Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Covid

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Not seeing my parents because DH's parents are shielding.AIBU?

86 replies

Stormy373 · 23/12/2020 19:31

DH's parents are very vulnerable so we can't see them over Christmas. My parents aren't and seeing them would be within the covid rules. We've decided that as we can't see the in laws we also won't see my mum and dad, that way it's fair on everyone. My parents aren't happy about it though.

AIBU? I'm not sure what to do for the best really.

OP posts:

Disfordarkchocolate · 23/12/2020 20:47

It's not what I would do.

DollyParton2 · 23/12/2020 20:47

Also agree this seems petty and a bit spoilt/ arrogant actually as if your company is such a sought after amazing treat because DHs parents can’t see you you’re doing the right, gracious thing by withholding the unbelievable prize of the pleasure of your company from them too. Get a grip. Just see them.

WhereverIGoddamnLike · 23/12/2020 20:48

You're being completely ridiculous.

What sort of crap in-laws do you have who think that if they cant have something then no one should. Are they 5? Is your husband 5?

Grow up.

Floralnomad · 23/12/2020 20:48

YABVU and ridiculous .

saraclara · 23/12/2020 20:49

Sorry, but that's nuts, and really unfair. Are you going to do this every time one set of parents has a problem? Punish the others?

Things even out. This time it's your inlaws who are having an issue. In a year or two there might be something that means your parents miss out on something that the inlaws can do.

I'm the lucky one this time round. My daughter and son in law are with me on Christmas Day (tier 4 and we're a bubble) and the inlaws don't get to see them. My DD's MIL has been largely shielding too, but they might have risked it if not for the new rules.

I feel really bad for them, but they've taken it on the chin and at some point will have a family gathering to make up for it.

Beautiful3 · 23/12/2020 20:50

Thats a bit mean! But does every one really have to suffer?

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 23/12/2020 20:50

Bizarre. A really hurtful and irrational decision.

Go see your folks (unless, obvs massive backstory)

Drop off gifts to inlaws and wave from the garden gate.

Quartz2208 · 23/12/2020 20:51

equal (which is what you are making this) isnt the same as fair. Fair brings in an extra element - need/want/able to.

Your DH cannot see his parents - that is fine that is immovable.

You can see yours. You are able to. Do you need/want to? Because if you do why on earth are you sacrificing it for something that simply cannot happen

TragedyHands · 23/12/2020 20:54

I hope none of my kids do this, I'd be gutted.
How is it your parents fault, why punish them.

Tal45 · 23/12/2020 20:55

Surely you don't make sure that you see both in laws exactly equally?? Do you really count the hours/days spent with one set and make sure the others get exactly the same? If not then it makes no sense to not see your parents because you can't see his.

giantangryrooster · 23/12/2020 20:56

Of course your parents are not happy, they are being 'punished' for others being vulnerable, isolating more.

I guess it's your dh that has laid down the law? If so you have a dh problem (and need to start being assertive).

Lamentations · 23/12/2020 20:56

Fair doesn't mean equal. See your parents.

ivfbeenbusy · 23/12/2020 20:58

Life isn't fair sometimes (a lot of the time)

We are seeing my parents - won't be seeing PIL for weeks/months yet. That's just life/luck of the draw

FriedasCarLoad · 23/12/2020 21:03

Not seeing your parents because of the risk would be reasonable.

Your parents missing out because your in laws are forced to miss out seems rather unfair.

Shadowboy · 23/12/2020 21:08

Seriously? I’d see mine. Anything could happen tomorrow- I’m not surprised they are upset

Original poster

Stormy373 · 23/12/2020 21:12

Thanks for all the replies. I've clearly lost my mind, I needed an outside perspective. I've phoned my parents to apologise and we'll be seeing them chritmas day.

OP posts:

MistleTOEboughski · 23/12/2020 21:14

What is this some alternative AIBU where the OP listens and starts being reasonable???

AnneLovesGilbert · 23/12/2020 21:15

That’s good. Hope you have a lovely Christmas.

Mumof3andlovingit · 23/12/2020 21:16

@Stormy373

Thanks for all the replies. I've clearly lost my mind, I needed an outside perspective. I've phoned my parents to apologise and we'll be seeing them chritmas day.

Good on you!

Chloemol · 23/12/2020 21:29

I would see your parents, it’s allowed it’s not your or their fault you can’t see the in laws

pickingdaisies · 23/12/2020 21:35

OP that's not fair, at least do us the courtesy of flouncing off in a huff!

DecemberDiana · 23/12/2020 21:37

A happy ending!

TillyTopper · 23/12/2020 21:40

That's bonkers! So one lot of parents don't want to see you because they are shielding so you don't see the others? I think that's ridiculous!

NataliaOsipova · 23/12/2020 21:42

Well done OP. Someone else I know said they were doing the same thing “can’t have my mum because my MIL can’t come and it isn’t fair” - and I told her she was crazy. Glad you will be seeing them.

Mumbum2011 · 23/12/2020 21:44

Jeez, take what you can get! Times are hard enough for everyone.

Flip

1 2 3 4