Can we have an ASD/additional needs support thread?

[Namechange8471]

I thought posting here would be best for traffic.
Impending update at 8 has me worrying about more/longer school closures and the impact on my child.

I thought we could use this thread to vent or for advice. Or achievements dc have made despite the current circumstances.

I'll go first,

Dd is 12 and autistic, 'high functioning', she was really dissapointed not to return to school.
She has made great progress since starting in September, even making new friends which is a huge deal for her.

She does well with zoom lessons, however struggles with set tasks. I have tried sitting with her however she tends to get stressed if she doesn't get something right the first time.

How is everyone's dcs coping? Any tips to help me or others?

I've tried to engage him all day but he lasts about ten mins and then I've lost him again

I’d just aim for 10 mins then, Toe by Toe is an excellent resource for reading - it’s designed to be used by parents and is quite prescriptive. My daughters tutor pointed me to it, each session is around 5-10 minutes long but my daughters reading age has improved by a year after using it for 4 months. You can find it on Amazon for about £20 but it’s definitely worth every penny.

@Namechange8471 oh tell me about it! I was zoning out myself abit!

@Jellycatspyjamas that sound perfect to be honest ! Yes ten mins is better than nothing as well

One thing he has always loved is stories, even from the early days at nursery when they couldn't get him to sit down for carpet time etc the only thing that grabbed his attention was story time so I know if all else fails I can read to him/with him

No work done here today. DD was up at 3:30 this morning, worried & upset about missing school, & couldn't sleep due to DH snoring. I tried to settle her back down but no... I got a bit more sleep, she didn't. Woke up, managed 3 bites of breakfast, went to make a cup of tea & the power went off. Builders had cut through the line to half the street. It's only just come back on. We went out for chippy lunch & a hot drink, & matches (for the hob & in case of further incidents - candles etc).
DD is now thoroughly wound up, first time she's experienced a proper power cut. House is freezing.

Hi all, sympathies to all those struggling, I have not had a good day homeschooling today. My dd is 9 and has social issues/autism and has a EHCP. School don’t seem to be offering places to anyone other than key workers though, this doesn’t seem right to me but hey ho. Also she has a one to TA who is now able to stay home on full pay withourpt offering her any support which galls a bit as her salary is paid for with the EHCP funding.

@fastwigglylines I know how you feel! Thanks for the thread, guys. My ds is 13 with asd and PDA. He struggled during the first lockdown and we had to give up schoolwork because of meltdowns, aggression, insults: it was a nightmare. Our marriage also broke down and husband left in autumn. Then school refusal on and off last term.
He has an ehcp and a school place but refuses to go in. The SENCo has been lovely and will send over a laptop.... But he won't do any work at home!! It's so frustrating.
The social worker has no ideas. We know a kind 6'7 " local police officer who is willing to come and have a word, but we consider this to be the nuclear option (but will work!) what would you do? Thanks for the support!

Struggling with my DS. He’s 14 with ASD and in year 10. He didn’t do too badly at the first set of home learning, although I’ve had no feedback from school.
But he only had 60% attendance last term. I’ve just found out he’s been lying to me about home learning this week too and hasn’t done a thing. He stays in bed all day and won’t get up - consequences like removing privileges have no effect on him. And his attitude and the way he speaks to me is awful. I find it hard to work out what is the ASD and what is being 14.
I’m a single parent and a self employed key worker, but I feel like I’m going to have to give up my job because if I go out to work he will just stay in bed, and I can’t get him into school in normal time.
I’ve just totally lost my shit at him and feel awful about it. I very rarely shout (it makes no difference anyway) and now I’m sat here crying.

@Squeejit I'm with you. I've had a belly full of the inertia, insults, shouting, aggression etc. I've decided not to get angry today with him. It's not worth it. I've had my education. If he wants to squander his, there is no sense putting myself in an early grave getting stressed about it. Put netflix on, headphones in, nice cup of tea and relax......

I have 2 DD’s, dd1 has Aspergers and is doing her first year in A level, she struggles to work from home but is going to have to adapt, last time she didn’t have to do much as she was GCSE year and knew she didn’t have to sit exams. Dd2 has ASD and is in year 10 at a specialist school, I have decided to keep her home, she refuses most online learning but today I have managed to get her to do 2 small pieces of work and a couple pages of a practice exam paper, in between she has been running up and down the room flapping her arms and talking to herself, I’m trying to reward her with a fun activity each time she completes school work, today we made a coaster from resin.

I’m just taking each day as it comes, I need to try and work from home tomorrow and I have a gp appointment so I’m not aiming to get much homeschooling done, anything will be a bonus.

