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Rape survivors being castigated for not wearing masks.

94 replies

HeIenaDove · 10/08/2020 17:26

This young woman has waived her anonymity to talk about this after receiving no response from her MP.

www.theguardian.com/society/2020/aug/10/survivors-say-they-are-being-stigmatised-for-not-wearing-masks

Rape survivors say they are being stigmatised for not wearing masks
Campaigners say survivors are being castigated despite fact that covering face can trigger flashbacks and panic attacks

When Georgina Fallows even contemplates putting on a mask, the flashbacks to her rape can be overwhelming and debilitating. She is not alone.

Rape survivors are among those voicing deep concerns about the stigma and ensuing “mask rage” attached to not wearing a face covering in shops, on transport and in other public places, prompting calls for better recognition of legitimate reasons why people are exempt.

A number of rape and sexual abuse survivors have told the charity Rape Crisis they are so scared of being confronted and verbally abused for not wearing face masks that they are avoiding places where they may be challenged.

“A significant proportion of rape survivors had their mouths or noses covered, or were choked or smothered, as part of the abuse and violence they experienced,” said Kate Russell, the national spokesperson for Rape Crisis England and Wales. “Covering their face and nose now can trigger flashbacks, panic attacks and severe anxiety.”

Severe distress is recognised by the government as a reason for a legal exemption from the mandatory use of face coverings. But rape victims still fear they will be castigated.

Russell said: “There’s a lot of assumptions that people who aren’t wearing face masks are behaving that way because they’re selfish, stupid, careless or a combination of all three. This lack of awareness is creating legitimate anxiety among rape survivors that if they go out and about they might not be met with empathy and care.”

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Fallows, a 29-year-old solicitor, suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder and cannot bear to have her mouth covered, years after her experience of rape.

“For part of my rape, he had his hand over my mouth. As a result, anything over my mouth – even an oxygen mask – can trigger a flashback. And that is hugely distressing. Physically, it feels like I’m back there again and he’s raping me and I am dying,” she said.

The distress she suffers amid flashbacks can be so severe that paramedics have felt it necessary to call the police to hold her down so they can sedate her. “It’s absolutely horrendous. I would like to be able to wear a mask, not just for my own health, but because I don’t want to make other people feel uncomfortable. But even the thought of putting on a mask makes me very, very, very panicky.”

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When she tried to get her hair cut after lockdown, another customer interrogated her about her lack of a mask, refusing to accept Fallows’ reply that she was exempt.

“She told me that was ridiculous and said I had no proof. I cried all the way home. She truly believed that I was a self-centred, ignorant girl who didn’t give a shit about anybody else. I felt completely worthless.”

Since then, whenever she has tried to go to an enclosed public space without a mask, she has been challenged. She is now avoiding all shops and public transport which, since she has no car, is severely restricting where she can go. “I can’t see my family, who live two hours away. If I want to go anywhere, I have to walk.”

She fears this could leave her vulnerable to another attack – she was dragged off the street by her rapist – and so spends a lot of time alone in her bedroom. “I’ve tried so hard to rejoin life again, as it were. But it feels like it has all been taken away again

She contacted her MP, local councillor and mayor to urge them to mount a public awareness campaign about the legitimate reasons for mask exemptions, but received no response.

She has waived her right to anonymity to raise awareness. “People feel like they have the right to challenge you, and that is awful. You wouldn’t look at me and know I’d been raped, but I was, and it’s a huge problem for me. I spend most of my time trying to forget what happened to me. I don’t need to be challenged about this three or four times a day, just trying to live my life. All it does is remind me of something I’m desperately trying to forget.”

Rape Crisis wants shops and public transport companies to display signs and remind customers there are legitimate reasons people may not be wearing masks, which may not always be visible or obvious, and discourage customers from challenging each other.

The Oxfordshire Sexual Abuse and Rape Crisis Centre has compiled a list of ways in which some survivors of sexual violence have found it possible to wear face coverings.

“The list offers support and advice for survivors around face coverings and how they can perhaps make the experience of wearing a face covering less traumatic,” said Russell. She urged any survivor who is distressed or concerned about wearing a face mask to get in touch with Rape Crisis nationally or a local service.

