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Original poster

How can I let my mom be alone over Christmas?

99 replies

ThornAmongstRoses · 01/12/2020 11:59

My two extra households over Christmas are:

  1. My father-in-law.....
  2. ....and by default my FIL’s brother, as my FIL is visiting him on Christmas Eve.

I have got my dad coming round to mine as well at some point between those 5 days but he’s my support bubble so doesn’t actually count.

The plan was that my mom (parents are divorced) was going to go and see my brother.

However, my mom has just phoned me, very upset, to say that my brother is already bubbled with two other households: his partner’s parents, and one of his close friends who is going to find this Christmas very hard due to losing his mum last Christmas (and doesn’t have any other close family).

My brother had told my mom that although it’s technically not allowed, she can still go over and visit him at some point during the 5 days if she wishes, but my mom has been sticking by the rules for so long that she doesn’t want to do that.

My mom lives alone and so obviously, has really struggled throughout lockdown during the stages of not being able to see people in homes (or at all) and she was so looking forward to finally being able to see me, my brother, and all our children.

My mom has pleaded with me that after the five day window of seeing people over Christmas, can I, my husband and the children please go and visit her for a day so she can make Christmas Dinner for people to enjoy, and for her to enjoy it with them, and so she can see the children open the presents she has bought for them.

We are in Tier 3 so technically this isn’t allowed.

Christmas has always been such a special time for us as a family - there are normally 14 of us who go to her house and she hosts the day. She goes absolutely crazy regarding the decorations, inside and out and turns her house into some kind of Grotto, there are presents everywhere, Christmas music playing, Christmas Trees in every room and she cooks the Christmas Dinner for everyone too - and it means everything to her.

How can I now sentence her to being completely alone all over Christmas? Sad

Personally I would have no problem going to see her, but at the same time I know it’s outside The Rules and I know how much that is frowned upon.

The whole thing is horrible. She was so upset when she phoned me. She never normally cries.

I just don’t know what to do Sad

OP posts:
Anoisagusaris · 01/12/2020 12:02

I’d be ignoring the rules and have her for Xmas. Three households is a random number. It’s not like you are having 30 people.

lughnasadh · 01/12/2020 12:04

Your mother is making this more of an issue than it need be.

If she's willing to see you after Christmas, she can see you/yur brother over the holiday.

The 'risk' will be pretty much the same, the same people will still have been mixing.

ToffeeAppleCaramel · 01/12/2020 12:05

Unless any of you are very vulnerable I would invite your mum round. If she is going to worry about the rules just tell her you are only seeing her and your FIL. Lots of people will push the rules far more than seeing one person who has seen on one other person.

palacegirl77 · 01/12/2020 12:07

Just have her round!

Original poster
ThornAmongstRoses · 01/12/2020 12:07

If she's willing to see you after Christmas, she can see you/yur brother over the holiday.

She doesn’t want to ‘bubble’ with my brother’s partner’s family, or my brother’s friend as she doesn’t know them or know if they’ve abiding by the rules or whether they’ve still been seeing people, whereas she knows I’ve been following the rules, and that I don’t really go anywhere so she trusts that I’m ‘safe’ enough to risk seeing me against the rules.

OP posts:
brotherforHelen · 01/12/2020 12:07

Does none of the households that are in your bubble count as a single household that could be added by way of a support bubble? If so, the they can count as part of your household and then you can have four, iyswim?

PawsAndPhytoncides · 01/12/2020 12:10

Perosnally, I'd see her but I understand that not everyone would be comfortable with that.

Could an alternative be to promise to see her once the T3 is lifted? Maybe making a thing of another date that yu don't normally celebrate, like St George's day or Easter or Valentines Day? Make it a thing that this year you'll all do it like it's Christmas 2?

It won't make the day alone OK but might give her some light to look forward to?

How is she with something like Zoom? Depending on skill and technology available, we've had a few family gatherings like that - with the other house displayed up on the "big telly". It makes them seem more in the room and we've succesfully played a few board games like that (e.g. Triv) - with both sides having a board and following along, asking questions back and forth. Is she able to have something like that set up for the present opening or for afternoon games (or whatever)? So that she knows she hasn't just been forgotten about?

ptumbi · 01/12/2020 12:10

Ignore the made up rules and numbers - do what is right for your family.

