To be furious with husband

[YukoandHiro]

Husband has bad asthma. A few days ago he started coughing more regularly. He refused to get a test as he's not been out much at all and said it's just his seasonal asthma playing up.
Tonight the cough is very bad so I've booked a test for him in the morning. He's going to take it but he's so angry with me - he says I'm treating him like a child and don't trust him to look after his own health. But we have a 3yo in nursery and we also have a three week old baby. We need the test result to protect THEM (especially the newborn).
We are both so angry with each other and now in this bloody pressure cooker as we have to stay in til he gets his results.
Gah. This year absolutely sucks!

YANBU - you have a newborn baby, FFS. You’ve just endured giving birth in the current challenging circumstances. He should be cooperating with you to keep your family safe and stress-free. Instead he acted like a stroppy toddler. You shouldn’t have been put in the position of booking a test for him - which you clearly did out of desperation. I hope he can at least realise what a dick he has been. And yes, that applies even if his test is negative.

DH was sent home from work last week as somebody had tested positive. He had no contact with them for the week before - alternating days off - was told to book a test along with everyone else in work. He was laughing and joking because it meant he had a lovely long weekend off. No symptoms at all.
Test was positive. He is currently very ill in bed and me and 4 kids are stuck home for a fortnight.

Sick to death of people who spread coronavirus far and wide because the "know" it's just a cold/their asthma/ seasonal allergies/their own body. The guidelines are very clear (and actually very narrow) - if you meet the threshold, fucking get tested.

Besides the cough. Does he have any other symptoms? If yes YANBU if no I think I am with your husband. Either way if he has the test at least you will know. (kind of as not all casses are picked up by test.)

The reason most people with asthma gets coughs in the winter is that viruses trigger an exacerbation. This year that virus could well be COVID-19 - so there is NO way of knowing ‘it’s just my usual winter cough it can’t be covid’ without testing.

@Sargass0 No because we live in a flat and don't have a spare bedrooms. Also I need to still get a lot of bed rest as I have a 3rd degree tear that's still healing. Plus at first I really did think it was just his asthma but it's got worse

Exactly @sofiessofa - you put it better than I managed to put it to him. But that was my main argument. And obviously eventually it worked.

@june2007 he's a bit tired - but a) we have a newborn so we're up in the night and b) asthma symptoms can make him weary anyway. No fever, no loss of taste, no flu like symptoms.

I'm sure it will be negative... I just want to know.

He's taken the test now so hopefully we'll get the result within 48 hours.

YANBU. You are following NHS advice.

Your DC will be fine. At their age they are hugely protected against it.

Glad he’s had the test, sometimes people need a little push to do the right thing. It’s not as if you were pinning him down and forcing him!
Hope he’s feeling better soon (and you!)

Sick to death of people who spread coronavirus far and wide because the "know" it's just a cold/their asthma/ seasonal allergies/their own body. The guidelines are very clear (and actually very narrow) - if you meet the threshold, fucking get tested
You seem to be quite deliberately confusing infections and people's gut instinct with those people living with a long term health condition.

a new, continuous cough – this means coughing a lot for more than an hour, or 3 or more coughing episodes in 24 hours (if you usually have a cough, it may be worse than usual) (NHS)

And for what it's worth I've had several tests when my asthma symptoms have been different to normal because that's the rules. If my DH ever took it upon himself to book me a medical procedure without my consent then I'd be furious.

The reason most people with asthma gets coughs in the winter is that viruses trigger an exacerbation. This year that virus could well be COVID-19 - so there is NO way of knowing ‘it’s just my usual winter cough it can’t be covid’ without testing.
It's not THE reason.Cold air is a common trigger for asthma.
I'm really fed up with people deciding they are suddenly experts on other people's health conditions.

I'd have been annoyed too, if my DP decided to book a test for me without discussing and clearing it with me first. Just my two penneth.

