Bubbling rules - ex husband reporting me to police

[MenopausalMrs]

DP and I have been in a long distance (100 miles) relationship for almost 2 years. He is single parent to 1 DC (6), I am single parent to 2 DC (14, 10).

In previous lockdown we didn’t see each other for 4 months - DP was shielding because he has underlying health issues. When bubbles were introduced I bubbled with my Mum who lives nearby.

In lockdown 2.0 my mum has bubbled with my sister because she provides childcare for her so I have bubbled with my DP.

We only see each other every 3 weeks anyway due to childcare arrangements. Both live in areas in Tier 1 before lockdown 2.0.

My Ex husband has today found out my DP is here this weekend and has gone mental. He is a police officer and has told me he has to report me for breaking the rules, but I don’t think we have.

My interpretation is that I can bubble with whoever I like but once in the bubble I can’t change who I bubble with. Both DP and I can bubble with someone other than the other parent of our children. The government recommends bubbling with someone who lives nearby but there is no law to say you can’t travel to see who you bubble with.

Ex says I have to bubble with my mum, that bubbles are to provide childcare support and that they are not for socialising. He believes that because my partner has bubbled with me that he can’t see his DC - he said “I don’t believe that any parent would choose his girlfriend and her kids over seeing his own child for four weeks.”

He has told me I’m putting my children in danger and that he is going to apply for full custody of the children because I have put them at significant risk by breaking the rules. Both DP and I work from home and only go out to get our click and collect shopping/take kids to school.

His final text to me last night was - “So as to give you advance notice, I am making plans for the children to stay with me as primary carer. I am not convinced your interpretation of the rules are correct. You do not limit contact with them and others as required by statute. You give me no confidence that our children are your primary concern. This means the children will reluctantly return to you on Sunday but not for much longer.”

He says he has no choice other than to report me to the police because he is a police officer and I have put him in a bad place professionally.

Have I got it wrong? I honestly believe I am following the rules.

I'd agree too that at the ages of 14 and 10 your children are old enough to have their opinions taken into account on where they live and/or how often they visit.

It doesn't sound as though they like him much, or maybe they are uncomfortable in his home for whatever reason. Is he very disciplinarian or something, so they are walking on eggshells?

Travelling distance isn't great, but you can form a bubble with whoever you like. As long as that person is allowed to stay in your house and there's no evidence of them breaking restrictions, then I don't get the problem.

If you can afford, do take legal advice though, sooner rather than later. I can't see any police officer ending up on your doorstep over this, but generally they're about giving general guidance unless it's clear you've knowingly broken the rules.

Lawyer up hard, and fast - he's implicitly threatened not to return the children. This kind of man does not play nice and does not go away quietly.

As a police officer I'm sure he understand the rules very well, but is using his 'interpretation' to bully and intimidate you. I would contact a solicitor after the threats to keep the children and also professional standards as he is using his position of power to control you. Best wishes op

@mikkyr

I’m not from the UK so excuse my ignorance. But what happens to his visitation rights now? He can’t bubble with his own kids I presume since they are in your bubble so can he not see them until lockdown is lifted?

Children are classed as being part of both households, so no bubbles needed.

@mikkyr

I’m not from the UK so excuse my ignorance. But what happens to his visitation rights now? He can’t bubble with his own kids I presume since they are in your bubble so can he not see them until lockdown is lifted?

Children whose parents are separated are specifically exempt from the restrictions. They are allowed to have two households, one with each parent.

**Children are classed as being part of both households, so no bubbles needed.

Thanks!

It concerns me most that's he's in the police and he is not correct of the law and rules
I suspect he knows the rules excatly but is deliberately using his power to say what he wants to intimidate Op.
I agree with others about keeping the messages and taking further advice.
He has made a threat and I would use that as an opportunity to turn that back on him to get some power back.

Use the messages to your advantage. Dont show your hand just yet though.
What a nasty man.

@mikkyr

**Children are classed as being part of both households, so no bubbles needed.

Thanks!

Here is South Africa our initial hard lockdown meant that kids had to stay in the house in which they were residing at midnight of the start of lockdown! This was later relaxed but it was 10 weeks of no contact for some parents if I recall correctly. There were cases of people being charged criminally for breaking a variety of lockdown rules as well as some police brutality in enforcing them but I believe that anybody who was charged with an infringement has been told that no criminal record will be instated against their name.

Right now in spite of the spikes in the rest of the world we have eased back into some sort of normality and have even opened up our international borders with the world. Just in time for the festive season holiday rush I suspect!