Thanks @MackenCheese. It’s just so hard to ignore when I can see he has such potential. He has a brilliant mind, but he’s so depressed it is weighing him down and holding him back.
@Lovemusic33 you sound really lovely and patient. Do you get much support from school/college? I’ve never had anything, just a diagnosis from Camhs and sent on my way, so all my expectations are set on what the other kids in his year group and my friends’ kids are doing.
I can never gauge what’s teenage hormones, ASD, obstinance or just my shit parenting.

@Squeejit

Thanks *@MackenCheese*. It’s just so hard to ignore when I can see he has such potential. He has a brilliant mind, but he’s so depressed it is weighing him down and holding him back. *@Lovemusic33* you sound really lovely and patient. Do you get much support from school/college? I’ve never had anything, just a diagnosis from Camhs and sent on my way, so all my expectations are set on what the other kids in his year group and my friends’ kids are doing. I can never gauge what’s teenage hormones, ASD, obstinance or just my shit parenting.

Not much support at all, hopefully school will be calling me once a week to check in dd2, we haven't seen any professionals for years, signed off both dd's 5 years ago. The hormones have been a nightmare 😫

We're back to the same old shit.
The day started with chasing a 7yo around the house, catching him and putting him on my knee for the morning check-in. There's the other 7-8 yo's sitting nicely.
That's just the supposedly NT child...

So after round 1 with DS2, I go upstairs have a good ugly sob in bed before round 2 for DS1 (10, Aspergers end of ASD, dyspraxia, dyslexia; no EHCP because the ASD diagnosis was late 2019)
We deal with the wobble cushion, the mouse position, the text zoom size, the wrong website (swapped to the same topic on bitesize because he accepts it better). He's in click the wrong button mode and the mental wall is up. We watch a few videos about some kind of clause, rounding numbers and reducing, reusing and recycling (and the Oak Academy teacher has the wrong order because it's more important to reduce than reuse )

It is soul destroying to sit there micromanaging them to try and get something out of them and constantly battling them.
If I do both in one go, they feed off the other.
If I do one at a time, they're distracted by wanting to join the other.

They need their peers in a school atmosphere to learn.

Thanks for thread OP - place marking for now - I haven't got my glasses to read whole thread atm! My DD16 is autistic -,self harming in the first lockdown, had suicidal intentions in the second so always worried.

@girlofthenorth we are here for you when you get back. Sorry to hear it's been so bad.....

Here for you when you’re ready @girlofthenorth

@Lovemusic33 @BogRollBOGOF @Squeejit @MackenCheese @SnowmanDrinkingSnowballs sending you all virtual support and hugs! Sounds so tough and you’re all doing so well although I know it won’t seem like it.

I’ve started a new job this week. It started off shite with nursery not sending out DS1 keyworker to take him off me on Monday morning. This really pissed me off. They know full well she is the only one he will go too. This resulted in a full meltdown in the yard lasting 20 mins during which he got himself so worked up he was sick, kicked me, kicked the nursery worker and I was 20 mins late for my first day at my new job. I’m seriously wondering whether to quit already. I’ve had 2 phone calls from nursery today. One to say he wouldn’t take his coat off again (he wore it all day 8-4 Monday and his hat) and another to say he was having a meltdown and pulling his hair and scratching his arms and face so DH went to collect him early. We can’t carry on like this. It’s breaking my heart; I feel so sorry for him and like I’m letting him down by still sending him to this nursery. He goes twice a week. Going to call 0-5 Sen team tomorrow for some advice.
Really need his final EHCP so I can get him in the nursery at the special school we really want for him.
No doubt another night sobbing into my pillow.

Anyone else's DC not coping with zoom classes? DS has been having massive anxiety attacks as he feels everyone is staring at him, he has been bright red through all the lessons and terrified at the end. Hasn't spoken, not really taking in any instructions... also needs hand holding to write a sentence or read through any work. I am literally getting no work done at all

I have given up for today and possibly the rest of the week.

How the f*ck do they expect parents to home school, work from home and cope with ASD meltdowns/lack of routine?

I’m trying to WFH today, dd2’s homework comes through, write a story, fill in these 5 forms, take a photo of you exercising, complete this art work which involves loads of art supplies that no one has, write a diary of what you have eaten today and write about the health benefits, talk about body image and write a list of things you don’t like about yourself and a list of things you do like.......blah...blah..blah....oh, and find the 15 spelling mistakes in this piece of writing and correct them 😤

That’s just one days work, I’m lucky if I get her to watch the explanation for one piece of work let alone get her to actually do it. Most of it seems pointless (healthy eating rubbish, body image etc...) this is a child that can hardly talk let alone care about her body image.