If none of you are vulnerable, go for it.

This time last year,none of you would be bothered about or even think about taking a potentially fatal disease like flu, pneumonia, noro, TB, to your relatives.

LittleMissLockdown · 01/12/2020 12:18

If your mum lives alone then surely she could have bubbled with you months ago when that wad an option for single households?

You can still have everyone else and your mum round as she will be a single person bubbling for support which is separate to the 2 families your allowed to bubble with at Christmas.

LittleMissLockdown · 01/12/2020 12:21

Ah just seen your dad is your single person bubble. Its sad that no one thought ti bubble with your mum, or did she not eant to form a support bubble?

If your FILs brother lives alone ad then he could bubble with your FIL and they would count as just one household.

Racoonworld · 01/12/2020 12:23

Everyone saying ops mum can bubble with them, read the op, they already have their dad as a support bubble and you’re not allowed two.

Racoonworld · 01/12/2020 12:24

Op if your FIL is seeing people already could you see your mum instead of him? That would be fairer.

dementedpixie · 01/12/2020 12:25

OP says her dad is already in a support bubble with her
I don't know if I'd count FILs brother as a household if you're not actually seeing him

SleepingStandingUp · 01/12/2020 12:26

Will your parents tolerate Christmas together? Have you both been adhering to the rules? Personally I'd have Mom over, and would disregard your FIL visiting his brother. Yeah yeah I'm an awful rule breaker and I'm trying to kill everyone's granny but I would op.

Racoonworld · 01/12/2020 12:26

@dementedpixie

OP says her dad is already in a support bubble with her I don't know if I'd count FILs brother as a household if you're not actually seeing him
It is counted as a household as it’s a bubble of three that’s allowed. Doesn’t matter if you see them or not they are still in the bubble.
Mrsjayy · 01/12/2020 12:27

Your fil and uncle in law could be a bubble as it sounds like they are single ?

dementedpixie · 01/12/2020 12:28

Yes and I'm saying I wouldn't count it as a household.

Could you ask FIL to see his brother after he's been to yours?

SleepingStandingUp · 01/12/2020 12:29

@Mrsjayy

Your fil and uncle in law could be a bubble as it sounds like they are single ?
That's a good point assuming one of them at least is?? Then he's just seeing his household, your Dad is yours and Mom makes 3
TheYearOfSmallThings · 01/12/2020 12:30

Oh just go to dinner at your DM's house, and invite her to yours on Christmas (it's up to her whether she comes).

But please can everyone stop saying bubble, bubbling and especially bubbling up 🤢

AnnnaBananna · 01/12/2020 12:34

People are being very selfish here. Your brother should be putting his own mother ahead of his friend, who quite frankly is merely a friend and thus a lower priority than the woman who gave birth to him! Let the friend find somewhere else to go!

Equally you could leave your husband with the in-laws and go to your mother’s, or your brother could leave his wife with the in-laws and go to his mother’s. That way nobody is alone. You can’t possibly leave your mother alone for Christmas, that’s awful.

dementedpixie · 01/12/2020 12:34

So just because you call it a bubble its ok even though its exactly the same situation?

Do what you need to do so she isn't alone at Christmas

Sirzy · 01/12/2020 12:34

@ThornAmongstRoses

If she's willing to see you after Christmas, she can see you/yur brother over the holiday.

She doesn’t want to ‘bubble’ with my brother’s partner’s family, or my brother’s friend as she doesn’t know them or know if they’ve abiding by the rules or whether they’ve still been seeing people, whereas she knows I’ve been following the rules, and that I don’t really go anywhere so she trusts that I’m ‘safe’ enough to risk seeing me against the rules.

Does she know that everyone in your bubble will have been behaving though?
Mrsjayy · 01/12/2020 12:35

Sorry it is bloody annoying Isnt it ?but.it helps people to work out what they can do. I've just said the B word out loud this morning and it's ridiculous sounding

TillyTopper · 01/12/2020 12:35

Just invite her round, she can come if she wants. Ignore their bubble shite.

Nipoleon · 01/12/2020 12:35

Against the rules, not allowed, too many bubbles how quickly people become like robots...omg please use common sense and don't leave your mum alone please! Have some independence of mind and realise family won't be around forever and the increased risk is so small that miniscule isn't even the right word.