Even though I follow almost all the rules, I am breaking one

[CulturallyAppropriatedName]

I live in Gtr MCR. We are on a stricter lockdown. I don't live in the highest risk area. I am a rule follower and I understand the risk reduction plan the government has (even though their communication of it is poor). I have missed an important family birthday gathering (my Mum turned 80). We wear masks and social distance.
We don't attend large gatherings and mostly WFH.

My 19 year old son is autistic and has been severely depressed over parts of the last 18 months. He has severe social anxiety and did not leave the house between 18 March and end of May at all. When the rules relaxed a little his one friend, who lives locally and is also autistic, began visiting and they would sit in the garden - appropriately distanced - chatting.

Neither of them goes anywhere else. College hasn't started yet. For now I am allowing him to visit the other boy's house and his friend is allowed in my house. They are encouraged to sit in the garden (2m apart) even though that is not allowed in my area. We can't count as a support bubble as neither of us is a single adult household.

These boys would not go and sit in the park or go for a walk. They don't use social media and my son does not use a phone or WhatsApp. They rely heavily on each other and are each other's single social contact. I guess - though obviously it's not a romantic relationship - it's no different than if they were teen partners, they stayed apart to begin with but they are both happier if they see each other.

Would other parents bend the rules in these circumstances? The other lad's parents are in agreement. I have said we will review frequently based on local infection rates and how much exposure they have when college goes back.

I’ve followed all the guidance to the letter. I’ve fallen out with people who haven’t.
I hate seeing all the posters who don’t give a f about the guidance.
That isn’t you. I think you are doing the right thing, sounds like your son is emotionally vulnerable and this friendship is almost like therapy for him.

You are doing the right thing. I'm really heartened to read about how happy they make each other.

I have an autistic child. She's had very little social inaction over the last 6 months and week on week I watched her lose her trust in herself. Every tiny bit of kind social interaction she gets (school/cousins) keeps her so much happier.

Keep going

I've been following all the rules but you have my support too. Also agree with the others, this is wellbeing and care related for both lads.

Yes, keep right on doing what you’re doing.

I have an autistic daughter who is 9 is demand avoidant and has very challenging behaviour. We are also in GM - and I'm intending to seek help from grandparents (we are a family of 5) and one set of grandparents. I am so tired - my other children are suffering immensely because of lockdown and her violent and challenging behaviour which has gotten worse over the last 2 months. I asked our support worker if it was ok and she said yes as it's for the welfare of the family and to help my daughter. It's been pretty crap for all families and children with disabilities have been left in limbo :(

@obviouslymarvellous it is ok. Of course it is.

I would do the same as you, your sons mental health is so important, I fully understand why you are doing what you're doing

You’re doing the right thing. It’s lovely that your son and his friend have each other for friendship and support. Mental health is just as important as physical health.

I don't think that you ARE breaking the rules. If you are, then you probably could argue they were unlawful anyway.

This is an article from April about the original lockdown

www.theguardian.com/world/2020/apr/14/uk-coronavirus-rules-autism-learning-disabilities-lockdown
UK coronavirus rules relaxed for people with autism and learning disabilities
Policy updated after lawyers challenge ‘discriminatory’ lockdown measures

The argument that was successfully argued by a couple of law firms was that:
the “inflexible policy”, which also says people should stay two metres apart from anyone outside of their household, disproportionately impacted those with certain health conditions and was “therefore unlawful and discriminatory”.

this lead the government to update the original law to state:
The updated advice reads: “If you (or a person in your care) have a specific health condition that requires you to leave the home to maintain your health – including if that involves travel beyond your local area – then you can do so.

Now I don't know if the current local laws that apply to lockdown areas have the same or a similar exception clause - they may do but I've not read them so don't know.

However I would strongly suggest that you could successfully make the same argument if you were ever challenged that it was discriminatory and harmful to the health of both boys due to their medical condition, that they had no other means of social communication and that you were taking as many safety precautions as possible.

