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Rape survivors being castigated for not wearing masks.

94 replies

HeIenaDove · 10/08/2020 17:26

This young woman has waived her anonymity to talk about this after receiving no response from her MP.

www.theguardian.com/society/2020/aug/10/survivors-say-they-are-being-stigmatised-for-not-wearing-masks

Rape survivors say they are being stigmatised for not wearing masks
Campaigners say survivors are being castigated despite fact that covering face can trigger flashbacks and panic attacks

When Georgina Fallows even contemplates putting on a mask, the flashbacks to her rape can be overwhelming and debilitating. She is not alone.

Rape survivors are among those voicing deep concerns about the stigma and ensuing “mask rage” attached to not wearing a face covering in shops, on transport and in other public places, prompting calls for better recognition of legitimate reasons why people are exempt.

A number of rape and sexual abuse survivors have told the charity Rape Crisis they are so scared of being confronted and verbally abused for not wearing face masks that they are avoiding places where they may be challenged.

“A significant proportion of rape survivors had their mouths or noses covered, or were choked or smothered, as part of the abuse and violence they experienced,” said Kate Russell, the national spokesperson for Rape Crisis England and Wales. “Covering their face and nose now can trigger flashbacks, panic attacks and severe anxiety.”

Severe distress is recognised by the government as a reason for a legal exemption from the mandatory use of face coverings. But rape victims still fear they will be castigated.

Russell said: “There’s a lot of assumptions that people who aren’t wearing face masks are behaving that way because they’re selfish, stupid, careless or a combination of all three. This lack of awareness is creating legitimate anxiety among rape survivors that if they go out and about they might not be met with empathy and care.”

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Fallows, a 29-year-old solicitor, suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder and cannot bear to have her mouth covered, years after her experience of rape.

“For part of my rape, he had his hand over my mouth. As a result, anything over my mouth – even an oxygen mask – can trigger a flashback. And that is hugely distressing. Physically, it feels like I’m back there again and he’s raping me and I am dying,” she said.

The distress she suffers amid flashbacks can be so severe that paramedics have felt it necessary to call the police to hold her down so they can sedate her. “It’s absolutely horrendous. I would like to be able to wear a mask, not just for my own health, but because I don’t want to make other people feel uncomfortable. But even the thought of putting on a mask makes me very, very, very panicky.”

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When she tried to get her hair cut after lockdown, another customer interrogated her about her lack of a mask, refusing to accept Fallows’ reply that she was exempt.

“She told me that was ridiculous and said I had no proof. I cried all the way home. She truly believed that I was a self-centred, ignorant girl who didn’t give a shit about anybody else. I felt completely worthless.”

Since then, whenever she has tried to go to an enclosed public space without a mask, she has been challenged. She is now avoiding all shops and public transport which, since she has no car, is severely restricting where she can go. “I can’t see my family, who live two hours away. If I want to go anywhere, I have to walk.”

She fears this could leave her vulnerable to another attack – she was dragged off the street by her rapist – and so spends a lot of time alone in her bedroom. “I’ve tried so hard to rejoin life again, as it were. But it feels like it has all been taken away again

She contacted her MP, local councillor and mayor to urge them to mount a public awareness campaign about the legitimate reasons for mask exemptions, but received no response.

She has waived her right to anonymity to raise awareness. “People feel like they have the right to challenge you, and that is awful. You wouldn’t look at me and know I’d been raped, but I was, and it’s a huge problem for me. I spend most of my time trying to forget what happened to me. I don’t need to be challenged about this three or four times a day, just trying to live my life. All it does is remind me of something I’m desperately trying to forget.”

Rape Crisis wants shops and public transport companies to display signs and remind customers there are legitimate reasons people may not be wearing masks, which may not always be visible or obvious, and discourage customers from challenging each other.

The Oxfordshire Sexual Abuse and Rape Crisis Centre has compiled a list of ways in which some survivors of sexual violence have found it possible to wear face coverings.

“The list offers support and advice for survivors around face coverings and how they can perhaps make the experience of wearing a face covering less traumatic,” said Russell. She urged any survivor who is distressed or concerned about wearing a face mask to get in touch with Rape Crisis nationally or a local service.

OP posts:
plantlife · 20/08/2020 19:12

I've experienced rape as part of DV (and previous experiences too).

Separately, I've been suffocated during violent assaults. Hand held over my mouth to stop me screaming for help. To the extent I was struggling to breathe.

