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Even though I follow almost all the rules, I am breaking one

95 replies

CulturallyAppropriatedName · 12/09/2020 21:32

I live in Gtr MCR. We are on a stricter lockdown. I don't live in the highest risk area. I am a rule follower and I understand the risk reduction plan the government has (even though their communication of it is poor). I have missed an important family birthday gathering (my Mum turned 80). We wear masks and social distance.
We don't attend large gatherings and mostly WFH.

My 19 year old son is autistic and has been severely depressed over parts of the last 18 months. He has severe social anxiety and did not leave the house between 18 March and end of May at all. When the rules relaxed a little his one friend, who lives locally and is also autistic, began visiting and they would sit in the garden - appropriately distanced - chatting.

Neither of them goes anywhere else. College hasn't started yet. For now I am allowing him to visit the other boy's house and his friend is allowed in my house. They are encouraged to sit in the garden (2m apart) even though that is not allowed in my area. We can't count as a support bubble as neither of us is a single adult household.

These boys would not go and sit in the park or go for a walk. They don't use social media and my son does not use a phone or WhatsApp. They rely heavily on each other and are each other's single social contact. I guess - though obviously it's not a romantic relationship - it's no different than if they were teen partners, they stayed apart to begin with but they are both happier if they see each other.

Would other parents bend the rules in these circumstances? The other lad's parents are in agreement. I have said we will review frequently based on local infection rates and how much exposure they have when college goes back.

OP posts:
Pacif1cDogwood · 12/09/2020 21:34

Would other parents bend the rules in these circumstances?

I would.
And I am a rule follower AND an NHS HCP.

Must be so hard for your DS, his friend and of course you too Thanks

Frenchfancy · 12/09/2020 21:34

I think your sons well being is the important factor in this situation.

ASchuylerSister · 12/09/2020 21:35

I would do exactly what you are doing OP.

BluebellsGreenbells · 12/09/2020 21:36

Yes I would!

Could they go in the back garden instead to avoid a possible issue?

BillywilliamV · 12/09/2020 21:36

I think young people's well being is a factor in every situation, which is why I may well be breaking the rules a bit too.

Globalpandemicmum · 12/09/2020 21:37

Yep I’d do exactly the same. Keep being a great parent!

Gymntonic · 12/09/2020 21:37

Of course OP. Your poor son and his friend. It's good that they have each other so close by.

shenanigans5 · 12/09/2020 21:38

Yes, I’d definitely do as you are under the circumstances Flowers

CulturallyAppropriatedName · 12/09/2020 21:40

@BluebellsGreenbells

Yes I would!

Could they go in the back garden instead to avoid a possible issue?

Yes, friend comes round the side and they sit outside most of the time, but they do come in if it's dark or rainy.
OP posts:
MJMG2015 · 12/09/2020 21:40

Yes I would

But to be honest, I don't think this even counts as breaking the rules. It's surely part of 'getting help' or 'care' for both of them.

Carry on as you are. 🌷

c24680 · 12/09/2020 21:41

I would as well!

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 12/09/2020 21:42

People with additional support needs are allowed to access care and support under the rules, which this clearly is. I honestly wouldn't think twice about it.

I would probably ask the visitor to wash his hands when he came in mind you, but all my lad's pals know I'm an embarrassing mum!

whiteroseredrose · 12/09/2020 21:43

Yes. Do it.

I'm doing the same with my DM. Safer 2m apart in a garden than sitting next to each other outside a cafe.

CulturallyAppropriatedName · 12/09/2020 21:44

The first day his friend came over at the beginning of June was the first step he made outside the house since mid-March. I couldn't get him out, not even on Easter to get his eggs from the garden, but he came out to see his pal.

OP posts:
JKRowlingIsMyQueen · 12/09/2020 21:45

Good for you op. The govt needs to stop treating everyone as 5 years olds who need to be told where they're allowed to go, who they are allowed to see, how many people are they allowed to see at the same time etc.

We are adults and can assess risk on our own. Hope your sons mental health is better!

Wolfiefan · 12/09/2020 21:45

I have followed the rules very strictly. I have shielded and remain anxious.
I think you’re doing the right thing. Completely.

HairyToity · 12/09/2020 21:46

I would do the same as you OP.

EssexCat · 12/09/2020 21:48

Absolutely 100% think you are doing the right thing for your boy. I would do exactly the same. And I’m a real rule follower.

Timeforanotherusername · 12/09/2020 21:51

Yes. He is important

Comefromaway · 12/09/2020 21:51

My 16 year old is autistic.

I am treating his girlfriend as a member of our family. We aren’t in local lockdown but if we were he would still see her. She us coming away with us in half term (sharing with dd).

I’ve weighed up the risks. My son has made lots of sacrifices the last 6 months. This would be a step too far.

CulturallyAppropriatedName · 12/09/2020 21:52

Unanimous - I am so surprised. I was expecting to be talked out of it or told I was a fool. You are making me a bit emotional, it's been so hard to know what to do for the best.

OP posts:
BertandErnie1 · 12/09/2020 21:52

Yes I would do the same. I think it’s a great idea for helping your sons mental health and I’m glad that they are both happy to continue with it too.

jenniuol · 12/09/2020 21:53

I would absolutely do what you’re doing Flowers

Timeforanotherusername · 12/09/2020 21:53

Culturally i really do believe im following the rules as so many are taking the mick.

But this isn't it.

Wolfiefan · 12/09/2020 21:54

Why would you be a fool for doing what is best for your family? And really what risk are you actually taking?
And I ALWAYS say people ABU and should follow the rules. I honestly can’t see what is wrong with what you’re doing. Flowers

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