As a fellow asthma sufferer I would also be pretty annoyed if my DH kept sending me for tests every time I coughed we'd never stop isolating waiting for results. If his inhalers help reduce his cough or wheeze then it's definitely his asthma, if the inhalers aren't helping then yes possibly it's covid. We know our own bodies and what's normal for us. I've had a nasty cough every winter from the day I was born

If his inhalers help reduce his cough or wheeze then it's definitely his asthma, if the inhalers aren't helping then yes possibly it's covid.
This isn't true in my experience. Asthma can be exacerbated by any number of things, and a viral infection can often cause an increase in asthma symptoms. The symptoms can then be helped by using inhalers. I'd agree that you'd still probably feel sick from the virus, but Covid seems to be very variable in it's presentation so who knows for sure...
I agree that your husband needs to be tested OP. In your living space as you've described it, he can't isolate from you and your children, so I think this makes it a decision for both of you, not just him.
It would be different if he could isolate and not risk infecting you.
Hope it's a negative test result.

Sick to death of people who spread coronavirus far and wide because the "know" it's just a cold/their asthma/ seasonal allergies/their own body. The guidelines are very clear (and actually very narrow) - if you meet the threshold, fucking get tested.

That’s easy for you to say. I have a chronic cough, yesterday was really bad, today not quite so bad. I’m not having a test every time it gets worse, we’d never be out of isolation! It went away completely for a couple of weeks and then came back so I had a test then, but I can’t have one every time it changes!

I do understand @PinkSparklyPussyCat - that's kind of my husband's argument too. I think the interpretation of a "new Cotonou is cough" is very vague

OP.... had the same situation as you.

He was adamant it was just man flu.

It was Covid.

It's the right thing to check in these times.

alwayslearning789
Man flu and asthma are not the same.
One is an infection. The other is a long term health condition.

YukoandHiro
The definition isn't that vague. It just happens to leave some reasonable room for the fact that people with long term respiratory health conditions don't have to get tested every time their respiratory condition flares up.

I've got no time for people who decide they have a cold so won't bother, but someone with a chronic respiratory condition is better placed to judge how their chest feels than a member of their household.

someone with a chronic respiratory condition is better placed to judge how their chest feels than a member of their household.

Of course they are, but that doesn't mean they'll invariably know the cause of their chest problems.

@LizzieAnt

someone with a chronic respiratory condition is better placed to judge how their chest feels than a member of their household.

Of course they are, but that doesn't mean they'll invariably know the cause of their chest problems.

But surely people aren't expected to get a test every time their cough/asthma etc flares up. At the beginning of the week I had a good couple of days and hardly coughed. Yesterday I was coughing up a lung most of the day. I can't go and get tested every few days!

I can see why you are worried, I can see why he's annoyed but just to clarify what difference will it make if he's positive? You will still have a 3 week old baby, if there is nowhere else for him to sleep presumably you will still share a room. I'm just being nosy but what will you actually do differently if it is positive apart from him not going out.

@PinkSparklyPussyCat

But surely people aren't expected to get a test every time their cough/asthma etc flares up. At the beginning of the week I had a good couple of days and hardly coughed. Yesterday I was coughing up a lung most of the day. I can't go and get tested every few days!

I'd say you should check with your GP tbh. We've had four tests in our house, as if the kids get any viral infection it exacerbates their asthma and they start coughing. Our GP knows this, but has recommended testing each time so far. (I'm not in the UK though.)

The only way to actually know for sure is to get tested.

You have every right to insist on a person you share your home with who has a bad cough goes and gets a test.

You have 2 children including a newborn as well as yourself to protect. If it were my husband I'd have gone ahead and booked him a test too OP.

@PinkSparklyPussyCat
And, I know, that viral infection could be Covid so our GP is right.
In another child the same virus could easily present just as a runny nose though, which wouldn't be considered a symptom worthy of testing. It's our family's predisposition to asthma that causes us to get tested more than most.
It is annoying, I know, but I still think it's right to get tested. We've been lucky so far, but next time maybe it will be Covid that's causing the coughing.

Surely this should be his decision