"This isn't a proper lockdown, honestly what about your life has changed?"

[BecomeStronger]

Said by a colleague this week.

It's true we're working as normal (school) but nothing else is normal about my life. The things sadly lacking and sorely missed for me are:

My parents
My sister
Any gathering with more than one friend and being able to meet anyone in comfort indoors.
My best friend I have to travel to see.
My running club
The gym
Pubs and restaurants (I don't go that often but am missing the opportunity iyswim)
Not being able to plan anything confident that it will actually happen.
Driving lessons
A day out in London using public transport

These are the routine things I'm missing, let alone the one off big occasions like a party, a holiday, a show or a concert.

I'm not complaining as such, I get it, but I am finding it hard, especially now the dark evenings mean a run after work on my own isn't as pleasant as it was in summer.

What kind of life does someone live to have really not noticed any difference, or are people generally just ignoring it all?

@Clockstop@ I understand what you mean about Christmas being different for children this year but they will still enjoy it & there are still things to do. We have a Christmas grotto booked at a garden centre and hoping that can go ahead. National trust walks with light displays. My DCs primary school are still doing Christmas lunch, filming the Christmas play and making decorations.

It’s older isolated people I feel most for, none of their day centre Christmas lunches or carol concerts will go ahead this year plus they are in the most vulnerable category so it’s an awful winter ahead for them.

Seriously? What do people do with their lives?

Our lives have completely changed. We’re not allowed to do what we usually do... go to the gym, children’s sports, go to a festival and fair, concerts, shows, plays, museums, galleries, travel, restaurants/bars/pubs, shopping, walking outside and doing something spontaneous, meeting new people, meeting multiple friends at once, just seeing a crowd of people! etc etc etc.

My god, lockdowns are miserable! I feel awful for those who have lost their livelihoods, dying at home due to lack of access to care, children’s lost education, famine, canceled vaccination campaigns (not covid), the mental health catastrophe and so on.

This is all so depressing. I hate it.

I miss seeing my best friend, and going to see my family.
I am just so glad, we have social media otherwise I would have gone completely insane.

Do you know what, I keep saying that ‘life feels pretty much back to normal’, and sadly it has only just occurred to me that it really really isn’t! I guess it feels ‘normal’ compared to the last few months, and it’s scary that I’ve become so accustomed to that!
I’ve barely seen family for months, all my DC’s activities have been cancelled, and we only go shopping for essentials. I feel a bit brainwashed!

"Not a proper lockdown"
As if there's some long standing template for what one of those is!! It literally didn't exist last year.

There are many people who don’t have a big social circle, are still able to work, still send kids to school, still enjoy hobbies if they are the sort of hobbies you do at home.

My family all live 3 hours away, I saw them a few times a year at most.
I work in healthcare and that hasn’t changed much, other than extra PPE and even ruder customers.
My kids are now back in school, no cases have closed any years here, and my friends are also parents who I see outside going to and from school.
My hobbies are all craft related or reading, no change.
I don’t enjoy exercise or pubs anyway. Due to antisocial work hours and kids and I can’t remember when we had a meal out pre-covid tbh.
I always had food delivered and mainly shopped online as we live fairly rurally and have very limited choice of shopping, which isn’t a big interest for me anyway.

So yeah, my life isn’t that different right now. Other than Dh working from home and kids activities online rather than in person, it’s pretty normal.

That doesn’t mean I don’t have enormous sympathy for those who are struggling with everything. I know my introvert nature has served me well this year, and I am fortunate and very grateful.

Like other pp, I am most worried for my dc. They have missed sooo much school and our home learning was/is really crap to be honest. Their out of school activities are all stopped again, they cannot socialise with friends out of school. They get in trouble for trying to do normal things in school (not blaming school, I support them 100% for trying to keep everyone safe).

Their lives have been turned upside down. At least we, as adults, can understand and tolerate it more easily. DC are incredibly unlikely to even become very unwell with the virus, but imo they are the worst affected by the restrictions. I miss having a house full of DC friends and hearing laughter.

A lot of my time and energy is spent on worrying about them. Especially my DC who has ASD and is meant to be doing GCSEs this year, if they happen.

Once again, before I get flamed.... I am NOT blaming school in any way. I am blaming the virus!

Nothing has changed for me. I am a teacher, so still going to work. Ds is going to school. We go to the supermarket at the weekend. That was life for us anyway 🤷🏼‍♀️

Can’t go to the gym.
Can’t meet friends for lunch which I did most weekends.
WFH

I guess for some introverted people depending on their job maybe not much has changed. I’ve certainly worked with people in the past who go to work and then just go home and watch tv, read books every evening and weekend. Don’t see anyone, don’t go out. So if you were such a person and a nurse or a teacher I guess life would be the same.