I hope that helps / perhaps relieves your conscience. You really shouldn't be agonising about this.

I would bend the rules exactly as you have. You are making a careful decision to help your son's MH.

In fact here you go

www.legislation.gov.uk/uksi/2020/828/made
Here's the actual legislation for the Greater Manchester lockdown

I refer you to point 5e which lists exceptions to the restrictions on gatherings

(e)the gathering is reasonably necessary—

(i)for work purposes, or for the provision of voluntary or charitable services,
(ii)for the purposes of education or training,
(iii)for the purposes of childcare provided by a person registered under Part 3 of the Childcare Act 2006(10),
(iv)to provide emergency assistance,
(v)to enable one or more persons in the gathering to avoid injury or illness or to escape a risk of harm,
(vi)to facilitate a house move,
(vii)to provide care or assistance to a vulnerable person, including relevant personal care within the meaning of paragraph 7(3B) of Schedule 4 to the Safeguarding Vulnerable Groups Act 2006(11), or
(viii)to continue existing arrangements for access to, and contact between, parents and children where the children do not live in the same household as their parents, or one of their parents.

(My bold) I am fairly sure that you are acting completely within the law.

Relax!

I think you are doing just the right thing, keep going with it.

The covid risk of this meetup seems so low and the social contact is vital for your son and his friend's wellbeing.

Yes, definitely op and

Thanks all. And redtoothbrush thank you for that info. I have rather a busybody neighbour and I would not be at all surprised to receive a complaint or be reported.

Really surprised that no one thinks it's wrong. I feel vindicated.

I am in the North West OP, lone parent and don't have a contact bubble - your son can have mine and yes, to all pedants and budding virologists, I know it doesn't work like that but I am wholly on OP's side when it comes to mental health risks vs covid risks for neurodiverse children.

Yes this was the applicable rule that the person whose name I won’t mention ( because it’s boring now ) was referring to as his child was autistic. There were several mentions of it in press briefings at the beginning of lockdown.

I totally think you are doing the right thing and I would do the same.

@AnyFucker

I have been in contact with two young male suicide statistics this week

Do what your boy needs to do

Oh God. Heartbreaking. I’m sorry, AF.

OP, keep on.

You ask what’s swaying people? The rules are simplistic to avoid it being taken the piss out of. But 2 isolated non- NT teens sitting in a back garden where BOTH families agree it’s vital for wellbeing, going nowhere else? - it’s no risk at all. If your families could form a ‘support bubble’ I assume both would for the sake of their DC? If the rules in your area were 6 only you’d be fine - your local lockdown is basically irrelevant is neither of them mingle or socialise with others.

I think you're doing the right thing for your son OP.
They're both minimal contact with others, are keeping a distance from one another. Most importantly, their mental health is being managed. Keep doing what you're doing.

I would.
Another rule follower usually.

I would do it too. I’m so happy to see everyone on the post in agreement...it’s made me a bit emotional!

Absolutely acceptable. My sons cahms worker wrote us a letter to keep in the car during the main lockdown to show to anyone who questioned why we were driving to my parents house- it was the only place he felt was safe enough to go to and if he didn't go there he just didn't leave the house at all, not even into our garden so I can totally relate.

I should add on the note that Anyfucker has made, according to the law if you know of anyone who you have good reason to believe may be suicidal, it would be lawful for you to visit them (making sure you make as many covid safe precautions as possible) if you thought they might otherwise do harm to themselves.

I fear knowing this is vital going forward as more places do lock down a second time and financial problems hit harder.

Of course I would. 😊

Yes, I would bend the rules for this.

I am really sorry to hear about your contacts, anyfucker. There was a time when I was seriously worried for ds. He seems a bit lighter now, though I take nothing for granted.

Obviouslymarvellous sorry to hear about your dd. I am glad her grandparents are prepared to help. I hope she finds a friend like my DS.