Can we have an ASD/additional needs support thread?

[Namechange8471]

I thought posting here would be best for traffic.
Impending update at 8 has me worrying about more/longer school closures and the impact on my child.

I thought we could use this thread to vent or for advice. Or achievements dc have made despite the current circumstances.

I'll go first,

Dd is 12 and autistic, 'high functioning', she was really dissapointed not to return to school.
She has made great progress since starting in September, even making new friends which is a huge deal for her.

She does well with zoom lessons, however struggles with set tasks. I have tried sitting with her however she tends to get stressed if she doesn't get something right the first time.

How is everyone's dcs coping? Any tips to help me or others?

My son is 10, has adhd, is very impulsive and hyperactive. Hes also severley anxious.

The last homeschooling was terrible for us.each day we had the same structure and routine and each day he would act like it was a surprise to him to do school work. It would take half an hour of arguing for him to even write the date and title.
He would then get up and do a handstand, cart wheels, roll around on the floor, then sit back down and answer another question, then another handstand. This was alongside him shouting at me constantly, refusing to do the work, telling me he hated us, etc. All this whilst sitting with my then 5 year old at the same time trying to teach her to read and write.

This year im hoping for miracles as it will be live lessons rather than some printed work sheets. But if the same happens again i will be begging school to allow him in. He is on the sen register but no ehcp

Hello!

Just checking in! I have 3 primary school kids with ASD. 10 yo DD, and B/G twins aged 7. The girls are also being assessed for ADHD.

Both DH and I work from home at the minute and I'm due start training for a new job in February Which isn't flexible at all.

Kids mostly coped last time, but we didn't worry about learning new stuff too much. Mostly focused on daily reading, times tables and basic maths. Did bits on the school website etc.

Had a flip chart in the kitchen and visual timetable etc so kept our own routine with me and DH spliting shifts at work from 8am to 10pm to cover everything.

Our kids are mainstream with 1 to 1 support.

This time I'm worried about the schools expecting more online time, with classes etc. There is no way we can cope.

We can barely manage looking after them and juggling work, but getting the 3 of them in front of laptops and engaging with online classes will be a step too far!

@Aspiringmatriarch I would send him. You can justify his need and he’s been offered the place. Try not to think too much about others- sometimes you have to focus on what is best for you child and your family.

@flattyres I see. It’s a small comfort but you have our full, virtual, support. You’re not alone. Did your employer say why they wouldn’t be able to furlough you?

Sorry, second comment. If the children go into school, are they going to be taught and do the work,? Because last time, the kids who went in didn't really do any work. It was more for childcare. Then parents still had to try and teach them at home as well.

I'd I sent my son in, the whole reason would be for them to get him to do the work. So it would be pointless if they aren't. He fell behind a lot last time, but this time I can't allow that to happen

Thanks so much for starting this. My ASD DS(13) is still going in as it's deffo better for his mental health. He said to be over Christmas, "Mum this is just all too much change for an autistic person to cope with". So glad he can articulate that - but he's right! I tried to reassure him that it was hard for everyone, these last minute changes are particularly hard though, Hugs to all. And really happy to be part of this thread, thanks OP

[quote SendHelp30]@flattyres I see. It’s a small comfort but you have our full, virtual, support. You’re not alone. Did your employer say why they wouldn’t be able to furlough you?[/quote]
Thanks send

I fill a bit of a niche role and with a very specific skill set and I am busines critical as they say. At least I can be reasonably sure I will still have a job by the end of this all. I should look at the bright side, seeing how many people are facing redundancy.

Leagueofgentlemenfan

I think this time there will be more teaching provision but probably best to check with your school. They've got much more organised since last time though I think.

Also, your description of last lockdown sounds so familiar. DS would literally hide under the table... not from anxiety but just totally not willing to engage so it took about 45 minutes to settle him down and he would then do 10 minutes at most in the most 'phoning it in' way possible. Partly the ADHD and partly the ASD refusal to do school stuff while not actually in school! 😩

So glad this thread was started all this all sounds very familiar.

@Jjjjjj1981

Oh thank goodness, sen seems to have been completely forgotten. The Guardian are reporting that special schools are staying open, but can’t find anything in the guidance.

My sons special school is only open for keyworker children and children with a social worker

Two adhd primary aged kids here. Line parent trying to get professional qualifications to enhance my chances of employment when this is all over. In technically self employed right now but christ- how can I work? I just let clients down, let my kids down, end up in meltdown myself. The more I learn about it the more I think I have adhd too. I am struggling so badly and feeling so guilty for struggling when other people are managing/ in worse situations/ everyone thinks I'm managing etc etc.

I spent yesterday evening drinking and crying. Today I have spent trying not to cry and just ignoring all school work and zoom calls.

The cherry on the top - trying to write EHCP application statement. It's so hard and so depressing and I had allocated these few days to do it because I would have no children and have submitted my assignment. Now I'm trying to scrabble it together with the kids screaming at each other and my eldest doing his damndest to break himself, his sister or the house...

I'm so tired and I honestly don't care any more. Except I do. But I don't. Fuck it all.