Find some of these comments a bit judgey. I understand that for many their lives have changed dramatically but mine hasn’t really. Before March I didn’t go out much anyway as I am introvert and autistic. Only go to restaurants, theatre etc on special occasions/ couple times a year. I have never been one to wander round the shops etc as I hate going shopping. We live rurally so keep fit from long dog walks etc. Hobbies are mostly craft based, reading etc. Husband is the same.
Only have a small handful of friends who i see every couple of months. Family live far away and visit several times a year.
Main changes were work - I am self employed but taken a big hit and work has dried up - plus having to cancel seeing family for first few months of first lockdown, and having to cancel our holiday. But on a weekly basis I haven’t noticed much difference at all.

@JacobReesMogadishu it’s not that I’m introverted - I’m too knackered after a week of teaching to do much at the weekend.

Workwise nothing has changed - I'm in the office and dh and I can't both work from home and his place shut down in March and hasn't yet reopened.

But this time I miss:
The gym
My wider family
My brother, specifically - he's in New York, we were supposed to go see him in April, but lockdown. He was supposed to come home to celebrate my 30th in October, but that didn't happen and its highly likely he won't be home for Christmas... My parents have been to see him but I haven't seen him since last August.

I'm working as usual in school, so I am getting to see people, but am really missing not being able to go out for a drink/coffee/meal or just to visit and chat. No yoga classes, no choir, no live music/theatre/cinema. I read and watch TV/Netflix, go for walks etc, but miss DS2 who lives away, and I have only seen him twice since March - would normally be more or less monthly.
I also miss proper shopping, browsing in real shops, feeling fabrics and trying things on.
We've been lucky, we're all working, got a roof over our heads, got internet etc but I am fed up with this now. And I do feel Christmas is cancelled - no carol-singing, street markets and worst of all, no big family do.

For me, as I work in a school and therefore fully spend my 'risk budget' there 9and have done since June 1st, when we all went back into work, my life has been pretty much the same since June 1st.

It is different from how it was from March - May, but except for DS going back to university (and being locked down, and isolating there, having caught Covid), my life is the same as it has been since 1st June.

While I technically had a few more freedoms just before this current lockdown than I did in June, I am in no position to have taken any advantage of it, because due to my job I am a relatively high risk to others so have avoided contact.

However, it is VERY different from how it was at the start of March.

So whether my life has 'changed' depends on the reference point:

• It has changed hugely since pre-March.
• It has changed a bit from March -May, in that I am much less locked down, and the children go to school / university.
• It has changed very little since June 1st.
• it has changed not at all from just before the current lockdown

I miss my circuits class although that will restart as soon as we can exercise outdoors in groups again.

I miss racing (running)

I just miss the easy life of having the freedom to do what we want. I wonder how easy it will be to go back to that now once this is over.

I think for a lot of people on the breadline is hasn't really changed, I know I can't afford to go to pubs, restaurants, can't afford to go to London, day trips out to theme parks, have a gym membership.

So with DS in school, very little has changed for us. I walk everywhere because I can't afford a car,

Our main change has been my partner losing his job and that means we are very very fucked, money is even tighter, so even less likely to actually go anywhere.

@SmileEachDay

What kind of life does someone live to have really not noticed any difference

You may not have meant it this way, but that comment sounds really, really unkind. There are many in society who don’t have lots of friends/the money to socialise/have a day out/join a gym/etc etc. There are many whose health or disability mean their worlds have permanently shrunk. Many, many older people find themselves alone, a lot.

Count your blessings OP - at least you get to have that stuff back.

As I said, perhaps I misread your tone 🤷🏻‍♀️

^ This. I dont think you meant it to sound unkind but lots of people dont have really full and vibrant lives for a variety of reasons.

The stuff I miss does not cost money - it involves people getting together talking, singing, playing games...

@frozendaisy

Your colleague's life is like this all the time? Through choice?

I wouldn't have thought so, although she has her mum in her childcare bubble.

Well, it's just got worse. DS has been contacted through the app to say he has to isolate until Dec so bang goes out "make the best of it" walk and picnic tomorrow plus the best part of 2 weeks' wages for him

The difference from last month to this month is that my outdoor fitness classes are cancelled, my Brownies are back on fucking zoom and I have two under-excercised children winding each other up even more than normal because they are missing swimming, karate and school extra-curricular sports. And bar meals at a nearby village pub to brighten up yet another fucking walk. I'm trying to get them out after school but the light is fading half an hour after DS2 is picked up and it's hard to enforce.
Thank goodness they are still at school and haven't had to endure house arrest so far. I don't know how we can survive that sane and healthy because 24 hours without leaving the house makes their moods explosive, and the small garden turns into a swamp if your're stupid enough to set foot on the lawn Nov-March.