OP posts:
HeIenaDove · 10/08/2020 17:30

A man abusing a woman last week for not wearing a mask He would have had no idea of her history or whether she has PTSD or a medical condition.

graziadaily.co.uk/life/in-the-news/face-covering-public-transport-rules/?fbclid=IwAR3w6rL8PQivkHQgF-sp6N98nS25keszFNGih3FzLUzIzS91BNZFoJVi1-c

twitter.com/naijagyaldee/status/1290212852310016000?s=20

OP posts:
HeIenaDove · 10/08/2020 17:51

@wanderings @SockYarn

OP posts:
TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 10/08/2020 18:01

This is why everyone should mind their own business. All the virtual curtain twitching on here, with posters wondering whether they should report their neighbours for breaking the rules, the endless threads about masks and the sneering at posters who don't like wearing them or find them uncomfortable, the judging that goes on...

LaLaLandIsNoFun · 10/08/2020 18:04

You should see me local Facebook page - small town mentality vigilantes organising to confront shoppers.

It’s vile

HeIenaDove · 10/08/2020 18:21

@LangClegsInSpace

OP posts:
MoreListeningLessChatting · 10/08/2020 19:03

It's awful - the virtue signalling from mask wearers - it's like they are saving the world and anyone not wearing one is a killer. They forget there are a number of reasons why people cannot wear masks.

zobalina77 · 10/08/2020 19:31

Being a survivor of child sexual abuse during which I was gagged, I've been terrified about being confronted about not wearing a mask. So far it's only happened once. They did insist on me showing a card saying I was exempt, but once I pointed to my lanyard he let me in. We are on holiday at the moment and I've been refusing to go in places as I really don't want to have to explain why I'm not wearing one in front of my child. We've been travelling a bit further and going into Wales if I want to go in a shop as less likely to be confronted with it not being mandatory there yet. I shouldn't feel like I have to do this though.

HeIenaDove · 10/08/2020 20:01

@zobalina77 Flowers

@LaLaLandIsNoFun That sounds like its got the potential to lead to violence.

OP posts:
HeIenaDove · 19/08/2020 22:21

.

OP posts:
DianasLasso · 19/08/2020 22:27

Place marking as this is such an important thread to keep bumped.

Flowers to everyone who struggles with a mask due to PTSD.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 19/08/2020 22:42

This is awful. I would never say anything to anyone not wearing a mask. I don’t know if they’re exempt or not and it’s none of my business.

I get annoyed at people not wearing them correctly but I still say nothing.

nether · 19/08/2020 22:52

I do not forget there are many reasons why people cannot wear one.

But nor do I forget that that one persons reasonable adjustment is another person's risk of death.

The newly deshielded - who had weeks of total isolation (not even outdoors exercise until June) - may well face isolation again in autumn if cases rise, but are currently out and about. It is just plain wrong and unfair to put the most vulnerable (including young people) at risk because you cannot mitigate. It needs to be full 2m distancing

BBC had a good piece on the difficulties of the young and newly deshielded. They've been invisible during much of the pandemic. Please don't let them be invisible now, when thinking about distance and mitigations

IncidentsandAccidents · 19/08/2020 22:54

@DianasLasso

Place marking as this is such an important thread to keep bumped.

Flowers to everyone who struggles with a mask due to PTSD.

Ditto. Thank you for sharing and helping to raise awareness, OP.
PennyDreadfuI · 20/08/2020 10:18

I read this in the Graun and was disgusted but sadly unsurprised. Thanks for posting OP - judging by the comments on mask threads plenty of people on MN need a gentle reminder about why exemptions exist and why judging those without masks is at best unkind and at worst harmful.

Nosebogey · 20/08/2020 11:25

I’d not seen this video and I think it’s very frightening that people like this man think it’s okay to do this. He’s fucking massive and he looks like he’s lost the plot when he comes over to her. He’s already on attack before he even wonders if she’s exempt.

