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Original poster

Can we have 7 people at our house for DD’s birthday?

175 replies

Honeyhoneyy · 11/09/2020 13:36

I know technically we can’t, but DD is about to turn 7 and has invited 4 friends for dinner after school on her birthday. They are all in the same bubble at school. She has been really looking forward to it, as have her friends. The trouble is, including her younger sibling and me, that would bring the number to 7. I thought about asking a friend to have DD2 but she would be devastated to miss her sisters birthday tea so the only option I’m left with is for DD to uninvite someone which seems so cruel.

It’s frustrating because she is with these children all day Monday to Friday anyway. I would ensure the house is deep cleaned before hand and after. My husband is a soldier and the kids have just found out he’s deploying in a couple of weeks so he will miss DD’s birthday, and now this limit of 6 has really got DD down in the dumps. She really struggles when her dad is away so I really wanted to make her birthday as good as I possibly can for her.

I totally appreciate there are many far worse situations that other families are in just now and this is trivial in the grand scheme of things but I know to DD, it means a lot.

OP posts:
KitKatastrophe · 12/09/2020 20:41

@Thisismytimetoshine

No wonder we're in the state we're in... half the dimwits on the thread don't understand that 7 is more than 6, and the ones that can count assume it's body count per fucking room, not household. What is wrong with you?!!
No wonder we're in the state we're in. Half the dimwits on this thread dont understand that having 7 rather than 6 people doesnt make a blind bit of difference to the spread of covid in this case. Covid can't count. The number 6 is arbitrary. Blindly following the rules and being unable to apply common sense doesnt make you a better person, nor less susceptible to covid.
Quaagars · 12/09/2020 20:42

The rules are nonsensical in this instance. They are together all day Monday to Friday, being together on Saturday as well doesn't increase anyone's risk level.

Surely it's all about reducing the level of risk?
I mean, we can't feasibly keep children off school forever.
They have to go back at some point, regardless of whether we want them to not for the sake of their education/being with peers etc
So back they've gone.
So yes, they're back at school Monday to Friday.
Why does this mean you wouldn't reduce the risk outside of school interactions though?
It all helps to stop spreading if we limit where we can.
We don't NEED parties, we don't need friends over for school after tea.
Yes, of course it's nice, and we should be able to, but the way it is, is it really that hard to stop just until we get a grip on it?!
Not aimed at you in particular but I seriously think common sense has gone out of the window with some

KitKatastrophe · 12/09/2020 20:47

Your youngest DD is not in the same bubble, I would try and find someone to have her for the time of the party, and then do a treat with the 2 of them

Yes you could do this.

It makes no sense though. DD1 could socialise with her 4 friends. DD2 could be sent to have a day with grandparents. So in total you would be socialising with 6 people, rather than just 4, and from more households in total. Therefore increasing the risk of spread of covid.

PerveenMistry · 12/09/2020 20:48

I don't think it's fair to put all of thise other people in the position of breaking the law.

RepeatSwan · 12/09/2020 20:48

They are together all day Monday to Friday, being together on Saturday as well doesn't increase anyone's risk level

It does, in three ways. Six days is more days than five days. So it is another potential spreading event.
Also a party is different to school, the activities will be different and potentially more likely to spread. Especially if you sign happy birthday according to the DM Grin
Also it exposes all the children directly to the host family.

having 7 rather than 6 people doesnt make a blind bit of difference to the spread of covid in this case well, seven is a bigger number than six, and every extra person is an extra potential infector.

I understand why people want to say 'it doesn't make a difference' but all these things do make a difference. If they didn't, we could all just go back to doing what we wanted with as many people as we like.

Quaagars · 12/09/2020 20:50

I thought about asking a friend to have DD2 but she would be devastated to miss her sisters birthday tea so the only option I’m left with is for DD to uninvite someone which seems so cruel.

You don't have to uninvite - I saw someone on FB during strict lockdown have an afternoon party tea via I think it was Zoom.
Had afternoon tea boxes delivered to the friends houses, and they all had a party over Zoom with each other at a designated time.
(Missing the lockdown quizzes I was in reminiscing now lol)
Yes, not the same as meeting up but it's a solution.
We've all had birthdays in lockdown here and they've been great, it's what you make it.

KitKatastrophe · 12/09/2020 20:50

So yes, they're back at school Monday to Friday.
Why does this mean you wouldn't reduce the risk outside of school interactions though?
They're together and not socially distancing 5 days a week. If one of them has it, the others will get it too. Seeing them on the weekend or after school isnt making it more or less likely. Plus everybody seems to think it would be fine to see 3 friends on Saturday and 3 on Sunday. What difference does it make, compared to seeing them all at the same time?

GetUpAgain · 12/09/2020 20:53

Although it is nonsensical, surely its not worth breaking the law when you are an army family? If anyone involved gets coronavirus, the track and trace people will need to know who was at the party and then you would be in a really awkward situation.

Plus I think its better to model rule-following to the DC so it doesn't conflict with messages from school and muddle them up about what to do.

I would have two parties, one with school friends and then a family one with her sis, and any relatives you can zoom with. This will make it feel more of an occasion anyway instead of feeling flat once the friends leave and she maybe starts missing her dad.

Hope she has a really lovely day.

KitKatastrophe · 12/09/2020 20:53

The new rule seems clear, but just looking at this thread shows that many people don't understand it.
I understand the rule, I just think its bollocks.

RepeatSwan · 12/09/2020 20:55

If one of them has it, the others will get it too

This is a key misunderstanding, and you hear it a lot.

This is not correct. It would be possible for a child to not catch it from a friend in school due to a) the control mechanisms b) the activities done c) how infectious a child was on a given day...
And then catch it if they went for a play date on Saturday because a) distancing less likely b) the type of activities and c) how infectious on that day.

