Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Covid

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Even though I follow almost all the rules, I am breaking one

95 replies

CulturallyAppropriatedName · 12/09/2020 21:32

I live in Gtr MCR. We are on a stricter lockdown. I don't live in the highest risk area. I am a rule follower and I understand the risk reduction plan the government has (even though their communication of it is poor). I have missed an important family birthday gathering (my Mum turned 80). We wear masks and social distance.
We don't attend large gatherings and mostly WFH.

My 19 year old son is autistic and has been severely depressed over parts of the last 18 months. He has severe social anxiety and did not leave the house between 18 March and end of May at all. When the rules relaxed a little his one friend, who lives locally and is also autistic, began visiting and they would sit in the garden - appropriately distanced - chatting.

Neither of them goes anywhere else. College hasn't started yet. For now I am allowing him to visit the other boy's house and his friend is allowed in my house. They are encouraged to sit in the garden (2m apart) even though that is not allowed in my area. We can't count as a support bubble as neither of us is a single adult household.

These boys would not go and sit in the park or go for a walk. They don't use social media and my son does not use a phone or WhatsApp. They rely heavily on each other and are each other's single social contact. I guess - though obviously it's not a romantic relationship - it's no different than if they were teen partners, they stayed apart to begin with but they are both happier if they see each other.

Would other parents bend the rules in these circumstances? The other lad's parents are in agreement. I have said we will review frequently based on local infection rates and how much exposure they have when college goes back.

OP posts:
ThatDamnScientist · 12/09/2020 21:54

@MJMG2015

Yes I would

But to be honest, I don't think this even counts as breaking the rules. It's surely part of 'getting help' or 'care' for both of them.

Carry on as you are. 🌷

100% this.

I am a stickler and get seriously fucked off when people talk about breaking the rules (law) to throw their 1 year old a birthday party etc but for this absolutely not one of those cases, this is a real need that will protect your sons mental health. I have a teen girl who is autistic and her already poor mental health took a real nose dive at the start of lockdown so I truly understand your sons (and his friends) need for this. Flowers

icanclearabuffet · 12/09/2020 21:55

I would do exactly the same as you.
You're a great mum.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 12/09/2020 21:55

You are doing the right thing for your son 💐

dappledsunshine · 12/09/2020 21:55

I'm 💯 with you op. You've made sacrifices, your son's welfare needs to come first Thanks

MonkeyPuddle · 12/09/2020 21:56

I would do exactly the same in your shoes.

clopper · 12/09/2020 22:01

I would do the same as you too. It sounds like you are being sensible about it all.

Namechangeme87 · 12/09/2020 22:08

I’d do exactly the same as you OP

Nixen · 12/09/2020 22:09

Another one who would do exactly the same.
You sound like a lovely mum, he’s lucky to have you :)

IncidentsandAccidents · 12/09/2020 22:10

Yes I would. You are doing the right thing 💐

Tonkerbea · 12/09/2020 22:12

I hate breaking rules, but I'd do it. Mental health is important too.

CulturallyAppropriatedName · 12/09/2020 22:14

What, as a matter of interest, is swaying people? Is it because they are both isolated otherwise? I mean neither of them is like a typical 18/19 year old, out socialising AND coming round here. This is literally their only social contact. So in risk terms it's very very low, but so important to their wellbeing?

OP posts:
Oly4 · 12/09/2020 22:15

You’re doing the right thing. I’d do the same for my son. and I’m following all the rules

SengaMac · 12/09/2020 22:15

Surely there is almost no risk if neither of them go anywhere else.

It's heartbreaking to think how they must have felt being separated for so long.

You're doing the right thing.

tealady · 12/09/2020 22:16

You are doing the right thing Smile Flowers

thesquirrelsnuts · 12/09/2020 22:18

I'd do it, it's minimal contact to address a potentially significant health issue. Covid is not the only health problem in play here and living in isolation is unsustainable for many. You sound very cautious.

ArchbishopOfBanterbury · 12/09/2020 22:19

Yes - you're minimizing risk elsewhere, and both families are sensible. It's not good for him to sit alone in his room for months on end. The covid risk has to be balanced against the social risk.

thesquirrelsnuts · 12/09/2020 22:20

@CulturallyAppropriatedName

What, as a matter of interest, is swaying people? Is it because they are both isolated otherwise? I mean neither of them is like a typical 18/19 year old, out socialising AND coming round here. This is literally their only social contact. So in risk terms it's very very low, but so important to their wellbeing?
Why? As you say, 1 - lack of other social contact from what you've described so they're not likely to spread anything 2 - I suffer from depression and know how devastating it can be. I've had some very low points that i wouldn't wish on anyone.
LUZON · 12/09/2020 22:21

That’s really nice to hear that your son and his friend have such a good friendship. I’d be supporting their meetups too.

Galaxxy · 12/09/2020 22:22

Carry on as you are! Logically they are taking far far faaaar less risk than nearly everybody else, given they don't shop/go to the pub/socialise elsewhere. It's entirely defensible and I would be doing exactly what you are in those circumstances. It surely would be an exemption under the category of care!

CulturallyAppropriatedName · 12/09/2020 22:27

His friend is SUCH a blessing. The pair of them talk what sounds to my NT ears to be total bollocks. It has really taught me that autistic people can have perfectly sustainable, brilliant friendships if they find the right tribe. Just because it works slightly differently doesn't mean it isn't a "proper" friendship.

Thanks MN hive mind. I was worrying that it was a bad idea. I feel reassured.

OP posts:
Marj99 · 12/09/2020 22:28

@CulturallyAppropriatedName

Unanimous - I am so surprised. I was expecting to be talked out of it or told I was a fool. You are making me a bit emotional, it's been so hard to know what to do for the best.
You are doing absolutely brilliantly. A thoughtful, considerate, caring mum, not only for your son but for the rest us of...given the care you are taking I applaud you. Keep being you x
Colycola · 12/09/2020 22:30

What sways me is that I would do exactly the same for my dd if only she would leave her room! She has been hiding away for months only to go back to school which has been a complete assault on her senses, she refused to go in yesterday as she couldn’t cope! I’ve now received a letter that she has to attend additional support classes for her GCSES three times a week. We haven’t heard a peep from the school in six months!

I digress your son and his mate sound fab and they are each other’s support bubbles and that is absolutely ok.

Frazzled2207 · 12/09/2020 22:31

Absolutely I would. Keep going OP

AnyFucker · 12/09/2020 22:32

I have been in contact with two young male suicide statistics this week

Do what your boy needs to do

katy1213 · 12/09/2020 22:33

I wouldn't think twice about it. Anyway, who's even going to know?

Swipe left for the next trending thread