I also wonder if he approaches men in the same way. I doubt it.

countrygirl99 · 20/08/2020 11:37

Don't forget that not all rape and child abuse victims are female. That burly, healthy looking bloke could have been raped too.

youkiddingme · 20/08/2020 11:40

Balanced thoughts nether. I'm just tired of seeing simplified polarised views which are leading to aggressive and or defensive stances on all sides. And that's absolutely not at you OP, nor any individual, we all have different difficulties to navigate.
None of it helped by those who are arguing that wearing a face-mask to protect others is an infringement of their human rights when they have no reason not to wear one other than not wanting to. Whatever happened to rights AND responsibilities?

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 20/08/2020 11:45

None of it helped by those who are arguing that wearing a face-mask to protect others is an infringement of their human rights when they have no reason not to wear one other than not wanting to. Whatever happened to rights AND responsibilities?

This is what frustrates me the most. The exemptions are there for a reason but there are too many selfish people abusing that because they just don’t want to wear one. My dad could be exempt from wearing one due to his asthma but he can wear one so he does.

As a nation, we all need to start thinking about others rather than just ourselves. This includes wearing a mask if you can and not confronting others who aren’t because they might be exempt.

PennyDreadfuI · 20/08/2020 11:51

My dad could be exempt from wearing one due to his asthma but he can wear one so he does

If you can wear a mask, you're not exempt. No disability or condition automatically confers exemption.

The issue here is that people are judging everyone without a mask in the same way. Nobody knows whether the person on the bus or in the supermarket queue not wearing one is exempt or a selfish anti-masker, but to a lot of people they're viewed the same way. A shift in thinking is required - if you see someone not wearing a mask, apply a benefit of the doubt approach rather than a judgemental one.

PlanDeRaccordement · 20/08/2020 11:58

The thing with asthma though is that it comes and goes. On a good day, you might be able to wear a mask, but on a bad day not able to wear a mask. So, it’s not a always can wear a mask or always exempt for asthma sufferers.

minnieok · 20/08/2020 12:13

Remember the mask protects others not you so if you cannot wear a mask you need to consider the risk you are to others. Extra distancing, avoiding busy inside areas etc. It's hard because its balancing one persons needs against another's.

That said the problem is that the government haven't instigated an official exemption card scheme so anyone can say it. Tell me why were half the train in Birmingham (mostly under 25) refusing to wear masks "I got asthma is what they told the train manager) yet further south (same day) magically most people could wear masks. We need a proper way to excuse people because they are horrible to wear I for one get physical pain from it touching my face and ears - I'm going through discomfort to protect those who can't be bothered.

Nosebogey · 20/08/2020 12:48

The government haven’t issued an exemption card because they know it’s a convenient way to get the average Joe Twatbag Bloggs will redirect any COVID anger they have at the poor people on the street who can’t wear masks rather than the government themselves. Much easier to verbally abuse someone in the street and blame them for spreading COVID than it is to do something about the government and their failings.

onedayinthefuture · 20/08/2020 13:10

My heart goes out to that woman and everyone else in her situation. Government need to scrap them, they are causing civil unrest. They should be optional.

PlanDeRaccordement · 20/08/2020 18:51

@Nosebogey

The government haven’t issued an exemption card because they know it’s a convenient way to get the average Joe Twatbag Bloggs will redirect any COVID anger they have at the poor people on the street who can’t wear masks rather than the government themselves. Much easier to verbally abuse someone in the street and blame them for spreading COVID than it is to do something about the government and their failings.
The Gov have posted an official exemption card anyone can download or print and carry with them or display on their phone:

www.gov.uk/government/publications/face-coverings-when-to-wear-one-and-how-to-make-your-own#documents

PlanDeRaccordement · 20/08/2020 18:53

Although the link I posted is named for first document and will take you to page with exempt badge links for mobile phone and to print, am sure someone will only read the link and not follow it and make sarcastic remark. So here are the sublinks
assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/903452/Exemption_from_face_covering_badge_for_mobile_phone.pdf

assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/903454/Exemption_from_face_covering_card_to_print.pdf

assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/903453/Exemption_from_face_covering_badge_to_print.pdf