Viral load is also an important factor and likely to be far higher in domestic setting.

PerveenMistry · 12/09/2020 20:55

@ViciousJackdaw

I thought about asking a friend to have DD2 but she would be devastated to miss her sisters birthday tea

Devastated? How old is she? No more than 4 I'd wager. It would all be forgotten about the next day...

What is it with all these young kids who would be "devastated " over missing parties, weddings, etc?

They wouldn't be, if parents didn't prime the pump. Same with having one's own party- when did that become an entitlement?

Quaagars · 12/09/2020 20:56

Also a party is different to school, the activities will be different and potentially more likely to spread. Especially if you sign happy birthday

Ooh, that's a point! Went out for the eldest's birthday here a few weeks back (he got to have his outside of lockdown, unless the rest of us unfortunates lol)
The restaurant was open, we had to book, and they knew it was his birthday.
Unlike last time we went on a birthday several years ago, where they all came to the table with cake and sang happy birthday, apparently weren't allowed to do it this year - got a piece of birthday cake with a candle on to blow out himself but no gathering of staff to sing happy birthday! Smile
So yeah, something else to consider, all extra risks

donnadenise · 12/09/2020 20:56

@AnyFucker

Theoretically, no
Theory doesn't come in to it. You can't. End of.
Quaagars · 12/09/2020 21:02

I understand the rule, I just think its bollocks.

Aaand that's why rules have been clarified and made law instead of just guidance, relying on common sense of the British public (ha) because of piss taking like this

Cherrysherbet · 12/09/2020 21:06

I can guarantee most people will not be sticking to this rule 100%.

I have 6 people living in my house. That means nobody can come here if we’re all home BUT if Its just me home, I could have 5 people round! How bloody stupid.

Op, I would definitely go ahead in your circumstances. The risk is minimal. You’ve already organised it, and it would be cruel to uninvite a child.

RepeatSwan · 12/09/2020 21:07

cruel think that's a bit dramatic!

Muchtoomuchtodo · 12/09/2020 21:09

It’s another non essential interaction, adding you and your younger dd into the mix

They should SD in the house. Can they and will they?

A clincher for me when I’m undecided is how would I feel passing over everyone’s details should the test, track, trace team get in touch with me for details of what where I or our dc have and who they’ve interacted with. In this case I would be hugely embarrassed and if the idea of breaking the law hadn’t helped me to make the right decision then this definitely would.

I know it’s shit but if we all pull together then things will improve sooner than if we all try to find ways of bending the rules to suit our own wants.

Quaagars · 12/09/2020 21:12

I can guarantee most people will not be sticking to this rule 100%.

Don't think this is necessarily true.
Everybody I know is.

I think the trouble with MN is that it only ever shows the extremes - people who are full on tin foil hat, whether it be full on 5G conspiracy theories or "Government eroding our civil liberties, police state!"
Or those inside too terrified to go anywhere and disinfecting their shopping and scared about going to the local shop.
There's plenty more in the middle who are sticking to it, are just being sensible but just get drowned out.

KitKatastrophe · 12/09/2020 21:14

A clincher for me when I’m undecided is how would I feel passing over everyone’s details should the test, track, trace team get in touch with me for details of what where I or our dc have and who they’ve interacted with. In this case I would be hugely embarrassed
Why? They would just ask you for their details. For all they know you saw them one at a time, or on two separate days. Do you think they'll be calling the covid police for anyone who has more than 6 t&t contacts over 2 days?

Diddlysquatters · 12/09/2020 21:15

I think the best thing to do to stick to the rules would be to have your other dd go for a play date somewhere else and then have a separate family birthday tea.

It’s crazy because this is more risky than having one extra in your house as presumably the play date house will have at least 2 other people.

If it was me I’d stick to the original plan but have dd and dh spend most of the time away from the others.

Intrepidintrovert · 12/09/2020 21:20

You can't uninvite someone.

I'm generally a stickler for the rules, but when the kids have been together in school all day, on that same day, I can't see the point in bothering about the rule for an evening get together. Anyone who has been in a school this past week or so knows there is no social distancing between kids. Probably less so than at home where parents will be reminding them and there is more space!

Ginogineli · 12/09/2020 21:20

Kitkat

And that’s if people even pass their details on

Many aren’t doing that
Many aren’t giving their details - it’s not law to give your info and not law to pass on contacts

I certainly have couple or friends who can’t afford to isolate (self employed) and wouldn’t thank me for sharing their details

Cherrysherbet · 12/09/2020 21:21

Don't think this is necessarily true.
Everybody I know is.

Well, many people I know will not be. I don’t count myself in this, I hasten to add. I have not been to any restaurants, pubs etc... since February. I have not gone on holiday. I think these things are too much of a risk, and they are likely to spread the virus.
The only visitor to my house in all those months has been my hairdresser, but I know for a fact that most people I know have no intention of limiting numbers to their houses. I think it’s wrong, but it’s definitely going to happen in the winter months.

I can’t get worked up though, about op having one extra child for tea.

Getmoveon14 · 12/09/2020 21:27

Not sure how inviting them fitted in with the old/current rules. From what I understood it was only 2 households indoors, but maybe now the guidance is clearer you have a good reason to cancel the party.

Quaagars · 12/09/2020 21:32

I know for a fact that most people I know have no intention of limiting numbers to their houses. I think it’s wrong, but it’s definitely going to happen in the winter months

See, to me, that's more reason to stick to it - because others are being knobs, that means I should too?
Kind of reminds me of what my Dad always said/says, just because so and so jumps off a cliff, would you too?
No, so imma just gonna keep on doing me and us, that's all I can do.

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