She’s now upstairs building Lego and designing her own jigsaw puzzle on the back of a puzzle she got for Christmas, surely that’s educational? A bit of art and engineering 😐?

So if anyone else wants to ditch the school work and make our own timetable it will look something like this.....

9am......watch spongebob square pants.
10am....snack time
11am.....PE (go for a walk or maybe not?)
12am.... early lunch
1pm..... attempt one maths work sheet
2pm.....some kind of art or craft, slime making?
3pm....lose the will to live and declare free play for the rest of the day (Lego, gravitrax or watching shit on YouTube) 🤣

@Lovemusic33 I'm with you on this! The sad news is that my son has got a school place ,but won't go in!!!!!!!!!

[quote MackenCheese]@Lovemusic33 I'm with you on this! The sad news is that my son has got a school place ,but won't go in!!!!!!!!! [/quote]
Oh no, I guess it’s hard when they know many are staying at home, they don’t quite grasp that the ones staying home are not having fun all day.

I have just ordered a few bits in Amazon to try and keep her busy, I had a tie dye kids for Christmas so I have ordered some plain T-shirt’s to dye with her and some paints to do her art homework.

Lovemusic33, that's not far off us!

9am: breakfast
10am: zoom circle time
11am: walk outside, did some phonics on the go
11:30am: meltdown as we tried to watch phonics video (will stick to doing it myself as we walk)
11:45am: managed to do some adding with dice (she likes numbers), but it took a lot of persuading and me doing it before she joined in
12pm: lunch
1pm-2pm: free play: aka meltdown, wanting stuff/not wanting stuff etc.
2pm: playing in her room (hopefully not throwing or breaking anything...)

In a previous life, I was a teacher, so it's not as if I can't find activities. It's just that in a classroom, everything is set up for learning, at home - not so much. A few minutes before our zoom call this morning, we had a delivery, the post came with dd2's learning pack and dd2's secondary teacher phoned. Not conducive to settling an sen child into a calm routine! Also, dd2 gets completely stuck on an activity, so she wants to do it again and again, rather than move onto the next stage.

The English teacher wrote a reply to yesterday’s homework say she needs to add more to her piece of work 😠 ‘More’? Do they realise how long it took to get her to write a paragraph? The screaming and tears, the “I Hate work!!!!” Repeated 20 times? He can shove his “can’t you write a bit more?” Where the sun doesn’t shine 🤣

All in tears this afternoon. ASD refusing to do most of his maths homework. Much arguing and then crying. If he just sat down and concentrated he could get it done in 45mins but he seems to need to make the point it’s unfair he has homework with remote learning. He is Year 7. I had to go for a walk I was so frustrated I was happy to sit with him, split it into smaller pieces and support him and he digs his heals in. He is bright and can do the work but lacks confidence and is often scared of doing difficult questions in case he gets it wrong.

DS (14) explained to me last night that the reason he won’t do his work is because home is home and school is school. Although we’ve had a bit of a win today because he’s done his maths and computer science. He’s well behind in his other classes but says no way is he doing them at the weekend because that’s when he goes to dad’s (and gets free run of his games).
It’s a disaster for him educationally. In theory, I should be able to send him in because I am a key worker and self employed single parent, but he started school refusing in September so there’s no way I’d get him in.

@redpandaalert

All in tears this afternoon. ASD refusing to do most of his maths homework. Much arguing and then crying. If he just sat down and concentrated he could get it done in 45mins but he seems to need to make the point it’s unfair he has homework with remote learning. He is Year 7. I had to go for a walk I was so frustrated I was happy to sit with him, split it into smaller pieces and support him and he digs his heals in. He is bright and can do the work but lacks confidence and is often scared of doing difficult questions in case he gets it wrong.

This is exactly how dd is, she very good at maths, meant to be sitting GCSE a year early (before covid hit) so is more than capable of the work they are setting her but she just takes one look at it and starts complaining, saying she can’t do it and saying she hates school work, then the crying starts then the self harm, such a fuss over a piece of work that will only take her ten minutes to complete. Day 3 and we are already 2 days behind with work.

Same here @Lovemusic33. It’s all well within his ability, but he just won’t do it. Today he lost it over maths because he was entering graph co/ordinates into Mathswatch and it was marking him wrong because he’d missed the brackets. There was swearing, slamming the laptop shut, punching his leg. Once we figured it out he had a 20 minute rant about how the site is programmed, what’s the point in brackets, etc etc. So much fuss over a small detail 😕