I just feel so alone. Just me responsible for all three of us and I can't do this any more. I have none of my usual coping strategies available and I'm scared I'm actually going to have to go to the GP for help. I don't want medication. I just need to be able to see a friend, go running, have some peace and quiet where I'm not trying to frantically catch up on everything....

So just had an email through with a full days timetable of work for my year 1 six year old. Im not quite sure how I'm meant to get him to sit all day at a laptop and concentrate without seriously kicking off/running round/getting bored/losing focus 😩 dreading it

@iveputmyselfonthenaughtystep
Hugs. Use this thread to vent

Thank fucking fuck for adhd hyperfocus and a good book. Eldest has deactivated itself in it's den bedroom. Youngest happily sloshing bluebstained bathwater all over the bathroom floor like a tiny Shamu. I'm mumsnetting sitting on the floor of the the landing so I can keep an ear on both.
My bum has gone numb.

@Iveputmyselfonthenaughtystep that’s my life on a bath time! mumsnetting whilst sitting with a numb bum on the landing supervising ds so he doesn’t drown himself or drink the shampoo or put the taps on / flood the bathroom etc.

Ds school are taking him for 2.5 hours a day.... hardly see the point by the time I’ve got him there and home it’s time to go back.

Last lockdown he did the 6 hours a day but they are saying he requires 2-1 care so they can only have him 2.5hr this time, he needed 2-1 last lockdown but I don’t have the energy to argue it all again. They only let him do 3 hours on a normal school day until he moves to his specialist school.

All I seem to do with his school at the moment is argue (to make sure they are providing the correct support they are paid for via his plan so every reason to hold them to account for that) They’ve only offered him a place because of his ehcp so I’ll take the 2.5 hours a day as it’s better than nothing.

for all x

@Leagueofgentlemenfan -you have just described my last lockdown experience ( I even also have the then 5 year old as well )

@Iveputmyselfonthenaughtystep - hugs from another single mum of two here ( think I got that right). I’m also thanking the hyper focus as eldest has been absorbed in a junk model for the cat for the last hour. So managed to read with the youngest without interruption ( it’s a miracle).

I knew what you mean about the isolation and lack of usual coping mechanism. It all feels too much - was going to say atm but actually mean the last year. I’m lucky to have an understanding employer but just have nothing left in me.

Hope everyone gets a bit of peace this evening.

Had already been pushed to near breaking point before Christmas. I have two with Autism amongst other things. My eldest is coping ok but he’s been home since mid December. He’s not able to complete GCSE standard work at home without support though.

My daughter doesn’t have an EHCP and school gloss over her struggles and ignore her diagnosis. I’ve already been punched, screamed and swore at, she’s fallen off her chair where she can’t sit still, disrupted her siblings live lessons and my husbands work meetings with her screaming. She has done the bare min work rushed out in a few minutes for each lesson.

In the last lockdown she dropped down her attainment levels by nearly a year.

Hi all

I have a 7yo with asd. Im in ireland but we are expecting school closures to be announced tomorrow so im glad to see this thread.

The biggest issue here is ds need to move and ask questions constantly. Im WFH and my parents would probably be able to look after him for half a day every day, so he'll be with me while I'm working the rest of the time.

Hey littlestpogo yup. Same sitch here. I'm mostly calm and unruffled but it takes only the barest thing to tip me over the edge. Eldest commando crawling under the sofa when sensory seeking was what knocked me into meltdown earlier. He kept thudding against the frame and it was so irritating. I have the patience of.... well... an 8 Yr old with adhd atm tbh. Not a proud moment

Hi how is everyone today?

DD has had a full day of zoom lessons which i assumed she would cope with, until i discovered her picking at her skin. She tends to pick at her fingers and forehead when bored or absent minded.

I've ordered her a fidget spinner to hopefully stop it.

Anyone got any tips?

@Namechange8471 I would've suggested a fidget spinner or something along those lines myself!

We've tried our best today, I lost him after the phonics lesson (he was not happy the lady in the video was staring at him) I've tried to engage him all day but he lasts about ten mins and then I've lost him again. It's gona be a looong few weeks

elsaesmeralda

I can sympathise, the last few lessons dd has been restless, although i would be the same sat at the dining table for hours at a time!

Things seem a bit better today (dd2 is no longer constipated - always a plus as she's very grumpy and defiant when she is). Her class had a zoom circle time, which cheered her up and we went for a winter walk (one of the lesson ideas, with some things to find, which we photographed) and talked about senses we used, no idea how much she understood, but the splashing in puddles went down a treat. It won't be quite this easy every day, I'm sure.

I'm just going to gradually up the activities over the weeks. Her complex needs school are great and her teacher is going to make us a social story for mealtimes, as her eating and drinking at home is not so good.

The expectation of some schools for sen children to do so much zoom learning seems really unrealistic. Our school have offered suggestions and they have said if your child is struggling we can send you home some wellbeing activities.

We have lots of fidget toys too, fidget spinners are good, dd loves any kind of ribbon/string/beads too.