Bubbling rules - ex husband reporting me to police

[MenopausalMrs]

DP and I have been in a long distance (100 miles) relationship for almost 2 years. He is single parent to 1 DC (6), I am single parent to 2 DC (14, 10).

In previous lockdown we didn’t see each other for 4 months - DP was shielding because he has underlying health issues. When bubbles were introduced I bubbled with my Mum who lives nearby.

In lockdown 2.0 my mum has bubbled with my sister because she provides childcare for her so I have bubbled with my DP.

We only see each other every 3 weeks anyway due to childcare arrangements. Both live in areas in Tier 1 before lockdown 2.0.

My Ex husband has today found out my DP is here this weekend and has gone mental. He is a police officer and has told me he has to report me for breaking the rules, but I don’t think we have.

My interpretation is that I can bubble with whoever I like but once in the bubble I can’t change who I bubble with. Both DP and I can bubble with someone other than the other parent of our children. The government recommends bubbling with someone who lives nearby but there is no law to say you can’t travel to see who you bubble with.

Ex says I have to bubble with my mum, that bubbles are to provide childcare support and that they are not for socialising. He believes that because my partner has bubbled with me that he can’t see his DC - he said “I don’t believe that any parent would choose his girlfriend and her kids over seeing his own child for four weeks.”

He has told me I’m putting my children in danger and that he is going to apply for full custody of the children because I have put them at significant risk by breaking the rules. Both DP and I work from home and only go out to get our click and collect shopping/take kids to school.

His final text to me last night was - “So as to give you advance notice, I am making plans for the children to stay with me as primary carer. I am not convinced your interpretation of the rules are correct. You do not limit contact with them and others as required by statute. You give me no confidence that our children are your primary concern. This means the children will reluctantly return to you on Sunday but not for much longer.”

He says he has no choice other than to report me to the police because he is a police officer and I have put him in a bad place professionally.

Have I got it wrong? I honestly believe I am following the rules.

So I haven't reported him... in all honesty I don't know who to or what to say!!!

I know he is bullying me but who do I go to with that? I feel like people would eye-roll and say man up... it mainly happens when my partner visits or if he's having a bad day about something.

I hate the anticipation of it kicking off but I honestly don't know who I'd tell, if they'd take me seriously and what they would do.

I know that sounds rubbish... I've been searching online and have on molestation order downloaded, but I'd basically say he sends me nasty text messages - nobody would do anything about that would they?

menopausalmrs
I know its daunting and I'm not in your shoes but at least keep screen shots and a journal of things that he does with a date and time with it.
Just in case!

Report it to your local police, making it clear he's a serving officer, I don't know if just the texts would be classed as harassment but those coupled with the condoms on the car could be.

Speak to National Domestic Abuse Helpline.

It's not just unpleasant texts, in them he keeps threatening you with malicious reports. They will know if the threshold is sufficient for a non-mol or to report him to the police standards commission or whatever it's called.

The nasty texts will count as evidence for a NMO. My dp is going through it right now with his ex.

You wont be asked to provide evidence unless he disputes it i dont think. What happened with us was we applied for the nmo and it went to court, she disputed it in court and we were adjourned for 4 weeks to collate the supporting evidence. Thanks to our record keeping we had plenty (four pages listing texts and harranging phone calls) so keep a log is very much recommended, will ultimately save time.

Every little thing counts too, even the pa condoms on the car

Women’s Aid are extremely experienced in the so called ‘minor’ examples of abuse and can give good advice.

www.womensaid.org.uk/

Condoms on the car?? I missed that. Definitely do report him as it's not on to make unsubstantiated threats as a serving police officer.

Absolutely report him OP, he is a disgrace to the police.

I'd ring the local force and tell them you are being threatened by a police officer!!!

Stay calm, Don't argue and let him make a dick of himself.
He sounds jealous and a control freak.

Wow just saw your update about the condoms. He is unhinged, I'd contact women's aid for advice if you're struggling to stand up to him. He's a bully.

How's thing been this week?

It is quite scary to think that this man is a police officer.

@BedknobsNoBroomsticks

How's thing been this week?

It is quite scary to think that this man is a police officer.

I got a long bitter ramble text message in the week at which point I messaged him that if he didn't stop I'd report him to the police and that I have completed a non molestation order that I'd not hesitate in submitting. I mentioned the catalogue of things I have evidence of and I haven't heard from him since.

Boyfriend coming next weekend which is when he usually is at his worst so we will see.

I've also installed a Ring doorbell.

Fingers crossed he has got the message.

Sounds like a good plan 🤞

Hi OP,
I hope the non molestation order (or the threat of it) serves it’s purpose and helps. If not I would consider reporting through the channels for improper police conduct

www.gov.uk/government/publications/policing-professional-standards-performance-and-integrity

On page 16 of the standards document there are details (phone number and email address) for reporting concerns about police conduct.

The thing with this route is you do not need to be proving a criminal level of behaviour just that your ex is breaking his professional standards of behaviour including not exploiting his position as a police officer - which I think he is with his texts to you . In my opinion they won’t think “so what?” which is what you are worried about but that your ex’s behaviour does not reflect the high standards expected of a police officer.

Definitely a nasty little twat, with an over inflated ego and sense of self worth and control freak. Sounds jealous, also. They never actually want full custody it's an empty threat anyway. But it's annoying having to deal with them. Try and ignore him I would. None of his bloody business 😡😡 can see why he's your ex!!

Just read your update, hope he leaves you alone now. But definitely do the non mol order if not....