Sat crying. This isn’t ending or getting better

[Napqueen1234]

So sick of this. Back into tier 3. We have followed all the rules. No one in the house since March. I can’t do this all winter. I have two small children and I’m going insane with no family help. People say it’s going to get better but it isn’t. Or it’s months and months away. I can’t stop crying I just want to see my family.

[quote festivebug]@Chloemol I assume they are just venting.

And @TeddyIsaHe It's not selfish to struggle and want to see family ect. but it is to go do something that will then have consequences for everyone else.[/quote]
The problem is that we don't know if seeing other people will have consequences or not.

If I don't have covid, and I go see my parent who doesn't have covid, then there are literally zero consequences to that.

At any one time, most of the population does not have covid.

So you can see how people are desperate to see loved ones and can easily rationalise that it's not causing any harm.

This is why mass testing everywhere, with frequent tests and financial reimbursement for people who lose pay, would make a huge difference -- in the absence of information people hope for the best case scenario. Not saying it's right but I think it's very human.

I was talking to my Dad the other day. He's 88 and in tier 3 and one of those whom we're supposed to be protecting. He said he's only got a few years at best left and one of those has been taken by this - I think he'd prefer the risk.
And then I see the horrific footage of Covid wards.
I just don't know what the best way forward is.

Reading all this makes me feel like a really, really old grumpy granny. I just imagine what my poor DM ( young mum, husband away) went through in the War when it went on for 5 + years. The Govt can rightfully be criticised for its delayed response, bungling, poor administration previously re NHS but not for trying to manage the situation. Same as blaming Churchill and the rest for the restrictions imposed during the War instead of the Nazis etc. Covid is a fact of life and we have to deal with it.
Sure we all worry about the affect on children and the rest of society but it just has to be coped with. At least we aren’t having bombs dropped on us — DM lost her home and all her siblings who were living with her while she struggled in a community hall to feed her breath fed infant. My sadness is that at my age I might never see the end of the lockdown, probably wouldn’t survive a dose of Covid, don’t feel confident enough to visit my GP re my increasing health problems, probably will never be able to safely fly long distance again and thus never see my own family, GC etc. Depressing but we’re all in this together.
Maybe posters who are able could ring friends and acquaintances to check how they are and whether they’d like a regular chat.
Sorry OP if you feel my post is unhelpful but that’s pretty much the way things are in my view.

@fedup2017

Here's a flipping idea.... Rather than blaming people who want to interact like normal human beings, how about blaming a government who thinks it's ok that we have one of the lowest ITU beds per head of population in Europe? Who have literally handed over funds to their mates as jobs or contracts? Who encouraged zero hours contracts and have families living in poverty who feel they can't afford to self isolate if needed?

Interesting that hospital capacity Is being used as a measure to increase tiers. If you've worked in the NHS you will know in a normal winter hospitals runs at 100% ALL THE TIME. This is not new. A shortage in itu staff is not new! Crazy

This, 100%.

Please, if you value the NHS, don't vote Tory!

@Cindie943811A

Reading all this makes me feel like a really, really old grumpy granny. I just imagine what my poor DM ( young mum, husband away) went through in the War when it went on for 5 + years. The Govt can rightfully be criticised for its delayed response, bungling, poor administration previously re NHS but not for trying to manage the situation. Same as blaming Churchill and the rest for the restrictions imposed during the War instead of the Nazis etc. Covid is a fact of life and we have to deal with it. Sure we all worry about the affect on children and the rest of society but it just has to be coped with. At least we aren’t having bombs dropped on us — DM lost her home and all her siblings who were living with her while she struggled in a community hall to feed her breath fed infant. My sadness is that at my age I might never see the end of the lockdown, probably wouldn’t survive a dose of Covid, don’t feel confident enough to visit my GP re my increasing health problems, probably will never be able to safely fly long distance again and thus never see my own family, GC etc. Depressing but we’re all in this together. Maybe posters who are able could ring friends and acquaintances to check how they are and whether they’d like a regular chat. Sorry OP if you feel my post is unhelpful but that’s pretty much the way things are in my view.

What the hell are you going on about?! Really, really unhelpful. I wish people would stop harping on about WW2. Bloody hell, it's 2020 not 1942.

This, 100%. Please, if you value the NHS, don't vote Tory
And who have suggested that the USA would get access to NHS contracts under post-Brexit trade deals (in exchange for dubious foodstuffs, not that we'll be desperate or anything)

The Tory Government are 100% responsible for the Covid crisis.

Every other country in the world has defeated it.

Do Not Vote For Them Ever Again.

No Other Generation Has Ever Suffered As Much as Today's Teenagers,

Please Do Not Compare The threat of Death From Bombs And Being Taken Over By Nazis to what our youngster are Suffering. WW2 fades into nothing compared to this pandemic

Why don't they just offer those cheap new tests to people visiting older relatives?

they seem to have plenty and are giving them to students and others visiting care homes...

What the hell are you going on about?! Really, really unhelpful. I wish people would stop harping on about WW2. Bloody hell, it's 2020 not 1942.

