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Rape survivors being castigated for not wearing masks.

94 replies

HeIenaDove · 10/08/2020 17:26

This young woman has waived her anonymity to talk about this after receiving no response from her MP.

www.theguardian.com/society/2020/aug/10/survivors-say-they-are-being-stigmatised-for-not-wearing-masks

Rape survivors say they are being stigmatised for not wearing masks
Campaigners say survivors are being castigated despite fact that covering face can trigger flashbacks and panic attacks

When Georgina Fallows even contemplates putting on a mask, the flashbacks to her rape can be overwhelming and debilitating. She is not alone.

Rape survivors are among those voicing deep concerns about the stigma and ensuing “mask rage” attached to not wearing a face covering in shops, on transport and in other public places, prompting calls for better recognition of legitimate reasons why people are exempt.

A number of rape and sexual abuse survivors have told the charity Rape Crisis they are so scared of being confronted and verbally abused for not wearing face masks that they are avoiding places where they may be challenged.

“A significant proportion of rape survivors had their mouths or noses covered, or were choked or smothered, as part of the abuse and violence they experienced,” said Kate Russell, the national spokesperson for Rape Crisis England and Wales. “Covering their face and nose now can trigger flashbacks, panic attacks and severe anxiety.”

Severe distress is recognised by the government as a reason for a legal exemption from the mandatory use of face coverings. But rape victims still fear they will be castigated.

Russell said: “There’s a lot of assumptions that people who aren’t wearing face masks are behaving that way because they’re selfish, stupid, careless or a combination of all three. This lack of awareness is creating legitimate anxiety among rape survivors that if they go out and about they might not be met with empathy and care.”

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Fallows, a 29-year-old solicitor, suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder and cannot bear to have her mouth covered, years after her experience of rape.

“For part of my rape, he had his hand over my mouth. As a result, anything over my mouth – even an oxygen mask – can trigger a flashback. And that is hugely distressing. Physically, it feels like I’m back there again and he’s raping me and I am dying,” she said.

The distress she suffers amid flashbacks can be so severe that paramedics have felt it necessary to call the police to hold her down so they can sedate her. “It’s absolutely horrendous. I would like to be able to wear a mask, not just for my own health, but because I don’t want to make other people feel uncomfortable. But even the thought of putting on a mask makes me very, very, very panicky.”

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When she tried to get her hair cut after lockdown, another customer interrogated her about her lack of a mask, refusing to accept Fallows’ reply that she was exempt.

“She told me that was ridiculous and said I had no proof. I cried all the way home. She truly believed that I was a self-centred, ignorant girl who didn’t give a shit about anybody else. I felt completely worthless.”

Since then, whenever she has tried to go to an enclosed public space without a mask, she has been challenged. She is now avoiding all shops and public transport which, since she has no car, is severely restricting where she can go. “I can’t see my family, who live two hours away. If I want to go anywhere, I have to walk.”

She fears this could leave her vulnerable to another attack – she was dragged off the street by her rapist – and so spends a lot of time alone in her bedroom. “I’ve tried so hard to rejoin life again, as it were. But it feels like it has all been taken away again

She contacted her MP, local councillor and mayor to urge them to mount a public awareness campaign about the legitimate reasons for mask exemptions, but received no response.

She has waived her right to anonymity to raise awareness. “People feel like they have the right to challenge you, and that is awful. You wouldn’t look at me and know I’d been raped, but I was, and it’s a huge problem for me. I spend most of my time trying to forget what happened to me. I don’t need to be challenged about this three or four times a day, just trying to live my life. All it does is remind me of something I’m desperately trying to forget.”

Rape Crisis wants shops and public transport companies to display signs and remind customers there are legitimate reasons people may not be wearing masks, which may not always be visible or obvious, and discourage customers from challenging each other.

The Oxfordshire Sexual Abuse and Rape Crisis Centre has compiled a list of ways in which some survivors of sexual violence have found it possible to wear face coverings.

“The list offers support and advice for survivors around face coverings and how they can perhaps make the experience of wearing a face covering less traumatic,” said Russell. She urged any survivor who is distressed or concerned about wearing a face mask to get in touch with Rape Crisis nationally or a local service.

OP posts:
countrygirl99 · 21/08/2020 21:15

@OntheWaves40 check the beam in your eye before you criticise the more in mine.and tru having empathy for child sex abuse victims whatever genitalia they possess. You will find it makes you a nicer person.

hoodathunkit · 21/08/2020 21:18

I can’t wear a mask due to ptsd as a result of abuse and assault and rape.

I find it difficult for the same reason

I have never claimed that is the same for anyone else it isn’t. But the govt allow me an exemption. Am I not supposed to avail of that?

Would you be prepared to travel on a bus without a mask if it meant that
a) you would put the health and lives of other passengers at risk? If yes, how many people's lives do you think you should be able to put at risk in order to travel on the bus?
b) it would put you at risk of having to wear a mask in hospital for days, weeks or even months and possibly be intubated (have a tube stuck down your throat)?

BrieAndChilli · 21/08/2020 21:28

Could people who can’t wear a mask over their mouth wear one of the clear face shields? That way they are still showing thought to some sort of protection for others but not having wear comething over their mouth?
I find wearing a mask very panic inducing, I suffer from claustrophobia, and often wake in the night unable to breathe and panicking. So I can understand that some people find wearing masks unbearable and mentally unable to. Luckily I live in wales so only have to wear a mask on the odd occasion - doctors etc

Noneformethanks · 21/08/2020 21:30

I don’t travel on buses if I can reasonably avoid it.

