Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Covid

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Original poster

To be furious with husband

95 replies

YukoandHiro · 05/11/2020 01:13

Husband has bad asthma. A few days ago he started coughing more regularly. He refused to get a test as he's not been out much at all and said it's just his seasonal asthma playing up.
Tonight the cough is very bad so I've booked a test for him in the morning. He's going to take it but he's so angry with me - he says I'm treating him like a child and don't trust him to look after his own health. But we have a 3yo in nursery and we also have a three week old baby. We need the test result to protect THEM (especially the newborn).
We are both so angry with each other and now in this bloody pressure cooker as we have to stay in til he gets his results.
Gah. This year absolutely sucks!

OP posts:
Original poster
YukoandHiro · 05/11/2020 01:15

I should add - he doesn't have any other symptoms and it probably is just his asthma playing up. But I don't see why getting a test to confirm that is such a big deal.

OP posts:
SunShinesStill · 05/11/2020 01:17

OP, of course you are right and he is wrong. He doesn’t know until he’s tested. Most people with kids are going to have them tested several times this winter. It’s just how it goes. Congrats on the new baby

Torvean32 · 05/11/2020 01:17

So are you going to make him check every cough he gets over winter, even if it's normal for him?

SuckingDownDarjeeling · 05/11/2020 01:19

I can see where both of you are coming from. You are worried and want to make sure all bases are covered. Your DH dislikes fuss and thinks you're silly for even thinking he could have the virus.

In this case, I would say you 'win', because it's better to be safe than sorry. If and when the test comes back negative, prepare for a flood of 'I told you so'. If it's positive, well, I doubt that would feel like a victory but at least you'd know where you stand and he may grow to respect your opinions more in future.

D00MGL00M · 05/11/2020 01:59

I have a chronic lung disease and cough a lot with that. My husband would never take it upon himself to book me in for a test and to be honest I'd be pissed off if he decided to make that decision for me.

But equally, if my usual cough changes I wouldn't be assuming it's my lung disease, I'd get a test or at the very least speak to my doctor in case it's a sign new meds are needed or an infection when they type of coughing changes (which is what I'm supposed to on the advice of my consultant)

Josette77 · 05/11/2020 02:15

I'd be livid if someone booked an appointment for me when I knew it was just asthma. It's going to be a long winter if every time the man has a cough he gets tested.

seayork2020 · 05/11/2020 02:20

I presume he knows his own body to know whether he needs to get tested or not, otherwise he may have to move in to the testing place till winter is over?

seayork2020 · 05/11/2020 02:21

and far out no I would not be booking a test for an adult, like a recent thread

ThatDamnScientist · 05/11/2020 02:31

@seayork2020

I presume he knows his own body to know whether he needs to get tested or not, otherwise he may have to move in to the testing place till winter is over?
The thing is though, we had someone who had this, sent their kid into school - luckily school has the foresight to send kid home and refused entry until a test was done - bloody positive and the bubble burst. All because she knew her kids cough was her normal cough that she gets every year. So 60 5/6 year olds missed 2 weeks of school again.
seayork2020 · 05/11/2020 02:39

I am sure we can all come up with symptoms every day that could be considered covid and I am all for getting tested if the need is there but getting tested for every single symptom I am not sure is the answer either, and booking a test for an adult able to make it themselves is odd

Sciencebabe · 05/11/2020 03:12

You have a three week old baby. It's not just baby who is at risk, your immune system will also be shit at the moment.

I work processing COVID tests at a hospital, you are absolutely right to ask him to take a test.

It shouldn't be such a big deal to him, when so many of you in the house have less than perfect immune systems at the moment, he is probably shitty because he is scarred of getting a positive result. Fear makes people aggressive. You obviously have known him long enough to know what his normal coughs and breathing sound like. Don't feel discouraged. X

Original poster
YukoandHiro · 05/11/2020 04:55

Interesting to see the range of views on here. Clearly living with a chronic condition in coronavirus times is a balancing act. I think it is because we have a newborn in the house that I'm being particularly cautious. She's only 3 weeks and already caught a snot cold from the toddler.
I am dreading this winter. It's impossible to work out what is worth worrying about and what's just normal coughs and colds passing through the community. I feel like my instincts are all being questioned - especially as so many people have a very mild form of covid

OP posts:
Original poster
YukoandHiro · 05/11/2020 04:57

But @Josette77 how would you KNOW? Unless you got a test? It might feel similar. I'm worried about him too - he's a higher risk than the rest of us anyway due to living with asthma

OP posts:
actiongirl1978 · 05/11/2020 05:10

Yabu. I have had asthma since I was 7 now 42. I get at least three awful coughs every year and I KNOW when it is down to asthma.
Your DH is the one who uses the inhalers and takes steroids when it gets bad.

Original poster
YukoandHiro · 05/11/2020 05:16

@actiongirl1978 Even if you were certain it wasn't, wouldn't you get a test if your DP was worried and you had a vulnerable newborn sharing your bedroom? It's 20 mins of his life and in terms of staying in til the result, it's not like we're actually doing anything right now anyway.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 05/11/2020 05:16

how would you KNOW?

How do you? Most people are asymptomatic.

actiongirl1978 · 05/11/2020 06:14

@YukoandHiro I suppose maybe I would in that scenario.

Original poster
YukoandHiro · 05/11/2020 06:47

@MrsTerryPratchett Well exactly... I don't know, but a test will be able to tell the difference

OP posts:
Mumdiva99 · 05/11/2020 06:52

Sorry but I get why he's angry. Your reasons might be valid to you. But actually booking him the test crossed the line. That was wrong. You could have asked, pleaded, reasoned etc.....but to take his choice away is treating him like a child. For that you need to apologise.

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/11/2020 07:09

Pleading is acting like a child. You needed to put a boundary in and doesn’t have a lot of options having just given birth with a newborn. I don’t think an apology is necessary. Your dh should agree to the test as a precautionary measure if nothing else. He has vulnerable family members. He still has a choice to attend the appointment. You sound worried and desperate.

Original poster
YukoandHiro · 05/11/2020 07:26

He has agreed to take the test and has calmed down this morning as he feels like absolute shit so I think he realises he needs to at least rule coronavirus out before he speaks to his doctor about changing his asthma meds anyway... (they'll only ask him to get checked when he calls up saying his cough is bad).
Finding the split in views on this thread really interesting. I see what you're all saying about booking a test for an adult, but like other posters have said I felt out of options and I wanted to protect the rest of us (and yes maybe I'm a bit emotional and feel vulnerable - I'm still recovering from birth and adjusting to be a mum of 2)

OP posts:
Sargass0 · 05/11/2020 07:49

have you and the children been isolating from him since he started with the cough?

LolaSmiles · 05/11/2020 07:56

I understand why he is angry. I also understand why you might be feeling more worried than usual.

If his asthma gets worse in winter and it's not worse than usual he's reasonable to make that decision himself. You'd be reasonable to say your thoughts too, but you really overstepped by booking him a test.

My asthma chest feels different to a viral infection and I would be livid if my DH decided he knew my body better than me and booked me a medical procedure without my consent.

ScrapThatThen · 05/11/2020 07:57

As long as you were all self-isolating, which you must do, then up to him to choose test or not.

OrangeGinLemonFanta · 05/11/2020 07:59

I booked a test for DH who 'knew' it was his recurring sinusitis. Spoiler alert, it was positive and he was very very ill.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.