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Original poster

Not seeing parents at Christmas

97 replies

XmasBauble · 28/11/2020 21:48

My household is made up of me (high risk and pregnant), DH and DS (both low risk). We are not bubbled up with anyone. Over Christmas, the only people we could potentially bubble with are my parents. They won't form a bubble with anyone else so we will be within the 3-household rule.

My dilemma is that my parents are only willing to visit us at Christmas after having been to church, and we are not comfortable having close contact with them after they have been around many people. We are therefore planning on telling them that we cannot meet up with them in our house. They will be upset, but I know won't compromise by meeting up outdoors or not going to church.

We have been so careful until now - working from home, all shopping online etc, so want to avoid additional risk now.

Are my concerns OTT?

OP posts:
superram · 28/11/2020 21:49

Yes, I think they are.

Whyarewehardofthinking · 28/11/2020 21:51

I don't think you are over the top but we are teachers in Greater Manchester and I don't know anyone who is mixing households, either in my family or from work or friends.

DownWhichOfLate · 28/11/2020 21:52

Church the morning before seeing you? I may be completely wrong but, if they were to become unwell from church, they wouldn’t be immediately contagious?

SunShinesStill · 28/11/2020 21:53

No they are not. People who are not shielding, have been having friends in the house and went on holiday in the summer will not understand.
But actually if they se people in church, you could ask them to change their clothes on arrival. They wouldn’t be as infectious if they had caught at church as they would a few days after when they start expressing the virus.

TickTickClock · 28/11/2020 21:53

If they've only picked the virus up at church that morning, surely it's too soon for them to be infectious and infect you? Don't you have to incubate it for a while?
Unless they have it on their hands and touch something in your house... but hopefully everyone is washing their hands as soon as they come inside these days? Just squirt them at the door if not!

SunShinesStill · 28/11/2020 21:53

Can’t you see them Christmas Eve before they go to church?

Hardbackwriter · 28/11/2020 21:54

Would you see them if they'd been to the supermarket? The enforcement of social distancing at church will be much more rigorous than in most shops. It's your decision, of course, but I think you should make sure that you know what going to church will entail - they don't be all shaking hands for the peace, sharing a communion cup, etc if that's what you're imagining.

KittenCalledBob · 28/11/2020 21:54

Could you move your Christmas celebration with them to the 24th? Then they can still go to church on the 25th.

AvoidingRealHumans · 28/11/2020 21:55

Yes I think you're being over the top. As others have said, they won't be immediately infectious if they caught it and I thought that people still had to social distance in church and wear masks anyway so highly unlikely they would pick anything up.

MummaBear4321 · 28/11/2020 21:55

I know you are worried about covid in general, and you have reason to be, but I think you are being a bit OTT. They will be socially distanced at church, wearing masks, using hand sanitiser. They have more chance of having a car accident on the way to see you than getting covid at one church service where all those measures are in place and passing it to you, but I imagine you wouldnt worry about them driving.

Original poster
XmasBauble · 28/11/2020 22:01

To clarify, we are working on 23 Dec. Parents will go to church on 24 and 25 Dec and definitely won't visit us on those days. They will go to church again on 27 Dec so the only day they can visit is 26 Dec.

I do worry about the driving as well for lots of other reasons that would derail this thread, but during COVID I guess driving is safer than trains!

OP posts:
Mother40 · 28/11/2020 22:06

I don't think you're being over cautious. I would be concerned if pregnant too. I also don't think its right that they would definitely not be infectious as some.have.suggested, as you can be infectious before symptoms.start.

Beecham · 28/11/2020 22:11

They won't be infectious immediately after being at church. I think you're being ott.

Sandyplankton · 28/11/2020 22:14

Even if they caught covid at church on the 24th, the chances of them being contagious enough to infect you on the 26th is extremely low, particularly as I'm guessing it will be midnight mass they're attending?

lifestooshort123 · 28/11/2020 22:15

Having read your update I've changed my mind - YANBU. If they put going to church 3 times over 4 days ahead of seeing their family then let them get on with it. Be relaxed and have Boxing Day with your own little family. Tell them to Skype you when they've got the time.

1990shopefulftm · 28/11/2020 22:20

Having had a baby 3 weeks ago with the covid restrictions, your concerns aren't ott to me. ,it's not pleasant being isolated on a ward alone if you needed to go to the hospital during your pregnancy or labour and had symptoms of covid.

Original poster
XmasBauble · 28/11/2020 23:07

Thank you all. Feeling a bit torn so will need to have a good think about it.

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 28/11/2020 23:10

But they'll be social distancing at church and churches are big places.
As long as they make sure they social distance then I would be ok with this

RuleWithAWoodenFoot · 28/11/2020 23:36

I think you have to go with your gut feeling.

I'm more cautious than my partner, and I'm going to stand by that. I called my brother to see if I was being weird (he's super laid back about just about everything), and he said that he has already told our parents that he and his family won't see them unless it's outside.

It's 3 months? give or take, before my parents will be vaccinated? Christmas can wait.

Inkpaperstars · 29/11/2020 00:20

If they are that bothered, all they have to do is skip or rearrange church. So I wouldn't feel bad about it.

Calmandmeasured1 · 29/11/2020 03:01

They will be socially-distanced from the next household in church and will be wearing masks and not allowed to sing.

SingANewSongChickenTikka · 29/11/2020 06:12

It’s very unlikely that if they picked up COVID on 24th or 25th that they could be contagious by 26th to pass it on so it’s a minuscule risk. Do what you’re comfortable with though.

Sertchgi123 · 29/11/2020 08:17

@XmasBauble

My household is made up of me (high risk and pregnant), DH and DS (both low risk). We are not bubbled up with anyone. Over Christmas, the only people we could potentially bubble with are my parents. They won't form a bubble with anyone else so we will be within the 3-household rule.

My dilemma is that my parents are only willing to visit us at Christmas after having been to church, and we are not comfortable having close contact with them after they have been around many people. We are therefore planning on telling them that we cannot meet up with them in our house. They will be upset, but I know won't compromise by meeting up outdoors or not going to church.

We have been so careful until now - working from home, all shopping online etc, so want to avoid additional risk now.

Are my concerns OTT?

Definitely not OTT. Your parents are nuts.
Shieldingending · 29/11/2020 08:29

I'm very covid cautious but I'd think this was ok. Is it just them going to church you are worried about? I've been to church, they have many precautions in place. No singing and apart from receiving communion which is 10 seconds max you are not closer than 2 meters to anyone. Assuming they all follow the same guidelines. As others have suggested though maybe meet them on Christmas Eve instead?

PotteringAlong · 29/11/2020 08:31

I think church will be safer than sainsburys