Bubbling rules - ex husband reporting me to police

[MenopausalMrs]

DP and I have been in a long distance (100 miles) relationship for almost 2 years. He is single parent to 1 DC (6), I am single parent to 2 DC (14, 10).

In previous lockdown we didn’t see each other for 4 months - DP was shielding because he has underlying health issues. When bubbles were introduced I bubbled with my Mum who lives nearby.

In lockdown 2.0 my mum has bubbled with my sister because she provides childcare for her so I have bubbled with my DP.

We only see each other every 3 weeks anyway due to childcare arrangements. Both live in areas in Tier 1 before lockdown 2.0.

My Ex husband has today found out my DP is here this weekend and has gone mental. He is a police officer and has told me he has to report me for breaking the rules, but I don’t think we have.

My interpretation is that I can bubble with whoever I like but once in the bubble I can’t change who I bubble with. Both DP and I can bubble with someone other than the other parent of our children. The government recommends bubbling with someone who lives nearby but there is no law to say you can’t travel to see who you bubble with.

Ex says I have to bubble with my mum, that bubbles are to provide childcare support and that they are not for socialising. He believes that because my partner has bubbled with me that he can’t see his DC - he said “I don’t believe that any parent would choose his girlfriend and her kids over seeing his own child for four weeks.”

He has told me I’m putting my children in danger and that he is going to apply for full custody of the children because I have put them at significant risk by breaking the rules. Both DP and I work from home and only go out to get our click and collect shopping/take kids to school.

His final text to me last night was - “So as to give you advance notice, I am making plans for the children to stay with me as primary carer. I am not convinced your interpretation of the rules are correct. You do not limit contact with them and others as required by statute. You give me no confidence that our children are your primary concern. This means the children will reluctantly return to you on Sunday but not for much longer.”

He says he has no choice other than to report me to the police because he is a police officer and I have put him in a bad place professionally.

Have I got it wrong? I honestly believe I am following the rules.

Your ex is incorrect. He represents the very worst of the police force.

Is thi the first time he's attempted to bully and intimidate you?

@Autumnwoman possibly the wrong thread

You have interpreted the rules correctly, a single adult household is permitted to bubble with another single adult household. And this does not impact child arrangements, the children permitted to see their father in addition to this. However that text he sent sounds like a threat to kidnap your children, I would certainly be seeking legal advice. If you can afford it, a sharply worded solicitors letter would resolve the issue I think.

Thanks all for the messages :-)

I did send him screenshots of the guidance yesterday but he continued to tell me I was wrong and he'd have to report me.

He frequently sends me messages telling me how rubbish I am etc etc and I have had to threat reporting him for harassment previously.

He basically starts up with something that I've done wrong every weekend that I see my partner.

It's all quiet today so I hope he has realised he is wrong...

If you Google, you can find forms for reporting police misconduct online. In your shoes, I'd be doing that.

@bibliomania

If you Google, you can find forms for reporting police misconduct online. In your shoes, I'd be doing that.

I have found them this morning... will wait till the kids are back with me and then decide next steps.

Please report him. He keeps threatening you.

This is the line where you say stop. Don't tell him or threaten him with reporting just do it.

Include all the dates and examples of each and every time he has threatened you list them and file. The only way to stop his nasty behaviour is zero tolerance and zero engagement.

Sounds like a plan, Mrs.

Get the forms ready to file to court if he doesn't return them on time. Don't engage in text ping pong - he is getting off on upsetting you and causing you stress.

You have pre arranged contact you ignore all his other shite that he throws your were. Silence is power over someone behaving like this.

Kids are allowed to travel between households to DP & kids isn't a bubble, it's a household! It's an exemption from the rules

I'd be tempted to report him for coercive and controlling behaviour. Using his police status to threaten you is very bad. Not sure that's good advice though

Report him. He obviously isn't going to stop.

What a dick OP. You are allowed to bubble with your DP given you are a single household with children)

I would text him today and say 'following your last message, you have left me with no option but to report you to the necessary bodies as your interpretation of the guidelines is incorrect' - you obviously dont have to report him anywhere but it may shut him up. Play him at his own intimidating game

Would the police actually do anything?

He's plain wrong. And officious. And horrible. And jealous, I expect. Tell him, "go on then, report me, because you will find I have done nothing wrong and you look like a jealous idiot. Of course I have my children's best interests at heart, how dare you suggest otherwise."

My blood boils in your behalf.

He’s a controlling twat. The DC are 14 and 10 - old enough to decide (certainly the 14 year old), or at least have a say (10 yr old). Don’t be intimidated.

I'd have to laugh at him then ignore. He's attempting to bully you but you already know you've done nothing wrong. Parents who co-parent aren't subject to bubbles, either. Children can come and go between homes just like they did in lockdown number 1, so his 'he's choosing you over his own kid' is also pure spite.

@TreaterAnita

Sorry, overlooked that you were Tier 1. In that case I think you’re absolutely fine. You can enter into a new bubble after 14 Sep, just not change an existing one.

But didn't OP say she formed a support bubble with her mum? So she is changing an existing support bubble. Support bubbles didn't stop at the end of lockdown 1,and they weren't replaced by the rule of 6. Your support bubble are the only people outside your household you don't have to social distance from. Anyone you met under the rule of 6 you did have to social distance from.

That said, changing your support bubble, unless you're doing it every week, is such a mimor breach that I can't see the police being in any way interested.

Can I ask, if you are in a childcare bubble, is it one person that can be your childcare bubble to provide care or another household and is it for work purposes or can they just come over when you want a hand/break. Also is someone in a childcare bubble exempt from social distancing from anyone in that bubble...i find this bubble very unclear especially as support bubbles were initially for help with childcare. I think if you have a support bubble you shouldn't have a childcare one too if neither are socially distanced, but not sure if this is now the case or not.

@TheNortherner

Can I ask, if you are in a childcare bubble, is it one person that can be your childcare bubble to provide care or another household and is it for work purposes or can they just come over when you want a hand/break. Also is someone in a childcare bubble exempt from social distancing from anyone in that bubble...i find this bubble very unclear especially as support bubbles were initially for help with childcare. I think if you have a support bubble you shouldn't have a childcare one too if neither are socially distanced, but not sure if this is now the case or not.

I'm not sure if the childcare bubble has to be one person or can be a household, I'd have to check the rules.

For the rest of your questions:
-childcare bubble is just for work purposes
-you still have to social distance form your childcare bubble
-support bubbles weren't to do with childcare, they were to allow adults who were the only adult in their household (including adults who live alone with no children) to have adult human contact, and contact with someone they didn't have to distance from. I have no children but live alone and have a support bubble.

What an arse.

I’d report him to the professional standards body.

@RichardMarxisinnocent thank you for replying...support bubbles were in part for help with childcare (single parents) as well as for helping people on their own being to not be on their own.

Send him the guidance, tell him that because the threats he's making are very serious, you will have to report them to his work so that there is a record of it.

[quote TheNortherner]@RichardMarxisinnocent thank you for replying...support bubbles were in part for help with childcare (single parents) as well as for helping people on their own being to not be on their own.[/quote]
From the single parent angle they were I think intended to give adult company and support in general, so wider than just childcare, but yes obviously could be used for childcare if wanted or needed and if the bubble person or people were available to do childcare.