Good luck OP I suggest you get a lawyer too!

Your ex’s interpretation makes no sense; one of the purposes of bubbles was to allow single parents to bubble and if that then meant they couldn’t see their non resident children then no one would do it.

Your ExH is a jealous twat. You haven't broke any rules and he is clutching at straws and trying to use his 'police power' to manipulate and scare you. Stick to your guns and don't give him primary care!

Perhaps reply briefly with a screen shot of the rules (that a single adult can form a bubble) and to say that one more comment and you will forward his message to his professional standards body and they can decide if he is breaching their remit?

I read the rules same as everyone else (in your favour). He is definitely abusing his position as a police officer and should be reported for it.
Also your children are old enough to have an opinion

You have not done anything wrong. I would tell him so and ask him by text not to speak to you about it again. I think the first step in reporting someone for harassment is to ask them clearly to stop.

Please ring 101, explain what his text says and if your interpretation of the law is correct or not. Give them his collar number, hopefully he will get his arse kicked!

He's not a very good police officer, the guidance is very simple and you're not breaking the law. You are allowed to bubble with your partner especially as you're both single households.

Has PP have said, seek legal advice as he's threatening not to return your children to you.

He is jealous and controlling and he using the 'rules' as an excuse to abuse his power.

I am sure you have done nothing wrong but if I were you I would contact someone who can confirm this (non emergency police number? I am not sure) explain the situation and clarify that what you are doing is not breaking the rules. If they say you are fine, completely ignore his threats. If they say you are bending the rules, you will at least have record that you acted in good faith and sought clarification which means he will have no grounds to seek custody.

I would imagine at the ages of your children they will consider their wishes when making a decision that is in the best interests of the child.

I am sorry you have to deal with this horrible man in what is already a difficult year.

Btw, police often get it wrong. There was a news story last week about police removing a man from Sainsbury's for not wearing a mask because he didn't have medical evidence showing his exemption. The police force they worked for had to come out and apologise and admit they hadn't understood the guidance. It was a power trio, basically.

Aside from the fact ex is wrong about the rules, has put in writing something which can be viewed as both an abuse of position and threatening - in terms of the actual going for custody, as a police officer presumably working shifts how would that actually be viewed by a judge vs the current set up? Whatever he threatens I'm guessing that he doesn't stand a cat in hells chance of that threat coming true so carry on as you are, report his threatening behaviour to his superiors and largely ignore him.

It is quite worrying that a Police Officer doesn't understand the rules. That or he is being wilfully ignorant.

I wouldn't worry too much about his threats, I would direct him to the official guidance and ask that he reads it again or has someone with better comprehension to explain it to him.

If your kids don't like going for a weekend there is no way they will want to live with him full time and they are old enough to have a say.

Your ex is wrong. You are allowed a support bubble (to provide physical and emotional support for you) and also a childcare bubble this time around. He is deliberately confusing the two but actually you are allowed both.

Not sure if this exactly the same link as above. www.gov.uk/guidance/making-a-support-bubble-with-another-household

*If you share custody of your child with someone you do not live with

If you’re a single-adult household, you can form a support bubble with another household other than the one that includes your child’s other parent.

If you’re not a single adult household, you can form a support bubble with a single-adult household other than the one that includes your child’s other parent.

If you have children under 14

You may be able to form achildcare bubble. This is separate from support bubbles.

If you’re eligible, you can form one childcare bubble and one support bubble with different households.

You must not meet socially with your support bubble and childcare bubble at the same time. Childcare bubbles must be used exclusively for the purposes of childcare.*

Does he have the children now?

@Winter2020

Perhaps reply briefly with a screen shot of the rules (that a single adult can form a bubble) and to say that one more comment and you will forward his message to his professional standards body and they can decide if he is breaching their remit?

I'd be very tempted to do that. I think it would show him that you refuse to be bullied and that continuing might well backfire on him.

I would be seeking legal protection though and next time he says it i would be tempted to say i was reporting his coercively controlling behaviour and threats to the police! Plus print out the guidance i linked above so that you can show it to him in black and white at handover

Speak to a solicitor, he needs a letter telling him to stop harassing you and outlining the exact next steps you will follow if he persists.
Even if your interpretation was incorrect, in fact even if you were wilfully breaking the guidelines, family law judges would have no right to be removing children on that basis.

You're not doing anything wrong

I don't believe he will return them on Sunday