I'm also at high risk from the virus, in one of the vulnerable groups. I've (so far) survived DV (not very well but I'm not dead yet). I don't want this virus to take me. I love masks. I feel a million times safer with people wearing them. They also help with my PTSD symptoms. I feel so ugly and feel a desperate need to hide my face. Masks feel freeing.

I feel so much sympathy for those rape victims who struggle with masks but can't help feeling very upset at the suggestion rape or DV means we all can't wear masks. Not in my name. We're all different and respond differently to PTSD. A desperate need to protect myself against being at unnecessarily risk is part of mine. It's as valid as anyone else's.

Nosebogey · 20/08/2020 20:12

@PlanDeRaccordement

I should have been more specific. They haven’t issued an exemption card that requires any formal assessment or proof because they know it’s a convenient way to get the average Joe Twatbag Bloggs will redirect any COVID anger they have at the poor people on the street who can’t wear masks rather than the government themselves. Much easier to verbally abuse someone in the street and blame them for spreading COVID than it is to do something about the government and their failings.

AldiAisleofCrap · 20/08/2020 20:16

The people who I am angry are those who do not wear a mask simply because they don’t want to.
If the only people who did not wear masks were those that were genuinely exempt, this would be a non issue.

HeIenaDove · 20/08/2020 20:32

The people who I am angry are those who do not wear a mask simply because they don’t want to.
If the only people who did not wear masks were those that were genuinely exempt, this would be a non issue

This is the new "its because of the scroungers that you cant get PIP"

OP posts:
PlanDeRaccordement · 20/08/2020 21:35

@AldiAisleofCrap

The people who I am angry are those who do not wear a mask simply because they don’t want to. If the only people who did not wear masks were those that were genuinely exempt, this would be a non issue.
How do you even know these people exist? Perhaps it is just your prejudice.
AldiAisleofCrap · 20/08/2020 21:40

What a ridiculous statement, people who should be entitled to pip and don’t get awarded are failed by ATOS Capita and the government who handed them the contracts.
If there were not people openly refusing to wear masks then there would not be people wrongly passing judgments on those who don’t wear them.
It is wrong for people to judge but the scenario would not exist if people wore masks if no exempt.
You seem to want every thread to be about pip, annual gas checks, pension credit mixed aged partners or housing associations.
@HeIenaDove

AldiAisleofCrap · 20/08/2020 21:43

How do you even know these people exist? Perhaps it is just your prejudice.
Because they are very vocal about their right not to be muzzled. I make no assumptions or judgments on whether someone is or isn’t exempt from wearing a mask.
The only people I know are not exempt are the ones that make sure everyone knows.

AldiAisleofCrap · 20/08/2020 21:43

@PlanDeRaccordement

youkiddingme · 20/08/2020 22:32

How do you even know these people exist? Perhaps it is just your prejudice.

There's plenty of them sounding off about it in a local FB group. How it's an infringement of their rights by the government and they aren't having it. Bragging how they aren't getting challenged or how they tell people in shops to do one and the staff back down. This may be why my area has consistently been an area of concern for the last few weeks. That's without the twitter fests and protests we see less locally.

HeIenaDove · 20/08/2020 23:27

You seem to want every thread to be about pip, annual gas checks, pension credit mixed aged partners or housing associations

Youve been busy ASing i see.

a. there are 4 to 5 different subjects youve pointed out that ive discussed on here. Ive actually discussed a lot more than that in my nine years on here but i didnt reallize there was an MN rule for the amount of different subjects we have to discuss. As there is a target and i obviously havent hit it, could you please link to that MN rule/target so i can adhere to it in future.

b. You do realize that the people affected by those subjects i talk about are wearing masks too to protect others right....Doesnt it just warm the cockles of your heart to see that this pandemic has become such a leveller...............oh wait it HAS when it involves telling poorer people to make face masks out of old socks so they can feel we are all in it together and not risk infecting their "betters" with Covid

OP posts:
HeIenaDove · 20/08/2020 23:37

Oh and next time you want to AS you may have to do it twice. MN locked me out of my original account so i had to change something in my user name to keep the same one. So unless you knew this BEFORE you did the AS search you wouldnt have got a lot of my posts from the last year or so.

OP posts:
OntheWaves40 · 20/08/2020 23:45

@countrygirl99 you do realise how ridiculous that is? Do you also go round saying ALL lives matter? Where you not around for the #metoo movement?

