Even though I follow almost all the rules, I am breaking one

[CulturallyAppropriatedName]

I live in Gtr MCR. We are on a stricter lockdown. I don't live in the highest risk area. I am a rule follower and I understand the risk reduction plan the government has (even though their communication of it is poor). I have missed an important family birthday gathering (my Mum turned 80). We wear masks and social distance.
We don't attend large gatherings and mostly WFH.

My 19 year old son is autistic and has been severely depressed over parts of the last 18 months. He has severe social anxiety and did not leave the house between 18 March and end of May at all. When the rules relaxed a little his one friend, who lives locally and is also autistic, began visiting and they would sit in the garden - appropriately distanced - chatting.

Neither of them goes anywhere else. College hasn't started yet. For now I am allowing him to visit the other boy's house and his friend is allowed in my house. They are encouraged to sit in the garden (2m apart) even though that is not allowed in my area. We can't count as a support bubble as neither of us is a single adult household.

These boys would not go and sit in the park or go for a walk. They don't use social media and my son does not use a phone or WhatsApp. They rely heavily on each other and are each other's single social contact. I guess - though obviously it's not a romantic relationship - it's no different than if they were teen partners, they stayed apart to begin with but they are both happier if they see each other.

Would other parents bend the rules in these circumstances? The other lad's parents are in agreement. I have said we will review frequently based on local infection rates and how much exposure they have when college goes back.

I would do exactly the same in your circumstances OP. Your child and the other child’s wellbeing is important.

Another rule follower here that thinks you're doing the right thing. It's benefiting both your son and his friend

Yes I would do the same. It is low risk especially if sitting outside. My dd has a friend who is an only child and during lock down her friend's dad begged me to let them meet up for a while as her friend was getting so depressed and he was worried about her. I was ok with doing this.

I agree with other posters that this comes under the heading of getting care and support for someone vulnerable. I am of the opinion that when the cost is eventually counted, the lockdown and its consequences in terms of despair, isolation fear and poverty will have caused far more deaths than CV-19.

Another rule follower here who believes you are doing exactly the right thing.

I have a 15 year old, very isolated, autistic daughter. She has what sounds like a very similar friendship, and they haven't seen each other since February. I would absolutely do what you are doing if it was an option right now. She has no other friends, no-one who talks to her at school either. She has some fantastic online friends, but it's just not the same as that in-person contact (even if it's about talking at each other rather than to each other 😉)

What, as a matter of interest, is swaying people?

Social contact is important too and there is zero appetite for going back to sitting in our houses alone. We have to just live with this as well we can and shield the vulnerable.

I think you are doing the right thing OP, you are obviously being thoughtful, responsible and careful, and you are caring for a vulnerable person. Their friendship sounds lovely x

@CulturallyAppropriatedName the grandparents usually don't help much to be honest. And as you are probably very aware getting proper respite isn't very easy and we are constantly fobbed off. It's only for the odd hour we usually visit the GPS just to keep dd from spiralling with the new normal. Also if dd is refusing school they will help as a last resort to take the others. It's just a totally shit situation for everyone. I had read the guidelines on vulnerable families and was hoping we fall under that.
I think what you are doing is totally acceptable and it's not like holding mass gatherings etc
You have to do what works for you and your son.

I would definitely do this OP. I have a son who does not have a diagnosis of autism but has many traits and is under the Ed Psych for anxiety issues. He had made so much progress which has been totally reversed under lockdown. It's heartbreaking to see.

OP, 100% you are doing the right thing. I am also generally a rule follower but this contact sounds essential to me so I would absolutely do it!

The economy is very important. Reducing the spread of Covid is very important. But social connection is also very important. Not just 'nice to have', but completely essential to most people in the medium to long term. I think we're realising this more and more.

I completely support your decision OP.

This is care for your autistic son. He needs it. I speak as a rule follower! I would absolutely expect that this falls into an exemption category. You couldn’t possibly not act in the way you are doing. Keep on.

I would do the same.

Are you actually breaking the rules? I thought that gatherings of up to 6 are allowed or are there different rules in Manchester?

Very sensible OP. Glad he has his friend.

I would and I'm both rule abiding and a 'paused' shielded. The risk of this arrangement to wider society is tiny. The risk to your son of not doing it is much greater.

I'm following the rules too and would allow this op :)

It's not like you're having a birthday party with 7 people. It's for his health and wellbeing, keeping him safe.

GreekOddess yes we are breaking local rules. No meeting up with anyone from a different household on private land (home or garden). They could meet in the park, but a) they don't go to the park and b) they'd be quite vulnerable; they speak obviously non NT stuff quite loudly and unfortunately with a fair smattering of swearwords so it's not really appropriate for a public space anyway. (Yes of course they are reminded about language. They swear like NT teens but unlike NT teens, aren't great at modifying for potential passive audience. Part of having a social communication problem).

Yes OP, I would be sensible and do what you are doing. It's essential care for his mental and emotional wellbeing due to SEN. You've effectively made a small infrequent outside day SEN care arrangement with appropriate risk assessments with one other SEN DC , his carer and your DC and you as DC's carer. Despite it being an informal care arrangement, you can argue it is same as formal care arrangements (that would otherwise had been made) for
Child in Need under the Children's Act legislation.

What's swaying me is a) I would do the same thing for DS15 who has autism and I would worry about it like you and b) many if not most households where there is ASD actually love following the rules and if someone who lives with a rule-lover wants to break a rule, then I believe there's going to be a good reason for it!

I think your sons well being is the important factor in this situation

^this