Feb to now.
DS1 still hasn't been able to move up a swimming level, and due to dyspraxia his progress has been slow and hardwon over many years. He had built up to 400m, but his class are having to do widths to distance. DS2 hasn't been able to play football. We miss 5k and junior parkruns. DCs don't do fucking Zoom, so they haven't engaged with Scouting since March. DS2 has probably left Beavers because I'm not convinced that his colony will resume before his 8th birthday. So many missed opportunities for children that need their peers and external leaders to do things. Needless to say that home school was a fucking disaster.

DH WFM. I very rarely get time alone anymore and there's been times where it's been a horrid twighlight zone of constantly having people around, and having no stimulation of external company. I am actually doing slightly better at the moment because friends are more willing to meet 1:1 for a walk than they were in the summer.

We miss being spontaneous at weekends. Seeing friends. Family. DCs have barely seen any family this year due to distance, hyper-cautious relatives and the fucking rule of six depriving children from the right to see another family unit.

I miss volunteering. No parkrun. No helping in school. No beavers. 6 weeks of Brownies in the park. I miss having purpose and connection to my community.

I miss events in the calendar to look forwards. Training for races. Actually I was lucky to have two this autumn, but my October half was sibdued by tier changes and not knowing if it was going ahead until 48 hours before. Understandably a lot of people took the virtual option, but that made it so quiet I was running alone by mile 3 for most of the next 10 miles and not really having a proper race atmosphere despite the best efforts of the organisers

Oh and DS2's seasonal asthma is worse than its been for a few years even though the weather is fairly reasonable, likely to be because he's not played football or done parkrun since March. Plodding through muddy woods, parks and fields just isn't the same as organised activity with other children.

If your life hasn't changed much because it suited you to have a low-key, home-based life and you're content with that, it's fine. I only object to people getting smug about it and ignoring the harms of the situation, and no one has done that on this thread. In our family, we are missing out on a lot, especially the DCs. Back in June/ July, the lack of sport and social stimulation caused DS(7) to show depressive behaviour which was alarming and distressing as he is normally so sunny and cheerful.

Not much different for me. I would work from home anyway. DS is at college as normal.

DH would have been at work. His being at home and not commuting is better - we get more sleep, more time in the evenings and are saving money.

DS is probably the worst off as he had his 18th birthday in lockdown and has had his driving lessons massively disrupted as well as missing a term (and the rest) of face to face A level teaching.

At the moment we can't do our sport. We go swimming once a week but to be honest I don't miss that at all, I only go because I think it's good for me. But it's a pity not being able to do group sport outside.

I also like parkrun, but it stopped in March and it's November now, so I've got used to it not happening.

Otherwise I don't really care about events etc - going into eg London for a show or a concert is too much hassle for me so I don't do it. I occasionally like to eat out but usually only go out for special occasions or on holiday.

And I do feel Christmas is cancelled - no carol-singing, street markets and worst of all, no big family do

I can definitely live without carol-singing, and only have a small family (and don't have a big enough house to accommodate extended family so never see them at Christmas anyway) but I am with you on Christmas markets, it is a shame they won't happen this year.

it stopped in March and it's November now, so I've got used to it not happening

I think that's it. The most recent lockdown changed little about the 'twilight' life we have been living. The 'normal' life we had before March seems no distant, so impossibly unreal, that I don't 'miss' it on a regular basis. It's just when annual events [or when annual events used to be] come round, or when something like music groups finally get going online and I see people I haven't seen since Feb / March that it comes home to me how much i have lost.

@DelphiniumBlue, if your username is inspired by A A Milne, it sums up how my life has changed.

It used to be that my life was low-key but full and fun - 'all day long I looked at the view of geraniums (red) and delphiniums (blue)' and I now know that 'there was nothing I wanted instead of delphiniums (blue) and geraniums (red)'. But now I have 'the sight of the endless chrysanthemums (yellow and white)'. Because the clever medical people say that's better for me.

I did like the volunteering, the meeting friends for a good chat, the occasional meal out, the easy conversation arising from shared activity, communal singing, travel, church, trips to the theatre and cinema, spontaneous activity. The virtual 'conversations' are stilted and it's hard to tell whose turn it is to speak, and there doesn't seem much to say as no one's doing much. A phone call or Zoom isn't the same as a few supportive words, an arm squeeze or a quick hug.