Can we have an ASD/additional needs support thread?

[Namechange8471]

I thought posting here would be best for traffic.
Impending update at 8 has me worrying about more/longer school closures and the impact on my child.

I thought we could use this thread to vent or for advice. Or achievements dc have made despite the current circumstances.

I'll go first,

Dd is 12 and autistic, 'high functioning', she was really dissapointed not to return to school.
She has made great progress since starting in September, even making new friends which is a huge deal for her.

She does well with zoom lessons, however struggles with set tasks. I have tried sitting with her however she tends to get stressed if she doesn't get something right the first time.

How is everyone's dcs coping? Any tips to help me or others?

Struggling massively to get DS7 to do any work. Frequent meltdowns and awful attention span.

He does have an EHCP but to be honest if he had to go in and his sisters didn't he would have a meltdown every morning. DD6 is in his class so they rely on each other for comfort if needed.

I'd also have DD6 kicking off about not being able to go with him.

We just had a meltdown over ‘plurals’, I ended up doing the work for her whilst she shouted at me as she wanted to go upstairs and play. We are about 4 or 5 pieces of work behind today and she’s refusing to do anymore (she hasn’t really done much).

Feeling a bit down today. School just rang about eldest DS - they had suggested him coming in 3 days from next week ( I’m also actually a keyworker but wfh and on my own).

Anyway they have really high numbers of KW in. As he’s doing much better than last time engaging with the work ( this is true although it’s a pretty low base we are going from! ) please can I keep him at home for as long as possible .

They have said we can review weekly but don’t have huge confidence there will be space for him if/when things escalate. Also it’s not just about the school work - as you all know

Anyway onwards and upwards - need to speak to my boss as well.

Hope the day is going as ok as it can for others.

Dd 18 in sixth form at an internet school and is currently having a major meltdown about homework and perfection

Due to sit AS levels with an international board that as yet is still planning to run exams at an exam centre 150 miles away

Dd is a perfectionist working at A A* level and putting so much pressure on herself she’s going have a breakdown of her already fragile mental health

I’ve tried explaining that if she carries on like this she will achieve the opposite and drop her grade average and that she just needs to let her tutors know who are normally fabulous with her but she’s batting me

We’re only just back to some level of normal after her carbon copy dad went the same way over brexit 8 weeks ago and made us all panic with suicidal ideation

Fortunately my third one seems to be plodding on ok

My DD has a appointment in the hospital tomorrow. She has no concept of social distancing. Last time she did really well listening to me until we got in the lift for the car park and she licked the wall. That was April lockdown! Dreading tomorrow

@Mumofsend

My DD has a appointment in the hospital tomorrow. She has no concept of social distancing. Last time she did really well listening to me until we got in the lift for the car park and she licked the wall. That was April lockdown! Dreading tomorrow

I have physio with dd1 on Wednesday, was kind of hoping it would be cancelled (it’s a private physio) but so far they are continuing. DD2 licks things and puts everything in her mouth so I dread having to take her anywhere risky, this is the reason she isn’t at school.

Two autistic kids here (9 & 5). One diagnosed, one on the waiting list (but there is no doubt).

It’s so hard and I’m so mentally exhausted. Everything is met with resistance. I’m knackered by 9.30am just with the sheer effort of cajoling them to get dressed and brush their teeth.

Older child is extremely demand avoidant. Quite enjoys live lessons but phones in sloppy work even though she’s bright. Cries at the slightest hint of work being challenging and having to use her brain. She vocal stims a lot and drives me insane. Is vile to her sibling and talks to him like his third parent even though we remind her that’s it’s not her job every single day and have done for literally years.

Younger one is only in Reception and so I can be a bit more lax with the time we put in, thank god.

Oh, and I’m definitely neurodiverse myself (but undiagnosed). I have no doubt that I’m autistic and I have tons of ADHD traits too. Maybe one day I’ll be able to get assessed.

@Haworthia - you have just described my eldest DS to a T!

Hope everyone manages to get through the day OK

@littlestpogo It’s so exhausting isn’t it? I really struggle with her refusal/inability to stop “parenting” her sibling. I will say something to him and she repeats it! Every time! She is just impervious to having her behaviour called out or corrected. I’m genuinely not sure whether she fits the bill for PDA (she masks so well at school, she’s a model child 😳 whereas I know a lot of PDA children are unable to attend school) but so much of it fits - one trait being unable to understand authority/the difference between adults and children.

The hardest thing for me is how much I dislike her behaviour. And since I rarely see her “good” side (school get all of that) I just spend most days feeling exasperated and drained.

My youngest is so much easier in comparison, and he’s the one with the ASD diagnosis! The main issues with him are having the personal care needs of a toddler. Won’t go to the toilet by himself (he can; he just won’t), will sit there with snot all over his face, next to a box of tissues, screaming for help 😩

Hi ladies how are you all today?

I had an early night last night which has really helped, I've even managed to wash up and do a load of washing.

Dd is coping well (so far!) , bar a mini meltdown over a pen.