Harping on about other people's experience of WWII. I'm not prepared to listen to accounts of how resilient everyone was and how no one ever moaned or broke the rules during the war from anyone who wasn't an adult during it. Even if they were, the historical evidence clearly shows it's rose-tinted spectacles, but I'm prepared to accept that from a 93 year old... But people trying to shame people by going on about something that they didn't actually experience themselves is ridiculous.

Why didn't you see your family when the first lockdown ended? I keep seeing posts about this and am just curious as to why people didn't meet up when they had the opportunity.
I know it's rubbish. We're in tier 3 and I have 2 teenagers and a baby. I want to see my parents so much which is why I did at the end of the summer up to October.
I think you are still allowed to meet at Christmas though although I'm not sure if we'll be doing that as it seems a risk.

Gosh Cindie does kicking people when they were down spark joy for you?

No doubt if your mum had struggled in the war, or felt down for even a moment, then she shouldn't have admitted this to anyone, not even to herself. Because finding a tough situation is a moral failing, isn't it?

It's not enough for people like the op to put on a cheerful face for their children and follow all the rules. They must never admit (even on an anonymous forum) that they find life hard right now. Not even as an outlet, and certainly not if support from strangers makes them feel slightly better. Because "The War"™️

@MaryShelley1818

I'm the same, follow the rules, our figures are down 30% and we've still gone up to Tier 3. Our lovely plans for our Wedding Anniversary and our little boys Birthday in a week all cancelled. I just can't live like this. I haven't seen my sister and nephews/niece since February. I'm working from home. I never leave the house. I can't bear it.

Are you in the North East? Because this has happened to us, too. Figures well down, but into tier 3.

I'm not normally an hysterical person, but I am honestly just 3 spaniels away from slashing my wrists! (Really- if it wasn't for the dogs I wouldn't be here. DH is lovely bloke but he's getting on my nerves so much. Just want some time on my own and he's just always in the house - I can't get a damn thing done. I took the dogs out yesterday and had them out for 3 hours just for a bit of space. Usually I have a week away by myself to re-charge, and DH has a week away fishing with a friend and that's enough to keep me sane, but this year it's gone right out the window.

I know I'm lucky in that we have a garden, walks nearby, friends we can ring for a chat - so many people are trapped in much worse environments, and with partners who are difficult to live with, but I've always been someone who has needed complete "aloneness" and this enforced proximity, even with people I love, is like having salt rubbed constantly into a wound.

I can't even concentrate to read or knit or do a jigsaw, there seems to be nothing on telly, and I end up just catastrophising everything.

I actually do find it quite fascinating how there's a whole swathe of people who seem to base their identity around being born quite close to the war ('there was still rationing when I was a baby!') and who seem to have escalated this up to them being stoic war heroes in their heads

Depressing but we’re all in this together.

No, we're not. If anything should be crystal clear in this is that we're not in this together. People are having very different experiences and many people are without desperately needed support. 'Going for a walk with a flask with family and friends' isn't entirely an option for some of us who've been doing without and might want a space to have the tears and frustration with that sympathized with rather than be told how we should be grateful to not have bombs dropping.

Being bombed out of one's home is not the threshold of when we're allowed to find something hard or to hold the government to account. The decimated bed numbers over the last decade, their "management" has involved multiple corrupt contracts with people who lined their pockets at the expense of others, we still don't have a decent testing system going on, let alone test & trace or the financial support other nations have when someone has to isolate. The list goes on. They're not managing anything, they're barely moving the pieces around at this point. Fiddling while Rome burns comes to mind.

People were pissed off and doing all sorts during WW2 as well and using their suffering to dismiss the suffering of those today is disgusting.

I actually find it quite helpful to think about WW2 etc @MuttertheButter - I guess we're all trying to find ways to get through this in our own way.

I do feel so sorry for those with very little children. My DD is nearly 10 and stepkids are teenagers and god knows they've had a lot to cope with and have struggled but I think it must be so hard with a baby or toddler (or both!).

I actually found this thread quite heartening - I know people are saying 'oh this has all shown how selfish people are' but there are only a few people saying they're going to do what they want. I think it's going to be a very tough winter and we should try really bloody hard to give each other a break.

It might not be helpful to call someone a granny killer... it's also not helpful to berate people for trying to follow the rules. We've seen some horrible personal losses this year, Covid and non--Covid related and it's been terribly hard. I do find the anger rising when people say they're going to ignore the rules etc - I do honestly think those who do cannot have seen someone they love die horribly from this virus or they wouldn't be so casual about it. But I have to step back: I can't control the actions of other people, I also wouldn't wish that experience on anyone so I try to be glad they haven't had it.

I feel terribly, terribly sorry for those struggling with business and work too. It have clung on to my job by my fingernails and it looks like the business I work for will survive the winter at this point (though Brexit could potentially finish it off) and it's been so stressful. Loads of my friends are self-employed and I am devastated for them.

