Bubbling rules - ex husband reporting me to police

[MenopausalMrs]

DP and I have been in a long distance (100 miles) relationship for almost 2 years. He is single parent to 1 DC (6), I am single parent to 2 DC (14, 10).

In previous lockdown we didn’t see each other for 4 months - DP was shielding because he has underlying health issues. When bubbles were introduced I bubbled with my Mum who lives nearby.

In lockdown 2.0 my mum has bubbled with my sister because she provides childcare for her so I have bubbled with my DP.

We only see each other every 3 weeks anyway due to childcare arrangements. Both live in areas in Tier 1 before lockdown 2.0.

My Ex husband has today found out my DP is here this weekend and has gone mental. He is a police officer and has told me he has to report me for breaking the rules, but I don’t think we have.

My interpretation is that I can bubble with whoever I like but once in the bubble I can’t change who I bubble with. Both DP and I can bubble with someone other than the other parent of our children. The government recommends bubbling with someone who lives nearby but there is no law to say you can’t travel to see who you bubble with.

Ex says I have to bubble with my mum, that bubbles are to provide childcare support and that they are not for socialising. He believes that because my partner has bubbled with me that he can’t see his DC - he said “I don’t believe that any parent would choose his girlfriend and her kids over seeing his own child for four weeks.”

He has told me I’m putting my children in danger and that he is going to apply for full custody of the children because I have put them at significant risk by breaking the rules. Both DP and I work from home and only go out to get our click and collect shopping/take kids to school.

His final text to me last night was - “So as to give you advance notice, I am making plans for the children to stay with me as primary carer. I am not convinced your interpretation of the rules are correct. You do not limit contact with them and others as required by statute. You give me no confidence that our children are your primary concern. This means the children will reluctantly return to you on Sunday but not for much longer.”

He says he has no choice other than to report me to the police because he is a police officer and I have put him in a bad place professionally.

Have I got it wrong? I honestly believe I am following the rules.

@MenopausalMrs

DP and I have been in a long distance (100 miles) relationship for almost 2 years. He is single parent to 1 DC (6), I am single parent to 2 DC (14, 10).

In previous lockdown we didn’t see each other for 4 months - DP was shielding because he has underlying health issues. When bubbles were introduced I bubbled with my Mum who lives nearby.

In lockdown 2.0 my mum has bubbled with my sister because she provides childcare for her so I have bubbled with my DP.

We only see each other every 3 weeks anyway due to childcare arrangements. Both live in areas in Tier 1 before lockdown 2.0.

My Ex husband has today found out my DP is here this weekend and has gone mental. He is a police officer and has told me he has to report me for breaking the rules, but I don’t think we have.

My interpretation is that I can bubble with whoever I like but once in the bubble I can’t change who I bubble with. Both DP and I can bubble with someone other than the other parent of our children. The government recommends bubbling with someone who lives nearby but there is no law to say you can’t travel to see who you bubble with.

Ex says I have to bubble with my mum, that bubbles are to provide childcare support and that they are not for socialising. He believes that because my partner has bubbled with me that he can’t see his DC - he said “I don’t believe that any parent would choose his girlfriend and her kids over seeing his own child for four weeks.”

He has told me I’m putting my children in danger and that he is going to apply for full custody of the children because I have put them at significant risk by breaking the rules. Both DP and I work from home and only go out to get our click and collect shopping/take kids to school.

His final text to me last night was - “So as to give you advance notice, I am making plans for the children to stay with me as primary carer. I am not convinced your interpretation of the rules are correct. You do not limit contact with them and others as required by statute. You give me no confidence that our children are your primary concern. This means the children will reluctantly return to you on Sunday but not for much longer.”

He says he has no choice other than to report me to the police because he is a police officer and I have put him in a bad place professionally.

Have I got it wrong? I honestly believe I am following the rules.

I feel like the text message reads really threatening? Does he have form for this OP?

Get into contact ASAP with a solicitor, and be prepared to drive in order to get your kids on Sunday, they still have to attend school on the Monday.

If report him to the ipcc. Bullying twat.

Your interpretation of the rules is correct. Only slight issue is you changed support bubble but they didn’t overlap (in lockdown) so any reasonable person would see that that’s fine.
He’s a dickhead, sorry. Yes you may now need to seek legal advice. I think he’s just being horrid it’s difficult to see how you could move a 10 and 14 yo against their will.

Sounds an utter nob
Let him report you and look like a fud
My ex is police and would never do this well unless I was holding house parties or similar however I hardly leave the house at the mo

Hopefully it’ll settle down sorry you’re worrying about this, nothing worse

Ps the only way your arrangement is wrong is if your dp does not live alone but you have not said anything about this.

Has he always been a bully? History of emotional abuse?

@Frazzled2207

Ps the only way your arrangement is wrong is if your dp does not live alone but you have not said anything about this.

Sorry, Obviously he has his kid, but apart from him and the child. Which you have been clear about I think, sorry

@Frazzled2207

Ps the only way your arrangement is wrong is if your dp does not live alone but you have not said anything about this.