I haven’t had to, so far.

If I have to, for some reason, I will.

If I need to wear a hospital mask I will need to be sedated.

As for how many people I am putting at risk. As long as they socially distance I am no risk to them.

Noneformethanks · 21/08/2020 21:40

I have a lanyard with a card on that says I’m mask exempt and I’d have no problem with an official scheme and a medically issued card.

hoodathunkit · 21/08/2020 21:44

As for how many people I am putting at risk. As long as they socially distance I am no risk to them.

It is impossible to socially distance on a bus.

You can reduce risk by sitting people as far apart as possible (not going to happen if the bus is busy). This will not mean that you are no risk to them or them to you.

You can also reduce risk by opening all the bus windows - easier in the summer - as winter approaches bus travel will become mush riskier.

Even with masks on and lashings of sanitiser there is a risk.

The only way that I can socially distance on the bus if someone gets on without a mask is to go upstairs (likely to be problematic as the mask averse go upstairs and then remove their masks) or to get off the bus, which I have done before.

madcatladyforever · 21/08/2020 21:47

I am a rape survivor of two horrendous, violent rapes in my 20's and I would rather wear a mask than die of covid thank you.

Noneformethanks · 21/08/2020 21:48

If you choose to get off a bus when a person without a mask comes on that is up to you.

I will, should I need to, avail of my right to travel on public transport.

I will endeavour as best I can to socially distance and be scrupulous about sanitiser and turning away from others.

Should the law change I will abide by the law.

Until,then, I am going to do my best. But I am not going to be made even more a leper when I already wear a lanyard and card and am restricting my life as much as possible.

Noneformethanks · 21/08/2020 21:49

Some people who have suffered rape can wear masks. Some cannot. We are not the same.

The law provides an exemption for those of us who cannot.

InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 21/08/2020 21:53

@madcatladyforever

I am a rape survivor of two horrendous, violent rapes in my 20's and I would rather wear a mask than die of covid thank you.
The two are not mutually exclusive. Covid is not a certain death sentence. Hmm
hoodathunkit · 21/08/2020 22:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Noneformethanks · 21/08/2020 22:11

What exactly are you trying to say about me?

Your second paragraph is making all kinds of unfounded assumptions and allegations about me.

We all have to make accommodations for others. I am going above and beyond and doing my best but I am not going to be forced inside my home indefinitely.

The law provides me an exemption and I use it.

If you have issue with that, instead of miscalling mask exempt people then do take that up with your legal representatives if you wish the law to change.

Noneformethanks · 21/08/2020 22:19

I mean parliamentary representatives.

I’ve taken painkillers. Brain fog.

PennyDreadfuI · 21/08/2020 22:26

Could people who can’t wear a mask over their mouth wear one of the clear face shields? That way they are still showing thought to some sort of protection for others but not having wear comething over their mouth?

Face shields/visors offer little protection to others (exhaled air/coughs/sneezes move freely from the sides and underneath of them) and only offer protection from large droplets/spatter to the wearer. They've been banned in Scotland unless worn with a mask because they offer insufficient protection alone. Also, many people who can't wear masks can't wear visors either.

I am a rape survivor of two horrendous, violent rapes in my 20's and I would rather wear a mask than die of covid thank you

I'm so sorry for all you've been through. Please bear in mind that every individual's experiences affect them differently, and what may be tolerable for you may not be for someone else who has been through similar.

It is not my choice. It is something I am forced to do because of another person who may be acting within the law but who either lacks the mental capacity to understand that they are putting themself and others at risk of an horrific disease or who understands the risk to self and others but simply doesn't care enough to do the right thing

Many people who are exempt have no choice but to use public transport in order to get to work/family commitments/medical appointments. It's not about not caring or not having the mental capacity to understand the risks. It's that we have to go to work to pay our bills and feed our families - we can't just give up work because we won't be eligible for benefits. Homelessness isn't as option, particularly when you have young children.

OntheWaves40 · 22/08/2020 19:42

@countrygirl99 yeah you showed me lots of empathy with your ODFOD comment didn’t you. Since you seem to be fond of pointless cliques how about ‘those in glass houses....

HeIenaDove · 24/08/2020 19:45

Being covered on Channel 4 news now.

OP posts:
plantlife · 24/08/2020 20:11

I hope C4 news are balanced in their coverage. Reporting on the other side of the coin re those of us victims/survivors who are traumatised by the lack of mask wearing. Our desperate need to feel safe (after trauma) is as valid and deserving of sympathy as the other way round. I also find it confusing that sympathy for PTSD is so selective. Exemptions to mask wearing, yet victims of violence and rape don't always get access to safe housing? It's wrong to make a rape or DV victim wear a mask but ok to house rape and DV victims in shared hostel accommodation, often mixed purpose so with people just released from prison including for violent offences - and sometimes mixed sex?

SecretSpAD · 24/08/2020 20:53

bleat on what about the poor men on a thread about heinous things men have done.

Some heinous men rape young boys.

MercyBooth · 12/03/2021 15:36

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