives are empty and worthless and you wish they were never born.

Just curious what state you are speaking about?

I think it's really important to try and talk to your children. Let them say how they feel and vent their frustration. But try to stay optimistic around them yourself even if inside you don't feel that way. Children will put far more emphasis on the negative if they see their parents doing the same. This pandemic will make us parents all great actors! Young people have a different view of time - they want things instantly and they don't have the benefit of age to know that life does move on and things will change. "This too shall pass" as the saying goes. Memory is a very unreliable and unpredictable thing and when they are older they may remember this as a positive time or not really have any feelings over it. Only time will tell - you can't predict how it will shape them.

Use a bit of imagination and bring something to their lives.

You do realise if we were to shield the vulnerable and their families then that would be many children you are asking to be locked away. How does that make any sense?

@2boysand1princess you do realize that practically every child in the country is currently locked away - because the schools are closed?

But they have parents who love them, a roof over their head and food to eat. There are kids and families struggling with that on top of the pandemic. You are allowed to feel sad for them of course they are your babies but they will make it through as they have you!

@bluebird3

The people who the going to do the best coping with this lockdown are going the ones who are able to alter their mindset.

Instead of - we can't go to restaurants, it's let's see what we can learn to make at home

Instead of - we can't go to the playground, it's let's see what physical challenges we can do at home

Instead of - my kids can't play with friends, it's let's see what my kids can play together or with me

Believe me, I know it's shit but in times like these attitude is 90% of the battle. This is your greatest moment to shine as a parent to teach your kid about resiliency in the face of adversity.

It's more damaging to teach them to whinge that it's the governments fault/ it's not fair/ that rules should be ,changed just for them.

I really agree with this and have to tell myself this all the time to pull myself out of a funk (don't worry, I sympathise, OP, it is not easy to do)

Think about if things were more back to normal and you might wish you saw more of your kids...in a weird way there are opportunities here for the growth of their emotional intelligence, appreciation of family bonds etc...that might otherwise be missed.

Your children will survive this and will not be damaged adults.

Find the beauty in the world.

If you haven't watched the film 'Life is Beautiful' give it a try...it'll make you cry buckets but its what I think of when I am failing to see humour, fun or beauty in the world.

We are shielding - have been since March 2020. My children were deregistered from school so never went back after lockdown 1. They’ve not seen a friend physically since March 2020. They see them online. Some dropped away as the mums don’t like that I home school 🙄 which I do as I’m CEV! Bitches. Anyway, my kids are resilient and getting on with it. They are aged 9 and 11. They have low days but we are a strong family team unit and we stick together and we will see this through. Kids are far more resilient than adults think. It’s not a world war, we are able to go outside for exercise and we just get on with it! This will pass if everyone adheres to the rules.......

you do realize that practically every child in the country is currently locked away - because the schools are closed? confused

They aren't locked away though, are they?

It sounds very much like your children have a mother who loves them so they clearly don't have "nothing". It's a difficult time but children are very, very resilient and this will be all forgotten in a year or so. I've tried to talk to my kids about the virus and how throughout human history there have been times of great challenge and difficulty but by being resourceful we can get through this.

At least they have each other. My ds is an only child and I feel terribly guilty.

However, the roads are very quiet so we cycle most days, past friends houses and arrange to wave/chat as we pass.
We do a zoom karate class twice a week.
He chats to his class mates on-line and the school have a 'social' session every morning on Teams.

Last time he did more drawing as well, and walking.

It's not great but We'll survive!

I keep referring to Maslow’s triangle of needs. Due to the pandemic, I’ve got to focus on the lower areas. Once the pandemic is over, can can focus higher up!

My ds is an only child and I'm a single parent. Ds is allowed exercise with one other person, so each day he goes for a bike ride with his friend. While they're out I go for a walk for my exercise. It adds a little bit of socialising for him.

Start taking them out for walks, and explore the local area. Too few youngsters seem to get outside, get fitter as a family. Walking is a great as you can talk and get quality time with your kids. Too many are indoors gaming. They may moan to start with, but just start a routine maybe in their lunch breaks from school work.

I think this should developed into a support group to help each other. I became a single parent to 10 yr old daughter in January and tbh she is not having any melt down at all whereas I am not helped by the primary sticking tons of homework per day on the internet. Where local Facebook parents are asking for more. I did start panicking but due to my own health problems am going to stop reading the news many times a day, stop comparing myself to other parents and tomorrow will just have to take her for a walk, have a chill out pyjama day where no Corona is mentioned. Just sick of it. Let’s just support, help, talk to each other to calm us all down.

Is there anyone out there who remembers what it was like for kids during WW2? How did it affect them and what did they do. I know they had friends and stuff, but it must have been terrible waiting for bombs to hit etc. I wonder what their parents did to help them cope.

If there is any way to meet outside with 1other friend for some walks etc then I think that would go a long way for you and the kids. That's if it's feasible with work etc. I completely hear you. Telling people to just be positive rarely works. Is there anyway you can get time for you to make sure you're getting time to relax, feel fulfilled as much as you can in this situation and then you may feel less overwhelmed. When I'm really struggling I often reflect this onto little ones - when really it's me struggling. Hopefully this is the end of it. I understand your frustrating and resentment and think it's completely normal to feel that way at times