As a single adult household the OP can form a support bubble with another household (of any size).

You need to report him to his supervisor, for making threats to take your children off you. I would also ring 101 and ask to be put through to the professional standards department. He can’t behave like this.
Also you need legal advice.
I can’t comment on whether you’re breaking any Covid rules but even if you were, it’s not for him to start throwing threats around.

@Winter2020
Ah yes quite correct from that angle. There is no way what you are doing is not ok.

What a prick.

You aren't breaking the rules.

He is trying to intimidate you. I doubt he even wants them really. Your DC are old enough to choose which parent they live with.

Just uuurrggghhh

He’s abusing his power.

Abuse of power by a police officer.

Why does HE get to see his children yet your partner is somehow banned from his children under the same guidelines?

Surely even a thick like him (oops sorry, am riled! But he must be stupid to be acting like this, and enjoying the rush of power...) can see that he’s letting his grudge make two different decisions... or maybe he’s simply speshul because he’s a police officer so the rules that he meets out to others don’t apply to himself?

Agree with others by the way, get legal advice and be ready to action next steps, should he decide to move forwards with any of his threats.

He sounds like he is trying to control you, who you can bubble with etc. I would seek legal advice on your children. Sounds like you have done nothing wrong as you can bubble with who you like!

What an idiot. Surely as a police officer he should be aware of the rules. Bubbles are solely for social reasons primarily but yes there are also childcare ones too so in theory you could still have your DP and the children could see your mum but you're not even doing that. I would send a message back saying his non understanding of the actual rules actually puts his whole career and reputation into disrepute. What kind of police officer can't grasp the basic rules and uses them wrongly against the mother of his children

Firstly he is wrong. Secondly he’s using his professional position to intimidate you. I would think that this is actually a matter for the IPCC.

Whether you want to go down that route is another thing though.

I'd be willing to bet this isn't the first time he has tried to control you? The police are getting wise to the fact that their profession can attract abusers who like the fact they get to wield power and a veneer of responsibility. I would contact his professional standards department.

I'm in exactly the same domestic situation as you OP (although thankfully my ex is not a bully) and bubbling with my partner who lives some distance away. I have triple checked the rules and what we are doing is perfectly legal.

Your ex sounds incredibly controlling and I would assume is trying to punish you for moving on. I'd stand firm - don't give him the satisfaction of justifying or changing what you're doing. I'd just message him to the effect of: 'what I am doing is perfectly legal and within government guidance. If you do plan to pursue the custody issue on this basis, I have instructed a solicitor.'

And for having to deal with this pathetic bully.

Laugh and him and tell him good luck with reporting this perfectly valid bubble. What a nob. Congratulations on your divorce from this abusive, controlling wanker.

If he is threatening to not return them and there is no court order I wouldn't let them go. If there is a court order and he doesn't return them file for an urgent court hearing to have them returned.

It's clear he is just trying to twist things to control you and stop you moving on with your life. Unless he isn't public facing he is far more likely to expose the DC than either you or your DP!!

As much as he sounds like an idiot he hasn't broken the law so reporting him to the police would be pretty pointless. It would be recorded as a non crime domestic incident which means nothing other than that social services are notified of your children. Someone above has mentioned coercive control which can only be between couples who live together and also threats- he's threatened to not bring the children back which would be a matter for family court not the police.

Worth bearing in mind that calling the police will probably achieve very little and may actually make things worse.

Why do people have to be such arseholes after a split?

My ex is the same.

He was on the phone to Ds during the first lockdown, Ds came to ask me something and had to wait a sec while I finished my conversation.

Ex heard the other female voice in the room, put the phone down, reported me to the police and then text me with great glee telling me that he’d heard someone else in the house and what he’d done and that he would be seeking full custody (of 17 and a half year old Ds😂).

Oh, and the woman he heard me speaking to was my private midwife who was over for my 28 week check up.

Fucking knob.

@Frouby

Definitely take legal advice on this, he's q controlling arse and I think I remember reading something q few years ago about domestic abuse being common in familiea where one person is in the police.

I would personally contact your local domestic abuse unit of your nearest police station and discuss with them how you deal with abusive behaviour when the person who is abusive and threatening to keep your children is a police officer. I would also make sure I was down as primary carer with court, and also maybe this weekend maybe one of you has covid symptoms and needs to get a test? Just so you can make sure you are down as primary carer before he starts with his fun and games.

If you know who is his boss at work, I'd also be tempted to contact them and say you are concerned he is a bit unhinged and obviously with his role he needs to be completely rational and not exerting coersive control using his postion to bully his ex wife.

This. He's using his status as a police officer to harass and intimidate you, he's not allowed to do that. Call his bluff, report him to your local police.

I would report him for harassment. Contact his superior officer. Get in first. Idiot.

I agree, see a solicitor and report him to his superior officer. Don’t do it until after he’s returned the kids on Sunday though.