Can’t believe what a friend asked me to do

[NikkyD]

So one of my closest childhood friends messaged me a few days ago asking for a favour. She is in a new relationship and her and the boyfriend booked a hotel and were due to stay last night. She messaged me Christmas Eve asking would it be ok if she used my address for the booking. You see she only lives a few miles from my house, not far at all, but technically her area is tier 3, and the new boyfriend lives down south and is also in tier 3. She told me they’re desperate for some alone time as his kids and her youngest son won’t let them have a moments peace never mind anything else (if you get my drift). Now for a minute I felt for them as me and dh have a toddler so it’s rare we get any time on our own, even before covid, but my gut instinct was to tell her no. Anyway she got really uppity with me and said it’s no big deal they just want some time together. Basically trying to make me feel bad. Anyway I said no and that was that but technically if I had have said yes would it have been illegal? Like falsifying of some sort? Just curious really. Oh and then she text me last night saying thanks for ruining her night. Seriously!

@MaryLeeOnHigh for tier 3 the travel regulations are guidance, not law. Tier 4 is law.

Extracts:

Where possible, you should stay local and avoid travelling outside your local area, meaning your village or town, or part of a city. People should continue to travel for reasons such as work, education, medical attention or if they have caring responsibilities.

You can still travel to venues that are open, or for reasons such as work or education, but you should reduce the number of journeys you make wherever possible.

You should still avoid travelling outside your tier 3 area other than for the reasons such as those above. '

The phrasing above 'where possible....', 'you should avoid....' is key.

We cannot legally turn away tier 3 guests, but we must turn away tier 4.

The reason we took legal advice was to make sure we didn't inadvertently break the law regarding the covid regulations, but also didn't lay ourselves open to legal action from guests if we turned them away.

@Xerochrysum Could you not read the sarcasm in my post, clearly not. Unless we lock everyone up in their houses this virus will continue to spread because that's what viruses do, it's the sole purpose of its life.

What has really disappointed me this year is the judgement and blame shown to others, exactly like you're doing to me now. Nobody is to blame for this virus and nobody is maliciously spreading it, people need to live their lives as best they can for financial and mental health wellbeing.

I haven't had a day off work this year, bar bank holidays, helping people who have found themselves in financial difficulty so please drop the patronising tone about people like myself.

I assume she would have needed to give her real name for payment and Id purposes and just needed an address in a tier 2 area
I would have told her just to get on with it and not involve me.
I doubt they would have involved you and you could have denied all knowledge if they did.
It seems a close friend would have accepted such a request so maybe you arent as close as you think.
It seems to me that loads of ppl ranting about Covid responsibility are happy to bend the rules when it comes to their own lifestyles.

I’d have said yes no bother at all.

Yeah, you have worked without day off, how noble of you. But you have no right to ridicule fear and worry of people who have genuine reason to.

No one wants to lock everyone up, so we have guidelines. But if people started to make exceptions to themselves, then this will never end.

You are for breaking the rules for personal gain, saying you agreed with op's friend. I do have problem with it.

I wouldn’t because lying isn’t right but there’s been quite a few times when I’ve been surprised that not that many people seem to think that anymore.

But even if that’s not the issue she’s asking you to be complicit in going against the guidance and putting others at risk so stick to your guns

Because of track and trace I wouldn't have allowed her to use my address.

She shouldn’t have asked or got stroppy when you said no. However, I think the whole world is pretty bonkers right now.

I would just send a short reply saying - eg - sorry you are upset, life is so tough now isn’t it, but hope you will understand we just don’t feel comfortable doing this under current circs. Take care, and hopefully everything will be a bit more normal by spring. Look forward to seeing you then.

Not something to loose a good friend over. Be the bigger person etc - she sounds under P.

When I travel I usually have my credit/debit cards with me and possibly a passport. None of these show my address. So how would I prove/disprove my address?

Can't they have a moment when the children are in bed? It's a new relationship and they need to adjust a bit if they want the relationship to work.

"I can't get too worked up about it either. People are going to break the rules. You can't control other people's actions - and judging them and being so angry all the time is fricking exhausting."

Well, no, the OP can't control her friend's actions, but she sure as hell can refuse to facilitate them. And she should be able to do that without any backlash.

YANBU

I would have refused.

@Bluntness100

Personally I’d have said yes to this. What is it you’re worried about that made you say no? Yes tech breaking the rules, but she sees her partner anyway, and no it’s not Some sort of illegal act that would see you in jail.

really? why?

I don't think it was such a big deal for her to ask that

She's actually being a fairly decent person by asking. You have been able to say no. She could have booked it, used your address and not mentioned it - you would never have known. It wouldn't come back on you - not your booking, the hotel/ government/whoever doesn't know you are friends and would not know if the address was given at random if any checks were made. I can see why you are upset - the reaction to you saying no is not nice - but really she made the error of involving you instead of just going ahead.

I’d have said yes.

She was unreasonable to ask, and petty to be snarky about it afterwards

I would never allow anyone to use my identity in this way, no.

It is fraud to pass yourself off as another person.

She was BU to ask and BVU to be stroppy when you said no. You were not unreasonable at all. The more we stick to the rules, the sooner this crap will be over.

Not sure why she bothered asking if the only acceptable response from you was going to be "Yes"

You did the right thing saying No. If test and trace contacted you after, there could be repercussions of all sorts

Covid ruined her plans, not you, tell her that and then ghost her for a while.

I would have said yes.

"Thanks for ruining her night"?! Well she's ruining a lot more than peoples night with her shit attitude to breaking the rules and keeping this thing going!

I’d have said yes, what harm is there to you? However, you are well within your rights not to do it and she should take your response graciously.