AldiAisleofCrap · 21/08/2020 01:15

@HeIenaDove no I didn’t advance search I just remembered your posts as you are quite passionate about the subjects I mentioned. Regardless I do owe you an apology it was rude of me to suggest you only post about certain certain subjects, so I am sorry. Also tbf I do agree with the majority of your posts.
I do think you misunderstood my post , I don’t think it’s ok to judge others for not wearing masks unless it those who say they are not wearing them as some kind of protest etc .
It just angers me that those people make it people who are exempt from mask wearing a target for judgment or worse.
I have children with autism who find masks very difficult to tolerate, my eldest cannot wear one at all.
@HeIenaDove

Nosebogey · 21/08/2020 02:07

It just angers me that those people make it people who are exempt from mask wearing a target for judgment or worse.

The only thing that makes people who are exempt from mask wearing a target for judgement or worse is the people making the judgements and acting upon it. Not the people refusing to wear masks. If everyone just left people without masks alone, there would be no risk of people with exemption being abused. But people would much rather put their own need to feel like an authority first.

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/08/2020 02:15

If rape wasn't basically decriminalised then maybe some of the perpetrators wouldn't be on the streets doing this repeatedly to traumatise more and more women and girls.

The one good thing to come from the pandemic is that some previously forgotten people, like homeless people and rape survivors, become important because they could infect the already important people (older white men). So housing and PTSD are in the news suddenly.

countrygirl99 · 21/08/2020 06:02

@OntheWaves40 ODFOD. I take it you don't know a bloke who wads gagged and raped as 9 year old and needs to be sedated for routine dental check ups then. People like you make me sick. Of course all rape victims can experience ptsd.

OntheWaves40 · 21/08/2020 10:36

@countrygirl99 No I don’t know a bloke who was gagged and raped, I do however know countless women.

People like me? Do tell me, what am I like?

AldiAisleofCrap · 21/08/2020 10:56

@Nosebogey I disagree, the judgment is wrong but only because you don’t know if people are exempt. There their would be no opportunity for people to judge if people only didn’t wear masks if they were exempt.

HesterShaw1 · 21/08/2020 11:11

The newly deshielded - who had weeks of total isolation (not even outdoors exercise until June) - may well face isolation again in autumn if cases rise, but are currently out and about. It is just plain wrong and unfair to put the most vulnerable (including young people) at risk because you cannot mitigate. It needs to be full 2m distancing

Given the number of other cold/flu and other viruses humans are routinely exposed to due to contact with others, was it really a good idea for people to stay inside for months with no contact with any bacteria and virses other than the ones in their house? Because of a single virus? Are they not now vulnerable to many more viruses and infections other than the coronavirus?

Just a thought.

Sorry for the derail...

countrygirl99 · 21/08/2020 11:21

@OntheWaves40 someone who doesn't show empathy to a victim of brutal child abuse just because they are male. That makes you pretty shitty in my books. Decent people can show empathy to.any victim.

OntheWaves40 · 21/08/2020 11:53

@countrygirl99 decent people accept their are victims in all walks of life but bleat on what about the poor men on a thread about heinous things men have done.
If you what to discuss what a poor man has been through how about you create a thread about it and get your empathy rather than jumping on a thread where most of us have suffered because of men.

countrygirl99 · 21/08/2020 12:08

@OntheWaves40 I thought this was a thread about rape victims. The rapist was a man so your point is? I'd offer you some vinegar for that chip on your shoulder. And actually I think the point of the thread was that the rape victim was challenged for not mask wearing and that you can't judge whether people are exempt by appearance because things like PTSD from rape is invisible to outsiders. But you get on your sexist high horse and judge all blokes for being blokes. If you have no sympathy for a victim of brutal child abuse you are a very sad person and I pity you.

ancientgran · 21/08/2020 12:11

People shouldn't jump to assumptions. Personally I think I'd want to get some therapy as I wouldn't feel right with the rapist still controlling me, particularly if it is potentially putting me in danger (I know the jury is still out on who it protects and how much.)

HotPatootiebootie · 21/08/2020 12:13

I haven't had a single person challenge me about my lack of mask. But I'm a heavily tattooed woman with bright red hair and a short fuse. People seem to know not to even try. And anybody that did would be told to fuck off . I an exempt for multiple reasons.... chronic sinusitis, Asthma, ptsd from childhood sexual abuse. No way would I be explaining to anybody why I am not wearing one. Me saying I'm exempt is more than enough!

ancientgran · 21/08/2020 12:16

What a horrible world if we are only able to show empathy to "our" group. I think lots of people (male/female/trans/adults/children) can have PTSD and they could all do without other people being judgemental.

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