Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Covid

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Original poster

I’ve ruined Christmas for my daughter

118 replies

Ronamoaner2021 · 21/12/2020 15:40

So my daughter travelled to London to see her dad prior to this tier 4, mutant strain etc. She usually goes down after Christmas. I drove her to her dads. Tier 4 was then announced, and I’ve just got a positive Covid test. Her dad doesn’t want to a) leave to travel to my tier 3 area b) bring her to potentially catch I from me.

I understand this but I am so upset, she’s never spent Christmas away from me, she really wants to come home. I’ve been in tears thinking ive ruined her Christmas. I know bigger things are going on. But I’m going to be all alone without my baby for the first time

OP posts:
girlofthenorth · 21/12/2020 17:03

Sorry you're going through this , it will be hard for both of you, but can you imagine how much worse you would feel if she came back and got it from you ? She's safe there . Hope you're ok , lots of us in the same boat here so you are nit alone in that sense. Have you got anyone in RL who can bring you supplies ? You can have a nice NY with your DD to make up for it . I'm the daughter who has put her elderly dad in isolation over Christmas on his own , with the chance he's gonna get symptoms ...don't be hard on yourself . This is such an awful time , you can get through this .

YoniAndGuy · 21/12/2020 17:05

He hasn't been in her life?

How long have they been back in touch?

Does she know him well?

Does she habitually stay for longer than 1-2 days?

Is he good at caring for her? Do you trust him?

To be honest if she is not ok with staying that long with a man she isn't 100% confident and at ease with then it's a different story. I don't know what you can do but - not good.

MrsHugsxx · 21/12/2020 17:05

I'd get her then isolate together. She will get it at some point. Do parents who test positive send their children away? Of course they don't.

Chloemol · 21/12/2020 17:06

Think of it like this, if you hadn’t let her go, it’s still likely you would have tested positive and then she would have caught it

It’s hard, but she is in the right place

YoniAndGuy · 21/12/2020 17:06

Oh x-posts.

So she is at granny's house, and is confident and secure there and granny is the constant? That's ok then.

Second Christmas planned at yours. At least at 10, you can rationalise this a bit.

I'm sorry though, utterly shit!

Original poster
Ronamoaner2021 · 21/12/2020 17:08

I don’t really want to get in the ins and outs. She’s comfortable with him. She usually stays with him and her nan for about a week at a time after Christmas. I do trust him with her but it’s not an ideal situation by any means. He’s more of a child than a parent. Her nan is there but he is caring for her day to day etc

OP posts:
Chloemol · 21/12/2020 17:09

@MrsHugsxx

Who is to say she will get it at some point? Who is to say that the op doesn’t become very ill (and let’s hope not) and can’t look after her?

Why would you wish your child to get it? You don’t know how she will react to it

It’s different to parents who have their children with them when they test positive. The op doesn’t and in my opinion shouldn’t bring the child back

Purplecatshopaholic · 21/12/2020 17:10

Oh op, how rubbish. I am so sorry.

ChikiTIKI · 21/12/2020 17:17

You only have to isolate 10 days after symptoms started. Hope that improves things a bit. Feel better soon!

hansgrueber · 21/12/2020 17:17

@Chocolate1992

I’d still go and get her. Fully expect to be told I’m a murderer by the MN sheep
Why should her father not be allowed to enjoy her company for Christmas?
DolphinsAndNemesis · 21/12/2020 17:29

I still don't understand the contradictions, but it sounds as though she knows him well and usually spends some time with him and her grandmother at this time of year. So she is in a familiar environment with people who love her and whom she loves. She will probably have a wonderful time, even if it isn't what she is used to for Christmas.

Of course it's upsetting for you to be apart from her. But you can concentrate on getting well and planning for a post-Christmas celebration with your DD.

Confusedandshaken · 21/12/2020 17:29

I'd be very sad too. My daughter is 25 and we are not sure if she can get home and I'm sad This is an awful situation. Can you freeze some of the food and do a second Christmas when you are safe to collect her and being her home?

LindaEllen · 21/12/2020 17:30

Your daughter is safe with her dad, and will still have a lovely time. You can video call her every day if you want to. We were lucky that DSS was with his mum when we tested positive, and he stayed there until we were better (which turned out to be a fair time as DP struggled with it).

I know it's so much harder at Christmas but honestly, you don't know how you're going to cope with this, and having your daughter safe and looked after elsewhere could turn out to be a blessing if your symptoms worsen - we certainly couldn't have looked after a child.

ilovesushi · 21/12/2020 17:45

She'll be fine. She's with her dad and her nan and she will have a lovely Christmas even though she will miss you. Take good care of yourself. I hope you don't get poorly. Treat yourself, relax, watch some good films, read some good books and have some nice walks. Get some wine in too and chocolate. It will be okay. xxx

NoGuestsCIothingOptionaI · 21/12/2020 17:45

OP
you haven't ruined her Xmas, it is what it is
~ you are protecting her by not seeing her so she stays well
~ it will be rough on you (I do empathise, I am apart from my firstborn for the first time - I will probably start a support thread on here Xmas day)
~ try and think of it as a chance to have quality time getting to know her Dad a bit better
~ threaten him with whatever you need to to make sure he steps up
~ see if you can organise a 'watch party' with a film on Amazon prime
~ try and keep her going with whatsapp convos, zoom or Skype and do try and stay upbeat for her
~ make new year's day your Xmas together

Hugs to you and warmest wishes
Brew Cake

BuntysTwinkle · 21/12/2020 17:46

It's awkward, but she'll be cared for and you'll make a fuss of her when she's back. Stress that she's lucky to be getting two Christmas's this year, and put as positive a spin on it as possible. It's just one year.

MaryLeeOnHigh · 21/12/2020 17:49

I shouldn’t have let her go

Of course you should have, you couldn't know what would happen. And it's really better for her to be away from a direct source of infection and not to have to look after a poorly mother.

ineedaholidaynow · 21/12/2020 17:51

When did you last see her? Is she going to be a contact and need to isolate at her dad's?

savethewales · 21/12/2020 17:53

@Chocolate1992

I’d still go and get her. Fully expect to be told I’m a murderer by the MN sheep
Have a fucking day off.
Tal45 · 21/12/2020 18:00

Why did you leave your presents with him if you were expecting her back? I think this will probably be much harder for you than for her x

ekidmxcl · 21/12/2020 18:07

Try to flip the situation OP and see the silver lining here. You are going to have had covid and recovered from it and so you will get some immunity. Your health is worth more than a day to your daughter and you can do Christmas when she gets back. By January, you will be in a much better position and that isn't far away at all.

I hope you are feeling ok

YardleyX · 21/12/2020 18:14

This is ridiculous.

I’d get her home.

Candyfloss99 · 21/12/2020 18:16

@YardleyX

This is ridiculous.

I’d get her home.

So that she can be given COVID19 for Christmas?
Blondeshavemorefun · 21/12/2020 18:22

Surely she would have to isolate at her dads if was with you and you have now been tested positive

CurlyhairedAssassin · 21/12/2020 18:30

Not sure of your exact relationship with your ex but if it's an amicable one and your DD is happy to spend time with her dad it's fairly arrogant to proclaim that you have ruined your daughter's Christmas when she's spending it with her OTHER PARENT. It is totally normal to share access at Christmas when you are not with the other parent anymore.

I would have had a bit more sympathy if your post was saying how fed up you were going to be on your own at Christmas.