To be furious with husband

[YukoandHiro]

Husband has bad asthma. A few days ago he started coughing more regularly. He refused to get a test as he's not been out much at all and said it's just his seasonal asthma playing up.
Tonight the cough is very bad so I've booked a test for him in the morning. He's going to take it but he's so angry with me - he says I'm treating him like a child and don't trust him to look after his own health. But we have a 3yo in nursery and we also have a three week old baby. We need the test result to protect THEM (especially the newborn).
We are both so angry with each other and now in this bloody pressure cooker as we have to stay in til he gets his results.
Gah. This year absolutely sucks!

Her business to express an opinion.

Not her business to book a medical procedure and start making healthcare decisions for someone else without their consent.

Would everyone claiming its reasonable to overrule your partner's right to make their own health decisions be happy if your partner booked you in for a medical appointment or test? Would you all be saying it would be reasonable for a husband to decide he doesn't like the sound of his wife clearing her throat so decided to make a decision that leaves her isolated in the house until she does the test he has booked because he knows best?
What do we think about partners booking each other for STI checks without their consent (after all it's their business)?

Either we believe individuals have the right to make their own medical decisions (other than exceptional circumstances where individuals are deemed to lack competency) or we don't. We can't say individuals make their own medical decisions, unless their partner thinks they know best in which case individual autonomy goes out the window.

@LolaSmiles
I agree with what you're saying completely, but I think he needs to make arrangements to isolate from his wife and children if he's not prepared to take a test. He should be doing that anyway ideally, as he has symptoms of Covid.
If he decides against taking a test that is, of course, completely up to him. But it's not fair to continue to (potentially) expose his partner and children to Covid, especially as she's clearly worried.
I understand he has taken the test anyway so hope it's negative.

Agree @LizzieAnt - but there is no way he can isolate due to our small flat and he has no surviving family except us and my parents (who are in our childcare bubble anyway). And hotels are only open for business not leisure or isolation. So that's another reason I thought the test was necessary.
Anyway he took it and we're still waiting for results

Fingers crossed for you all.

Yes, I thought you had said upthread that it wasn't really possible for him to isolate from you.

I think many of us are really not as free as we think we are regarding making personal decisions - as we're constrained by our bonds with, and reponsibilities to, others.

If he had decided against getting a test - in a situation where you are unable to isolate from each other, and where it's possible he has an infectious condition - he could be in essence making your healthcare decisions for you too. And that wouldn't be fair either.

Good for you. It's not like there is anywhere to go anyway so not sure what he is moaning about.

We got the results and it's negative. Cue lots of "I told you so". But he's also suddenly in a really good mood, despite still feeling rough, so I think some of his reaction to all this was triggered by secretly fearing the worst.

I’m genuinely appalled at the number of supposedly grown/responsible adults on this thread who think they can ‘tell the difference’ between a ‘normal’ cough and a ‘covid’ cough!!!

Had covid so many times you know exactly what it feels like have you Stanley? Or maybe your ‘gut feeling’ is simply more precise than all these fancy new fangled sciencey tests.

Thanks for putting everybody at risk you know it all idiots

If you get symptoms, get tests and isolate - people lives are at risk.

That's great news OP

Great news Op. No harm done and if he DID have covid you could have helped to stop the spread. Thanks for trying to protect us all. The lack of civic responsibility at the moment from some makes me really sad for this country.

I’m genuinely appalled at the number of supposedly grown/responsible adults on this thread who think they can ‘tell the difference’ between a ‘normal’ cough and a ‘covid’ cough!!!
Feel free to tell the NHS to change their line on people with chronic respiratory conditions then, and lobby them to ensure that all people with such conditions are off work and in a state of almost permanent isolation whilst they get tested in line with what randomers on mumsnet think the rules should be.

I do agree with you on people who claim they've just got a cold/man flu etc though.

I can understand why he feels patronised by you but he has a cough and so should be tested. If it is Covid you will all need to isolate to protect others. The children are unlikely to be at risk but you and any contacts might be. We have been living with this for months and should all get a test if suffering from cough/ temp/ lack of taste. I work in healthcare and am infuriated by people phoning in to book vaccines, smears etc who then come to appointments with coughs that are 'just a cold' 'just my usual bronchitis' just asthma etc. We all know now that CV presents in lots of different ways .

I’m genuinely appalled at the number of supposedly grown/responsible adults on this thread who think they can ‘tell the difference’ between a ‘normal’ cough and a ‘covid’ cough!!!

See it all the time with children at school being sent in with coughs and colds.

No doubt why I'm now at home recovering slowly from covid after 5 weeks of being poorly and will have missed over a month of work. Only place I've had close contact, bar with dh, is school and with those children.

He is angry because he was called out on putting you all at risk. Most DH would have suggested getting tested themselves. He forced you into this position.

I dont see why he can't just do the test. Its a few mins out of his day and it could protect someone's life if he does actually have it. Hopefully he doesn't but its better safe than sorry.

I mean my 2yo had a cough twice during all this and I took her to get tested both times to be sure. She didn't like it and cried, it was hard but peoples lives are on the line. If you or your child gets a new repetitive cough you need to get tested.
Luckily it was just a cold for her both times.

No one KNOWS. Utterly laughable. I work in an A&E and you wouldn’t believe the number of people coming in with coughs who have asthma and KNOW that it’s not Covid. Then get a test and they do have it. No one KNOWS. It’s impossible to be 100% certain and is in part the reason why the infection rate rises, because people decide they don’t need a test or isolate and carry on in their own little world...oblivious to the fact that they have potentially passed it on to people on the school run or the at the shops.

It also works the other way too.
I went to a walk in centre, a and e, my GPS and hospital admission. I was tested automatically for the admission. I was in the 'safe zone' at A&E and an open ward in the hospital. Despite having chest tightness and breathing issues not one of the many medics I spoke with suspected covid. I was there as they suspected a blood clot or similar, and my blood pressure was dangerously high.

I have never seen so many staff move so quickly as I encountered when a positive covid result came through the next morning.

No one knows who definitely has or hasn't got covid, not even medics, without that test.

eeyore228
If they had a worse cough than usual then they did need a test, I totally agree.

As you know though the NHS guidance doesn't say get tested for every cough, just a new and persistent cough or a worse cough than usual if you normally have one.

Whilst you may be being reasonable here, there's lots of posters deciding that any cough needs a test and are routinely trying to lump people with respiratory conditions in with people who have new symptoms and decide it's a cold.

Let's be honest, we both know that it everyone with a respiratory condition was getting a test for every typical flare up then that would place a needless strain on the system and the same people arguing that nobody knows if they have a respiratory condition or a new set of symptoms would be some of the first to be complaining that all the selfish people have taken up the tests.

I have a chronic cough. Yesterday I was coughing a lot, today I've coughed a couple of times. Tomorrow might be back to coughing up a lung every 5 minutes. I can't go for a test every time this happens despite what some people seem to think!

I went for a test when it suddenly got a lot worse at the end of the summer but now the cough appears to be here to stay I'll have to manage it the best I can.

I am working in a COVID reporting role atm. This is a situation identical to what I can accords this week.
Asthma sufferer felt her asthma playing up again. Went to doctor who advised a COVID test. She was sure it was just her regular winter symptoms. Test cane through positive.
It's astounding the amount of people that don't feel desperately ill and are shocked that they are testing positive.
You did the right thing.