I think we just have to find a way to help everyone through this as best we can. What else can we do? It's horrible. It will, hopefully, be over in a year or so.

Please, if you value the NHS, don't vote Tory!

Minimal improvement between 1997 and 2010, but a lot more debt (PFI).

Don't vote Labour either.

Who then?

@BiBabbles

Depressing but we’re all in this together.

No, we're not. If anything should be crystal clear in this is that we're not in this together. People are having very different experiences and many people are without desperately needed support. 'Going for a walk with a flask with family and friends' isn't entirely an option for some of us who've been doing without and might want a space to have the tears and frustration with that sympathized with rather than be told how we should be grateful to not have bombs dropping.

Being bombed out of one's home is not the threshold of when we're allowed to find something hard or to hold the government to account. The decimated bed numbers over the last decade, their "management" has involved multiple corrupt contracts with people who lined their pockets at the expense of others, we still don't have a decent testing system going on, let alone test & trace or the financial support other nations have when someone has to isolate. The list goes on. They're not managing anything, they're barely moving the pieces around at this point. Fiddling while Rome burns comes to mind.

People were pissed off and doing all sorts during WW2 as well and using their suffering to dismiss the suffering of those today is disgusting.

Though on top of my message above I do also totally agree with this!

I know a lot of people who didn’t see family/or only very little of family when the restrictions were lifted because of numerous reasons.
In our instance, the vast majority of our family are either too vulnerable to being seriously ill if they catch covid (both myself and DH have had to continue going out to work through this year, plus two young children at school hubs and school) or even if our restrictions were lifted, they were living in areas that had v tight restrictions for a v long time.

I’m delighted for others that they have been able to see loved ones safely and also sad for us (and others in a similar position) that it mostly hasn’t been feasible, even if I understand why.
Just because governments have deemed it safe, doesn’t preclude our need/want to decide what feels personally safe within the limits of whatever restrictions are in place at the time.

@LadyFelsham are you for real?

“Every other country has defeated it” have they?? Every other western nation save for the Antipodes are similarly increasing restrictions because of the increasing incidence of CV19

“WW2 fades into nothing....” - not sure the last time I saw whole streets flattened by bombs, children being evacuated to live with strangers, food being rationed and all able bodied men being conscripted to fight in hand to hand combat across the world but hey, it’s a view

I'm so so so sorry for those of you who've had months and months of awful restrictions. I'm in an area that's been relatively lucky but still struggling. I have no idea how you've done it and wish I could think of something I could do to help.
There IS light at the end of the tunnel. Stay strong.

@Cindie943811A

Reading all this makes me feel like a really, really old grumpy granny. I just imagine what my poor DM ( young mum, husband away) went through in the War when it went on for 5 + years. The Govt can rightfully be criticised for its delayed response, bungling, poor administration previously re NHS but not for trying to manage the situation. Same as blaming Churchill and the rest for the restrictions imposed during the War instead of the Nazis etc. Covid is a fact of life and we have to deal with it. Sure we all worry about the affect on children and the rest of society but it just has to be coped with. At least we aren’t having bombs dropped on us — DM lost her home and all her siblings who were living with her while she struggled in a community hall to feed her breath fed infant. My sadness is that at my age I might never see the end of the lockdown, probably wouldn’t survive a dose of Covid, don’t feel confident enough to visit my GP re my increasing health problems, probably will never be able to safely fly long distance again and thus never see my own family, GC etc. Depressing but we’re all in this together. Maybe posters who are able could ring friends and acquaintances to check how they are and whether they’d like a regular chat. Sorry OP if you feel my post is unhelpful but that’s pretty much the way things are in my view.

The problem with using the war "reasoning" is, when people were killed or injured their families had the support of others around them Friends neighbours, whoever, would rally round, you'd be invited to other's homes for a chat and a bit of tea ad sympathy. Now if you lose somebody, or you are in hospital for whatever reason, the attitude seems to be "tough luck, remember it's for somebody else's benefit that you have to go through this with minimal f2f support, now get on with it". You certainly won't be in a community hall because they're shut.

excuse typos.

@PatriciaPerch

this is just so they can all say see you next Tuesday at the end of their meetings

Thank you!

This has actually brightened me up a LOT!

@HunterHearstHelmsley

I feel for you. We were tier 1 pre lockdown and looking to be tier 3 now.. so lockdown has made it worse. Utterly fed up.

I'm sorry for your Tier change

But come on, you KNOW lockdown hasn't made it worse.

Some of the areas seem to have be re zoned and the tiers have been done on 5 different criteria.

And we are going into winter/flu season. The tiers had to get tightened up.

So please stop saying 'lockdown has made it worse' when that's not true at all

I think the issue is it’s gone on so long now, it’s nearly a year, and the whole vaccine thing is unclear, it’s December next week and I’m not sure they have even announced roll out plans.

I love in quite a rural West Sussex area. Cases are very low. Yet we are in tier two. At least things are open, but it just feels like never ending gloom.

They need to announce the vaccine program and give everyone some hope. Not just he vague about it.