She's managing the zoom lessons, however she struggles with homework on top of this.

I wish she was still in primary!

@Haworthia - my DS sadly did have behaviour issues at school but is loads better now.

And I completely understand not liking the behaviour. My DS can be really unkind and also just ‘gives up’ as soon as something is difficult. I know this is my problem but I find it so hard to deal with. Sometimes if I’m totally honest and this is a terrible thing to say I find it hard to like him. Again I know this is something I need to deal with.

This is all 100 times worse when he isn’t at school - he’s actually been doing really well in school the last term and home although still difficult had been so much better and more positive.

I really feel for you as my youngest is NT and a super kind and grown up little boy ( which of course brings the issue of my expectations of him being too high as I just can’t cope with him being difficult). He’s the only thing that gets me through some days.

Ds6 was only in school for an hour a day pre lockdown as the school apparently cannot handle his needs. We are about 10 weeks into the ehcp process now so fingers crossed that doesn't get delayed. He really is not coping with school closures and he is having horrible meltdowns at home multiple times a day. He wasn't even being educated in school so I haven't bothered to try to be honest. I am desperate for nurserys to stay open however. Dd3 needs a break away from her brothers violent meltdowns as it's the only respite she gets. I am probably being unreasonable based upon that other thread.

Doing better this week, thank you. My ds has managed to log into Teams and did 2 classes yesterday! He was so pleased with himself. We were offered a school place on ehcp and Section17 grounds, but he won't go in. So frustrating. Anyway, he's again trying to log in by phone today, but missed the first class as he got up late. Just trying to stay positive and take each day as it comes. I'm wfh today too, so I can only do what I can. Sending calm vibes to all of you!

@littlestpogo I’ve been honest with my husband on really bad days and said I find her hard to like. It’s also knowing that she’s capable of better/nicer behaviour. We had a glowing parents evening report last term and instead of feeling proud I just felt sad... because we don’t see that version of her. I know that’s the very nature of masking but it’s still hard to accept.

We have had crying, screaming and throwing herself on the floor this morning over English homework, it was to read a text from a book or listen to it on YouTube, she didn’t want to do either, said it was too long and she hates reading. Tbh I hate reading too and suspect like me she can’t retain information from text unless it’s something that interests her. This text is way over her head, she likes reading David walliams books but this book is aimed at older teens (which mentally she isn’t).

We are now taking a break.......possibly for the rest of the day.

@littlestpogo
Can the school do that though? Are they asking other parents the same?
When he is at school, they need to cope with him, not putting it back on you.
If they are not coping, then they need to up the support.
It makes me cross when schools do this and rely on the parents. We're exhausted enough already. They rely on is to feel guilty and take our kids away when it gets tough for them.

@Silenceisgolden20 - it’s tricky isn’t it. He hadn’t actually gone into school but he isn’t a ‘difficult’ child for them to manage once in, just an additional number. His main behaviours in school can be managed ( and indeed are massively reduced in a small class size anyway if that makes sense!).

I don’t know if they technically can do it - it was more a guilt tripping of me I think. I guess I don’t have the fight in me atm and also am always a bit conscious of trying to keep the school ‘on side’. They did say if his behaviour gets worse we can reconsider. His class teacher is very happy and indeed supportive of having him in. The school generally seems to struggle with DCs with SEN which doesn’t present as severe behavioural problems if that makes sense - they don’t seem to understand ( or care? ) about the impact at home ( or that children can be very different at home).

Sorry that was a bit of a diversion!

No I totally get it. Some days you can face the whole education battle, some you can't.
I get fed up of the professionals, and all their resources (SENCO is paid, job would exist without our children) they put it back to the parents.
I start to put it back to them now.
It's very difficult

@littlestpogo @Haworthia I am so relieved to hear you say that sometimes it's hard to like your child. My DD is 13 and there are days when I just want to get away from her. It doesn't help that I grew up in a violent household so I find the anger and aggression really hard to bear.

We had another 2-3hr meltdown at bedtime, last night. I think it ended sometime before midnight . She was fine during the day, I think she'd just gone off to sleep and had a nightmare. Dd2 is pretty non-verbal at the best of times, so there was no way to know. We've had a couple of family birthdays this week to add to the mix of change of routine. She has ds and we are going for a dual diagnosis, she presents much more like asd than ds - complete strangers come up to me and talk about autism.

And, yy to sometimes being hard to like your child. The difficult behaviour can make that very challenging!

Today is going better, DH is plodding on with the absolute shitstorm of brexit transport DD was very down this morning Still but has just had a session with her amazing tutor and is now smiling, has a weeks homework exemption lots of reassurance and is prepping for her first mock tomorrow

And breathe

Good luck with the younger ones everyone, it’s so hard on them

Im getting close to begging school to take dd2 ☹.

She had a huge meltdown which she's still recovering from under her weighted blanket. I haven't accessed the damage from chucking herself on the floor and hitting herself as she won't let me near her 😢

Joining late to the party