Not seeing my parents because DH's parents are shielding.AIBU?

[Stormy373]

DH's parents are very vulnerable so we can't see them over Christmas. My parents aren't and seeing them would be within the covid rules. We've decided that as we can't see the in laws we also won't see my mum and dad, that way it's fair on everyone. My parents aren't happy about it though.

AIBU? I'm not sure what to do for the best really.

It's a bit mean. Could you do window visits?

If it's allowed to see your own parents I would. You can arrange at a later date to see inlaws. We've 2 sheilding here since March and I'd never expect anyone not to see my other relatives just because we're sheilding.

As part of a household that has to miss out because we are shielding, I think you are making the right choice. Not just because you would be leaving out the ILs, but because every interaction is another chance to spread this disease. By staying home you are helping everyone in your family and community.

Omg, as though life isn’t difficult enough as it is 🙄

Would your in laws care? Is this an excuse? Does your DH care? Are you both 3yo?

I would definitely see your parents.

It is not like a usual Christmas-and keeping things "fair" between inlaws. You can't see DH's parents but you can see yours. Why should you all miss out? I think if you can see them you should.

Who knows what will happen next-I wouldn't miss the chance

Why does his parents being alone mean yours have to be too?! If his dad breaks his leg will you push yours down the stairs?

This is really weird, I'd be annoyed with you too.

I don't think that is logical, I am high risk and very cautious but that doesn't mean that my family can't mix with each other or my friends can't go out for dinner when it's allowed just because I don't!
If your MIL/FIL died would you have to cut out your own corresponding parent because DH could no longer see his?
I don't mean to be shocking but it would make as much sense to me as what your doing now.

If it’s allowed I would see your parents. I understand that it’s sad you can’t see your in laws but if your parents aren’t vulnerable like you say why not? Also are your in laws in your area? Maybe you could do a window visit or something with the children?

Talk about making something that isn't an issue into one. Just see your parents, nothing has been fair this year.

I’d see your parents. Your in-laws wouldn’t mind and your parents are surely going to be glad to see you.

Same situation for us, I’m seeing my parents.

I don't really see the point tbh. You can't see your inlaws why does that translate to won't see your parents?

It doesn't fair to everyone at all. The opposite actually.

I feel you're actually being very considerate. You have those who desperately want to see others at all costs and others wg would love to see others but can't risk taking part in spreading it. It's hard either way.

I’m in a similar position.
ExHs parents are shielding so don’t want me and the DCs round. Mine aren’t so they do and we’re going. MIL is pleased for us as we don’t see them often and she knows I’ve missed them.

You’re being really unfair to your parents. I’d be upset if I was them.

I'm sure you mean well, OP, but this seems a bit unreasonable, and almost petty. Refusing to see your parents won't help your ILs, but will cause unnecessary pain to your parents. If I was your MIL, I'd be feeling very uncomfortable about this arrangement and would be worrying that it would lead to your DM resenting me. See your parents (safely) while you still can.

Yabu

Bonkers.

Calling reverse.

Seems very odd to me. My in laws live on the other side of the country so we only see them a couple of times a year (in non Covid times), my mum lives around the corner so should tree fact we only see my in laws a couple of times a year mean I should only see my mother a couple of times a year? Treating people equally and treating people fairly are not always the same thing.

How ridiculous.

That’s ridiculous, it’s not a competition. My parents are being very cautious (outdoor short visits, very distanced with masks only) while my MIL is doing childcare once a week.
Both sets of GPs have chosen their own level of interaction without us asking or suggesting anything and thankfully neither are the type to compare and be jealous. It’s ridiculous to insist both are kept identical for “fairness”.

I don’t see how being unfair to your parents is any fairer to your ILs

Ridiculous... If one of you looses your parents will the other not see their parents the following Christmas so its equal?

YABU

If your parents are happy to see you then see them! What a mean thing to do. Do you just not like them? I feel there must be a backstory to this. Either your dh is coercing you into it or you don't get on with them, maybe with good reason.

I'd see my DPs but they are over 70 and being very cautious. My ILs are younger but shielding so we aren't risking it even though we could see them in a covid safe way.

YABVU